Legendary Tinker (Worm/LoL)

Ripples 4.13

2000, September 4: Washington, DC, USA

I wasn't surprised to find myself back in the temple. If anything, it was worrying that the World Rune took this long to ignite. Would each rune following a Keystone take more effort to activate? Or perhaps, did the World Rune consider the Wayfinder incomplete because it had yet to be attuned to Hero? Maybe the Worldstone was seen likewise because it lacked a paired Wayfinder? Even without the Wayfinder, I'd built quite a bit since the activation of Glacial Augment.

I worked with Metalmaru to develop Neo-Petricite, a material more durable than any conventional metal alloy that retained Petricite's mana-absorbent properties. I completely revamped my Blitzpack into the Blitzshield, refining several of its more slapdash properties and even adding other features like Blitzcrank's Power Fist. I created the Ymelo and Sunstone Talismans, making myself all but immune to emotional masters while giving myself a way to use the Elixir of Wrath safely.

"What aren't you telling me?" I addressed the swirling slice of infinity. "Will I plateau eventually? Or are you telling me to seek out greater challenges like a parahuman?"

As always, silence was my answer.

I took a deep breath and set aside my grumblings. My dissatisfaction wasn't with Inspiration, not truly. I understood that having access to a World Rune without my very existence crumbling to dust was an immense boon. As with so many things in life, bitterness and frustration were conscious choices and I made an effort to be content.

No matter the exact circumstances, I was here again. Once again, I had the opportunity to reach out and snag a piece of the World Rune for myself, to augment my soul in ways most people could only dream of.

A smile broke over my face as I climbed the steps to the altar. One day, perhaps I would understand.

That smile died as the nearest node leapt into my hands. It merged with my soul and the censer representing it lit up like a torch in the night.

"Well… fuck," I sighed even as I tried to suppress a laugh. I poked Inspiration straight in its core. "Are you sure you're not the Rune of Cosmic Irony or something? At least my soul doesn't feel like it's being replaced with liquid nitrogen this time."

If anything, I felt utterly refreshed, comforted like I'd woken up groggy but walked into the most delightful bakery run by a Michelin three-star baker. The alluring aroma of fresh bread filled my nose, filling my body with renewed vigor. If the idea of "the perfect morning" could be distilled into a singular feeling, this was it.

There was no question as to which rune this was. "Biscuit Delivery, really?" I laughed. "I make an elixir to cure all ills and you make me the finest baker in the world. I swear there's a joke in here somewhere."

Was Inspiration telling me to be happy? To take each day as it came? Or was I reading too much into this?

For all my griping, I was pretty copacetic with my new rune. Like the Dematerializer, I could activate Biscuit Delivery thrice per day, conjuring a palm-sized biscuit in my hand.

These biscuits, called the Total Biscuits of Everlasting Will, were not only cosmically ordained to be the most delicious biscuits ever, but also contained all nutrients necessary for healthy living. I and two others could live the rest of our lives on nothing but these biscuits. Better, they were bullshit-magical and would not interfere with any normal diet. If anything, they would encourage optimal physical development, as perfect a body as genetics would allow.

Comparatively, the knowledge of baking techniques seemed trivial. From cookies to wedding cakes, eclairs to deep-dish pizza, if it belonged in an oven at some point, I could make it. For a moment, I had an all-consuming urge to make a spear out of a baguette, but I had to throw that dream away. Beyond my supernatural skill, there were no additional magical effects.

"Watch… PR's going to saddle me with my own cooking show by the end of the year."

X

2000, September 6: Washington, DC, USA

I spent the past two days making potions in bulk. Forget about the Elixir of Life. Forget about perfectly portioned vials. I made health potions in fifty gallon drums used in sporting events. Quality could go take a hike; this was all about quantity. Filled drums were being taken out of the Madhouse to be separated into six fluid ounce bottles, which would be handed out to movers for the next Leviathan fight so they could stabilize capes before evacuating them to the medical tent.

I also planned to make Elixirs of Iron for the brute squad, though those would need to be turned into pills so as to keep them from being spilled. Wrath wouldn't be seeing much use. Inhibited decision-making sounded like a horrible idea amidst an endbringer fight.

On another note, my aquarium arrived. I spent an hour and a half rigging up a sensor that would release the Elixir of Life into the water when it sensed something entering the tank. The Worldstone was placed at the center of the tank. Over it was a thin laser. When that laser was disrupted from reaching the opposite wall of the tank, it would send a signal to the container that held the elixir. In essence, it was an over-engineered mousetrap.

After I conducted some tests using normal potions, I triple checked to make sure that a tank of water would not in fact dilute the Elixir of Life. The effect was magical; physical properties seldom had an impact, especially not on a potion this potent. The contraption was armed once again and the elixir removed, ready to be placed closer to the date.

X

Following lunch came my scheduled appointment with Hero.

Hero's station in the Madhouse was the one closest to the main entrance. Metalmaru told me he placed it there so everyone would have to walk by it in the morning and he could greet us all. That he wasn't in DC half the time because of an emergency or celebrity dinner or whatever kind of defeated the purpose, but he was still by far the most approachable boss I'd ever had.

It also meant he saw me coming long before I was in speaking distance.

The man was fiddling with a large gun almost the size of a coffin, something I was more comfortable seeing attached to the top of a jeep than carried by a person. Instead of six cylindrical barrels on a rotary system like a minigun, it had a single rectangular barrel that ran the whole length and width of the cannon. The body was painted shiny chrome blue with gold accents that matched Hero's bodysuit. Frankly, it looked almost comical, like something that might be drawn by a child who'd just seen a Gundam episode than a real gun.

I knew better. That thing was his disintegration cannon. When fired, it would launch a laser with the properties of Eden's version of the Stilling, destroying anything and everything in its path. So far, the only things that we knew could conclusively stop it were the two endbringers. Even they took significant damage, though only I knew it to be cosmetic at this time. If I had to guess, Hero's understanding of the Stilling wasn't quite complete. Or, his Shard wasn't operating at full capacity much like Eidolon's own.

One more thing to think about for later.

"Hero," I called. "Do you have some time?"

He turned and gave me a smile. "Yeah, can you give me a few minutes to finish this up? The amplifier needs adjusting. I think I can make it .12 percent more effective if I adjust its frequency output." I nodded and leaned against a wall to wait. He reached a good stopping place after four minutes and put aside the weapon to face me. "Sorry about that, I know you said you had something you wanted to talk about. I saw your email but I guess I lost track of time. We should've gone for lunch again."

"It's fine. I ate already. I came to tell you that I finished making the Worldstone and Wayfinder." I presented him with the gun. "I want you to help me test it."

"Didn't you tell me that no one could use it but you?" he asked with a quirked brow. "No one else can produce mana, right?"

"Something like that, but it's not a hard and fast rule. I made the Control Wards, remember? The runic matrix is kind of elaborate and makes all the other calculations more complex so I don't like making it, but it's doable. Anyway, this is the Wayfinder."

"And you need someone else to test it out to make sure that anyone can use it?"

I nodded and proffered the gun to him.

He pulled off his work gloves and held the gun in one hand before miming taking a shot. "There isn't a trigger though. I don't even see any seams or joints. How do you activate this?"

I pulled out my own relic pistol and showed him the finger placements. "Here, adjust your fingers a bit like this. Yeah, just like a normal handgun, but without a trigger so your index finger goes here instead. Then take your other hand and put your thumb out onto the compass rose insignia. Mine doesn't have one."

"Okay – ouch!" He almost dropped the pistol and brought his now bleeding thumb to his mouth to suck.

"Good, now that thing's attuned to you," I said happily. Even after going through all my preparations, the big question remained: How was I going to get Hero's blood? The answer, as with most answers, laid with my runes, the same runic matrix disguised as a compass rose. That, and simply not asking for permission. I didn't want to scrap this plan after coming so far just because Hero didn't like giving blood.

Should I have thought of this before? Probably. Was it one more proof that I wasn't the most detail-oriented person? Absolutely.

Was I turning into Urahara? I saw nothing wrong with that. Hell, give me six months and I'd have a divine-tier fan and bucket hat to match.

"And that means?" he leveled me with a pointed glare. "Is this thing even sanitized?"

I let out an indignant scoff. "Of course it is. And don't worry, I don't need your blood anymore. I was serious about that Wayfinder being yours. It just needed to get a biological sample to start. Now, no one else will be able to use it but you, except me, but I'm kind of an exception for obvious reasons. Even better, you know how my Ymelo works, right?"

"Right…"

"Well the gun has a similar scanning function. If your body takes too much damage, it'll automatically make a gate to the lab, evacuating you."

"Hyunmu, I'm not happy with this. Taking other people's blood without their permission is a big violation of their privacy," he said sternly. "You should have simply explained it before giving me the gun."

"I'm not taking your blood. The Wayfinder is yours. I don't want it back," I defended.

"Even so. You should have asked."

I did my best impression of a kicked puppy. Puppy eyes were kind of hard for me, not having any and all, but I'd be damned if I didn't try my best. I kicked my feet dejectedly and looked down at the ground. "You made me my bodysuit so I wanted the first attuned item to be yours…"

"Stop that," he snapped. "You're not good at the pouting child act."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I promise not to do it in the future," I said solemnly. I was even honest, too. This was a bit of an emergency. "Will you help me test it?"

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"I'm signing you up for a course on laboratory ethics anyway."

"Wha-"

"Consider it your punishment," he said plainly.

"Already took it when I first signed on with the Wards."

"Good, you get the extended remedial version then."

"I can't though."

"Why not?"

"I'm making a stockpile of potions for the endbringer fight. It's coming up, right? Sometime this month or October?"

He nodded slowly and ran his fingers through his blonde locks before letting out a frustrated sigh. "You shouldn't have to worry about things like this."

"Well, I'm the only medical tinker on record so it is my business. Trust me, brewing eight hours a day isn't exactly my idea of a fun time either. Besides, it's not like I'm going to the fight." I forced down the queasy shiver that ran through me at the thought. "Ain't no amount of money the director can pay me to make me go. Anyway, help me test this so I can get back to potions?"

"Fine, but you're taking the course as soon as the attack is over. No excuses."

I gave him a smug grin and a crisp salute. "Yes, sir."

He muttered something unintelligible and likely unflattering about me under his breath. "Okay, so how does this work?"

"Hold it in your hand like I showed you. Good. Now, focus. Imagine a stream. Of anything. It can be a well of water or a ray of light or even a spider web. Just imagine a connection between you and the Wayfinder." I smiled as the gun in his hand began to glow. Hero wasn't a magical prodigy, but my runes were making up for his lack of familiarity. The Wayfinder was using his blood to sense his intent and drawing on his mana, all without his active input. He wasn't an infinite mana battery like me, but his soul did produce some, had to or he wouldn't exist in the first place.

"Holy shit," he whispered.

"Hey, I'm an impressionable youth or something." I snarked. I ignored the withering look he sent me. "Glowing means it's working. Now all you have to do is to want to open a portal. Then, fire."

"How do you fire a gun without a trig-"

Before he could even finish, it shot out a shimmering beam that traveled two feet ahead of him before expanding into a circle, roughly eight feet in diameter. I could sense the other side. The portal led directly into the tank, mere feet from the Worldstone. A part of me was afraid that the water from the tank would spill onto Hero's floor, but I reminded myself that the Wayfinder was a one-way street. The gun was the starting point, always.

I was confident in my creation, but Hero insisted on taking the Worldstone out of the tank so we could run more elaborate tests. He took us both to one of the specialized labs dedicated to radiation and ensured I wasn't poisoning myself or anything. Naturally, I wasn't.

After turning on more scanners and doodads than I could identify, we began by closing and reopening the portal. Hero found that with a bit of concentration, he could make the portal anywhere within a few feet of the Worldstone. Then, we tossed in simple, nonliving matter to confirm that the portal would not fluctuate or damage the things that passed through.

Hero also managed to requisition a lab rat from somewhere, a snow-white fluffball with ruby-red eyes.

"Her name is Lily," he said with a grin. "Want to hold her?"

I took the rat from him, making sure to cradle her gently and let her run through my hands like a treadmill. "Sure, but… how many Lilys are there?"

"One," he said, a bit quickly.

Looking at him suspiciously, I asked, "How many Lilys were there?"

"It's all in the name of science, okay?"

"You're not making me feel better."

"Rat mortality is actually lower than you think, you know. We're very careful here and most tinkertech either can't be tested on rats, get field-tested before we're fully ready because tinkers are still capes, or are benign enough that animal testing isn't applicable at all."

"… Sure…"

"What? Did you think we microwave rats for fun?"

I thought about Armsmaster making a miniature power armor for a rat, "for maximum efficiency," or something, then accidentally frying it. I snorted. "Okay, fair enough. We can send Lily through, right? Then, will you believe me that this portal's safe?"

"It's not that I don't believe you," he reassured me. "It's just good practice. Safe is always better than sorry."

"Yeah, I get it. In you go, Lily."

We put Lily back into the cage and pushed her through via remote-operated cart. The portal didn't even hitch and Lily, cart and all, emerged onto the other side of the room none the worse for wear.

"Get anything with your scanners?"

Hero nodded excitedly, eyes dazzling like a small child's. "Yeah, a little. Whatever this "mana" is, it's not something I've ever encountered before. I can draw similarities to light, electricity, or even sound, but they all seem superficial. It's like there's a whole other dimension that I'm not equipped to analyze. This is awesome!"

"Haha, yeah, it's like that with all the other tinkers, too, right?"

"Yup. This is why I set up the Madhouse. Tinker specializations rarely overlap and even when we make something basic like a raygun, everyone does it a little differently, applying slightly different principles or calculations that only make sense to them. It's like a great big puzzle, you know? I can't help but wonder what we could do if we all understood each other."

'And there's the dreamer in him,' I thought, though not unkindly. It was unfortunate that Hero's dream would never come true. No matter how much he studied, how hard he worked, or how many tinkers he gathered in the Madhouse, he'd never understand another tinker completely. There was a significant part of tinkertech that was Shard-assisted bullshitry. Too much deviated from concrete science for his dream to be possible. 'Pity that…'

"Is this the real reason you wanted me in here? To inspire you?" I teased.

"No, I mean, it's part of it, but testing is important, Hyunmu."

"I know, I know, I'm only kidding. So, will you keep the pistol?"

He mulled it over. "Yeah, you know what? I think I will. Even if it only lets me portal back here, it'll still shave me a few hours off my flight time," he said. It wasn't as though he could tell me about Doormaker.

"You have to wear it in-costume. I don't care if you stick it in a pocket and never use it, but promise me you'll have it with you?" I demanded as sincerely as an eight year old could.

"Alright, I promise."

"Great, thanks, Hero. This means a lot to me."

"Don't mention it. Also, has Powell reached out about your first solo PR event?"

I groaned. I'd been trying to avoid thinking about that. I received an email a few days ago and… just… not replied. Sure, I was playing into tinker stereotypes, but if drowning myself in legitimate work was the best way to keep him off my back, I'd take it.

"I got the email a few days ago," I admitted reluctantly. "Why?"

"Because he's been riding me to give you some free time. And seeing your schedule this past week, I agree."

I glanced down at a watch I didn't have. "Oh, look at the time. I must be getting to that ethics course. Guess I have no room in my extremely busy schedule for a meaningless PR stunt," I drawled, tone as dry as the Sahara, and turned to walk away.

Hero reached out and grabbed me by the scruff of the neck. "Nope. Stay."

"But I have work to do." I didn't whine; I expressed my displeasure professionally and courteously.

"You do, but some time off isn't bad either. Your hours are almost as bad as mine. And I said your ethics course can be done later."

"Because of potions. For Leviathan."

"Which is very important," he conceded, "but not so important that I want you doing nothing else. Two hours at a PR function won't kill you."

"Oh, so I can put off class but not the cameras? Methinks you've got your priorities mixed up," I snarked.

"The course is a two week long seminar on laboratory protocols, bioethics, and necessary deception. You can't spare two weeks right now. You can spare an afternoon."

"What? The class I took was just a two hour lecture and an online test!"

"Yeah, well, you're playing with the big boys now and that means big boy certifications. The one offered to the Wards is a heavily watered down version, that you apparently didn't bother listening to anyway, so you get to suffer through the whole thing this time."

I grumbled and complained but Hero remained unmoved. He had me schedule a meeting with Powell for image management. As I understood it, Powell would give me a few options and I'd have to pick one.

Still, I walked away knowing that Hero was as safe as I could reasonably make him. PR in comparison was a cheap price to pay.

Author's Note

Fuck it. Sinful Succulence is canon to Andy's Runeterra. Morgana ran off and opened a bakery after her sibling spat with Kayle. Atreus occasionally drops by to learn the secrets to her literally divine cupcakes. No, it's not relevant. No, I don't care.

I miss the old Journals of Justice. Anyone else?

Fun fact: I had a lab rat named Lily during my undergrad for a semester. My professor sat us down in the beginning of the year and insisted that we name the rats. We would care for them, feed them, and at the end of the semester, find homes for them as pets. If not, we would be forced to euthanize the rats ourselves.

Yeah, she was pretty hardcore.

It was a running joke that someone should name their rat Euthanasia. No one was brave enough.

Thank you for reading. Believe it or not, this is the seventh website I've crossposted to. I want to make sure this site catches up with the others, but it's slow, tedious work. Until then, other sites will have a much more updated library of my works. If you want to read ahead, or check out other stories I've written, you can find them all on my Link Tree: https://linktr.ee/fabled.webs.