Leftover Apocalypse

I don't know what I'd expected, exactly, but the forest hadn't been quite as enchanted as I had hoped. It was just... a forest. There were little purple fireflies, and all sorts of mushrooms - none of which I recognized from Hugh's lecture as we'd traveled off the mountain - and some strange orange deer, but overall it felt really familiar.

The Sahrger, likewise, turned out to look depressingly close to wiry, pale, humans - though there was something feral about them, some subtle thing about the way they walked or the angles of their faces or the fact that their teeth seemed just a bit too pointy. They wore odd, mismatched clothes of different styles and colors and made no effort to consistently cover anything; one of them might have three different layers covering their torso but nothing on their lower half at all, or have some sort of thick winter coat that only covered their left side, or have an enormous hat and gigantic boots but no shirt.

There were four escorting us along but we also began to see more through the trees, watching us. In most cases I couldn't be certain which were men and which were women - they were all about five feet tall and had very similar builds. The only one I saw with prominent breasts was also carrying a baby, so it seemed possible they were all flat-chested unless they were breast feeding. The only ones that really looked different were the handful of shorter ones, which had faces like those Shar Pei dogs. The wrinkles were so deep and so numerous that in some cases I couldn't see their eyes.

There were humans, too - they were mostly quite young, and stood silently with faces downcast. I felt... rage... somewhere deep inside of me, but it wasn't like a real emotion. It was like I was remembering something, or imagining it. There was a sudden, vivid mental image of stabbing someone as they slept; it was just a flash, but along with it came an incredibly dim memory of stalking from room to room in a strangely shaped house killing... a foster family? No. I shook my head, and focused on the path ahead of me. Connie had said something about that memory, just another of the out of place images that seemed to be from an impossible other life, but as far as I was aware it was the first time I'd had one like that. The others had been more mundane, and usually involved Bill somehow.

It had soured my mood. I was already nervous about making a deal with the Sahrger, but had been trying to keep positive and enjoy the fact that I was literally walking through a fairy village. Now every quaint treehouse home and strange flower just made me feel that same odd fury, this memory belonging to someone else that had gotten mixed in with mine somehow like an unfamiliar pair of jeans you come across after using the machines in a laundromat. I had to force myself to look back up at my surroundings despite the unpleasant sensation, trying to keep an eye on the wagon which was supposedly being taken to the same place as us along a wider path.

There wasn't a town, exactly, just a series of deer trails and random homes built in and around the trees. I didn't see any shops, or wells, or carts. But there were more of the houses, and closer together, and after a moment we reached a large clearing where the stump of a tree as large as a house stood. I hadn't seen any others that large, just this one single stump incongruously sitting there. Stairs were carved into the side, spiraling up to the flattened top where I could already see Sahrger standing.

The first Sahrger who had come to us and was acting as our main guide had introduced themselves as Follows the Sunlight. They hadn't said much else, and now they gestured for us to wait as they climbed the steps up the stump and spoke quietly with the ones gathered there. A moment later they returned, and signaled to some others behind us. Those ones signaled to still more, and after a second the wagon rolled into view in a clearing next to the stump. The three mercenaries and Mila were all on foot, with Katrin and Errod in the wagon - Errod looking annoyed. Probably they'd told him to stay there in case trouble started and he was annoyed at being babysat. I assumed Mila had been told to stay too and had just wandered down.

Follows the Sunlight returned and pointed up the steps. "The Lady will receive you now. She is attended Sees Past Walls, Last Bud of Autumn, and Hidden Crevice." I was pretty pleased with myself for not laughing at 'Hidden Crevice', what a fucking unfortunate name. Connie squeezed my hand before we were forced into single file to get up the side.

At the top were three thrones carved from the wood of the stump, all still attached to it. The center one was the largest, and the only one currently occupied - the Sahrger perched on it was draped in some strange translucent golden material and white furs, with jewelry made from some sort of reddish wire covering their arms and legs. They were gesturing as they spoke, too quietly for me to hear, and some of the shorter wrinkly ones were nodding along from a raised platform behind the throne. Otherwise it was just a collection of Sahrger around the edge of the stump, leaving a large space in the center that we were ushered to.

Our request was fairly straightforward, and I wasn't worried about wording it properly. I'd discussed it with Connie and practiced in my head the whole way over. The challenging part would be accounting for whatever they demanded in return, and that was Connie's job. She suspected it would be more about servitude or favors than physical valuables, but there were rumors of them stealing people's names or children or memories. If they did decide to ask for material goods the only thing that would be catastrophic would be if the deal hinged on giving up Connie's time mana - anything else could be replaced, even the notebook with details on the journey ahead.

"If mom could see this, right?"

Connie grinned. "Yeah. Crazy how some of the books got stuff right. Of course, that's not super reassuring considering some of the shit in there. Um. Okay listen, I know we kinda skimmed past the specific possibilities, but worst case scenario if we can't both get out of here I'll be the one to stay. I don't think that'll happen, people have used this plane to get places before and from what I've heard and what Cyne said it doesn't seem like an issue. But just... if it is, I don't want you to argue with me. Okay?"

"I'm not making a deal that leaves you behind."

"Right. But we're talking worst case scenario."

I nodded, but I had no intention of letting them keep anyone. Especially Connie.

Still not looking at us, probably as a show of disrespect, the Sahrger on the throne raised their voice and began to speak in a more formal way. "Petitioners, you have come to this place seeking favor from your betters. Why should you be heard by the court?"

Connie stepped forward, pulling something from her bag. "We come bearing gifts for the court, in appreciation for its time and hospitality."

It was a sculpture, a stone with moss and mushrooms covering it - which were also made from stone. Mila had made it as we traveled, coaxing natural coloring from the different minerals until she had formed something truly breathtaking. Multiple kinds of rock she'd been collecting as we went had been melded together, and the end result simultaneously told your brain it was looking at stone and at actual mushrooms, creating a moment of disconnect.

The Sahrger looked up at us, finally, and raised an eyebrow at the offering. "Your gift is accepted. Now, tell me..." they stopped, and the delicate string of beads in their hand fell to the ground with a clatter. A murmur rose as the rest of the Sahrger as they realized something was wrong, and Connie spared a very confused backwards glance at me. Was it the gift? Was it too good? Or offensive somehow? They straightened up in the throne, then bowed their head - causing more murmurs.

"Honored guests. You have been far from home. Please... excuse my rudeness." That last part sounded as if it pained them. Connie looked back at me again and shrugged - this wasn't what she had expected either. Not certain of how to proceed, I stepped forward and did my best to ask for our favor.

"We thank you for your audience. We would like to request safe passage for ourselves, our companions, our beasts of burden, and all of our supplies to the Necropolis as soon as possible, so that we can continue our journey in good health and free from obstruction."

We'd agreed that that wording would get most of the important bits in there, without anything sounding like an accusation - if I had said "don't hurt us" there was the risk it would be taken as insulting. There was a pause, and then the Sahrger looked up. "And if we transport you and your party to the Necropolis as you have requested... you would consider all debts between us to be fulfilled?"

It felt like a trick, but I couldn't see what it might be. The only 'debt' that had even been implied was some sort of rudeness, and I would have forgiven that without thinking anyway. I wasn't even sure what had been rude about it - they had mentioned us being far from home, so maybe they could tell we were from Earth and there was some established protocol for that they had bungled? Either way, I didn't know enough to try and leverage it for a bigger favor and so it seemed safest to just agree. Connie shrugged, then nodded at me. She couldn't see the trap either - if there was one. "Yes, we would."

The look of relief was only there for a split second, but in that brief moment it was clear as day. They had been worried we wouldn't take that deal, for whatever reason. I hated the idea that I was leaving money on the table, so to speak, but I would have to just be happy that we were getting off easier than expected.

"We are sad to see you depart again so soon, but we of course wish to honor your request to be on your way as soon as possible. You may wait next to the traveling hill if it pleases you, my people will bring you refreshments - consider this a part of our bargain, with no obligations." They took the gift Connie was still holding out and then bowed, deeply, before stepping back towards the group of ancient wrinkled Sahrger. "I will go and oversee the preparations myself. It has been an honor to host you this day, and I look forward to speaking with you more when you return."

And with that, they were gone. The others were still murmuring, but one gestured for us to follow them and led us back down the stairs and down a path to a small hill surrounded by a perfectly circular ring of mushrooms. Off to one side human servants were setting up tables and bringing a variety of treats - little balls of some sort, each basket of them a slightly different variety. Honestly it looked like a selection of donut holes. There was also wine, and some kind of extremely thin-sliced meat that appeared to be raw.

"Is it safe to eat things here?"

Connie bit her lower lip and squinted at the food as it was laid out for us. "I don't want to be rude by refusing it. And it seemed like they were eager to help us. For some reason. On the other hand, once we leave we agreed all debts between us would be fulfilled so maybe there's some sort of loophole where... I don't know, they could do something to us right now and we wouldn't be able to demand they make it right because then the debt is getting wiped away by the existing agreement? Something like that?"

We both tried to think of any pitfalls as the tables were arranged, but once the Sahrger stepped away we had to make a decision. I decided to just go for it and take a bite, since it seemed like any harm would be limited by the agreement anyway and I didn't want to risk angering them when we were so close to getting out. I picked one that was covered in some kind of powder, and popped the whole thing in my mouth. It was unbelievable. Literally the most delicious thing I had ever eaten. I followed it up with some of the wine, which was equally mind-blowing, and then pulled Connie close and spoke - in English, as we'd been in the habit of.

"Okay holy shit. That's so good. That's... fuck. Do you remember the thing, where if you eat faerie food you can't eat anything else anymore? What if that's me now? What if by comparison now everything tastes like ashes or something? Fuck. I don't even know if I'd be sorry."

Figuring the damage was done I continued to graze, and Connie opted to keep away from the buffet in case it was doing anything to me since we wouldn't want to both be compromised - but she didn't look thrilled about it. The wagon was pulled up about twenty minutes later, and by that time I was not only feeling full but was realizing that I was more than slightly buzzed. I blamed the wine at first, but as I listened to Connie reassure the others and make sure they were prepped to travel I had to admit this wasn't an issue of alcohol. I was high.

"Connie. Connie. This is drug food. They're pot brownies. Pot donut holes. Pot holes. Hah! Don't drive the wagon into them, right? Potholes?"

Connie's eyes went wide. "Oh god. You're out of your mind right now, aren't you?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm just buzzed. And full. And kinda hungry too still. But mostly the other thing. Hey. You're really pretty, you know that? I think you're prettier than me, that's not fair."

"We look literally identical. We're the same person."

"No but. You're pretty."

"You're high."

"Okay," I said.

"Okay?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll be high. I mean I am. But I mean I'll sit here and be high, like I'll shut up about you being prettier and stuff. And just... yeah. You get people ready while I do that."

Connie looked concerned, and maybe a little amused, and very pretty. I felt warm. I knew I should get on the wagon and not talk to anyone, but I remembered I might have cursed myself to never enjoy human food again and so I wandered to one of the human servants that stood next to the table staring at her feet.

"Hey can we take this with us? The baskets of... you don't have a word for donut holes I bet. Yeah that sounded wrong. I'll invent them later and we'll make up a word, but my bracelet still won't know it I guess. Can't make a new bracelet every time I make up a word, that would be a lot of work I bet. And money."

I looked at the girl. She was like... ten or eleven, maybe? Or older and malnourished. "Do they pay you? Can you buy bracelets for yourself? Not magic ones, you don't need this, but like... are you stuck here? You wanna come with us?"

She looked at me, mildly horrified, and then side-eyed the nearest Sahrger as if checking to see if they'd heard what I said.

"No it's okay, I'm high but it's not making me dumb. The one on the throne said if they send us where we want to go we're all even, right? So my sister - she's actually me, not my sister, but that's... it's kind of a secret. So don't talk about that. She was worried about the potholes - hah, that translates just fine! Okay that's the new word for these, just like the holes in the road except delicious instead of muddy okay?"

She nodded, still looking nervous. There had been something else I was going to say to her.

"Potholes... sister... right! Fuck! Right, so you get your human friends and you load this stuff on the wagon, okay? Road snacks. Always good. And then you do that when we're about to leave, as we're leaving, and then you come with us. Maybe you sneak in with the snacks or whatever. And then they can't be mad, because we're even. It's what my sister said but the opposite. The prankster becomes the pranked. Very sneaky. That's her over there, she's pretty right? I'm going to look like that in a few years maybe. Fingers crossed. Okay get your friends and everyone take a basket or a jug of wine or a... table thing. Centerpiece. Thing. This is a good plan, it's not the potholes talking I promise."

I had only taken two steps away when Connie grabbed me by the arm. "What are you doing talking to them? Get in the wagon, we're going. Don't mess this up by telling them all they're pretty or whatever."

"Some of them are, though. Right? Not the child slaves, the Sahrger. You see it. I could dig on having a fairy husband. Or wife. I'm not picky, and I don't think I can tell the difference anyway. I'm not normally turned on by people, do you think it's the drug holes or do you think fairies are just my type? Oh! Also by the way, I made a plan."

She sighed as she helped me into the wagon. "Okay, what's your plan?"

"Gonna bring some fairy food in case I can't eat people food anymore. But then I thought, wait, they might not do takeout and maybe they'll be mad. But then I thought they can't be mad just like you said we couldn't be mad. So then I thought in for a penny in for a pound, right? And there are a bunch of servants so if they all grab a tray, then..."

"Yeah. Great. If they bring you food in a doggy bag in time then fine, but we need to hurry as soon as the portal opens so we don't fuck this up. And by we, I mean you."

"Okay but they're inside the doggy bag. It's Trojan snacks."

"What?"

"The other part of the plan."

"You're high, and you're not making sense. Lay down."

I laid down, and the wagon started moving. The rocking back and forth and the tilt as we went up the small hill felt like they sent little ripples through my body, and I closed my eyes to better enjoy the sensation. I wasn't sure if it had been the wine, or the donut hole things - and if it was the latter I wasn't sure which variety. But I was already determined to find out, assuming we did get to take some with us. Someone yelled something, angry and in a language that sounded familiar but wasn't one I knew. They sounded really upset.

Bodies flopped onto me, and the wagon was moving faster - rocking and bumping as the screaming and yelling increased. One of the voices was Sige, who said "JUST GO!", and one of the voices was Connie swearing, but most were Sahrger. They seemed mad, which was rude - I was being all mellow laying in the back of the wagon with my eyes closed, and the yelling was harshing the whole vibe.

The wagon stopped a moment later, and after whoever was on me scrambled off someone flicked my knee really hard. I cracked one eye, and saw it was Connie. Behind her I could see a gray sky and some tall stone towers - clearly we weren't in fairy land anymore. "Trojan snacks? Seriously?"

I gave her a thumbs-up. "It's a good plan, and you're still pretty. Are we doing it? The snack plan?"

"Well you didn't leave us much choice, did you? They brought the food over right as we were leaving and just jumped on."

I nodded, and closed my eyes again. "Yeah that was the plan. I told you."

"You absolutely did not."

"Well I'm telling you now," I said, and then sat up and opened my eyes again. Wait. Shit. "Wait, did they really bring the food or did they just bring themselves?"

"They brought the food too."

Oh thank god. "Fuck yeah. Yeah. Cool. Okay I'm going to take a nap, tell me when we're at the Necropolis."

"We're at the Necropolis."

"Well circle the block a few times so I can take a nap, okay?"

And with that, everything faded into darkness.