(Chpt. 34) Smashing through the veil
I slowly and carelessly approached the girl. I could already tell — there wasn’t so much I could do. I stood beside her, she was laying on her side; covered with bruises, cuts, and some of her limbs were broken. Her clothes were torn as well.
She slowly opened her eyes and looked at my unchanging face.
“Looking down on me until the very end? I see…” Her whispers were soft.
“Not really, I think it was admirable that you stood up to him,” I spoke my true thoughts out — being able to defy in spite of the obviously unfavorable conditions — such a willpower.
A dry laugh escaped her lips. “Perhaps. Tell me a thing, Collector, how do you live with your sins?”
“I don’t.”
The concept of sin was nothing but a concept, objectively speaking there wasn’t a good or bad, it was simply life. As funny as that sounded coming from me. She thought for a second before smiling.
“Is that so? I never thought about it like that.”
She went silent, but her heart was still beating. I took the time to examine her.
A misshapen and broken leg that was beyond repair, wood was piercing through it. A misshapen arm that was simply broken and her ribs were bruised, probably broken. As much as I hated to fail at my objective there wasn’t much I could do. It was beyond my capacity to save this girl — It was beyond anyone’s.
“Take care of her, please...”
“Her?” Oh…
She died. I didn’t feel anything, but she was dead. I was supposed to feel bad or disgusted, but I was unable to. I stood there, emotionlessly watching her on the ground, nothing was really happening. The deed had been done — and I had failed, unfortunately.
Time of death unknown.
After a short sigh I moved back to Mister cool dealer, he probably had some good loot since he was stronger than the guards. Albeit he had no weapon — go figure. All muscle no brain, well based on what I heard he was probably an insecure person too, kind of felt bad but nothing that could be done about it. He could’ve stopped and begged for his life, but he decided to try to kill me instead — What kind of outcome was he expecting?
I watched his body disintegrate into nothingness. It worked like a well-oiled machine, it was nice. Albeit I was far away from being well-oiled. After yet another short sigh of defeat, I picked up the leather bag that it dropped. I had now three leather bags with goods in them.
As I pondered about things my ears started twitching from picking up a sound behind me. Hasty and quick-paced, they were footsteps.
Looks like he was finally coming. They were oddly light, but there were no more people inside the building. I turned around as I heard them creeping closer.
“Took you long eno—
I paused from the unexpected variable being entered into the process. It was a little girl. A head or so smaller than me; she was panting and her hands were covered in bruises and blood — probably from using them too much. Her eyes darted around until she looked at me, she seemed confused — first time she saw me I guess.
“Do you know where my sis—
She suddenly paused as she saw the massacre on the hallway, her eyes were shaking and scanned her surroundings. She looked at me and my hands were dripping blood , and then she saw behind me. A dead girl just there.
She froze and rescanned, but no matter how many times she did it. It was still the same.
“Murderer!” she screamed.
There was nothing I could do anymore, or at least nothing I had here. After a quick rescan of my surroundings, I confirmed it — I was done. I started to head towards the exit, towards the girl. She took a step back as she trembled.
“No… stay away!” I kept walking without answer until I stood before her. She fell down and looked at the ground with hopelessness before looking back at me.
“Just… make it quick…”
I ignored her and continued walking past her. I could hear her confused cries, then I heard some rustling and some gritting before finally…
“You… you killed her!” I didn’t blame her for thinking that.
“I tried to save her, unfortunately she said a few not nice things and the dealer snapped.”
At least that would remove the placed guilt on me.
“You killed her!”
“I didn’t…” The impulsiveness of a child, was it?
I continued to walk.
“You killed her, if you actually tried to save her you would’ve bought her!” I stopped walking.
“You are right, I didn’t move a single finger because I panicked.” It was sad, but that’s what had happened. And yet…
“And yet… you are not panicked at all right now! Don’t you feel anything?!” I turned back, tears were running down her face. I really wasn’t feeling anything. “Give me back my sister! It’s all your fault... if you hadn’t shown up… If only you had stopped her… you could’ve done anything, you have the strength as well! And yet you chose for her to die… and now you don’t even want to kill me...”
…
I did the best I could— that was a lie. I am broken— that’s an excuse. In the end, I was simply making excuses for my poor performance. If I had bought her right then and there instead of saying I didn’t know, nothing would’ve happened. If I had said I would punish her instead and sweet-talked the dealer it wouldn’t have happened.
I had fundamentally failed. I could’ve avoided that mace hit and— Also a failure. So many outcomes and yet every single one of them turned into a failure…No matter how I thought about it, it all started as soon as I decided to come here. And as soon as I decided to not buy. I had to delve deeper.
Analyze more.
Fail… recalculating possible choices… fail… Recalculating; fail. Recalc— failure.
No matter how I looked about it, everything turned into a failure — why did things go like that? Why had I taken such choices?! Why doesn't x equal y? Why did the variables change… Why didn’t the hidden stat value kick in…
Why…
Why…
WHY?!
OVERLOAD—
Fatal Error encountered—
—Process terminated—
* * *
Drips of black blood started to drip from my nose. Everything hurt. What had happened? No… I already knew what happened, but rather… Why did it happen? So many things to think about, so many aspects and perspectives… How…
As I stood there like a statue I heard footsteps echoing in front of me. They were heavy and calm. It was him.