Laundry Divers: An Erotic Lesbian LitRPG

Sabrina’s day was grating. At least getting ready in the morning was exciting. She tested out her new dagger in the shower. First of all, it was trippy to see that it was, in fact, impossible to cut herself with the impossibly sharp tool.

More interestingly, shaving with it was truly a magical process. Whenever she held the edge against her skin with the intention of shaving, it cast out a cone of yellow highlights. A large section of her leg would be colored yellow, and when she pushed the dagger forward an inch, the yellow section was rendered smooth and bald. She was even able to shave her asshole without getting the dagger near it. Considering how smooth it made everything, it was more like plucking each hair from the root than shaving.

Work, however, was a drag. She couldn’t muster an ounce of attention to filling out spreadsheets and answering emails. Who could blame her? Just last night, she’d discovered that magic is real, and claimed preternatural enhancements for herself.

Hell, she’d made more money in an hour of masturbating last night than she’d make in a week of having the life force drained from her for this bullshit job. It wasn’t even a matter of selling her privacy or image by masturbating on camera. Fingering herself, and activity she’d done every chance she got since the first time the thought occurred to her, was all that was required for riches and mystical powers.

That, however, wasn’t even the bulk of what distracted her. On the night of magical discovery, what really changed her life was walking in on Jade masturbating. This was not only supremely arousing but awoke feelings in her she’d never considered. Jade was her closest friend. The pair had moved in together largely due of the unsaid pretense that their relationship was strictly platonic. Now? Now she’d developed an infatuation in less time than it took to develop a UTI.

Mercifully, Sabrina’s work day eventually came to an end. She’d probably be dealing with a write-up for her absolute lack of productivity, but she didn’t care. She just needed to get out of there before she died of joy-deprivation.

Sabrina arrived home, driven by excitement to delve back into the dungeon. When she entered her apartment, though, her plans were pulled out from under her. This was due to finding Jade on the couch, wearing pajamas, and greeting her warmly. Sabrina’s brain shut down.

“Hey Bean, how was work?”

Jade’s nickname for Sabrina had evolved over the years, from Sabina, to Bina, then Beany, and finally just Bean.

“Boring,” Sabrina answered honestly. “I wanna just fucking quit already.”

“Dare you,” Jade joked. “You could always just sell feet pics.”

“Something like that,” Sabrina alluded. She looked at Jade — her silky black hair, brown doe-eyes, kissable lips. She always knew on a theoretical level that her friend was pretty, but now she could only see a beauty that couldn’t be ignored.

Then she was struck by the thought that she should really just come out and tell her about the dungeon. She was letting this drag out too long, and she didn’t like keeping secrets from Jade. One secret was more than she could handle, she’d need to unload the other soon or be crushed by the weight of it all.

“What’s that look?” Jade asked. She could always read Sabrina far too well.

“I need to tell you something. It’s going to sound crazy, but please just believe me. I promise I’m not fucking with you, okay?”

“Okay,” Jade pressed for more, hesitant.

“What if I told you I found something magic, like real-deal magic?”

“Depends— are you telling me that?”

“Uh… yes. Yes I am. You know that old washing machine in the laundry room, the one that’s taped off? I heard whining from it and opened it and found, like, a ‘Coraline door’ in it. I came up to tell you but you were…” Sabrina blushed. She’d almost forgotten where that story was going.

She steered around the verbal land-mine. “… probably not going to believe me. I needed to go in and check it out, first. Inside there was like a twisted mirror-dimension version of the laundry room. There was like, living clothes that attacked me, and when I killed them, they dropped these gummy things. I’ve been calling them jellies in my head. When you pop them, they level up your stats, like in a video game. Like, actual video game text appears in the air. I have a health bar now, just lurking in the back of my brain. It said if you level up six stats you can get a class, but so far, I’ve only leveled up two.”

Jade’s face cut Sabrina right in the heart. She wore a look of unimpressed scrutiny. It was a look that said, ‘do you really think I’m that gullible?’

Sabrina let out an anguished groan. “I knew you wouldn’t believe me! Ugh!” Then Sabrina had an idea. She fished her dagger out of her purse, along with a receipt. “Check this out. I got this as a reward for… something. It’s magic. It’s really sharp.” She demonstrated by cutting into the limp paper without any resistance. “-But it can’t cut me!” She swung the dagger hard, straight for her neck. She felt the fine point poke her, but her skin remained unbroken. “See? Huh? Magic dagger.”

Jade simply narrowed her eyes, puzzled. “Right…”

“Tell you what? It’s also a magic razor. It can shave big parts of your body with a little flick of the wrist! Here!” Sabrina motioned the dagger to Jade’s leg, but Jade pulled back.

“No! Trust me! It can’t cut my allies either! It’ll shave your legs completely in like, five strokes.” She saw only worry in her roommate's eyes. Sabrina wanted to cry, seeing Jade look at her like a crazy person.

“Fucking… here!” Sabrina pulled her pants and underwear down to just above her knees. She held the edge of the dagger up to her waistline, targeting the tidy crop of pubic hair she’d left on her mound. Jade was frozen still, her mouth pursed as if to make a ‘W’ sound. With the slightest motion, Sabrina triggered the dagger’s effect and her neatly trimmed bush vanished.

“Wha… wait what the fuck?” Jade shook her head and blinked her eyes. “How’d you do that?”

“It’s magic! Oh! I almost forgot! My butt! Look at my butt!” Sabrina turned around, her pants still down.

“What a… bout it?” Jade fell into the hypnotic haze of Sabrina’s ass, forgetting what the two were talking about.

“It’s bigger! One of the level ups made my ass huge, and it has some kind of hypnotic effect,” Sabrina explained. “Jade? Can you hear me?”

Sabrina finally turned around, shaking Jade out of her daze and prompting a “huh? What were you saying?”

“I said my ass is bigger, and hypnotic.”

“It’s bigger? You’ve always had a great ass.”

“I… thank you.” Sabrina caught Jade still staring dead-eyed at her crotch. Sabrina blushed. She’d been so preoccupied with proving herself right she almost forgot she was flashing her best friend. She pulled her pants back up and continued, “it’s bigger. Think about it.”

“Huh. Wait yeah, wow. When I was looking at it, I didn’t even question it. Okay. So, magic, yeah? Is it all so… lewd? Did you find a pervy Narnia?”

“I think I just leveled the pervy stat first. I’ve got three levels of Lust, and two of Vigor, which I guess still sounds kind of dirty.”

“Yeah, I was gonna say. Not making a great case against my theory. What did the levels do?”

“It said that without a class, it spends my points for me. There are perks, affinities, skills… what else? Oh something called a cultivation method. Perks I got from Lust are the magic butt, and one called Amorous that I guess just makes me horny. Vigor gave me a perk that makes it so I stay thick no how strong I get, and the benefits of a whole bunch of cardio all at once.”

“Still sounds a bit lewd. Only two perks for Lust? Thought you got three levels.”

“Oh, yeah,” Sabrina said, a little embarrassed. “The third level went all in on a skill. Five thousand hours of training in oral sex, downloaded straight to the brain. Vigor gave me a couple thousand hours of wrestling, too.”

“Hot,” Jade commented nonchalantly. “And the other stuff? Affinities and… cultivation?”

“Lust gave me affinities in the first two levels, they’re basically just kinks. Lingerie and ass-eating. I got one cultivation method, also from Lust. Basically, I get masturbation-related challenges in my head, and if I complete them I get rewards. I tried it out last night, got like a grand worth of silver bars, a few jellies, the dagger, and… a weird egg. Oh! And a magic lime. That’s… everything.” Sabrina was resigned to remaining beet-red throughout her explanation. She’d keep ‘Enamored’ to herself, though.

“Ohhhh that explains why you were going at it so hard last night! You were like a teenage boy,” Jade teased.

Sabrina was in a cold sweat by now. “Takes one to know one,” she muttered quickly.

“Huh? Wait, what did you…”

“Let’s go see the dungeon,” Sabrina interrupted, not wanting to finish that thought.

“Oh… uh, yeah. Fuck it. I’m curious,” Jade agreed.