LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 18: Brother.
I took a deep breath of fresh air as the gentle sunlight warmed my face and snowflakes drifted down onto my nose. My body's first reaction was too tense. I had to fight to keep my eyes from dropping to the ground. Usually, snow just meant that training would be extra wet and cold.
I tilted my head back and slowly exhaled, my breath carrying my worries along with it in the wispy vapor. ‘I don't have to worry about that today though.’ Another deep breath of cold fresh air filled my lungs as my body began to relax and I opened my eyes.
Giant snowflakes slowly descended like an angel's feathers. Light glinted off of them as they danced through the air, their size making the lattice structures easy to see. ‘So pretty…’
I had never taken the chance to appreciate the snow, not since I was reborn at least. I used to love it, even if I didn't like the cold, but that all changed when I started my training.
Instead of being able to enjoy it, it became nothing more than a sign that training was going to be extra wet and cold. Since I only had one set of clothes it was more often than not that I ended up miserable after that.
I set my hand on my chest, feeling a soft fur lining press against my skin. Since my old clothes were destroyed, I ended up wearing one of Lu’s nightgowns. Its soft fur lining covered everything but my arms. It was a huge step up, even if it was a bit too big... ‘Well, at least It's not cold…’
From what I had heard, my old clothes were so ruined that they might as well not have existed anymore.’ That thought made me a bit uncomfortable, thinking about how exposed I probably was after getting spit out of the monster's mouth, but it wasn't like that was what anyone cared about at the moment.
I let out a sigh, ‘Well, it's over now at least.’
I walked out into the courtyard. A small part of me wanted to play, spinning around, laughing, and jumping into snow piles, trying to see how deep I could sink as it compressed under my weight. Even the thought of it filled me with a sense of nostalgia.
‘It's been over 20 years…’ I thought. For that reason, it seemed almost childish. The sense of wonder the girl in my memories once possessed seemed so far away, like it wasn't even mine, but someone else's entirely.
The snow scraped against the bottom of my feet as it compressed under my weight. Light sparkled off of it as it perfectly covered the castle. A gentle frost stuck to the trees, and for the first time, it seemed more like a winter wonderland than a frigid deathtrap. Even my feet, which were still feeling the bite of the cold, felt hot as the snow melted underneath them.
I squatted down and gently scooped up a handful of snow, compressing it into a ball. It was wet and cold, but it was also the perfect consistency for making things with it. Snowmen, snow forts, snow caves, they were all things I remembered fondly from my past life. My sister and I would have so much fun every year just by ourselves.
I crushed it between my fingers and sprinkled it out over the ground like sand in a desert. ‘I wonder, will I be able to find someone like her in this world? Guess I have to survive first.’
Falling on my back, I spread out my arms, letting the snow catch me. Then I made a snow angel out of nostalgia. It wasn't fun like I remembered, just tiring. Still, those memories were precious to me.
My eyes blankly drifted from cloud to cloud, staring at the sky and watching the snowfall. ‘It's as beautiful as the day Mara tried to kill me.’ Of all the distant memories, that was the freshest in my mind, having just relieved it.
I raised a hand to the scar I still had on my neck from where she had cut me. My hand was cold against my neck, further reminding me of the feeling of cold steel pressing against it. It was so long ago. Having just relieved it made it feel as if it were just the other day though.
‘It doesn't even bother me anymore. I wonder just what that means. Have I forgiven her? No… I guess it's more like, 'I just don't care anymore.’ I raised my hand up to the sky, looking at the sun between my fingers. ‘I'll do my best to recover, and then I'll do my best to grow stronger. If I fail and die then I fail and die, and if I succeed I succeed.’
At that moment I decided it didn't matter either way. In reality, it wasn't all that different from how I felt before. There was one change though. ‘It may not matter… Still, if I can, I'd like to win.’
My fingers traced the scar, gently applying cool water to it. ‘It happened so long ago, and it's not like it's the worst scar I have either…’ My arm fell back to the ground as the snow around me continued to melt from my body's heat.
‘I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. I ended up living, and she accepted that. Out of respect for my father's leadership, she never tried to kill me again. I don't hate her for it. I mean realistically, killing me would have probably been the smart choice from her perspective. Still, I can't forget it.’
The cold snow finally began to chill my body as I got lost in my own thoughts, gradually numbing the warmth I had felt from waking up covered in the soft fur blanket. I may have hated the cold, but sometimes it would make me completely numb, body and mind. That was its one saving grace. For me, there were times when it felt nice to not have to feel anything. That was the only real comfort I could give myself.
“Siya?” A Soft and distant voice pulled me from the labyrinth of my own mind,
I opened my eyes and tilted my head up to see my brother standing over me. “Airsidh, It's weird seeing you here.”
My reaction was emotionless, as my mind slowly regained conscious thought from having drifted so far into the depths of my own mind.
“What are you doing?” He asked, ignoring my question. Despite having approached me, his voice maintained its calm and lax tone I was familiar with. It was detached like he didn't care about anything.
He had always seemed especially distant when interacting with me particularly, but I couldn't blame him. It was because he was so detached that I much preferred him to Bhaltair, my other brother.
“I'm…” ‘Does this count as playing in the snow?’ “Honestly… I don't know. Playing maybe?”
His eyes slowly drifted away from mine. “Playing huh…” His gaze suddenly grew distant, like his mind was taken to a different time and place. “Siya, do you have a moment?”
Maybe it was because of how emotionless he was, but I could never tell what he was thinking. His words always seemed disjointed and not fully coherent.
‘What could he possibly want from me?’ I sat up and turned to face him. “Y-yea, I guess so…”