Key to the Void: A self-made isekai

The cleansing ritual was a time to reflect on oneself. A time to process what it means to take a life. It was something best done in the company of others who have had the same experience as you, and only people who have had such an experience. Among the Hidan, such people were likely not in short supply. However, this period of temporary isolation was still valuable to help a person adjust to the experience.

I had explained all of this when we started this ritual on the first day. Much like their communion ritual, there was no set formality to it. It was mostly just a large group counseling session, with the mandated isolation time being the only set aspect to it.

Even so, it was strongly encouraged for participants to reflect upon the lives they had taken, and to dedicate their time toward either meditative prayer or speaking with their fellows about any troubles they might be having with what they have done.

Because this hunt was for the purpose of blooding the children, which is to say having them take a life for their first time, the adults who lead this hunt were very quick to see the wisdom of this and were quite receptive to the role of playing councilor to the children who had also joined the ritual. In fact, upon having it explained, they seemed to be seriously considering making this a standard practice and also telling other tribes about it.

For the children, I’d recommended they all stay for at least as long as I did, if not even as long as the adults stay for. Otherwise, it was quite likely a large portion of them would be gone after the first day.

After having explained the rules of this “ritual,” I had largely spent my time on two tasks. One was the meditative prayer option. The other thing I did was digging. I had decided I would dig out one large hole per day, using my living wood weapon turned into a simple long-handled shovel. The combination of physical labor and introspective self-evaluation felt truly cleansing indeed.

The Hidan seemed to view me as some kind of minor royalty, and did not approach me much. From how I understood it, it was somewhat taboo for the men of the tribe to interact much with a member of the fey in the first place. And, since everyone here was male aside from me, this meant that I was largely left alone.

This worked out just fine for me. This would allow me to focus more firmly on myself. And, if I really felt the need to talk to someone about my feelings, I knew the hunt leaders would not turn me away. They were not allowed to approach me, but I could engage them if I wanted to just fine.

By the night of the first day, I was already feeling like I was at some kind of inflection point. The day of semi-isolation from the rest of the tribe, allowed to do none of my normal training and separated from my usual tight circle, was slowly wearing down at all the familiar tracks in my mind and taking me outside of my comfort zone, albeit in a place of safety.

Frankly speaking, it was an incredibly uncomfortable feeling. Someone who was not so wise to the ways of the world would likely categorize this as crippling boredom, or perhaps even mild insanity, born from the social isolation. As someone who was familiar with how the mind of a sentient being worked, I fully recognized that this was the kind of state I would need to be in for the true introspection and self-evaluation to begin.

There is a reason why self-isolation is a part of many meditative practices. It was a particularly intensive form of meditation that I’d been aware of, but never participated in before. The dojo had always been my place for meditation due to the physical movement nature of my practices. This, however, was also quite nice.

As the noise and activities of the world fall away and you have only yourself to focus on, you become more able to examine your own mind and past actions. You need to live in the world to act on your true nature, but you need to take a step back and examine yourself in order to evaluate those past actions and truly discover yourself.

This was a practice that was very good at breaking down what kind of person you really are. The first day is mostly spent acclimating to the new environment, but from the second day onward the real work can begin. It creates an environment where you can feel safe to examine yourself, and to dig up all of those nasty inner demons of your past.

Inner demons are not the only kind that can visit you on ventures like these though. There are several sacred texts, including the bible, that depict a person being visited by a very real demon during isolated prayer and meditation. Perhaps the most famous of these in the western world is the temptation of Christ during his 40 days in the desert.

My eyes snapped open as I processed that thought. Why had that particular thought come to mind right now of all times? I couldn’t help feeling a rather nasty premonition. I felt a sense of dread that the next time I closed my eyes, I would see white clouds and a man who I’d thought I had been rid of for the past 3 years.

I sat on the top of the hill overlooking the Hidan camp and considered this. I couldn’t allow such a thing to disturb me now of all times. If it happens, it happens. I would welcome it with open arms. It is far better to get such a thing done and over with than sit in dread and anticipation of it and have it never come.

It was entirely possible for the stress induced by the anticipation of a bad thing happening to be far worse than the thing itself could ever possibly be.

With that in mind, I started performing the still earth meditation. The modified form of the earth meditation for the seated position, and also performed in isolation from the other phases of the 5 elements meditation. Taken alone, it was by far the single most relaxing thing in my arsenal of breathing meditations.

I placed my hands in the mudra of earth, and began taking long breaths in and out as I closed my eyes and immersed myself in the idyllic rolling hills of green all around me.

And then, when my eyes opened once again, I was actually almost disappointed when I saw the exact thing I was expecting to see.

White clouds, and a by now somewhat familiar man with wings.

“Samarael. I am almost ready to accuse you at this point of being the source of my strangely accurate predictions of the future as of late. You wouldn’t happen to have alerted me a moment ago to your intention for a meeting, would you?” I said.

“Indeed. Though I cannot answer to how your mind interpreted it, I had sent you such a premonition.” The man said.

Hah… That was… honestly not the way I had expected him to answer.

“Hmm… do not be so surprised. You have a practice within your martial and meditative style referred to as ‘the timing of heaven,’ do you not?” He said.

“Yes, although the ‘heaven’ referred to by the technique does not literally describe heaven. It is a method by which we open ourselves up to our subconscious mind. At the base level, this enhances our combat response time by allowing our bodies to automatically react to the actions of our opponent before our conscious mind even becomes aware of them, causing us to move before our brain even processes the fact that we saw physical movement. However, this openness to our subconscious also allows for us to be more in touch with our intuitive knowledge, allowing us to draw together threads based on information we do not even consciously remember collecting.”

“Yes.” The angel-like man cut in the very second I finished my explanation. “When you are using this ‘timing of heaven,’ you are incredibly open to every input and perception you might have. Having your mind in such an open state also causes you to be more open to the divine. Why else do you think those who created this style would give it such a name?”

“Hmm… so, you are still insisting that you are my guardian angel? Even after blatantly revealing your name-sake the last time you began giving me visions with that sword of tainted truths you thrust upon me?” I bit back at him.

Samarael threw up his hands and put on an almost mock expression of being hurt by that comment as he shook his head.

“Indeed, that was quite the unfortunate name that I chose upon entering service to the lord. I had aspirations at the time to join the satans as I rose up the ranks among his servants. They served what I had thought was a rather noble role at the time as they sought out the weaknesses in the hearts of men and saw the worst sides of them, so others did not have to. But, almost the entire legion of the satans joined the light bringer as he lead the rebellion, and I had to stand against those I had previously admired.”

The winged man had a look of someone who was slightly detached from the words he was saying, as though he had rehearsed them several times in the past.

It could be a sign he had prepared this answer, but were that the case then he would have been making more of an effort to seem sincere about what he was saying. Rather, his eyes just seemed to completely check out and become unfocused as soon as he started on his explanation. It was more like something he’d been forced to explain to various people again and again to the point of insanity to many people over who knows how long a time.

If I were dealing with a normal human being, I would consider this a likely sign he was being very legitimate. But, this is an immortal being who had 3 years to prepare and who also knows the exact temperament of the guy… gal… person he’s dealing with.

I’ve started to sort of adjust to the idea I’m a girl now after five years in this female body. In some ways, it’s getting easier to identify that way. In other ways, it’s getting so much harder.

At any rate, for someone in his position, this kind of reaction would be quite easy to fake.

“Ok,” I said. “Let’s just assume I believe that story. I’m sure this is not the discussion you dragged me into this realm to hear.”

“Hmm…? You mean, you really want to just skip right over the rest? I know for a fact you have a lot more issues you’ve wanted to raise.” Samarael jabbed.

Indeed. I certainly had wanted to tear into him about how he’d manipulated me about Tiaren, playing us both for fools the entire time and using Mr. Adderson, who I’m sure genuinely just wanted to help, as a dupe of a pawn in his machinations. However…

“I am certain you have your prepared answers for all of that. I will not engage in such a fruitless exercise destined to only bring me frustrations as you leave the ring satisfied in how you’ve talked circles around me with your weasel words. So, how about you just say what it is you want to say so we can get this over with.”

“I was not referring to that messy business with those who left your group two years ago of their own volition. I was more concerned about whether or not you’d thought about the urgency in returning to Earth after what you’d discovered immediately prior to that in regards to the state it is in right now.

…

“Yes.” Samarael continued. “The pouring out of the demons upon the Earth. The true end of days has begun. And, your power is important for this event.”

“I am 5 years old. An elven gestation period is 2 years. This means it has been exactly 7 years since we arrived here. If I remember my book of revelations right, the battle of Armageddon should have already happened a couple years ago.”

“Hmm… it seems that demon sister of yours must not have told you then. Time flows differently on different worlds. Those with more power flow much slower than those with higher power. Considering the power difference of the two worlds, hardly a day should have passed back on Earth since you left. You have a lot of time to make your way back to Earth, but you are needed and the time is not infinite.”

“Look.” He continued. “You can think whatever you like about the deal between me and your sister. I do think it is a good thing she is separate from you now, but I had nothing to do with her leaving. The real objective of that whole endeavor was for you to hear about the situation on Earth from someone other than me, because I was quite certain you would be unable to believe it if it came from me. This is the important issue.

…

I was stunned at the direction the conversation had suddenly gone. Now, all of a sudden, it felt as though I would be a petulant child to express any opposition to his issue at this time. However, I still sensed a manipulation. This definitely felt like him making a power play here.

Ok. The trick on this one is to ride this out and not give any big reactions. Do not make any sudden commitments to anything either.

Almost as soon as I finished that thought, Samarael’s shoulders sagged and he sighed.

“Well, we will leave it at that for now. It seems like you still have some things to consider. I do have one more warning to give you though.”

“The god of the demons in this world has also been keeping his eye on you, and he has finally decided to make a move. A team is on their way right now.”