Chapter 81: Lapse
The lot of us arriving had been very disruptive to this tribe’s spirit communion, which is what I was rather sure the word “nimalune” meant at this point. However, it was now well under way.
It turned out, the spirit communion was really nothing more than an exchange of stories and a large feast at the communion site. I am not certain exactly how it would go if no fey were to show up, but I imagine they’d be able to enjoy each-other’s company either way. As things were now, though, any member of the fey would attract all their attention as they gathered around.
Sagle seemed to be quite the conversationalist, although I noticed he managed to steer around any talk about himself and the queen was only mentioned in fairly vague terms. The nature of what he did for her was a subject he entirely avoided.
Eirlathion was not doing too bad, but it did not take my ninja-trained skills to notice he was a little uncomfortable with the situation. Knowing the way elves view humans, I simply couldn’t get the picture of someone being swarmed by animals at the petting zoo with a hand full of feed out of my mind. That was the exact kind of disheveled look he had as he was trying to come up with things to talk about with them.
The real surprise was my mother. Every time I saw her back home, she was quite reserved. She barely said a word at all during our flight from the village too, speaking only when spoken to. She was much the same as the event started as well, but as the night went on she slowly started to become more and more animated, gradually coming out of her shell. Before long, she was sharing stories about village festivals and about her parents and the names of people who I did not recognize from the village.
I’d thought before it was likely that she was not originally from the village we were raised in. This did not totally confirm my suspicions, but it definitely fit in with my theory. That said, my suspicions and hunches had been scarily accurate ever since arriving in this world.
All the while, Rimir was practically the center of the entire event. It was clear he was fairly comfortable with these people. He carried himself as though the entire event had been organized by him and he owned the stage as he made his way from one person to another. The women he would ask about their families, and the men he would ask about their hunting. All of this was met with positive words and adoration.
Of course, beings he was still carrying me around, there were also several comments directed at me. People would always be trying to get me to look at them, and the simple act of me making eye contact seemed to make them very happy.
I actually found the whole thing a little embarrassing. Of course, being truly treated like a baby was it’s own type of embarrassing, but that wasn’t the main issue. What I was really embarrassed by was just how much I was enjoying the ‘flavor’ of all the positive spirit energy they were sending my way.
I’d become aware of it based on mother and Eirlathion’s reaction to Levin and Rolwen eating, but it seems that the mind-set of a human really affects the flavor of spirit energy. For me, the stuff is just an indulgence. I can get an infinite supply from my heaven-void meditation, but experiencing this was enough to help me understand the elven mind-set to such things. This ‘meal’ of spirit energy was like the best cut of fine-grilled perfectly medium-rare steak I’d ever had in my life, and I was being subjected to a never ending stream of it. And with it, I also gained insight into the thoughts and feelings of everyone here.
Considering I am about to be spending a lot of time with these people, that last part seemed to be the larger gain of the experience. I am under no illusion this snap-shot of their thoughts and feelings right this moment was representative of their day-to-day, but it still helped me to feel more of a sense of connection to them.
It helped. Being treated like a baby was annoying, but I had somewhat grown used to it. The same thing went for being forced to act like a baby. However, being around all these people acting happy and normal helped me to forget the very stressful things that were happening with my personal life. At least for the moment.
And so, when we were interrupted by Mr. Adderson’s spirit voice, it was a rather unpleasant experience to be so violently ripped back into my present problems.
The worst part was the message he was delivering in such a panic. It was exactly what I had feared as the worst case scenario. The one I had taken measures against ahead of time. And, the one that I was too emotionally distressed to continue preventing after having heard what Mr. Adderson had to tell us, and the way Tia had responded to him.
‘Everyone! Tiaren has gone missing! She ran off and we can’t find her!’
A small and dark part of me was actually glad all my counter-measures had so clearly failed. I felt immediately guilty at even having such a thought, but even through the guilt I couldn’t stop this strange sense of vindictive satisfaction. I knew for a fact that I would regret this feeling every day for the rest of my life, but it was still there.
“Idiot.” I said aloud, not even entirely certain who I was directing the word at.
‘What? She’s an elf! Just look for some strong spirit energy!’ Rimir’s mental voice chastised him.
‘No, the girls specialize in stealth. He will not find either of them that way.’ Sagle corrected him.
I felt Rimir’s body shift as he looked down at me in his arms, perhaps just realizing the complete lack of any spirit energy leaving my body.
[Is something the matter, ancestor?] One of the women in front of us asked.
[Something has happened with the sister of this child] he said. [I apologize, I must attend to this.]
‘How concerned should we be about this?’ Sagle asked. ‘Rimir and I would know the least, what are the chances she has fled?’
‘Very high, almost certain.’ I said. ‘I would have a hard time explaining, but for the same reason I was upset enough to scare the animals before, she would also have strong reason to want to run away from us.’
Rimir looked off in the direction where Sagle was. The changeling shrunk so rapidly into the form a small bird that it almost looked like he had vanished. After a polite word with an urgent tone to his voice, Rimir was following immediately behind with me still in his arms.
It was a strange feeling as he took off from the ground. It was the exact opposite of the feeling one would expect if you were being lifted into the air. It was a feeling of weightlessness, as though I was in an elevator going down at an unusually fast rate. However, I was not going down, I was being carried up into the air by Rimir.
Is this what anti-gravity magic feels like? It’s kind of disturbing.
I tried to shut the thought out of my mind as we were carried by the wind over to the edge of the camp. Even that felt wrong. It was not like the wind was blowing us and giving us propulsion. It felt more like we had become part of the wind itself.
The magic this man was using felt Elegant. The whole motion seemed effortless. I knew from my own decades of training that an effortless performance usually spoke to an absurd level of absolute mastery, and the effort to get to that level was no small feat.
This must be what wind magic is supposed to look like. Not the bizarre wind-bullet application I’ve acquired from my kata. I am certain my wind bullets are plenty impressive in their own right. As a weapon, they have proven far more powerful than I would have expected. However, they were distinctly lacking in utility.
What am I doing thinking about this?
Once again, I forced my mind back on the subject of Tia. It seemed like every time I allowed myself to get distracted, my thoughts went reeling off into something irrelevant. Yes, I’m mad at her. That doesn’t mean I should let myself get wowed by wind magic when I should be thinking about her, though.
But, what can I do? Thinking logically, if she wants to go then there’s nothing anybody can do to stop her. I am quite likely the only person able to convince her to come back at this point, but my head is honestly not in the right place to make that happen. Even if I could find the right words, she can read my emotions the same way I can read those of everyone else except for her. And, she seems to be especially sensitive to the exact emotions I’m feeling right now.
The only way to convince her to come back would be for me to accept her. Not just with my words. Not just to tolerate her. I would have to fully be at peace with her and what she did. I said what I could before this to let her know I would be Ok with her, even after we sprung this demon’s trap. Clearly, that had not been enough.
I knew exactly what went wrong too. Tia may act like a little kid, but she is not dumb. I said those words out of stubbornness. Not out of love. I said those words to her simply because I did not want the demon to win. Even then, even back when I’d said those words, I still had a thorn of hatred for her just from my suspicions of what Mr. Adderson was going to tell us.
I wouldn’t blame her for wanting to run away under those conditions. And if that’s why she’s run off, then I will not be able to convince her. Right now, I still have not accepted her. Any attempt I make to pull her back will come from a place of me wanting to control her. Not from me wanting to keep my relationship with her. There is no way she wouldn’t sense that.
Rimir landed next to Mr. Adderson and the boys. A moment later, Sagle flitted around and landed on Rimir’s shoulder.
‘Is this where she was before she ran off?’ Sagle demanded.
“Uhh…” Mr. Adderson said and then nodded his head.
In the next moment, Sagle spread his wings and flew down to the ground, and then immediately transformed into a large black bear. He tilted his head in a few different directions before looking off into the distance. In the meantime, mother and Eirlathion caught up, running out from between the tents. I was especially glad to see my mother there. Perhaps she was not as emotionally closed to us as I feared.
‘I have her scent.’ Sagle said, and then the large black bear took off running into the tall grass. Rimir did not even stop to put me down as he followed behind.