Kammi Kettu

I hugged my knees to my chest and cried into them like I used to do as a child. I had barely known Jocelyn, but she’d been so kind to me, and she’d started to believe my story too. It just wasn’t fair! Maybe if I’d said something, stalled her for a moment longer, it would have caused her not to be in that place. Caused her to still be alive.

It was strange. When my grandparents had both died, one after another, I hadn’t cared very much. Sure, every now and then I’d tear up when I remembered their smiling faces as they snuck me out of the house to go toy shopping, or surreptitiously gave us sweets when mum and dad weren’t looking. As soon as this emotion flared up, it would also wither and die in my mind. It had been like a grey waste of nothingness, where brief flashes of light would bring colour before they shriveled and died.

That was before. Right now I was feeling so much emotion it hurt. My chest ached in a bittersweet way that I loved, if only because it existed. I egged the emotion on, fueled it with images of what her death might have been like, all to see that storm of sadness continue to lash my mind. I felt like some sort of fetishist laying tied to a table and crying for the whip again. Regardless of how ashamed I was of my tears, I felt that grey waste being swept away by the rain and wind of my sadness. And although it was indeed a truly negative emotion I was feeling, I couldn’t help but wonder as the rain soaked into and cleansed the emotionless soil of my mind.

I have no idea how long I cried, and at some point I began to sob aloud, huge wracking sobs that shook my tiny body. I didn’t really register it when an arm and a wing wrapped around me, or when I leaned into the warmth of the hold. What did bring me back was when Rainbow hair spoke.

“Yo, that’s some intense crying there fox girl. What brought that on?” she asked awkwardly.

Seemed she did have a heart after all. Angel girl rubbed my back soothingly with a hand until I could speak.

“That woman who they said got hit on the radio, Jocelyn. She was the cop who helped me and brought me in here. The one you saw,” I said, my breath still hitching.

“Ah shit. That sucks,” she said. It didn’t sound too sincere, like she didn’t know why I would cry for a woman I just met.

“She was starting to believe me when I told her I wasn’t even a girl a few hours ago, never mind these stupid fox ears and shit,” I sniffled.

“Wait, what? Really?” asked the Angel girl.

I turned in her embrace and met her inquisitive eyes, “Yeah. I was around six foot tall, twenty three years old and male. Then that flash of light hit and knocked me out, when I woke up… I was like this.”

“Pfft, just like that?” the Rainbow hair girl laughed, “You gotta be joking right? That’s crazy!”

I shrugged, “I have a fox tail and fox ears, you have hair that looks like it was made by Razer, and there's a girl with angel wings giving me a hug.”

“Good… point,” said Rainbow hair thoughtfully.

We didn’t have time to speak on the subject more, because the door opened with a bang and a harried looking police officer bustled into the room like he’d just stumbled out of a blizzard.

Behind him we heard a shout, “Just get them sorted Jefferys! We need them out of our hair! Fucking hop to it!”

“Hello boys and girls, um, I need to process you and get you sent back to your homes, can you please give me your information and I will see what I can do about transport,” the reedy little man told us. How on earth was this guy a cop?

The little bunny eared kid walked over to him and told him the information he needed in a soft voice.

The officer nodded and jotted it all down, “Right and do you think your parents will still take you in?”

“Uh, maybe?” he said uncertainly.

“Good enough,” replied the man.

He quickly left the room with the boy. When the man came back alone the boy must have been handed off to someone else because he went to one of the normal looking people began to help them next. He moved through them pretty fast, taking their details and escorting them out of the room. Angel girl moved back to her seat without a word during this time.

When it was Rainbow girl’s turn, she just took the clipboard from the man and wrote all her details down herself, much to the consternation of the officer. When she finished she was escorted out of the room and didn’t come back. I hoped he would come to me first, so that I would have Angel girl here to back me up, but I was not so lucky. Angel girl was also twenty three, and was studying at the local college. She just needed a police notice or something to say she was safe to re-enter her dorm building.

When it was just me, he came up to me and looked down at me, “Alright girl, what are your details so I can send you home.”

“I’m from New Zealand. My home is like thirteen thousand kilometers away,” I said with a sigh.

“What do you mean? How are you all the way over here. Are your parents in a hotel around here?” he asked in confusion.

“No,” I said and explained my story.

“Alright…” he said slowly and I could see he wasn’t entirely convinced of the validity of my explanation.

“Come on! I have fox ears and a tail! How hard is it to believe more of me didn’t change?” I threw up my hands in frustration.

“I’m sorry ma’am, it’s just been a very unbelievable night all round, I don’t know what’s true anymore,” he said, rubbing his eyes in exhaustion.

“I know, trust me,” I said with an eye roll.

As if he was there purely to fuck me over, the police chief leaned through the doorway and bellowed, “Jefferys! How are you still going at this? Just give her to child protection and get the fuck back out there you useless asshole!”

“But sir she might not be-” Jefferys started.

“I don’t give a fuck! Just move!” the chief roared.

“Okay! Moving!” the harried man said in exasperation.

When the chief was gone, he turned to me and apologised, “Sorry, I’m going to have to do as he said. Just tell them what you told me okay? You’ll be fine.”

I gave an uncertain nod.

He took his phone out and made a call, explaining he had a child who needed to be taken into care. A child. Ugh.

When he hung up he said, “Alright, wait here, and Barbara will be here soon to collect you, okay?”

“Yeah sure. Have a nice night, don’t die,” I said sarcastically.

“Yeah… thanks…” he said with a look at me, then I thought I heard him mutter something under his breath, “Demon.”

Hmm, that was odd. When he had gone, I wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and waited.

And waited.

It was almost one in the morning when the woman known as Barbara arrived. She was one of those people who look like they’ve never seen more than a mouthful of food at once, and it showed in her almost anorexic figure. She had on a frumpy dress that did not flatter her gaunt appearance at all. Her hair was greying and her face was creased in frown lines. Around her neck hung a small silver crucifix. She was downright weird looking.

“Are you the girl?” she asked curtly.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

“Alright, come with me,” she said walking over and pulling me roughly to my feet.

“Ow! That hurt!” I complained.

“Sorry,” she said without any remorse in her tone.

She dragged me through the station and out into the rain, which was thankfully letting up. We approached an old red beaten up looking sedan and she unlocked it after a bit of jimmying.

“Get in the back please.”

I hesitated, something wasn’t right.

“Girl, please get in the back of the car,” she said gruffly.

I started to back away and shook my head, “Are you really child protection?”

She sighed in annoyance and produced a card, shoving it in my face.

“Happy?” she asked.

“Yeah… I guess so,” I said slowly. The card looked legit.

“Alright, now again, please get in the car.”

I did so reluctantly. She shut the door firmly behind me and walked around to get into the driver's seat.

“Now I’m a lot wetter than I needed to be, well done,” she said with a huff.

“Sorry,” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply, starting the car and putting it into reverse. She turned back and gazed out the rear window as she backed out, ignoring me entirely as I stared at her. She looked even creepier in the dark of the night as we pulled out onto the road, the shadows playing across her face as we passed each streetlight. I did not feel like she was going to give a shit about who I was or what had happened to me, but I had to try.

“Hey look, I’m not actually a child. I’m twenty three years old. When that big crazy thing happened outside, it turned me into this fox kid. I just need help getting back to my country,” I pleaded.

She didn’t react.

“I was just going back to my hotel after meeting some guy from Yelmorn Industries to maybe get a job there. I stopped at this place to eat some food, the waitress remembered me. I was mugged and lost all my stuff! Then that thing happened and suddenly I was this fox girl. The waitress back at the bar helped me get warm, she knows my story! My name is… Callum. Please,” I pleaded again, elaborating on my story.

“I’ll process you in the morning girl. I am too tired to deal with you right now,” she growled.

“Oh, okay,” I said sadly.

I stayed silent the rest of the ride. Something I noticed was that we were driving further out into the dilapidated suburbs of Penrith. As we drove, fewer and fewer street lights worked, and the ones that did flickered frequently. I saw many houses that looked abandoned, and more than a few were so overgrown with weeds that you couldn’t see the front door. I was getting more and more apprehensive about this, and I piped up.

“Is this the way to the child protection place? Surely you guys don’t operate out here?” I asked in a scared voice.

“Where else do you think we operate? The rich have too many lawyers to let their children be taken away,” she told me gruffly.

“Oh, I didn’t think of that,” I said quietly.

We drove on.

Finally we pulled into the driveway of an old looking concrete building that looked half prison and half old timey asylum. The place seemed well cared for, and the lights were on. It assuaged some of my fears and I allowed myself to relax a bit.

We pulled into a parking space near the door and she killed the engine, gathered her things and exited, motioning for me to follow. I did so, my blanket still wrapped tightly around me. The place had a large sign saying “Penrith Child Protection Services” staked into the grass out the front, so at least we were indeed at the right place. I followed Barbara up the stairs and through the large steel front doors. Why did the place need steel doors? What kind of neighbourhood was this place?

Inside the front entrance was some sort of guard area, where a rotund looking security guard nodded to Barbara as we walked through. He buzzed the steel barred inner doors open and we walked through. This place was downright creepy, why was it so heavily guarded? Why was it so far out in the middle of nowhere? I felt vulnerable and afraid. I was completely at the mercy of these people. What would happen if they didn’t believe my story? Would I be given away to some random family as an adoptive child?

I followed her silently through the corridors of the building, listening to her boots clicking on the concrete floor. My own feet had been bare for a long while now, my shoes having fallen off at some point I can’t quite remember. Not that I minded it that much, as they would have been massive and uncomfortable anyway. When she finally came to a stop before a door, she turned to look at me.

“You’ll sleep in here tonight. I’ll come and get you in the morning and we will go over what to do with you,” she said with a tone of distaste.

I nodded silently. What had I ever done to piss her off?

She unlocked the door and pushed me none too gently into the room, not even waiting for me to get my bearings before shutting the door behind me. Then I heard the lock click. The bitch had locked me in here!

The room was small, with a bed and a drinking fountain in it. That was it. The floor was an aged and fraying carpet, the threads bare to the world. The room smelled musty, as though it had not been used in a while. The bed was covered in dust, and I had to lift the cover sheet and carefully slide the dust onto the floor. Regardless of how careful I was though, the air still filled with dust and I was caught up in a coughing fit. The mattress of the bed was a thin foam one that had seen better days. I carefully lowered myself onto it and lay down, hearing the metal springs creak in protest.

I felt scared. I was alone and helpless with no options and everything going wrong. The waitress was who knows where. Jocelyn was dead. The kind girl with the angel wings was back in whatever dorm she came from. Anyone who had ever known me was on the other side of the world. I was now a small helpless seemingly teenaged girl with fox ears and a fox tail. What on earth was I going to do? Maybe once they put me in a foster home I could speak to the new parents and convince them to send me home? I did not have high hopes for Barbara. She had shown absolutely no kindness to me.

I lay there in the bed tired as I had ever been in my life, but still my brain carried on. I had some big things to think about, namely the fact that I was a girl now. How did I feel about that? I had always admired women, they curved and softened all the rough edges. Men on the other hand, were all angles and straight lines, uniform haircuts and uniform clothing. It wasn’t that men were bad or anything in my mind, but compared to women, men were less pleasing to the eye overall.

I had a hard time diverging my thoughts on the attractiveness of women and if I actually wanted to be one or not. Well, I actually didn’t have a choice now. Still, the question remained, did i like being a girl? I hated being small and weak. I hated being helpless and at the mercy of others. These were negatives with my current body. Sure, I might be able to build myself up to my previous strength, so I guess that shouldn’t be a consideration?

What did I like so far? I liked not having a penis. I had enjoyed using it when I had it, but it had always gotten in the way, being crushed by things or swelling at inopportune moments. I realised I had thought of it the same way I did about porn. When I was horny and in the process of using it, I loved it, but as soon as it was over, I looked at it in disgust. What a gross appendage. So in the end, we’ll still call it undecided on the life as a girl front. I felt my eyes drooping and I tried not to interrupt my mind as it relaxed and descended into sleep.

My ear twitched and rotated as I heard a scraping sound.

Someone was fumbling a key into the lock of my door. Acting on pure instinct, I rushed out of bed, leaving my blanket in a pile. Hiding behind where the door would open to, I waited. Finally, whoever it was got the key in, and they turned it slowly and quietly. I heard the soft tap of Barbara’s shoes as she approached the bed.

“Time to do the lord’s work and end you, you foul demon. Tonight has been a trial of the faithful, God is testing us do you know?” she whispered harshly.

I chanced a peek out from behind the door, and saw her swaying on her feet. I picked up the smell of alcohol coming off of her, and in her hand she held a strange looking knife. It was a real dagger, not a kitchen knife or anything like that. About a foot long, it was made of blackened steel, only the sharpened edge catching the dimmed light of the hallway.

“All you freaks of the devil turning up in one night, a terrible storm. It is truly a night of trials. But we, the Defenders of Jerusalem and followers of the true Angel of Death, will purge your foul corruption from this good earth,” she said with the tone of someone performing a holy ritual.

I shifted slightly to get a better look at what she was up to. What was this crazy bitch on about? Was she in a cult of some kind? In my need to see her, I did not think about the door. When I shifted, it gave a squeak of protest.

Barbara whirled around, her eyes wide with feverish hate.

“You!” was all she said before she lunged at me with the dagger.

I threw the door wide, slamming it into her and sending her sprawling on the bed. I tried to rush around and past her, going for the door, but she caught my leg as I went past and I fell sprawling on the ground.

“Please! Why are you doing this?” I cried as I desperately turned over to look at her.

“Because you are a foul abomination and an affront to God and his creations,” she screeched, going at me again with the dagger.

I had nowhere to go as she lunged down at me, and I panicked. With a strange lurch, I suddenly found myself standing once again, back in the little room. I swayed as I got my bearings. What the hell had just happened? I heard her cry out as she hit the floor without me there.

“Show yourself demon!” she yelled, whirling to try and find me.

I was backing away from her into the room when she saw and rushed me again. I felt myself move in panic again, my mind reaching out reflexively. I felt my will to not be seen by her coalesce into a band of pure darkness around her eyes.

She screamed and clawed at her face, trying to free her eyes from the blinding band, but her hands went through it as though it didn’t exist.

“What have you done to me you demon?” she cried.

I said nothing and tried to edge past her in the doorway. I didn’t manage it, my large hoodie brushing against her, instead. Lashing out with a drunken lunge, she tried to stick her dagger in me. Acting faster than I ever would have been able to before tonight, I caught her arm and tried my best to push the blade away. She howled in frustration and shoved at me with all her strength. The way we were interlocked in struggle meant that she brought us both down onto the ground, the point of the dagger skittering across the cold concrete of the hallway.

We struggled there on the ground, her trying to bring the knife into position to drive it into me, while I was trying desperately to get her and the knife away from me. I felt another lurch and we had moved again, back into the room but still on the floor in a grapple. This time she had moved with me, apparently being carried along by whatever force I was exerting. I felt tears streaming down my face as I fought for control of the dagger, and by extension my life.

Slowly but surely I felt her begin to tire, her frail body too weak to sustain a wrestling match with a young and healthy girl. I finally forced the blade from her grip, where it clattered to the ground. I reached up and grabbed her head in fear and triumph, and slammed it into the wall. She went limp in my arms. I struggled out from under her in disgust and fear, grabbing the dagger up off the ground as I went.

Still running on adrenaline and fear, I grabbed my blanket and rushed out the door of my cell.