Chapter 1: Girl
Jay
“Hey, Jay, what’s up?”
Jay looked up from his work, scowling at the person who interrupted him. “Work, Steph.”
Stephanie, Jay’s girlfriend, huffed. “Work? Reallyyyyy? God, it’s Friday night babe, you should be having fun!”
Jay frowned. “This is fun.”
Steph rolled her eyes. “You find mindlessly entering numbers into a spreadsheet ‘fun’?”
Jay looked at his screen. Why even was he doing this? It wasn’t like it needed to be done until Tuesday anyway. He didn’t even really enjoy doing it. He didn’t hate it either. It was just… a thing. It passed the time. You know, so he didn’t have to think about other things. You know, those things. “It’s a good distraction,” he muttered.
Steph laughed. “A distraction? From what? Actual fun? Come on, let’s have fun.”
Jay sighed. “Fiiiine.” He said, all drawn out and exaggerated. He actually really did want to do something with Steph.
Steph smiled brightly. “Awesome, babe!”
“I’m assuming you planned something for us to do?”
Steph mock-pouted adorably. “Why do you always think that?”
Jay laughed and rolled his eyes. “Because you always do.”
Jay and Steph had only been together for 5 months at that point. In that time, Steph got evicted from her apartment and went to stay with Jay while she found a new place, then a global pandemic started and their living situation had gotten a bit more permanent. And that was 4 months ago by this point. In the 4 months of staying in the same apartment together nonstop, excluding brief shopping excursions, they had gotten used to each other's habits and preferences. They had discovered that they were similar enough that living together was a simple adjustment. That and Jay really enjoyed being able to give Steph a kiss every day, being able to snuggle on the couch and watch movies together. Jay knew Steph felt the same way.
Their relationship may have been young, but Jay had connected with Steph in a way he had never connected with anyone before. She just got him. She never seemed to complain whenever he wanted to go on about a game he was working on in his spare time, and Jay loved listening to her ramble about stories she wrote. A lot of them seemed to involve lesbians. Jay could understand that - lesbians were great. In fact, if he was a girl, he’d be super excited because then he’d get to be a lesbian. Of course, he couldn’t because he was a boy.
Of course, they had differences. Steph was significantly more outgoing and… well, she was happier (at least Jay thought she seemed happier than him in general). Jay preferred to isolate himself. It’s a wonder the two of them had started hanging out a lot in the first place.
They had met each other in the first semester of that school year - their third year in computer science. They had been grouped up to work on an assignment with two other students who ended up disappearing after doing basically nothing for the assignment, leaving Jay and Steph to finish the rest. They had fortunately gotten an extension because of the missing group members, and got an A on the assignment regardless. Afterwards, they just kept hanging out. They ended up being re-assigned to two different groups for the second assignment, but they still met up every day after class - their schedules were mostly the same, excluding some electives. Shortly after the midterms, they had started dating. It had mostly involved Jay rambling about how pretty he thought she was and her blushing a lot and trying to protest. Eventually, they had managed to agree that yes, Steph was super pretty, and Jay was really into her. Or more like Steph had accepted that as being Jay’s worldview. Just as Jay had to accept Steph somehow found him attractive and actually wanted to date him.
Their first date had been super chaotic. Steph had worn this really pretty black dress, and Jay hadn’t been able to stop admiring how hot she was, but the whole time she kept putting herself down over little things like her shoulders being really big (they looked like perfectly normal shoulders to Jay), or that she was too tall (Jay found girls taller than him extremely attractive), or that she had forgotten to shave her moustache (which was actually some barely visible peach fuzz Jay hadn’t even noticed, even after she pointed it out). Jay had repeatedly re-assured that she looked amazing, and she eventually seemed to accept it. They had gone to see a movie, but had ended up stuck on a bus in traffic, so they missed the movie. They decided to wander the nearby mall until the next showing, which wasn’t until a few hours later. Steph had ended up dragging Jay into a toy store, and they left with some Lego. They decided against the movie, and then returned to Jay’s apartment to build their Lego, before falling asleep on the couch with Star Wars: The Clone Wars playing on Disney+ (they both wanted to rewatch the whole show before the new season came out).
In the morning, Steph had a small panic attack over some meds that she apparently hadn’t had with her, before rushing off back to her apartment. Jay had felt super awkward until they had met up before class the next day.
Jay and Steph went on another date the next weekend. And then Steph kissed Jay. It was a nice kiss. They had agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend. Something still bugged Jay about that, but he ignored that. He had a girlfriend, and she was super duper cool, so he should be happy. And he was happy… mostly.
“You’re damn right,” Steph said. “Thought we could play some more Stardew.”
Steph
Steph was really anxious. She had been meaning to tell her boyfriend, Jay, that she was trans since even before they had started dating. It’s not that she expected him to react badly, but she was nervous anyway. Now, it was five months in, and he still didn’t know.
Sometimes she wasn’t even entirely sure that she had a boyfriend. Jay kept making eggy comments. “Being a lesbian would be cool.” “I wanna dress up all pretty like you do.” And, of course, “Being a girl would be great, but I’m a boy, so oh well.” It was driving Steph insane. Maybe coming out would help him?
Every time Steph tried to bring up trans people, Jay would brush her off with comments like “that’s different” and “ok, but I’m a boy.” If Steph wasn’t fiercely protective of her hair, she’d have started ripping it out in frustration.
As Steph joined their Stardew save, she internally sighed at Jay’s character sprite. Jay had been playing as a girl character for the entire duration of this save. When Steph asked him why, he just said, “well, girls are cooler. God, I wish I was a girl.” Then Steph mentioned trans women and Jay changed the subject.
After a bit of playing - Jay having to play catch up with Steph for friendship with villagers - Steph decided to comment, “you know, I’ve always played as girls in games too.”
“Um, ok?” Jay said. “That’s… I mean, you are a girl.”
Steph nodded. “Yes, I am. I didn’t always know that, though.”
Jay laughed. “How could you not have known that?”
“Not everyone knows. Some people - trans people-”
“Why do you always bring up trans people, Steph?”
“I don’t always bring up-”
“Yes, you do. Every week, you make some comment about trans people. I’m not trans, I’m a guy.”
Steph sighed. “Jay.”
“Yeah?”
“I am trans.”
…
“Oh.”
“Yup.”
“So that’s why you keep bringing it up?”
Steph shook her head. “No, uh…”
“Well, I can’t be trans. I’m not-”
“Why can’t you?”
“I’d know, wouldn’t I? There’d be signs, like-”
“I didn’t know. Not until about a couple years ago.”
“Only a couple years?”
Steph nodded. “Yes. Three years, actually.”
“Wait, so- um, how’d you find out?” Jay looked up from his laptop screen.
Steph met his eyes. “Someone told me I could just be a girl if I wanted. And so can you.”
“But-”
“No buts, Jay. If you really don’t want to be a girl, I’m not going to push you on this, but you have literally said you want to be a girl. Several times. Earlier today you straight up just told me, ‘I want to be a lesbian, Steph.’” Steph smirked. “Do you want to be a lesbian?”
“Well, yes, but-”
“Then you can be a lesbian. You can be my girlfriend, Jay.”
Steph wasn’t letting Jay refute anything she said anymore. She was going to crack this egg, one way or another.
“... really?”
Steph nodded.
“But… I’m a boy. I have a-”
“So do I.”
Jay’s eyes widened. “Oh. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. I’m being dumb. Sorry. I’ll, uh…”
“You are not changing the subject on me, Jay. Can you tell me, with one hundred percent certainty, that you like being a boy?”
“Well, no one really likes being a-”
“Trans guys.”
“That’s a thing?!”
Steph rolled her eyes. “Yes, Jay. That is a thing.”
“But… why would they want to… being a girl is just so cool. I would never give that up if I were a girl.”
“So, just be a girl.”
“I can’t just-”
“Sure you can!” Steph was fully focused on Jay now; Jay was trying to look anywhere but at her. “Tell you what, Jay. Be my girlfriend. One week. You can dress up all pretty, like me, like you want. I’ll call you my girlfriend. My lesbian girlfriend.”
“I-”
“If you aren’t actually, as remote as the possibility seems, trans, then you can go back to being a boy at the end of the week. If you are… well, you stay a girl. You stay my girlfriend.”
“I- I can’t just-”
“Why not?” Steph placed her hand on Jay’s knee. He looked up, looking into her eyes. He looked scared. “It’s just you and me, Jay. No one else is here. I’m not going to judge you.”
Jay swallowed. He seemed to be struggling to find words. “What if I look silly?” he finally said.
Steph rolled her eyes. “I had the same concern. I didn’t, and neither will you.”
“But you’re… you’re really pretty… and stuff.”
“You’re pretty too.”
Jay’s breath caught. “R-really?”
“Actually, you look a lot less masculine than I did when I came out.”
“You? Looking masculine? That’s…”
“Crazy?” Steph asked. Jay shrugged. “Let me show you something.”
Steph took her phone out of her pocket, opening up her gallery and opening a folder labelled ‘transition timeline.’ She opened the first picture, then passed her phone to Jay.
“Here, take a look.”
“There is no way that’s you,” Jay said.
“That’s me,” Steph said.
“But you look so…”
“Scroll through. I took a picture every month since I started estrogen.”
Jay swiped the screen. Then again. And again. He kept swiping through. When he was done, he looked up at Steph, eyes wide. “That’s possible?”
Steph nodded. “Yes, Jay. That is very possible. Estrogen is magic.”
Jay handed the phone back. “So… be your girlfriend for a week?”
Steph nodded. “One week.”
Jay swallowed, looking nervous.
“I’ll do it.”
Steph smiled at her girlfriend. She smiled back, nervously.