Isekai Speedrun

A stroll in the city together with Kimono, just the two of us. I took her to a romantic location at the harbor: a scenic shortcut through the seawall area.

I've played dating sims and neroges, I know where this is going. All we need is surprise fireworks over the bay and we'll experience some steamy handholding action.

...Not really. Nanchatte~

Kimono was only interested in protecting her genius brother. All other men were idiotic insects in comparison.

Don't get your hopes up simply because you're walking around with a young lady that looks like maiko or oiran.

The massive seawall piers were what gave Pier City its name. They were Strangers Era relics that existed for similar reasons as the landwalls at the west coast, but seawalls were almost as tall as the city walls and extended far into the ocean.

Seawall piers were not solid stone either. There were many long, segmented corridors inside them, separated by airlock-type hatches made of black metal, and long stairs made of black metal and white stone were attached to outside walls.

If you were to claim that these piers were actually empty hulls of ancient container spaceships, you wouldn't be called a crackpot Strangers conspiracy theorist immediately.

I didn't even realize where I was taking us until I opened a hatch leading to a dangerous underpier area and stopped myself with a shriek.

“Not there, we'll get a softlock!”

“What now?” (Kimono)

“Ah, no... I was just screaming at myself, old war trauma from the future... But seriously, let's not go down there, it's better to take the safe street route after all. Sorry again, let's return to the street where we came from.”

Kimono let out a long sigh of exasperation and we returned to the normal route.

Focus, focus, focus! You're trying to save lives here!

Was my attention span permanently corrupted by the constant live-commentating of runs, doing meme comedy routines, checking sponsor messages and answering viewer questions at the same time? Is adult-onset attention deficit hyperactivity disorder some kind of balance tradeoff for my cheat knowledge?

...Calm down. You avoided permadeath, pat yourself on the back.

This was one of the places in the game where you could accidentally glitch out of bounds and despawn prereq NPCs. The small glitches in Mu-Ur were usually subtle enough that out-of-bound runs didn't turn into confusing level geometry kaleidoscopes and big glitches were dangerous because it was so easy to kill yourself or get softlocked. This was also the main reason why Mu-Ur speedruns were entertaining to watch on livestreams: it was always a balancing act between solid gaming skills, random encounters and unexpected exploits.

Triggering a gang fight in the underpier area was a huge time waste because you had to kill all enemies to advance, and if you skipped the triggers with the glitch, there was a good chance you couldn't advance at all. When a relatively recent consistent skip was found that bypassed the whole underpier area, it was a huge timesave and one of the reasons my PB and WR were sub-eight.

We had no need for either route, though. We just took the long street route, skipping both the intended battle-heavy route and the fast glitch route.

Speaking of glitches, there was something I had forgotten from the early days of Mu-Ur speedrunning; a little glitch I might be able to use when we get to the Mu Continent side. I should write it down to remember it when we get there.

“Why did you stop? Did you change your mind again?” (Kimono)

“No, I was just thinking about the future. Sorry.”

I'll keep that idea to myself for now. I'll surely remember to write it down later.

Spoiler: I didn't.

---

In the game, Flower Girl was like a sheep in wolf's clothing – she came off like a scammer who tried to forcefully sell you overpriced flowers and kept pestering you until you gave her money (or her handler walked in and started pestering you, and she pickpocketed you in the meantime), but this particular flower vendor was actually a genuinely good person and floriculturist who grew flowers in her grandmother's garden, turned them into elaborate bouquets and wreaths, and tried to sell them at the main pier for reasonable price.

Many players obviously thought she was a regular flower scammer and punched her in the face, but if you bought one of her nicely arranged bouquets, she helped you later in the game by sharing information about the Byrknoth murder mystery and other things.

In the anime, the common fan note about Flower Girl was that she was added to the two-parter to force an emotional response out of viewers; a blatant “kill the kindest one” background tearjerker.

It worked for me when I watched the series. You damn emotional racketeers managed to squeeze a reaction out of my desensitized heart. I cried every time.

Flower Girl was a cheerful character with a simple dream: to see the night flowers bloom at the seawall. In the first part of the arc, she gave a free flower to Rainwoman to cheer her up, and Rainwoman (who was feverish and delirious from pain and drugs at this point) held on to that flower until she got captured by the local gang. The flower was thrown into a fireplace with her other stuff and this was the point where Rainwoman went berserk, hurled herself through the second floor window with the chair she was tied into and fortunately landed on a wagon parked under the window instead of hard pavement. Then she killed several armed gangsters with her bare hands and got Crys out of the gang house.

In the second part of the arc, Flower Girl was seen crying when her bed-ridden grandmother told her she was useless for giving flowers away for free. To make herself feel better, Flower Girl went out at night to see if the night flowers bloomed, despite all warnings about walking alone at night. She was shot by a gang member that was looking for escaped Rainwoman, saw Flower Girl at the seawall and mistook her watering can for a firearm.

At the end of the two-parter, when Crys and Rain left the city with the dynamite, Rain saw the body of Flower Girl floating in the ocean, waves shoving it against to the seawall, while the sad ending theme started playing. A metaphor for lost innocence, or maybe foreshadowing for the final battle they would soon lose? Anyway, it was a touching sequence.

When we reached the main pier – the longest and widest pleasure pier of the city – I immediately saw the bright yellow poncho Flower Girl wore when she sold flowers.

She was standing at the edge of the pier in full view, selling flower bouquets from a small handcart stall. She was only around ten years old at this point. Her grandmother was sitting on a bench behind her, making new bouquets with her wrinkled hands.

There were no customers blocking the stall, so I walked over.

“Hello there! I'd like to buy two bouquets.”

“Yes! You get two for one silver krúrick! Which ones do you want, uncle?” (Flower Girl)

“Hm... I'll let you choose good ones. No, wait... I'll actually have those ones, with yellow flowers.”

“Sure!” (Flower Girl)

What a kind and cheerful character. Her smile made me smile.

“Here you go!” (Flower Girl)

“Thank you. Your street name is Flower Girl, am I right?”

“Yes, people call me Flower Girl! What's your name, uncle?” (Flower Girl)

“I'm Speedrun, but my friends call me Speedy.”

“Spede?” (Flower Girl)

“Speedy.”

“Nice to meet you, Speedy! What's you name, big sister?” (Flower Girl)

“...Kimono.” (Kimono)

“Nice to meet you, Kimono! You have funny names!” (Flower Girl)

“You're being rude to our customers, girl! Say you're sorry!” (grandmother)

“Sorry, I was rude!” (Flower Girl)

“It's fine, it's fine.”

I handed the two flower bouquets over to sour-looking Kimono. She was confused by my gesture.

“What are you trying to pull?” (Kimono)

“Hm? You like these yellow flowers because they grew next to your old house, right? Tickseed or what were they called?”

“Our house...?” (Kimono)

“Ah, sorry! I can't help it, I just know all these things about you and your brother...”

“...” (Kimono)

“I don't really fit into this world, so I'm surely saying and doing some super awkward things... Think of these as an apology about everything, okay?”

“Uncle, big sister, are you fighting?” (Flower Girl)

“No, we're not fighting, don't worry.”

“Please get along with uncle Speedy, big sister Kimono.” (Flower Girl)

Kimono didn't answer, but the flower bouquets in her hands suddenly disappeared under her fake kimono. Flower Girl was flabbergasted by the trick and stretched herself to look over the stall, thinking she had dropped them.

“Where did they go?!” (Flower Girl)

“Big sister is actually a magician, you know. She can make things disappear, and even people. Especially bad people.”

“Wow!” (Flower Girl)

Flower Girl's grandmother looked at us with suspicion, but didn't say anything.

I took out a lantern and a walking stick I had bought while on the way to the main pier.

“Flower Girl, here's something I'd like to give to you.”

“Give to me?” (Flower girl)

“Yes, because you were very helpful. If you go out at night, you should always remember to check that there's oil in the lantern. You don't want people to think you are sneaking up on them in the darkness, right?”

“Eh? Really? You're giving this lantern for me?!” (Flower Girl)

“Yes, it's yours. Also, here's something for your grandmother as well. Make sure she doesn't fall down on the cobblestone streets.”

I presented the walking stick to the suspicious grandmother. I can only hope she doesn't break her legs as easily, but there's no surefire way to prevent random accidents from happening.

“Thank you, old uncle!” (Flower Girl)

“Old uncle? I'm still a young man, you know.”

“Listen, young man! I don't know how things are done where you came from, but my granddaughter is not for sale!” (grandmother)

“No, no, I'm not trying anything like that! I'm just a friendly flower boy.”

“...You are acting quite suspiciously.” (Kimono)

“What's so suspicious about suddenly giving gifts to strangers?”

“Old uncle is not suspicious, big sister, he is a kind person!” (Flower Girl)

“See? Flower Girl knows I'm a kind person.”

Really, I'm not trying to raise harem flags or anything. Why did I call myself flower boy just now?

“Do not trust people so easily, girl.” (Kimono)

“That's right, girl, listen to the lady with scary eyes.” (grandmother)

“...Scary eyes?” (Kimono)

“She's right, you have scary eyes.”

“...” (Kimono)

“Fine then, let's just go. Sorry, ladies, we have to go now. And sorry about the sudden gifts. Just keep them and always remember to check the oil when you go out at dark, okay?”

“Okay! Bye, old uncle Speedy and bis sister Kimono!” (Flower Girl)

That's one worry off my chest. She'll have a higher probability of surviving just with that.

“Kimono, same route back and then to Tavel & Topeir along the promenade. I want to finally take a bath.”

---

The inn Tavel & Topeir resembled a small Mediterranean seaside resort from the Grand Tour era of tourism in Europe; a four-story whitestone house with an upper class continental atmosphere. This was the place where Crys and Rain lodged under false names Arimo and Mimir in the anime, pretending they were a married couple.

Kimono left the two flower bouquets to the innkeepers wife at the reception desk. The wife was delighted and promised us extra bread with our breakfast in the morning.

That's how we roll. Spreading light and happiness everywhere we go.

Some merchants staying in the inn looked at us like we were trash. Maybe they didn't like tourists? Well, it wasn't a tourist season yet.

In the anime, Crys and Rain came here during the main pier festival when the city was full of visitors from all over the coast, High Hats spending money on lavish parades and parties like Cannes film festival producers and stars.

Speaking of light and happiness, it had always baffled me how rich people spent their time in the real world. Being rich was a superpower, yet most of them didn't use their pay-to-win superpower to help people. Rather, it seemed that most rich people in the real world were either modest villains trying to make the world a bit worse by turning quality products into low-quality knockoffs or exchanging money into political power to exploit poor people, or just depressed mooks trying to find temporary satisfaction or escape from board meetings through golfing or compulsive hoarding of status symbols.

Maliciousness and incompetence tend to go hand in hand, as the saying goes. It's probably all that inbreeding between old royal families that created the stupidity, and all that old colonial exploitation money was inherited by the rich families of modern times. The inbred nobles did not stay rich because of competence, they stayed rich despite their incompetence.

Ah, my repugnance for the rich nobles of Mu-Ur was sidetracking by my repugnance for the real world nobles.

People like Flower Girl and the young carpenter couple near the canal should live, and all the crime lords and corrupted High Hats should die.

But in the source material it was the opposite: most of the genuinely good side characters were killed by the showrunner to emphasize the grimdarkness of the setting or something. I'd like to save all of those characters now that there's an opportunity, but at the same time, I don't want to spend too much time or take big risks in saving side characters when I know that the main characters Rainwoman and Mirim are imprisoned and tortured right now at the other side of the world.

Saving the main characters as soon as possible is the first priority, and immediately after that comes the second priority of killing Caliph Tze. This alone should save all the innocent villagers and citizens that were massacred by Caliph's squads in the future.

I don't have the luxury of solving any long side quests, I have to save the world first. But when Caliph Tze is dead, I'm activating my full humanitarian mode.

Speed and efficiency are still the keywords. The best I can do right now is to map the fastest and most efficient philanthropy route, and run it like a time-compression montage.

My mind was permeated by such thoughts when I tried to fall asleep.

I wasn't accustomed to sleeping with other people in the same room, maybe that was one of the reasons I had a hard time falling to sleep.

Our party stayed in a small room for four on third floor. Dancer and I slept on beds pushed next to the windows, Crys and Kimono slept at beds near the door.

In the anime, when Crys and Rain were here, there were noble women moonbathing on the beach, guarded by rows of trusted knights. The noble ladies believed in the old folk tale that full moon made your skin glow.

But since this wasn't the time of full moon festival, I saw only drunkards and prostitutes walking along the promenade. The prostitutes looked either malnourished or overnourished, all of them wearing colorful clothes and taking different poses under street lanterns.

Dancer shifted the curtains and glanced outside while sipping night wine from a goblet. Some of the prostitutes were clearly waiting for the curtains to move, as they immediately started taking more extreme poses.

“I like the mature ones.” (Dancer)

“Well, it's a preference.”

“We have a lot of money, right? Want to go?” (Dancer)

“Nah.”

“They look like they need your help. You like helping women in peril, Speedrun?” (Dancer)

“I can't help everyone.”

“We will take a ship over to Mu next, right? It's lonely journey at sea, Speedrun. I think we should grab an opportunity for good old skin against skin when there's a chance.” (Dancer)

I ignored further propositions from Dancer and turned my pillow over to the cooler side.

Dancer didn't talk too much on the way here, but his real talkative personality from the anime was gradually surfacing. It was good that Dancer was more relaxed and fully integrating into the party, but I didn't care much for his crass sports jock dialogue.

Well, he was young and new to the wide world of opportunities. He grows up eventually.

Crys was already sleeping. Kimono sat on the bed next to Crys and looked at Dancer with disdain. Yay! I might not have the lowest status on Kimono's friends list anymore. Our date went relatively well, I feel we got a bit closer.

“Brother, I'm going.” (Kimono)

Kimono whispered goodbyes to her sleeping brother and left the room.

She still had a night shift at the Snowflake Fortress. It should be an easy solo mission with my instructions, but I can't help but get worried. If Kimono suddenly dies for some random reason, it might kill this run.

I tried to give Kimono my light card and show her how to use it, but she said she didn't need it. I guess she's used to lurking in the darkness.

Now, ignoring the brocon sister, Crys seemingly had no interest in women. Fans speculated that Crys was either asexual or couldn't keep it up except by murdering noble ladies. The latter defamatory claim was based on one specific anime scene: when Crys was in this inn, he went out at night to meet a lonely noble lady on the beach, and after kissing her, immediately strangled her.

It was left ambiguous if the scene happened in reality or if it was just a dream, and I had no interest in prying deeper into Crys' private life. Maybe it happened, maybe it didn't. And if it happened, it probably happened because Crys was going slowly insane at that point.

Speaking frankly, I was interested in women, but I didn't want to catch any diseases. With the low level of hygiene and healthcare in this world, I'd prefer to only have a physical relationship with a certified, immaculate lady-in-waiting from Caliph Tze's harem or something. It's not like Tze will need his harem when he's dead, right? I was fairly certain that following any of the prostitutes at the promenade to a dark alley would not lead to satisfaction, but rather to a quick death in hands of their pimp, or to a slow torture of venereal disease.

Anyway, better to sleep now, it's going to be a busy day tomorrow.

We have a classic RPG operation coming up: walk into people's houses and take stuff.