Isekai Speedrun

Crystal Pencil and Dragon Kimono sat on a couch on the second floor mezzanine, drinking wine from tall glasses and talking with a red-haired merchant I didn't recognize.

Although the siblings looked younger and healthier than in the anime, they were already wearing their signature clothes: Crystal Pencil had a bright blue faux-renaissance suit that made him look like a prince in a stage performance and Dragon Kimono was dressed in an elegant red-white kimono that made her look like a cosplayer with a hime cut wig.

I waited until the red-haired merchant left the siblings alone. As soon as that happened, I briskly walked upstairs.

My heart was beating like crazy. I was getting emotional. The main characters of the series were real, living persons.

In the first season anime opening, there was a short sequence where all the main characters walked through a corridor in slow motion, drawing and loading their weapons, looking all cool in their full battle gear. The heroic music and animation in that part was so good it always gave me goosebumps, especially when you thought about the non-heroic acts that immediately followed in the series. Dramatic contrast at its best.

I had to wipe my eyes and forehead before I went ahead to introduce myself. I felt like some rando suddenly talking to a Yakuza boss, or like seeing the lead singer and lead guitarist of your all-time favorite band staying in the same hotel and eating in the same restaurant.

When they saw me approaching them, Kimono whispered something to her brothers ear. Please don't bad-mouth me based on my appearance, okay?

“G-greetings. My name is Speedrun and I'm a big fan – I mean – “

What the hell am I stuttering?

“You are what?” (Dragon Kimono)

“Whew, it's hot in here! May I sit down and have word with you?”

“What do you want?” (Crystal Pencil)

I saw some curious onlookers turning their heads towards us on the opposite interior balcony.

“Well, first of all, about weapons, of course... uh, could we maybe move to a more quiet location?”

“No need. You are not a merchant, so what do you want and how many?” (Crystal Pencil)

Ugh, I should have planned beforehand what I'm going to say. Force Dialogue or muscle memory doesn't cut it, Crys doesn't care about gang status ranks in the first place.

How am I going to explain everything? Crystal Pencil probably judged me on first glance to be someone with no real power or status. I have to do some serious infodumping to get him up to speed.

“May I ask you to listen my story first? I assure it will be propitious.”

“We hold no interest in sob stories.” (Dragon Kimono)

“No, I'm not asking anything like that, I want to make a business deal. You see... you get your weapons mainly by buying them from, ahem, certain eccentric gangs, who in turn get them by stealing them from soldiers stationed in that place, right?”

Crystal Pencil furrowed his brows and Dragon Kimono took a more aggressive posture. Got their full attention at least. Very few people knew that the deviants living in the southern No-Lands were the main source of looted firearms for Crystal Pencil's business.

“You are well informed.” (Crystal Pencil)

“Oh yes. You'll be surprised how well.”

“The dead don't need to buy guns.” (Dragon Kimono)

Oh crap, I'm getting veiled threats from Kimono already. Please don't stab me in public, okay? People are watching.

“I agree on that point, absolutely. It is better for the living to use them. Allow me to make it clear that I do not support neither of those war-mongering dictators and see no harm taking what is theirs. In fact, I'd like to see both of them lose their heads in this war.”

“Their loss is our gain. Enough gossip, what is it you wish to buy?” (Crystal Pencil)

“Yes, that is the main issue, isn't it... you see, instead of buying, I'd like to sell you something after all. Weapons and assorted things, that is.”

“Oh, so you are a merchant then?” (Crystal pencil)

“Aa, before I continue, could we move to a private room? I have very, very useful information to share and I offer a good deal for both of us. Please humor me on this.”

Oh no, Crystal Pencil looked away. He didn't seem like he was listening anymore. Hm? No, instead of looking at me, he was looking at my shoes. Yes, Crys, these are sneakers out of this world! Go on, ask me about them. I bet you've never seen this kind of criss-cross lacing on shoes before. No, wait, criss-cross shoelaces are actually an old invention, aren't they? Roman soldiers had criss-cross sandals, didn't they? He must be more interested about the bright colors or the synthetic materials.

“I can tell you interesting facts about my shoes and other things, if you like.”

“Upstairs.” (Crystal Pencil)

Without saying a word more, Crystal Pencil got up, brushed past me and walked up the staircase leading to the third floor like he owned the place. Dragon Kimono gave a hand signal to a nearby manservant, then moved behind me with a menacing look and prompted me to follow his brother.

Well, cold call first contact done.

In a third floor private parlor, there was a square table with four chairs. I was pushed to sit down on one side, and Dragon Kimono sat next to Crystal Pencil on the opposite side. When the door was closed by the manservant, the noisy chatter of merchants in the hallway turned down and there were only three of us in a quiet room.

“Continue.” (Crys)

“About my shoes?”

“Are your shoes what you wish to sell to us?” (Crys)

“No, no... first, to make things clear from the start, I carry reliable information about several secret stashes of weapons and weapon-like items in my head.”

“I see. You hope to sell this information to us, a pair of young and naive merchants, who have no way of checking the validity of this information.” (Crys)

“No, that is not the case at all, I'm not trying to swindle you. How should I tell this...? In truth, I wish to form a long-term contract with you, work with you two as business partners in order to obtain all these hidden weapons and items. I want to form a party and travel together as friends and allies.”

Kimono gave a derisive laugh, like I had just told a stupidly embarassing joke. Crys simply raised his eyebrows a bit; he always maintained his cold poker face like Charles Bronson in Once Upon a Time in the West.

“Really now? Why?” (Crys)

“Because I recognize talent. I know you two will be big stars in the future.”

And because you have some major plot armor as main characters, I hope.

In the game, Crystal Pencil was the default main character. His stats were the most balanced overall and he could use almost all weapons and items, but his special skills were subtle, information-related ones: for example, with Gunfire Recognition he could recognize all guns just from the sound of the gunshot and tell the approximate distance and direction (shown on the HUD), and he had improved version Force Dialogue called Forced Negotiation (extortion, basically) which he could use to buy items cheaper than normal, collect classified info faster, and successfully de-aggro NPCs that were by default categorized as Unfriendly, Enemy, or even Hostile Enemy.

For a speedrunner, however, Crystal Pencil was not the optimal character choice, because he was designed to clear the game in the most traditional way with pick-up-and-delivery quests and such. Rather than his slightly-above-average direct battle skills, his strongest stat points were in indirect and asymmetric warfare, sabotage, tactical planning, connections and charisma. He was the main intellect and spymaster behind the Revolution Movement.

Dragon Kimono, on the other hand, was a pure assassin-type character. Her special Kunoichi skill, colloquially known as Hanai-Fu, was related to her highly flexible, and acrobatic body and her fast burst attacks. The deep red kimono with a white dragon motif she wore seemed like it was sewn from heavy fabric and restricted her movement, but it was a deliberate illusion she maintained with her elegant acting: the garment was actually made of multiple light strips of fabric and when she moved, the kimono opened for a moment like a blooming flower. She could get close to enemies posing as a high-class prostitute and slit their throats quickly with poisoned daggers, claw knives and darts she kept hidden under her kimono.

Dragon Kimono was her brothers bodyguard, and also the main source of gratuitous fan service during the first seasons of the anime.

“You seem like an educated man. You must understand that at face value your offer sounds laughable.” (Crys)

“I understand that, but–”

“You say you recognize talent and make us an offer about a large cache of weapons out of nowhere simply for that reason. And it seems to me you are serious about this. However, it also seems to me you are hiding something or leaving something important out.” (Crys)

He sure is the same as in the anime. I feel both relieved and threatened. He's good at reading peoples true thoughts through their actions and expressions.

“Yes, it is true that I'm withholding some information. I'm afraid I cannot tell you exactly who I am and how I have obtained all the info I hold, for several reasons, including protecting both of you from harm. But I assure you that my offer is genuine. I'm prepared to prove it to you with other forms of information first, but I'd like make a contract before that.”

“What makes you think forming a contract helps you?” (Crys)

“I happen to know that you take pride in the fact that you never break a written contract.”

“Really now?” (Crystal Pencil)

“Yes. That is one of the reasons I came to you. That is also one of the reasons you will continue to gain support in the future, Mikado Keris-Raye from Crater City.”

Crystal Pencil had a momentary look of surprise on his face when I casually mentioned his birth name and the name of his old noble family that was erased from history by Suleiman himself. The only survivors from that sengoku-esque purge were Mikado Keris-Raye and Nadine Keris-Raye, these obstinate siblings that also used names Glass Knife and Crimson Lady in the past, and now used the street names Crystal Pencil and Dragon Kimono.

By the way, the name Crystal Pencil had no relation to a certain real world miniature painting award, as some anime viewers in the past suspected. A pure coincidence, said the showrunner.

“What method did you use to obtain that name?” (Crys)

“Sign a contract with me and I'll gladly tell.”

Suddenly Dragon Kimono's figure turned into a blur and I felt a cold metal blade pressing on my throat. A curved knife had appeared into her hand, seemingly out of nowhere, like a close-up magic trick. I merely blinked and she was already standing behind my back.

“I could cut your ears and nose right here.” (Kimono)

“Yes! You can do it!”

“What?” (Kimono)

“You have the skill!”

“...Brother, this man is insane.” (Kimono)

I was so elated about the fact that she could use her assassination skill that I didn't even think about the gruesome mutilation I might be subjected to. If all main characters and major side characters could use their skills, it would make the campaign so much smoother.

“Stand down.” (Crys)

Kimono returned to her seat. She turned back into an elegant young lady moving with soft grace, like a hostess performing a tea ceremony.

“It seems you knew and expected this as well.” (Crys)

“Ah, yes, I– I think you both have admirable set of secret skills and I feel honored to see them in person.”

“Admirable secret skills, you say...” (Crys)

“He is too suspicious, brother. We should decline his offer and get rid of him.” (Kimono)

“Don't interrupt, I'm thinking.” (Crys)

Oh, I know that expression. In the anime, there were several scenes where Crystal Pencil had an intense look on his eyes when he was creating a genius plan in his mind, and then there was a sudden smash cut to another scene where his genius plan was already in motion.

Of course, there was no smash cut this time. The wheels of deductive reasoning kept turning for a while, and then Crystal Pencil spoke again.

“You do not work for Suleiman or Caliph, even though your educated speech has the stench of Suleiman's court. For sure, you are a person with a disposition and allegiance I've never encountered before. What is your true identity and what is your true source of your information? Do not repeat you want a contract first. I need actual evidence in one form or another before I can commit myself to contract.” (Crys)

“That's fine, but I'm not sure how much should I tell you, as you surely understand...”

“I see. You do not wish the information to spread. Kimono, go outside.” (Crys)

Dragon Kimono stood up obediently, but I raised my hand to stop her.

“No, no, I didn't mean it like that! There's no need to leave, I trust you both to keep this secret.”

“Tell us then.” (Crys)

What should I really say? I watched your story in an anime series? I played a neurogame, then glitched into a world similar to that silly work of fiction during speedrun? They don't understand things like that without long explanations. They don't know about computers, or video games, or neuroware, or even animation. Way too much meta.

I need to go with something simpler, something more believable –

“The truth is... I'm a time traveler, from the future.”

 How is that more believable, you fool?!