Is This a Novel or Something?…Everyone and Their Dog is Regressing, It’s Fking Ridiculous

Chapter 26



RUMBLE The elves’ rage surged in an instant.

Of course, the debate descended into chaos.

“NO! This isn’t the elves’ opinion!!!”
“The World Tree is our mother!! It’s not just a big tree!!!”
“Lucian!! Bring Lucian alive!”
“Spill the blood of those who insult the World Tree!!”
“There is definitely a World Tree! It’s not like Oulbleu!!”
“Everyone! Please be quiet!!! Calm down!!!”

The moderator tried to calm the elves, but it was futile. No small individual could withstand such a wave of fury.

Before long, Lucian had already fled.

Under the leadership of some extreme elves, a temporary pursuit team was formed to catch Lucian.

The entrance was broken, walls cracked, and the ground shook.

The temporary pursuit team burst through the shattered entrance, and we quietly followed behind.

“Hyeji, I told you to see the bigger picture. This is the big picture.”
“Shinwoo, the picture is so big that I didn’t realize the canvas ripped.”
“Shinwoo-chan is such a crazy human, hahaha.”

Next, another elf from group 2 was about to take the floor.

Of course, I had no intention of waiting for that. After all, I had already achieved the goal I wanted.

*

Today was a break day.

Hyeji, Kyoukyou, and I wandered around the academy, having fun.

I could see Lucian running away from the elves in the distance, which was a joy to watch.

By the time I started feeling a bit tired, we parted ways and returned to the dormitory.

Just as I was about to lie down in the dormitory.

[You did something fun to the elves, huh?]

‘What? It’s real? I thought it was just a fantasy in my heart.’

A woman’s voice echoed in my head.

Honestly, I never thought it was real. I just assumed it was something my consciousness fabricated in a crisis.

[I really exist!]
‘But how did you know about the nonsense I did to the elves?’
[I was watching through your eyes.]

The idea of someone voyeuristically peeping through my eyes felt a bit wrong.
So that means they witnessed all my nonsense.

[Do it moderately. Bones are rotting.]

‘F*ck.’

Then I wondered what to call the other party.

“But how should I address you?”
[Call me sister.]
‘Seriously, did you die or something?’
No matter how I thought about it, “sister” just doesn’t fit.
Her way of speaking already hinted at being from a different era.

[Shut up! How much of an age gap could there be!]
‘But seriously, your speech pattern doesn’t really fit the whole “sister” thing, does it?’
[Is the speech pattern a problem? Then should I speak like a girl as you say?]
‘No, it’s not that simple…’

It seemed impossible to get through to her. My head started spinning.

But the next words made me even dizzier.

[Completely lame♡. Idiot♡. Trash with no ability♡.]
‘Why do you have to use those phrases?!’
[Isn’t it the latest trend?♡. So lame♡. Go die♡.]

‘Please shut up.’

Thinking I might not sleep, I decided to read a book at my desk.

Of course, the strange voices kept echoing in my head.

[No friends, huh? Idiot♡. A loser who only stays in the dorm after exams♡.]

‘If you really don’t want to suffer, please be quiet.’

[Nope♡. I won’t listen to lame talk♡.]

I was getting mad.

I growled to warn the voice echoing in my head.

‘Isn’t there a way to turn off this voice? I can’t even block my ears because it comes through surround sound.’

[That’s impossible, impossible♡. Just listen to this beautiful girl’s voice♡ with gratitude♡.]
‘I warned you. Seriously, just be quiet already.’

Just as I felt the last thread of my patience about to snap.

But the other side didn’t stop.

[Not scared at all♡. What a loser♡. Just the same old story♡.]

‘You’re dead, you know that?’

I clicked on my phone and accessed the Mystic Sorcerer’s gallery.

I searched for the author “Han Daeri” and clicked on one of the posts.

– Title: If you see the picture girl, should I hit “Kudos” before Juji explodes?
– Author: Han Daeri

IMAGE

I already burst out laughing, hahaha.

As my vision began to cloud, both the voice in my head and I screamed at the same time.

But I couldn’t close my eyes.

I had to deal damage to the voice in my head.

So with all my strength, I fixed my gaze on the screen.

“AAAAAAAH!!!!!”
[KYAAH!!!!]
“F*CK MY LOOOOVE!!!!!”
[WHY IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?! WHY IS THIS EVEN HAPPENING?!]
“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!!!!!”
[HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME HELP ME!!!!]

I hastily escaped the Mystic Sorcerer’s gallery.
Simultaneously, the voice in my head quieted down.

“I told you to be quiet, f*ck!”
I lamented towards the now-silent voice.

If it wasn’t for Kang-hyuk old man, I would have fainted the moment I opened my eyes without resistance.

But I don’t miss him, you f*cker.

Just as I gained my injury-covered peace, suddenly I received a message from an unknown number.

– Mom, are you busy right now?
– My phone screen’s broken, so I’m texting from the PC. Please reply if you see this~

Seeing it, I texted back.

– Please don’t play pranks like this with this number.
– I thought my dead daughter returned, and my heart was battered as I went to her room.
– My heart still tears apart when I think of my daughter.

Ten minutes later, while reading a book, I received another message from an unknown number.

– You little sht, where are you lying? You little fcker, do you want to die?

I saw the message and replied.

– Idiot. Did you hurry over to check it for ten minutes straight?

IMAGE

IMAGE OF A TANK

IMAGE

And then, I blocked that number.

I thought I heard a scream from somewhere nearby.

You f*cker, don’t disturb someone else’s rest.

*

During my sparring with Lucian, my last words were “I tore it.”

Just because of that one word, I received a notification that I had to face disciplinary action for violating election laws.

So now.

I was being summoned and moving while everyone was enjoying their golden weekend.

The destination was the Access Control Department of the academy.

But I wasn’t going alone.

“Why is it a violation of election laws, damn it.”
“Shinwoo, but I’m accompanying you. Be grateful.”
“…But Hyeji, why did you insist on coming?”
“I’m curious about what they’ll make you do. I won’t help with anything weird.”

I figured it was better to be with more people than alone in my situation, so I went along with it.

But…

“Jeong Ahyeon, why did you drag her along?”
“I didn’t bring her.”
“This one follows to learn.”

A person I thought wasn’t even necessary tagged along.

Jeong Ahyeon, in her usual black martial arts uniform and navy ponytail.
Seeing her follow Hyeji felt like a baby bird trailing behind its mother.
I heard she’s been following Hyeji ever since getting wrecked during midterms.

Anyway, I thought I might as well just make use of her and brought her along.

Finally, we arrived at the Access Control Department.

What greeted us was…

“Is this the morgue, not the Access Control Department?”

The staff with dark circles around their eyes who looked indistinguishable from corpses.
They were endlessly replaying CCTV footage.

Then, a woman who noticed our approach spoke up.
“Ah, welcome. This is the Access Control Department. Are you perhaps Shinwoo?”
“Yes, I came for disciplinary action.”
“I’ll get straight to the point. You need to find unidentified intruders in the academy.”

“Unidentified intruders all of a sudden?”
“Uh… yes, that’s right.”

The staff explained as such.
Due to the higher-ups’ orders, elves were on a free pass.
In the process, multiple unidentified intruders had appeared.
They were currently searching for the intruders because of it.

“But only elves have free passes. Everyone else has to fill out applications as usual.”
“Some just came in disguised with colored paper stuck to their ears to look like elves.”
“But still, you’d think you can tell just by their looks.”
“Nowadays, if you point out someone’s looks carelessly, it might lead to accusations of racial discrimination, you could face consequences. You can’t just mess with performance reviews.”

“Isn’t the current mess due to that?”
“…Well, the higher-ups say it’s because of their own decisions, so if we just deal with it this weekend, they won’t pursue it further.”

It’s truly a bummer of an academy.
In the end, the fools above are the ones shitting, while those below clean it up.

I couldn’t help but feel bad for the ones stuck here, endlessly watching CCTV all weekend.

Meanwhile, the woman who was talking to us brought out some photos to show us.

“First of all, this is the appearance of the unidentified intruders we found.”

There were images of the intruders.
The moment I saw them, I felt an intense sense of familiarity.
Looking at the others, they seemingly felt the same.

Without any prior agreement, we opened our mouths simultaneously.

“That’s a Chinese person.”
“He’s Chinese.”
“It’s a Chinese person.”
“Yes, that’s right. It’s a Chinese person.”

You might wonder how we knew, but it’s simple.
Korean, Chinese, and Japanese people can often recognize each other instantly.
Like how white people can usually tell each other’s origins at a glance.

Typically, the academy in Korea has a pretty active exchange with other countries.
There are often students visiting from exchange programs, starting with student tours like Kyoukyou’s this time.

However, China is an exception.
The reason is straightforward.
“The first student caused a massive ruckus as soon as he arrived.”

The first exchange student from China created all kinds of troubles.
Conversely, students who went to China were severely bullied by the Chinese students.
Since then, there has been no exchange with China at all.

Still, we couldn’t definitively confirm someone was Chinese.
There was a remaining possibility.

“I think they might have employed a few people for that purpose from China.”
“But is it really a Chinese person? Optical ability users could disguise themselves, you know.”
“When we checked the locations of registered optical ability users in each country, there were none that corresponded to those who came to the academy.”

The last possibility was wiped away.
It’s definitely a Chinese person.

At that moment, Hyeji spoke to me.

“But Shinwoo, how do you plan to catch them if they’re in disguise? Should I throw a bomb?”
“…You’re just wanting to throw something, aren’t you?”
“Let me shoot a bird missile just once.”

Hyeji’s hands were trembling.
She looked like an addict going through withdrawal.

Next, I asked Jeong Ahyeon for her thoughts.
If she’s a martial artist raised in the heartland of martial arts, perhaps she’d have some insights.

“Jeong Ahyeon, do you have any thoughts?”
“If they’re sent from China, they must be hidden masters. Even if we find them, they’ll likely escape quickly.”
“They’re not a hidden master, so we’ll be able to handle it.”
“…Please don’t tear down my heart any further.”

Jeong Ahyeon looked gloomy, but I didn’t care.
Leaving Jeong Ahyeon behind, I recalled the voice phishing I received the day before.

I sensed the sudden influx of voice phishing from some Chinese people who could speak Korean.
It seems they were infiltrating while running such scams as a side job.

Truly, f*ckers.

The woman from the Access Control Department sighed and continued.

“I’m not sure what their exact intentions are, but it doesn’t seem good to just leave them be.”
“If they were directly sent from China, there’s a high chance the public security is nearby.”
“Yes, if we catch the intruders to punish them, they’ll just whisk them away, and there will be no punishment.”
“Well, that’s good then.”
“Excuse me?”

“I’ll take care of it and be back.”

There’s a phrase called ‘use the enemy’s tactics against them.’
Just as the bandits deal with bandits, we can catch Chinese people with Chinese people.

It’s time to bring justice to the voice phishing bastards.



Tip: You can use left, right, A and D keyboard keys to browse between chapters.