INSCRIPTED REALITIES

Would things have been any different for us if I'd known the truth? Or would my younger self, driven by misguided vengeance, have gone through with it anyway? Would he have ignored your suffering, just to ease his own?

But I know it's useless to wonder...

Haha, if you knew I've been thinking about this, you'd probably curse me out. Or would you have laughed? Or maybe, just maybe, you'd also stop to wonder, what if...?

I'll never know. Even if I wanted to ask you, I can't. And it's all my fault. Because I started writing, and I enjoyed it. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I know you'll never forgive me, that you can't forgive me. Good, you shouldn't, because I won't either.

Now, this is all I can do to make it up to you.

11 Years Ago

Darkness swallowed the night sky, stars hidden behind dark clouds swirling ominously. Silence filled the highway, save for an engine whirring as a 2004 black Chevrolet Impala drove by. Its headlights were the only thing illuminating the wide roads. That is, until bright streaks of lightning slashed through the sky, followed by deafening thunder, startling a child sleeping in the back seat.

Just as his head began to droop again, a rhythmic clop, clop echoed as the rain started to tap against the car’s roof. It steadily grew into a heavy downpour that drummed on the vehicle.

'The forecast didn' say nothin' bout any rain today, much less a damn storm,' grumbled the man sitting in the driver's seat.

'Language, please...dear', gently reprimanded an Asian woman, 'Our Jun is sitting in the back,' she reminded.

The woman turned to smile at the little boy sitting in the back, accentuating the creases at the corner of her deep brown eyes. Her skin shone in the night as she tucked a strand of her long black hair. The sleeve of her navy blue dress slipped to her elbows, contrasting sharply with her pale skin.

Jun noticed the woman was looking at him with his eyes half-closed, 'Moooom! Are we there yet!’ he whined, dragging out the words.

The woman's smile deepened, her eyes arching as she said softly, 'No, love. Not quite yet. Why don't you go back to sleep and by the time you wake up we'll have arrived.'

Jun sighed, rubbing his blue eyes. 'But mom! You said that before too and I'm awake but we're still not there!'

'Now son,' his father's deep voice cut in, 'don't talk back to your mother. Just do as she says. You're already 8! You're a big boy now, aren't ya?'

Jun pouted, crossing his arms, 'Yes...' he whispered.

The woman crossed her arms, leaning back slightly, as she watched exchange between father and son. A soft chuckle escaped her lips.

Jun narrowed his eyes at the sound of laughter, thinking he was being made fun of. While the man turned his head to look at her, trying to maintain a serious expression as his lips twitched, the corners of his mouth curled upward.

Seeing this, Jun's face scrunched up, cheeks flushing as his eyes filled with tears. He turned away to look out the window with a huff, kicking the seats in front of him.

Noticing his actions from the corner of her eye, the woman flicked her eyes toward Jun, slightly tilting her head.

The man nodded, taking one hand off the steering wheel, and turned to face Jun. He rested an elbow on his seat while keeping the other hand on the steering wheel.

The woman's eyes widened as she saw this, 'Jake, dear, keep your eyes on the road, please', she cautioned, her voice tinged with worry as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

'Relax, Heewon, ' Jake smiled, turning his head to look at her. 'There aren't any other cars on the road.'

Jun felt the air had grown thick and suffocating. It also seemed like their hair was standing, but he didn't think too hard about it.

Jake took a deep breath, pulling at his shirt before he turned back to the boy, 'Listen, son. Ya know we love ya, but ya gotta listen to us. One day, you'll be a man, and you won't have me or ya ma to look over ya or tell ya what to do. We only want what’s good for ya. So-'

'BOOM!'

His words were cut off as a blinding light flashed before them, striking down on the road. Heewon screamed. Jake whipped his head around, slamming his foot on the brakes, but it was too late.

A bolt of lightning had struck, forming a crater in the road ahead. The tires screeched at Jake's attempt to stop the car, but it was too late.

The car lurched violently, skidding on the broken asphalt, and spinning out of control. The roof caved in, windows shattering as shards of glass flew through the air.

The seat belts strained to hold them in place, pressing against their chest, the last threads, giving them a chance at survival. Jake shouted, ‘The airbags!’ whipping to look at his dashboard, screaming, ‘Fuck!’ The car crashed into the railing, hurtling over the edge.

The family's blood-curdling screams filled the air, eyes widening when they saw the upright jagged pipes at the bottom.

Heewon’s voice cracked as she shouted, frantically reaching for the back, ‘Jun, get down!

Jun reflexively followed her instructions, dropping down on his stomach, and turning his face toward his parents.

The pipes pierced through the windshield, impaling the couple in the front seats.

Blood splattered across Jun's face as he stared, wide-eyed, at the rods piercing through the seats, dripping with his parents’ blood.

The storm raged on, the dampness clinging to his skin. The stench of the rain, mixed with the rusty smell of blood filled the air, seeping into his lungs. Pain radiated through his shattered limbs, each labored breath causing his injuries to throb.

There was silence, except for the drumming of the rain and his pounding heart. The world continued as usual, unaware of the tragedy that had struck this family of three.

'M-mom? D-dad?' Jun choked out but was only met with silence.

He sat frozen in the wreckage, too terrified to see what had become of his parents. Tears streamed down his face as he sat alone in the wreckage. His sobs were drowned out by the merciless rain, hammering on relentlessly. His small frame was lost amidst the cold metal, shattered glass, and lifeless bodies that had once been his world.

He was alone.

The relentless drumming of the rain faded, replaced by the tap-tap-tap sound of something in his ears.

'...Jun'. a muffled voice echoed in the distance, calling out to him. '...in Jun!', the voice got clearer, the familiarity made his chest feel stifled.

'Min-Jun!', a shrill female voice seemed to tear through his eardrums as a burning pain throbbed at the back of his head.

My eyes snapped open as a blinding light filled my vision. I sat up with a jerk, my breath coming in ragged gasps. I squinted at the harsh glare of the classroom's fluorescent lights, rubbing the back of my head with a frown. I could still feel the blood on my face, but when I touched my cheek it was dry. It was just a dream. Though it didn’t feel like one, not really. My heart was still pounding so hard I could hear it.

The voice came from right beside me, pulling me from my haze. 'Oh, I'm sorry. Is my class boring you?' It asked politely.

I jolted, whipping my head to the side as I stared in shock at the Asian woman standing beside me. Her imposing figure towered over me casting a huge shadow.

She looked like a toad to me, wearing that green dress. Her dark as her soul hair was pulled into a tight bun, not a loose strand in sight. Her glaring eyes, hidden behind rectangular glasses, looked down at me with pursed lips.

I immediately lowered the hand rubbing my head, sitting up straight with my arms at my sides. I didn’t want to as I could still feel my legs trembling, but I had no choice if I didn’t want to make this any worse.

I glanced at the thick book she raised in one hand while resting the other on her waist. It was probably the reason my head was throbbing.

'I-Im sorry, teacher', I mumbled, looking at the floor.

She sneered at me, 'Even if it is boring you, deal with it! Don't let me catch you dozing off again or else!' She spun sharply and marched to the blackboard, the sound of her heels clicked sharply against the floor.

I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, slumping back into my seat. My arms crossed, and I stared blankly at the front of the room. But the images from that dream wouldn’t leave me alone. It still felt like I was back in that car. That I never left. I blinked hard, shaking my head, and sighed heavily.

My heart was still racing, as I clenched my hand into a fist under the desk until my knuckles turned white. I bit my lip, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth, but the trembling wouldn’t stop.

Those images kept floating in my head, overlapping with reality. I could still hear the rain, the screams... the crash. I tried to drown them out with the teacher’s grating voice, the creaking fan, the ticking clock. I breathed in the classroom’s stale air, the scent of chalk and old books, hoping it would drown out the memory of the smell of blood and rain.

I kept reminding myself that it was all in the past. That what I saw was just a dream - a nightmare - that never goes away, a constant reminder of what I’ve lost.

I glanced around at my classmates, whispering and giggling. It felt like I was watching them from behind a glass wall—close enough to see, but too far to touch.

Figures. For them, it's just another day of middle school. But for me, it's another day of pretending I'm okay...

I'm not sure I ever will be.

To be continued...