Incursion Protocol

Coughing, I ran through the thick blue, magic smoke. It wasn’t actually magic, but that’s what you called it when electronics went up in flames: magic smoke. It’s the mysterious stuff that makes computers work, and when one of your silicon chips springs a leak, your tech dies. This magic smoke was even worse than the usual kind, acrid and disgusting, clinging to my throat and lungs. Whatever fried alien components had released it were now coating every surface of my respiratory tract, making me want to cough until I puked.

I stumbled my way to the far end of the stacks, barely able to see my hand in front of my face. The usual hum of the machines had vanished, replaced by the occasional rumble and crackle of sparks. Somewhere deeper in the Dulox equipment, something clanged and exploded, like a massive flywheel had jumped its track and was smashing through the surrounding machinery.

“Faleun!” I called out, and before I could come up with any gecko-based jokes, she was there, grabbing my forearm with a firm grip.

“This way,” she said, pulling me along. Her eyesight wasn’t the best, but I was more than happy to let her lead. A drone buzzed by, bouncing off the remnants of a nearby tower, its flechette rounds hissing as they pinged off random debris. Looked like they were in full panic mode, hunting blindly for us. Before I could see or hear it, I felt the cold rush of air being sucked past me, some pressure shift from the chaos nearby. Faleun led me through the craggy remains of what had once been a wall, the heat from whatever explosion had torn it apart still radiating up and making the air and smoke shimmer around us.

We continued deeper into the service tunnel, the light fading and the air growing thicker with every step. At least the magic blue smoke was starting to thin out, and I no longer felt like I’d been a two-pack-a-day smoker for the last twenty years. I could finally breathe without feeling like my lungs were clawing their way out of my chest.

“How... how are you doing?” I rasped at Faleun, my voice barely above a croak.

“Fine,” she replied, sounding completely unbothered. “Slipscale can hold their breath for extended periods of time. I’m surprised Dudes like yourself are so fragile to environmental conditions.”

I squinted at her in the dim light. “First of all,” I said, trying to muster some dignity, “we’re not that fragile. We just have an aversion to external things that cause us harm.”

“Fragile,” she corrected flatly.

“And secondly,” I ignored her, “I’m really digging your use of human slang, surf’s up, dude.”

She tilted her head. “Are you not a Dude?”

“I am, but it’s just a weird phrase for you to - wait, you think my species is called ‘Dudes’?”

“You clearly stated to the alien named Solas-”

I burst out laughing, my throat instantly regretting it. Hands on my knees, I tried to catch my breath, which was not easy when every wheeze felt like inhaling sandpaper. “No, no,” I managed between gasps, “it’s just a term we use to refer to each other. Super informal.”

Faleun kept padding silently through the dark, completely unamused by my revelation.

I jogged after her, barely avoiding tripping over my own feet. “I can just imagine it now,” I said. “The Scourge of Dudes from Planet Earth, invading the galaxy with skateboards, bad tattoos, and an unshakable love for energy drinks. Taking over every beach and skate park from here to Alpha Centauri.”

“I’ll have you know,” I continued, stumbling as I tried to catch up, “my sense of humor is peak among us Dudes. Or, Humans, if you want to get technical about it.”

“I highly doubt that,” she deadpanned, not even bothering to glance back.

I pressed my lips together. This gecko was way too good at cutting through my carefully crafted bravado. “Well, fine, maybe not peak humor, but-”

Faleun’s large hand suddenly clamped over my mouth, cutting me off mid-sentence. I instinctively struggled, trying to push her off.

“Hey, I’m not that-”

“Quiet,” she whispered, her voice sharp and low. She tilted her head, her eyes scanning the darkness. I could barely make out the faint glint of her scales catching the last remnants of light. “The Dulox have entered the tunnels behind us. Many of them.”

Running, running, running. Who knew our carefully planned infiltration of a more technologically advanced facility would devolve into so much damn running?

The Dulox were swarming the tunnels now, but we managed to stay ahead. Those who pried open service hatches and tried to climb in were either passed by before they could get their bearings, or completely bowled over by Faleun as we barreled through the darkness. I imagined it like something out of a horror movie: You’re a Dulox grunt, crabby hand tightening around your rifle. You stand there, waiting, listening to the ominous thuds coming closer from somewhere down the tunnel. Something is coming.

And then, out of the blackness, a massive gecko springs out, no longer confined to the realm of your aunt’s condo in Florida. It bulldozes right over you before you and your mates can even get a shot off. Next thing you know, you’re lying flat on your left crescent, vision spinning, trying to process what just happened. A strange hairless ape wheezes into view, slowing to catch his breath. His mouth is moving, a never-ending stream of complaints as he tries to keep pace with his larger companion. He’s hunched over, panting, and then his eyes lock onto you.

You freeze. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll think you’ve lost enough blood pressure to enter the rigor state your people are known for. Maybe he’ll leave you alone.

But no, he doesn’t. He sees you. His undexterous, grossly inefficient hand reaches toward you, and before you can even recoil-

“Boop,” he says, tapping you on the forehead.

I shake my head, coming out of my thoughts as we keep running. Was it rude to poke that Dulox in his dumb face? Maybe, but I mean, I could have poked him with my knife, so a boop wasn’t so bad.

We kept running until, without warning, the floor before us disappeared into a massive drop. The tunnel just... ended. A gaping pit stretched across our path, wide enough to make me stop so fast I nearly tumbled over the edge.

“Well, that’s just fantastic,” I muttered, squinting down into the darkness below.

Faleun slowed gracefully and approached our newest obstacle. She crouched down, eyes flicking between me and the far side of the pit. “I can make it,” she said as casually as someone might say they could fetch the morning paper.

Of course she could. Meanwhile, I was staring at the void like it had personally offended me. “Yeah, that’s great for you, but some of us weren’t born with spring-loaded legs,” I grumbled, glancing back at the growing noise of Dulox feet closing in.

Without waiting for me to finish panicking, Faleun just... jumped. She practically flew across the gap, landing on the other side with the grace of a seasoned acrobat. I barely heard her touch down, seriously, was she trying to make me look bad? In front of all my Dulox friends?

Now it was my turn. I shuffled my feet, grumbling, “This is going to suck,” before backing up a few steps for momentum. With one last look at the approaching Dulox patrol, I sprinted and launched myself into the air.

For a brief moment, I thought I might actually make it… until gravity reminded me who was in charge. My hands slapped the far ledge, scrabbling for purchase, but my chest plate slammed into the edge, leaving me dangling, legs flailing in empty air.

“I’m sorry for the boop,” I gasped in apology and panic, as karma took hold of my legs, trying to pull me down.

Faleun was there in an instant, her strong grip hauling me up with ease, bruising my ego as much as it saved my life. She gave me a deadpan look, barely winded.

“That was a bad jump,” she said.

“I fly spaceships for a living,” I muttered, dusting off my knees and wincing as my arms throbbed.

“Shall we?” Faleun said, already turning toward the next stretch of tunnel.

“Yeah, yeah, just let me die in peace first,” I groaned. Just as I stood up, a barrage of laser fire hit from across the pit. The Dulox were shooting now, their terrible aim sending sparks flying off the walls around us.

“Ah, there it is,” I said, grimacing. “Should’ve known they’d skip the whole jumping part and just start blasting.”

I darted into a serpentine run as more shots pinged off the floor where we’d been standing. “We should probably get moving before one of them accidentally shoots us!” I called out, following after Faleun’s quickly departing form.

Faleun slammed headlong into a grate at the end of the tunnel. Lucky for us, it seemed we’d finally made it somewhere that wasn’t just an endless maze of dark tunnels. Unfortunately, it didn’t mean we were in the clear. Plenty of hatches, plenty of Dulox still poking their heads out.

I followed Faleun out of the tunnel, dropping the few feet below and landing in a not-so-graceful heap near her feet. I groaned as I pushed myself up, again, for what felt like the umpteenth time in the last hour.

“Remind me,” I muttered, shoving my hands into the small of my back and stretching backwards, “to get a cybernetic implant that lets me see in the dark. And, oh, maybe some football pads or something. I swear this dimension has just enough extra gravity to really keep me down. Ever since I got here, it’s been on my back, ya know?”

The Slipscale just stared at me.

“What?” I asked, before peering around her and finally seeing what she was waiting for me to notice. “

May I?” I asked, fists balled together under my chin like a kid about to open a birthday present.

“If you insist,” she said.

I was really starting to like Faleun. Seashell arrow to the thigh aside, she was beginning to ‘get’ me.

I whooped with joy, leaping into the air and throwing my hands up in celebration.

Before us, in a hangar that opened to the twilight sky, sat an entire fleet of Dulox patrol ships. Their bulky, jagged frames bristled with mismatched alien tech, looking more like they were cobbled together from scrap than anything resembling sleek design. Engines sputtered and hummed, some ships already prepped for takeoff. The salty ocean breeze mingled with the harsh scent of fuel and metal.

“We’re snagging one of those!” I practically shouted, grinning ear to ear as I scanned the ships, trying to pick the least hideous one.

Faleun blinked, clearly not sharing my enthusiasm. “Let’s just hope you can fly it better than you jump,” she said.

“That was a low blow… I liked it. You’re getting good at this.”

“Insulting each other?” she asked.

“Yeah, but, like, in a good-natured kind of way. Teasing your friend for small errors they make, that kind of thing.”

“Oh. I will stop then.”

I rolled my eyes. “C’mon, let’s get down there, snag one of these ships, and get the heck out of here.” I led the way down a sloped ramp toward the hangar floor. Dulox crews clattered about at the far end, busy prepping the patrols. Every now and then, one of the clunky ships would wheeze into the air and trudge off into the night sky.

“We’ll be out before they even notice,” I said, eyeing a nearby patrol ship, its patchwork plating and lopsided thrusters looking functional enough.

“Oh, and I’m totally teaching you how to high-five. Er, high-four in your case. That would’ve been such a great moment for it.”