LIGHTNOVELONLINE
Chapter 121: If I Embrace You Now (5)
I stood guard at the entrance of the Jackson familys grand mansion with my fellow members.
The heat of the battlefield had subsided, and a calm had settled in.
I wondered if the succession battle had also quieted down for the time being.
Yet, I was here, protecting the mansion.
The soldiers who followed Prin, the hero party, were all equally exhausted, essentially leaving us as the sole protectors.
Of course, even if I hadnt been here, the members would have taken it upon themselves to guard the mansion.
But for now, I wanted to be here.
Staying inside was just too suffocating.
...
My breath froze in the air as I exhaled.
I sat dazed, replaying the recent events in my mind.
Scenes of Siens words, her confession, and her expression came to mind.
I left her there crying and walked away.
Our memories together, the times we shared... they passed by like a series of fleeting images, dozens of times over.
I had put an end to the relationship that had continued since I was 11 years old.
...Haa.
I had believed that expressing my feelings would help sort out the complexities in my heart.
I believed that I could finally let go of the past and move forward.
But somehow, it didnt go as expected.
Instead of relief, I felt emptiness.
A greater sense of desolation lingered than before.
It was as if, after cutting out a festering wound, a large hole was left behind.
The members sensed my mood and didnt approach me unnecessarily.
They let me have my time alone from a distance.
-Thud...Thud...
However, there was one who didnt bother to consider my feelings.
...Berg.
It was Gale.
...
Unlike before, his presence wasnt quite as bothersome.
Perhaps it was because we had fought together twice.
Perhaps it was because I had roughly assumed what kind of person the other was.
...Are you okay? You.
He approached and asked casually.
I chuckled softly.
In this place, Gale was the only one who could possibly know about my relationship with Sien.
So, it seemed he had guessed that something had happened to me.
...
After the laughter, I sighed without responding.
I didnt adopt a defensive attitude towards Gale as I had before.
I realized that he wasnt doing this out of any bad intentions.
...Did you talk with the Saintess?
This time, I nodded briefly in response to his question.
...
...
Then, we both maintained our silence.
Theres often a feeling that the world becomes quiet after a war.
The stark contrast after numerous intense sounds fade away makes it feel even more so.
That quietness was descending upon us now.
And it seemed to be caused by the raised voices I had with Sien.
In that peaceful silence, I, who had been wrestling with my personal emotions for a long time, murmured almost inaudibly.
...I got angry at her while she was crying.
It was like a confession.
My fists clenched slightly.
The memory of her face streaked with tears was vivid.
...Do you regret it?
Gale asked.
...
Instead of answering, I just looked at Gale.
There were stories that could be conveyed without words.
Gale didnt judge me for how I appeared.
He just patted my back gently, offering consolation.
...I see. So thats how it is.
****
Sylphrien woke from a deep sleep and enjoyed the dawn air by the window.
A bird flew over and chirped at her.
...Yes, were almost there. Thank you.
She had heard about the various armies gathering in the Jackson territory.
The royal family, and several of their vassal families. And finally, the Red Flames Group.
It seemed that the nearby families were coming to help the hero party in this unprecedented crisis.
Just a little longer, and complete safety would arrive.
This chaotic territory would be restored to order.
In the past, she had thought it was truly the end.
That they were completely overwhelmed and torn apart by the monsters.
If Gale and the mercenaries he brought hadnt come, it would have been truly difficult.
...
Suddenly, Sylphrien thought of that mercenary.
The human Mercenary Berg.
Arwins husband and, it seemed, the former lover of the Saintess.
How could such a shocking event have occurred?
How could a Human Mercenary Berg and the Saintess childhood friend Berg be the same person?
As someone who had heard all about the Saintess situation, Sylphrien was already worried about her.
From the occasional stories she heard, it was clear how much the Saintess had loved a man named Bell.
The intensity of that love was almost enviable.
But what would she feel, learning that he had wives, that he had chosen to live as a mercenary, not a farmer?
Sylphrien couldnt even begin to guess.
...Ha.
Perhaps it would be better if the Saintess didnt wake up until the Human Mercenary left.
It was said the Saintess embarked on this journey because of this Bell.
She had joined hoping he would not die.
But what if he had formed a family with other women? Would it not be difficult to maintain sanity?
Wouldnt she go mad knowing that the reward for all her efforts was enjoyed by another woman, not herself?
Perhaps the Saintess might even refuse to participate in the war anymore.
...
Sylphrien felt that everything was twisted and complicated.
She felt sorry for Arwin, sold to the human mercenary in a political marriage, and for the Saintess.
She thought about how many such joyless marriages had been entangled.
...
Sylphrien touched the chirping bird and then moved on.
Sylphrien knew she needed to talk with everyone, but first, she decided to check on the Saintess.
The Saintess had been unconscious, and Sylphrien was eager to ensure she was alright.
.
.
.
Sylphrien cautiously opened the door to the room where the Saintess was staying and was immediately startled.
Sa, Saintess-nim...!
The Saintess was awake.
But her condition was far from normal.
She sat collapsed on the floor.
Her expression was dazed.
Her eyes were hollow.
Mouth agape.
...And tears flowing.
She had been crying for so long that the floor was stained with tear marks.
Just seeing the Saintess in such a state was enough for Sylphrien to guess what had happened.
It was the first time she had seen her so utterly despondent.
The Saintess, who had always risen alone from any hardship, was now broken.
Sylphrien quickly entered the room and knelt beside the Saintess.
Ah...
And then, overwhelmed with pity, Sylphrien found herself paralyzed.
She wanted to wipe away her tears, but this was the Saintess.
An untouchable being.
Unable to even wipe the tears of a comrade, Sylphriens hand hovered in the air.
Sa, Saintess-nim...firstly...
She tried to offer comfort, but no words would leave her mouth.
What could one possibly say to someone who had just suffered a heartbreak like this?
She had never seen anyone harbor such a passionate love as the Saintess did.
That made her even more cautious about what to say.
But it was the Saintess who spoke first.
...Its all over.
She whispered in a voice devoid of any hope.
It was enough to cause an ache in Sylphriens heart.
With those words, the Saintess began to laugh bitterly.
...Bell...
...Ah...
He doesnt want to...acknowledge me anymore...
Upon hearing this, Sylphrien swallowed hard.
A story so chilling, it would sound cold to any third party.
The Saintess tears seemed endless.
-Drip...drip...
The floor continued to dampen with unceasing tears.
Now he says not to even call him Bell...
Sylphrien still remembered how the Saintess face used to light up whenever she mentioned the name Bell.
But this time was different.
Her frail body was shaking uncontrollably.
He was my everything...my hope...
Her voice, laden with sorrow, was enough to make anyone cry.
Tears also welled up in the corners of Sylphriens eyes.
Especially for her, who knew the Saintess better, it was impossible not to cry.
The Saintess unfocused eyes turned towards Sylphrien.
...Sylphrien...
Sylphrien, empathizing with her pain, asked gently.
Yes...yes, please speak.
The Saintess smiled.
It was sudden and bright, that kind of smile.
...Can you wake me up?
...Excuse me?
...I want to wake up from this nightmare now...
The Saintess laughed while shaking her head in disbelief.
This cant be reality... Theres no way Bell doesnt love me...
Saintess...
With so many memories still so vivid... Bells warmth still so alive...
...
We were supposed to be enough for each other...
Hearing this, Sylphrien clenched her fists tightly.
A sense of helplessness washed over her.
The pain of not being able to wipe away a comrades tears was unbearable.
But she knew she had to be even stronger in these moments.
She couldnt waver when her comrade was faltering.
Sylphrien knew she had to be a stable support, a pillar of strength for everyone to rely on.
This was indeed the role she was chosen for by the God of Harmony.
...You need to come to your senses... Saintess-nim.
Sob...Bell.......Bell...Sob...
...This isnt a dream. Its painful, but... you must endure.
Sylphrien wiped the tears from the corners of her eyes and set her expression firmly.
Then she spoke.
....Are you giving up?
It was an inappropriate question to ask the pure Saintess.
But it was something she could clearly ask as a comrade.
The Saintess body stiffened at Sylphriens question, a slight provocation to wake her up.
Seeing her reaction, Sylphrien asked again.
....Are you giving up...? On him?
The trembling Saintess eyes found Sylphriens.
Finally, those empty eyes met hers.
But still, the Saintess was too easily shattered.
Even with the strength to rise, she couldnt find the power within herself to stand.
What should I do...? When he hates me this much... despises me to the extent... to become a mercenary...! To suffer so much that his body is covered in scars...!!
Sylphrien shook her head.
She delivered words that might or might not be true, as if they were the absolute truth to the Saintess.
No?
....
He still loves you.
The Saintess movements froze at those words.
Sylphrien made a reckless claim.
She had to do it this way, fearing the Saintess might completely fall apart.
The Saintess shook her head and said,
That kind of talk-
-Think about it, Saintess.
Sylphrien spoke with a warm smile.
Do you know why you woke up here?
....
None of us could even think of touching the Saintess body... so how did you, who collapsed on the battlefield, wake up here?
The tears in the Saintess eyes slowly started to flow again.
Sylphrien focused on these subtle changes.
She spoke as if telling a fairy tale.
He saved you, the Saintess. You should have seen it.
.........What?
Sylphrien continued to explain to the questioning Saintess.
...Do you know how gallantly he appeared after you collapsed, Saintess-nim?
...
Breaking through the battlefield... Do you know how desperately he ran to you alone?
...
When the five gods were so feared that no one dared to touch you... how angrily he scolded us for being so afraid of the gods. How fearlessly he held you in his arms.
....
Embarrassingly, I warned him that the gods might punish him... Do you know how he reacted?
....
He said he would gladly accept any punishment. ...Thats when I realized he was the one you spoke of. You often said that Bell sacrificed so much for you.
The Saintess, whose tears had stopped, asked feebly, clinging to hope like a lifeline.
...Bell... did that?
Yes. He held you like a treasure, cutting down enemies to bring you here. How could someone like that hate you? Even I felt it, and I only saw a glimpse...
The Saintess began to deny the reality, as if she didnt want to be hurt anymore.
She seemed afraid to cling to a rotten lifeline.
....Its a lie, right? Youre just trying to... comfort me...
Sylphrien shook her head.
Ask Felix, or Acran, or any soldier. Everyone saw how preciously he brought you here. Everyone saw.
...
Perhaps while he was carrying you, he whispered countless times for you to hang on...
As Sylphrien spoke of the mercenarys actions, the Saintess began to regain strength. Her expression improved compared to before.
So... if thats true... then why now... like this...
I dont know that much... but...
Sylphrien didnt pretend to know things she didnt.
To build trust, she made sure to convey that she didnt know certain things.
Then she made her final point.
...But if he had no feelings... he couldnt have done all that.
...
As much as you loved him, he loved you too... Maybe he was hurt and thats why he was angry.
...
...Maybe thats why he was so harsh.
The Saintess tears finally stopped, and she intermittently took in breaths like a child.
Sylphrien smiled, seeing her improved state.
She often felt it, but short-lived species had their own intense beauty.
She hoped their story would resolve well.
As a long-lived being, she could see everyones story to the end.
Sylphrien finally said,
Saintess-nim.
...
Lets go wash up first.
Sylphrien suggested that the Saintess start by cleansing herself.
A clean mind comes from a clean body.
Staying disheveled only leads to dark thoughts.
Washing away tears and loosening a stiff body would make things better.
Youve met your beloved after so long... you cant stay like this.
With a smile, Sylphrien added,
Right? Saintess-nim.
The End of The Chapter
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