LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 1
Chapter: 1
“Kyaa, pervert!”
“Eugh!”
A man, who accidentally lifted a woman’s skirt with a lecherous expression, was sent flying into the sky by a single punch from her fist. Whirling through the air, he burst through someone else’s ceiling with a blissful smile plastered on his face.
Such things wouldn’t happen in the normal world, but here, it’s totally possible. After all, this is ‘inside a Gag Anime’!
“Ugh, I’m going to be late.”
Students hurried along, unconcerned about what had just happened.
“Seriously… my underwear isn’t even cute today…”
A female student was shedding tears over such a bizarre concern.
“Muahahaha! I am the manliest man of this world!”
“Indeed, you are Sensei!”
The PE teacher, whose hair defied gravity and whose pupils shone like flames, was followed by a group of shaven-headed students.
This is the world where all these happenings seem perfectly normal. Well, at least it used to be.
*
Staring at a pitch-black ceiling caked with dust, I muttered, “This ceiling is unfamiliar.”
Saying those words filled me with an indescribable sense of satisfaction.
‘I always wanted to say this!’
Thinking this, I propped myself up.
Creak, squeak.
The place I had been lying on was a sagging, moldy bed. The room was tiny—barely big enough for two people to lie down.
‘It reminds me of the jail I stayed in for a week after being wrongfully accused, ha.’
For someone like me, used to living in a world of Gag MAX, this sudden change in environment didn’t shock me that much. I just shrugged it off and swung my legs over the bed.
“Huh?”
It felt like my legs were much shorter than usual, so I looked down at myself.
“Whoa?”
Startled by the noticeable reduction in length, I bolted up from the bed. Judging by my height, I looked about 13 years old.
“Now I’ve really gone and become younger too.”
It’s not like I’m some kind of Co*an or something…
Finding the absurdity of the situation hilarious, I started examining the room.
‘What the… Is this really a prison?’
Seeing the bars on the small window in the gloomy, gray room made me seriously wonder if I was actually in a jail cell.
‘Let’s start searching around.’
There wasn’t much to look for. Aside from a small bed and a desk, the room was completely bare. The desk didn’t even have a drawer, leaving only an old, tattered book behind.
“Let’s see…”
I opened the book, which felt stiff and wrinkled like paper that had dried after getting wet.
[‘Odil, who rescued me from slavery due to my wicked bloodline, is my god and savior.’]
“What the heck does this mean?”
The content was nothing but endless praises for a black magician named Odil.
“Pfft, what kind of name is Odil? I saw it just yesterday in a novel I was reading. Seriously, who would’ve thought such a name really existed?”
I laughed at the name, which sounded like something you’d hear in a casual conversation, but then I froze.
“…Novel?”
Damn it.
Panicking, I tossed the book aside and tugged at my hair. The string tied at the back came undone, revealing my shoulder-length, pure white hair. As I looked at myself, my eyes started to shake uncontrollably.
“No way, this can’t be real!”
Clenching my hair tightly, I let out my pent-up feelings.
‘When did I ever leave a 5800-character long comment on a novel?! Or stick with the author until the end of the series alone?! I’m guilty of nothing but casually reading a popular book and falling asleep!’
The reason I didn’t shout that out loud was that I knew just how dangerous this world could be.
‘Of all the bodies to possess, I had to end up as the villain in a dark fantasy novel?!’
Unlike common clichés, I didn’t even possess the body of a noble kid!
‘No, this must be a dream. It’s just a dream.’
I staggered back to the bed, clasped my hands together tightly, and closed my eyes.
‘Dear God, please let this just be a dream. Please, please, please.’
As I desperately murmured inwardly, something suddenly clicked in my mind, and I opened my eyes just a bit, muttering, “…Status window.”
Nothing happened. Damn it.
I covered my eyes with my hands, murmuring to myself, “This is a dream. Yeah, it’s got to be a dream.”
Repeating it felt like brainwashing myself; it lightened my heart.
‘Yeah, maybe this is actually a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time something like this happened.’
Using dreams to show ‘alternate realities’ is basic common sense in Gag Anime worlds.
‘Should I just die? Would that wake me up?’
I glanced at the window and soon realized that jumping out wouldn’t answer anything. Just then, as I placed my hands on my chest and closed my eyes again—
“Lian!”
“…Huh! Yes!”
I sprang upright at the loud shout, almost instinctively. At the same time, a hammering pain began in my head.
“Ouch…”
With that pain came strange memories flooding in—the memories of ‘Lian’, the original owner of this body. Brief snatches of scenes flashed by; it seemed he had been abused by his parents, escaped, was captured by a slave trader, and then sold to a black magician’s laboratory as a test subject. Because of his ‘devoted service’ to the black magician, he ended up managing other slaves.
‘I remember this jerk from the novel; he’s such scum.’
Why did the black magician put Lian in charge? There’s a simple reason. The guy’s personality was so rotten even demons would stop to admire it.
“Lian!”
“Yes, yes!”
As I was sorting through my thoughts, an irritated voice rang out again. I dashed out of the room, knowing that any more delay would probably get me fried by magic.
Clank.
I opened the iron door, revealing a long corridor. The loud voice had come from the room directly across from mine. Lian was the black magician’s exclusive servant, a slave—no wonder they were right across from each other.
Knock knock.
“Excuse me!”
“Come in!”
Click.
As I opened the door and stepped in, a skinny, gaunt man was glaring at me, unable to mask his annoyance. Walking into the room, I was hit by a musty, stale smell.
‘He seriously needs to air this place out more.’
Despite my inner complaints, I bowed deeply as I entered.
“Hurry and clean this up.”
The black magician pointed his staff toward a corner of the room.
‘Ugh.’
What he pointed at was something covered in a mosaic.
‘So, this really is the world I lived in.’
The Gag Anime world had always been suitable for everyone. Anything that crossed the line got this kind of mosaic treatment.
‘…Just like that time in the girls’ locker room.’
I recalled the expertly falling towels and vague mists with melancholy, holding back tears. Thankfully, it seemed like you could see things clearly enough during such deeds. Of course, I had no actual experience to confirm whether that was true.
“I have some business to take care of, so clean this place up properly.”
“Yes, Great Odil! Have a safe trip!”
After Odil left, I was alone.
‘There must definitely be a demon familiar keeping watch.’
That was explicitly stated in the novel. I dismissed any silly thoughts of snooping around and grabbed an old sack from the side of the room, starting to gather the mosaic-covered stuff.
‘Ugh, it’s sticky and warm.’
After stuffing it all into the sack and sealing it tightly, I pulled a lever on the wall, revealing a disposal area. I tossed the sack inside, and it plummeted into the wall like a dumpster.
‘Man, this room is filthy. And so dusty.’
The floor and walls were incredibly dirty.
‘This is kind of like home… with mom.’
Thinking of my big-hearted mom, who was terrible at housework, I left the lab.
‘I ought to clean up the last traces too.’
There appeared to be a blood-like puddle where the mosaic had been. I would need to scrub that down properly to finish up.
‘There should be a mop.’
Heading to the kitchen, I opened the cupboard stuffed with cleaning supplies. I grabbed the necessary tools and returned to the room.
Time passed.
“Phew, all done.”
I wiped my forehead and gazed around the room. Thanks to thoroughly cleaning away all the grime, it sparkled and shined.
“I only planned to mop, but I got a bit carried away…”
While scratching the back of my head.
“I’m back—… What’s this?!”
“Ah, welcome back.”
“H-how did my room end up glowing…?! You used your divine power, didn’t you?!”
“What? No! I didn’t!”
Heat rushed to my face at that accusation.
“No, no, it’s not that bright…”
“Huh, was my crystal orb always this color? No, no! This has clearly been purified!”
I was at a loss; the tide of compliments left me flustered.
“You…! Did you really think you could flatter me?!”
“What?! Wait, calm down!”
“Calm down? How dare you betray me?!”
Just as Odil was about to unleash a spell, his staff’s glowing gem ready to fire.
Flap! A crow that had been dozing on a torch suddenly soared into the air and landed on Odil’s shoulder.
Caw! Caw!
The crow relayed some message to its master, making its raucous sounds.
“What? You just cleaned it up thoroughly?”
Nod, nod.
“So you’re telling me a simple cleaning could make it this spotless…?”
“Ahem, well. The truth is…”
Knowing this was my only chance to save myself, I blurted it out.
“I thought of it as a space meant for someone as esteemed as Lord Odil, and instinctively, I was filled with a burning desire… I never imagined you’d be displeased. It’s all because I admire you so much.”
“Ah, yes. Ahem.”
Odil, who wasn’t used to receiving praise, coughed awkwardly, a slight blush on his cheeks, clearly pleased.
“Indeed, Lord Odil! The pride of black magicians! The black magician who would make even demons gasp in awe and envy!”
“Well, sure, that can happen. Mmm. Next time, clean it up in a normal manner, alright?”
“Of course!”
As Odil nodded and turned away, his familiar, the crow, took off to return to its perch. I quietly gave the crow a thumbs up, and it raised its wing playfully, mimicking my gesture, nodding back at me.
‘Glad I fed the crow some of Odil’s snacks when it looked hungry.’