I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

"Yes, Your Majesty."

Helen closed the door and left the room, leaving Raymond and me alone.

He looked at me with a strange expression on his face, instead of his usual indifference.

I could already guess what he came here to talk about. He was somehow too nervous.

Is he one of those who do not know how to hide their feelings in such situations?

Perhaps it is because his dear Lisa has returned. He continues to show strange emotions that he has never shown to others before.

"Sit."

Raymond looked at me silently and sat down on the sofa.

"I don’t think you want to drink tea. Right, Ray?"

He squinted slightly in my direction.

"Ray, if you want to say something, speak up quickly."

At that moment, his dark eyes, looking at me, seemed to be covered with a veil. Soon he opened his mouth.

"Yes, I want to. Lisa's child has a symbol of the imperial family, and we cannot ignore this situation."

"…"

I said nothing in response. He looked at me and said:

"I can’t close my eyes, I can’t pretend that nothing has happened. Everything was in front of the nobles. I need to verify that this child is really mine before I include him in the royal bloodline. I will apply for paternity testing to the temple."

And if he happened to be a member of the royal family, what would you do next?

But I could not voice my question.

"There is so much to organize now, so much to think about."

He continued to speak, apparently not wanting to know my answer.

"And you were shocked by what happened, so if you want you can stay with the duke for a while. Or visit the southern palace where you can relax. You liked it there last time. Anyway, let me know."

It seemed to me that he was trying to take care of me, but I was not at all happy about it.

If you really care about me, then disown this child.

Otherwise, I will have to draw a conclusion about our relationship.

"It was you, not me, who liked to rest in the southern palace. I was happy only because you liked to be there."

His expression quivered at my such cold words.

Then I smiled as if nothing had happened.

"I'm fine Raymond, let's talk again when the temple results come."

The results were not long in coming.

It was about three days after Raymond left my palace.

Helen came running to report:

"Your Majesty! The church confirmed the presence of imperial blood in the child."

Reality finally hit me. I can’t avoid and postpone any longer.

Everything will happen sooner than I thought.

"And yet I expected it to take at least a week," I said to Helen, who could not hide her nervousness. "Okay… Leave, Helen."

"What?"

Helen looked at me with obvious surprise.

Perhaps she thought the news would make me cry or become very upset.

But I wasn't going to do that either.

"Didn't you hear me? I told you to leave. I'm tired and I want to rest."

"Your Majesty."

"Helen, I'm going to vomit now."

When I spoke in a cold voice, Helen quickly bowed her head.

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty."

"I'm not feeling well today, so I'm afraid I won't be able to show up for dinner."

The child is now the focus of the empire. Some aristocrats who were unhappy with the emperor's lack of descendants will now celebrate that the successor to the crown has finally arrived.

Raymond's first child.

"Firstborn…"

The word went dry in my mouth.

First child, congratulations on that.

I wanted it to be my baby. Forgive me.

I stroked my stomach and spoke in a whisper:

"No matter how short my life is, I haven’t done anything good for my child yet."

Now it was dangerous for me to show my pregnancy.

A miscarriage in itself was likely, but even if not, many can do something cruel to a child who has not even been born yet.

Two princes from different mothers. It would be natural if the aristocrats were divided into two camps.

My family has never been a power to be ignored.

In addition, there were many aristocrats who were dissatisfied with the Duke Croft because of their participation in the coup.

Can I protect you in this maelstrom?

Fighting for the throne always brings blood.

As far as power in the royal family is concerned, I, the Empress and daughter of the Duke of Croft, must prevail.

Taking a deep breath, I turned to the window and saw that the sunset had already covered the sky with burgundy.

As usual, Raymond had to come to the dining room to dine with me.

Come to think of it… I've never missed dinner with him.

There were times when I didn’t feel very well, but I didn’t attach much importance to it, because I liked having dinner with him too much.

Ray, you never noticed that I was sick.

Returning to the palace, I was about to fall from a headache, but Raymond never saw that.

Today, he probably simply will not attach any importance to this.

A message that I'm not going to have dinner with him.

He'll just get it and won't even ask why I will miss dinner.

He won’t worry about what is happening to me.

Pfft, a smug smile broke out.

Now, who am I to blame him for this?

The red light blinded me and I felt tired. Maybe it's because I stared at the dying sun for too long.

I put my tired body to bed, deciding to rest today.

* * *

Dining room in the imperial palace.

Raymond narrowed his eyes as he entered the room.

There is no one at the table.

He looked around the room and didn’t find Ellie.

"Hasn't the empress arrived yet?"

Raymond looked out the window.

Before the red sky had already darkened.

It can't be so late.

Then one of the servants hurriedly knelt and said:

"Sorry, Your Majesty. I forgot to tell you that Her Majesty isn’t coming to dinner tonight. What punishment will you impose?"

The servant lowered his head to the floor and began to beg for forgiveness.

Raymond sighed as if it was hard for him to hear it.

It was clear that the servant had made a stupid mistake, but today the palace was noisy because of the temple.

He didn't want to see any other fuss, because the day was already exhausting.

"Okay, prepare for one."

"Yes, Your Majesty."

When the emperor sat down, the servants quickly arranged the food on the table.

Raymond looked at the Empress's chair opposite.

The empty place was so strange to him.

Does she feel bad?

Suddenly he realized that he hadn’t asked the servant why the Empress hadn’t come to dinner.

Raymond, who was still looking at the seat, began to eat.

But he just ate a spoonful of soup, grimaced and refused to eat more. Something was wrong. Does he just have no appetite? It was definitely his favorite bean soup, but today he couldn't eat anything.

"Is it because I'm too worried about you, Ellie?"

Raymond leaned back in his chair and shielded his eyes from the bright light.

"How was your day, Ray?"

The gentle voice he heard daily rang in his ears.

Raymond winced and dropped his hand, which he used to cover his eyes.

"Ellie…"

He was worried.