I Won’t Accept Your Regrets

‘Is Jeremy leaving everything?'

Ellie couldn't control her facial expression for a moment. The more so as she was disturbed by her thoughts of Jeremy before Raymond came.

And Raymond saw Ellie's trembling eyes.

For a moment, his hand on the bed, not wrapped around Ellie's shoulder, tightened, but he didn't show his feelings. Although Ellie forgave him, he still had to forgive himself for the past.

So even if Ellie was shaken by Jeremy, he wouldn't dare claim her. He was also afraid that Ellie would leave him after him expressing such an ugly feeling.

In fact, Raymond had been in a bad mood since this afternoon when Duke Drua said he was leaving the Empire.

He often saw Duke Drua as a man who loved Ellie more than anything. So as a man, when a man who loved his wife said he would leave, he should have been happy…

But Raymond just wasn't happy. Rather, as soon as he heard it, he felt anxious.

Anxiety that Ellie might go with him.

He knew it was nonsense. Even if she didn't feel the same way about him, she had Carlisle. Ellie will never leave the Palace.

‘Yeah, why are you so nervous when you know it so well?’

Raymond even hardened like that inside.

But at that moment Raymond knew exactly what he feared.

‘What if Ellie's heart for Duke Drua was so deep that he felt that Ellie would go with Duke Drua?'

…That's what scared him.

Fear that Ellie's heart that chose him is not sincere, and that it was only because of his responsibility for Carlisle and the Empire.

Then he won't be able to catch her.

In the past, it was said that the Emperor and Empress couldn’t divorce with just a heart of love, but if Ellie's sincerity was really with Duke Drua, not with him, he would let her go.

As Ellie had done in the past, this time he didn’t take her hand as Emperor. He really loved Ellie, not the great responsibility of the Emperor or the Empire.

So if she was unhappy. It doesn't matter how painful it is.

Raymond suppressed his fluctuating emotions and saw Ellie's trembling eyes.

To know her true feelings. He would try to question Ellie properly, on his mind. If Ellie hadn't opened her mouth first.

Ellie quickly suppressed her shaky expression as Raymond was briefly lost in thought. And she answered casually.

“Duke Drua is a necessary person for the Empire… Too bad he is leaving. It won't be easy to find a replacement for Duke Drua, Ray.”

They were words devoid of personal feelings. Ellie was only talking about Duke Drua as the Empress of the Empire.

Raymond asked Ellie slowly.

"…That's all?"

‘Do you have other thoughts?'

Ellie said nonchalantly as Raymond hesitated to say the last words.

"That's all. Duke Drua is a brilliant man, Ray. Losing him is a true loss for the Empire.”

This time, she only assessed his ability. As if she had no personal feelings for Duke Drua.

Raymond looked at Ellie. She drew this line before he could ask anything else, and he couldn't mention it. Besides, he doesn't think that she doesn't understand the true meaning of the question he just asked… Because she was an intelligent person.

So this means, ‘Don't ask me any more questions. About me and Jeremy.'

So Raymond stepped back as Ellie wanted. With a smile as if nothing had happened.

"So it is so. The vacancy for Duke Drua will be big for a while.”

“It wouldn't hurt to find the right man among the new families of Marquises this time and give them a Duchy. If there is only one Duchy, it will shake in its own way.”

"It’s a good idea."

Raymond agreed with Ellie, and she took a slow, gasping breath, slid out of his arms, and placed her head on the pillow.

“Then let's go to bed now. It's getting late."

Soon it was midnight.

Raymond replied ‘yes' in a low voice and rested her head on the pillow properly.

"Good night, Ellie."

"Good night, Ray."

As soon as Ellie's back was turned, silence fell in the bedroom.

As if she had fallen asleep, only a small, regular breath echoed through the bedroom.

On the surface, everyone was at peace, but in fact, neither Ellie nor Raymond could easily fall asleep through the deepening night, due to their own complicated minds.

And Raymond couldn't hold Ellie in his arms that night.

* * *

One Day at Eton.

Ellie has been dressing since early this morning. Packing up all the fancy accessories that she rarely wore.

It was because today was the day that new servants and maidens entered the palace.

Ellie was more concerned because there was a big problem in the palace and they were the first to be chosen.

She went through resumes one by one. However, Ellie, who met the new servants, was unexpectedly distracted.

‘I missed the chance to say nice words to the ladies.'

“Your Majesty, Your Majesty the Empress.”

Ellie came to her senses at Helen's voice calling her. When she regained her senses, she saw the ladies with their heads down.

Helen, clearing her throat, said again as if nothing had happened.

"Your Majesty, please accept the ladies' greetings."

Ellie stepped forward.

"The Empress, the Moon of the Empire comes in."

The ladies were all courteous and Ellie said.

“Now that you have become the Imperial Palace’s people, you should pay more attention to your behavior and be careful what you say. If you follow the laws of the palace well, I will also regard you as my people and protect you, so I hope you don't disappoint my expectations.”

"Yes, Your Majesty."

"Everyone, get up."

Under Ellie's orders, the maids from each palace took the maids and left the Empress's palace.

Ellie then went to the dressing room to put down the heavy crown and accessories.

Sensing that Ellie's atmosphere wasn’t good, Helen took care of all the other maids and took care of them by herself.

Crown, accessories and the Empress's cape.

Completely taking off clothes, Ellie changed into a skimpy dress and headed out onto the balcony.

She headed out to drink tea on the balcony and ease her complicated feelings in the hot midday sun. And as if understanding Ellie's upset heart, Helen poured Ellie's favorite herbal tea.

Helen's mouth opened cautiously as Ellie drank the tea and put the cup down.

“Your Majesty, are you still thinking about the affairs of the Lund Kingdom?”

“Do you remember when I started the organization?” was the question Ellie asked Helen last night.

Helen guessed that Ellie was disturbed by that. She didn't know why she was so upset about it all of a sudden.

Ellie spoke slowly at Helen's question.

"Should I say that?"

"What?"

When Helen asked for some uncertain answer, Ellie exhaled, ‘huh’, an ignorant sigh.

"I'm thinking of something to do with it."

“…”

Helen wanted to ask what it was, but stopped.

Ellie's dark eyes seemed to be a complicated so she shouldn't ask any more.

Then, as Helen stepped back, Ellie was reminded of a man wandering in her head.

Jeremy Drua.

In particular, his news from last night didn’t leave her mind.

“Duke Drua asked me to remove the Drua name from the Empire forever. He will leave everything behind."

‘Jeremy leaves the Empire.'

Last night, Ellie drew a line on Raymond, pretending to be okay and hiding her feelings, but not on the inside.

Her disturbed mind became more disturbed.

No, actually, at first she thought it was best if Jeremy left.

She doesn't understand her true feelings for herself and her connection to Jeremy.

‘Jeremy was a coward to leave when all that would upset me, but I figured I wouldn't have to feel sorry for him or look back on the past if I didn't have to see him anymore.'

But it was only a brief moment of excitement, and Ellie could hardly sleep all night.

‘I don't know if it's right to leave him alone with everything behind.'

‘You've done so much for me, are you sure you want to let it go?'

‘But secondly, he helped the organization… I can't think of my relationship with him in the past, so what can I do?'

‘A clumsy farewell?'

‘That's not polite to Jeremy. It’s even worse.'

Jeremy knows this and has a memory from the past that she didn't know about. If she remember, she can greet him properly.

”Please acknowledge me.”

Maybe this is all Jeremy asked. So she wanted to understand him, but there was nothing in her head.

As Ellie sighed, a warm voice came from under the Empress's palace.

When she looked down, she saw children who looked to be about 11 years old.

“…The people who will be assigned to the Crown Prince Palace this time.”

The children were deliberately selected for Carlisle's age. The children were excited as if they were amazed by the sheer size of the palace.

Unlike her mind, their bright and innocent appearance inadvertently stole her attention.

A scene flashed by… The garden of a large mansion. A boy who found himself in the bushes, away from the bright light of the party.

"Hello. I'm Ellie. What is your name?"

Crew-cut golden hair and glow-in-the-dark amber eyes.

“…Jeremy”

It was her first meeting with him.