I Woke Up Piloting the Strongest Starship, so I Became a Space Mercenary

“According to these results, the three of you are the very picture of health. You have no hidden illnesses, and all your bodily functions are A-OK.”

“That’s good to hear.”

I was honestly relieved when I heard Dr. Shouko announce the results. Elma’s probably fine, but Mimi did live in an unhygienic environment for a time. It made me worried a bit. Me? I guess I’m pretty healthy myself, all things considered. I wasn’t really all that worried about myself anyway.

“We’ve also given you the full range of available vaccines. Elma-kun’s already had most of them before, but Mimi-kun and Hiro-kun have been administered with all the necessary ones. Oh, but I do find it mysterious that Hiro-kun didn’t display any traces of getting vaccinated before at all.”

Dr. Shouko looked at me with eyes bubbling with curiosity, but I averted my gaze.

“I had to refrain from taking them due to religious reasons.”

“Fine, let’s just go with that then. Anyway, as I said earlier, there may be unexpected side effects, so try not to perform any strenuous activities for at least three days. The estimated probability of side effects appearing is just 0.1%, but nothing’s absolute after all.”

“Understood. Anything else we need to keep in mind?”

“Un, let’s see…… Um, could you two come over here for a bit, Mimi-kun and Elma-kun?”

“What is it?”

“Just come here for a bit. Can you go over there instead for a while, Hiro-kun?”

“?”

The two followed after Dr. Shouko while feeling puzzled, and I obediently took some distance from the three of them. Dr. Shouko was talking to them about something in a low voice as she pointed at the check-up results on her tablet. Mimi nodded while sporting a serious expression while the color of Elma’s face alternated from red to blue.

“That sure makes me curious.”

“Sorry. Just wait there for a bit, kay.”

Dr. Shouko cheerfully replied as she waved me further away. I met eyes with Elma.

“……!!”

Her face suddenly went bright red. W-What’s with that reaction? It made me utterly curious. Mimi noticed Elma’s state and turned her gaze towards me. Mimi’s acting normally, isn’t she? It doesn’t seem like she’ll make the type of reaction Elma had. Just what’s with that?

“That’s about it, so keep what I said in mind, you two.”

“U-U-Understood.”

“Yes!”

The two of them came back to the earlier spot, so I also followed suit. I’ll try to ask Mimi about it later.

“Do you have anything else you need to tell us before we go, Doc?”

“No, we’re all done. I’ll send the relevant data from today’s check-up to your ship later.”

Oh yeah,. Don’t medical records usually have a lot of unfamiliar terms and numbers in them? I have no idea if it’s the same in this dimension though. I don’t have any relative knowledge in order to make sense of those medical reports, so I have no idea how useful they would be.

“So we’re free to go, right?”

“Yes, go ahead.”

“Can you just subtract the bill from the payment for my genetic data? I can also pay it right now if that’s what you want.”

“It would be better to ask about something like that to the staff at the lobby, I think. I’m just a researcher and a physician after all.”

“Okay. Thank you very much for today, Doc.”

“Thank you for your time.”

“W-We’re really grateful.”

I went out of the private room along with a calm-looking Mimi and a still-flustered Elma. We then headed for the information counter at the lobby like the Doc suggested.

Oh, and the medical fees for all three of us were 90,000 Enels. It was cheaper than expecte– Nah. 9,000,000 Yen in medical fees doesn’t really seem all that cheap, doesn’t it? Oh well. It’s fine as long as it’s for our health…

Nah. On second thought, it’s really expensive. It seems medical services are expensive no matter which dimension you end up in. I’ll keep this in mind.

Should the three of us go somewhere to eat? I tried asking the girls and was told they wanted to change out of their current clothes because they felt they were too lightly dressed, so we ended up deciding to come back to the ship instead. We’ll get to eat a delicious lunch made by Chef Tetsujin once were back anyway, so I was all for it. And there wasn’t really a need to go on a gastronomic adventure which had a high chance of failure.

“So what did Dr. Shouko tell the two of you back there? Elma seemed really bothered for some reason, so it made me curious.”

“I-It’s nothing.”

It looks like Elma was avoiding my gaze. She was eating her meal while turned away from me. Why’s she acting all prickly anyway? I turned towards Mimi instead.

“She just told me about medicine that’s more suited for me compared to what I’m taking right now, and recommended I switch over.”

“Is that so? You should do as she said then. I’ll pay for the meds, so get them as soon as you can.”

“Yes. Thank you very much, Hiro-sama.”

Mimi gave me a sunny smile. S’alright. It’s a captain’s duty to ensure the health and wellbeing of his crew.

“So what about you, Elma?”

“I-It’s nothing to be concerned about. I was told the same thing as Mimi, that’s all.”

“Hmm?”

Then why is your face bright red? But she seems hell-bent on not telling me. And I don’t want to be too pushy. Fine. I’ll stop asking about it.

“Anyway, I’ll have to take it easy for three days. What should I do to pass the time though? Should I just hole up inside the ship?”

“No. I asked when I got vaccinated earlier, and it seems you don’t need to go that far. It seems there’s no problem with taking a walk. The probability of getting side effects is really low after all.”

“I see. Should the three of us go out for some sightseeing then?”

“That sounds wonderful. If we’re going for a tour of the Alein Tertius colony, the main activity should be shopping. There’s a lot of different shops here after all.”

“Well, we certainly did get to go around quite a few different stores yesterday. It was pretty enjoyable. So shopping will be the main activity huh. Are there any other interesting things we could do?”

“We can go on a factory tour. We could visit food-processing factories that make products such as food cartridges and artificial meat. We can also tour hydroponic farms, high-tech machinery factories, or shipyards. Those types of factory tours seem really popular.”

“Hou, factory tour huh. It sounds fun.”

I’m particularly interested in touring food processing factories. I wanna know more about the food we eat on a daily basis.

“There’s also a liquor manufacturing plant which makes use of genetically improved crops as well.”

*Pikun! Elma’s long ears reacted. She sure is easy to read.

“Are the tours scheduled via reservation?”

“Yes, I think so. Should I make one now?”

“Yeah, okay. Can you plan a schedule that wouldn’t be too hectic? I’ll leave deciding where we’re going to visit to you. Oh, and be sure to make the liquor plant the last stop.”

*Piku-pikun. Elma’s ears twitched wildly.

“Understood. I’ll be sure to pick places with good reputations. And I think guests are also allowed to have free product samples as well.”

When Elma raised her head in excitement, our eyes met. When that happened, she panicked and brought her head down right away. Oh, and by the way Elma-san, your plate is already empty, you know.

“Then, tomorrow, the three of us will be going on a factory tour date.”

“I’m looking forward to it!”

“Y-You’re right. It sure sounds exciting…… Uh, I’m going out to shop for a bit, okay?”

“Hm? What are you going to buy? Will you be okay alone? Should I come with you?”

“I-It’s fine! It’s totally fine! Absolutely, positively fine! I’ll go by myself!”

Elma refused me in a panic. As soon as she managed to shove her plate on the dishwasher, she went to her room and left the ship soon afterward in a hurry. Hm. She really is acting weird.

“Mimi?”

“I can’t say it myself. It’s not really a bad thing, and I think Elma-san would talk to you about it eventually when she’s ready.”

Mimi declared so while smiling cheerfully. I decided to push my doubts aside again. Well, I guess it’s fine since it isn’t a bad thing, according to Mimi.

“I don’t get it, but I’ll try to respect Elma’s privacy and let it slide, I guess.”

“Yes.”

It kinda felt like Elma went out of the ship in a very panicked state earlier though. Was she really okay? I’m still worried after all.

I only managed to see Elma again when evening came. For some reason, she made Mimi bring her meal to her room earlier and even used the messaging app to find out what time I would enter the bath so we won’t get to meet each other along the way.

“–!!!”

Her entire face was bright red when she entered my room. What’s this? Boiled elf?

And she wasn’t wearing her usual outfit either. Usually, whenever she visited my room, she’ll always come decked in sloppy-looking pajamas or training wear. But tonight, she’s wearing a prim, white negligee.

When I saw Elma with her milky white skin flushed red while wearing a sheer, white negligee… I was momentarily lost for words. She felt like a totally different person.

“Hey there. You’ve been acting strange all day. You okay?”

“I-I-I’m f-fine, y’know…?”

Elma’s eyes were spinning. It totally doesn’t seem like she’s okay. Nope, not one bit.

“Well, uh, okay then. Why don’t you come and sit over here first?”

“Ah… wa… un…”

Elma walked with restless steps and came right before the bed in no time. She seemed to hesitate for a bit but eventually sat down on my bed in a bold manner. But she didn’t sit right beside me but kept a little distance instead.

“You should be tired from today’s activities.”

“Y-Yeah.”

“You’re also acting strange, Elma.”

“I-I don’t really think so. Am I?”

“Are you sure you aren’t uncomfortable or something?”

“Uu……”

Elma’s face blushed bright red and she hid both her long ears with her hands. So elves hide their ears instead of their face whenever they’re embarrassed huh. It’s a great example of the difference in culture between species.

“So, what’s wrong? You’re really not acting like yourself, you know?”

I tried to grab Elma’s waist, but she seemed surprised by it and hastily squirmed away. Hmm……?

“U-Um?”

“Yeah.”

“I-I-I’m… with you… b-b-bay……”

“Bay-?”

“B-b-bu-bu-b-bay-!”

“What the heck!? Is that some kind of new-age rap or something!?[1]”

Elma fell face down on the bed while letting out a strange voice. And when I tried to lift her up in order to place her in a comfier position, I managed to smell alcohol. What the heck? What exactly should I do about this?

I lost the drive to lay my hand on Elma in this situation, so I ended up tucking her snuggly on the bed as I watched over her– or rather, I also followed suit and tucked myself right in after a bit.

“Nn…… Hi〜roo……”

Elma’s lips curled into a sweet smile as she hugged my arm.

“Baby-making… Nyaa……”

“Just what kind of dream are you having there……”

I think I heard some really surprising words from Elma as I closed my eyes. I soon became really drowsy from feeling the warmth of Elma’s skin against my own. Maybe I’m more tired from the check-up than I thought. I couldn’t resist my sleepiness and soon drifted away to the land of dreams.

“Haauuuuuu……!”

Elma woke up early in the morning and covered her ears in embarrassment, with a bright red face. She was emitting steam from the top of her head. Elma seems super embarrassed for some reason.

“To think I drank alcohol in order to psyche myself up, but actually passed out mid-way……”

“Psyche yourself up…? Just how many bottles did you drink anyway?”

“One whole bottle of whiskey.”

“Ouch.”

This disappointing elf actually drank one whole bottle of liquor with a really high alcohol content before she came to my room… Of course, she’ll end up passing out. I’m just glad she didn’t end up vomiting all over the bed.

“So? Just why did you act like that yesterday anyway?”

“Well, how was I supposed to react when I was suddenly told it was possible to make children with you……? An elf shouldn’t be able to bear children unless they fully recognize their partner as their lifelong spiritual companion after…… all……?”

Gigigigi… Elma turned towards me in a mechanical manner reminiscent of a broken toy. Did you actually think I was still asleep this whole time? I managed to wake up way ahead of you, missy.

“Good morning.”

I greeted Elma, whose face turned an even brighter shade of red. A morning greeting is important. It said so in the Kojiki as well.

“G-Good mor–!?”

“Mogaah–!?”

She proceeded to hit me in the face with a pillow. Hey! Don’t just suddenly hit me with all your might with a pillow, you! My nose hurts! Rather, it’s hard to breathe, idiot!

I wasted time grappling with a flustered Elma on top of my bed first thing in the morning. Good grief. Men don’t like violent women y’know. This is why I call you a disappointing elf.

[1]TL Note: This is actually different from the joke in the raws. In the Japanese raws, Elma kept on saying ‘ke’ and ‘ko’ repeatedly. She was actually trying to say ‘kodomo zukuri’ – which basically means the act of baby-making. Due to her stutters, her broken words ended up sounding similar to the Japanese onomatopoeia for a hen clucking, to which Hiro retorts.

It won’t make much sense if translated word for word because the clucking of a hen in English doesn’t sound remotely similar to the words ‘baby-making’. That’s why I tried to change it up a bit. I hope it doesn’t seem too forced ^^