I Will Live As An Actor

Chapter 90

It would be a lie to say I wasn’t tempted. 

How could a cat pass by such a delicious fish? 

Prince Yeonsan was not only a historical figure, but also a famous one among the general public. 

It was a role that any actor would be drawn to.

The well-known PD had blurted it out and now he was carefully observing my reaction. 

The reason why top actors avoided historical dramas was simple: they were not cost-effective. 

The high shooting intensity, the long episodes, and the relatively low pay were not worth it.

‘A historical drama.’

The truth was, I had a special affection for historical dramas. 

When I was playing minor roles in my past life, I wanted to appear in historical dramas more than any other genre. 

The reason was simple.

Most of them were produced as long series, so even if I was a minor role, I had a high frequency of appearance. 

I took that opportunity to build rapport with the broadcasting staff, and I could say that my broadcasting career was based on historical dramas. But.

“PD Yoo, there is a big problem.”

I had to say it again: business and personal matters should be clear. 

No matter how attractive the role was, I couldn’t jump in rashly. 

Even if it was an outstanding character, it was impossible without a solid script.

“If it’s a historical drama, you have to start with historical verification and research. There are more than one or two things to do. If you hastily hire a writer and make a script like this, you’ll end up with a worse product than you made. Then, the script will be obvious as fire, and…”

If movies were centered on directing, dramas were driven by the writer’s ability. 

Since they had to unfold a story in a limited frame, no matter how good the directing was, if the script was bad, it would collapse like a sandcastle.

Most of the dramas that were called ‘headless chickens’ had this problem. 

Because they couldn’t pre-produce like movies, they had to deal with the urgent shooting schedule and the script that came at the last minute.

“Besides, this is not a good time to hire writers. There aren’t many historical drama writers, you know.”

June was the busiest time for writers. 

Through the dramas that were airing in the first half of the year, the famous writers had already put down their pens, and they had to finish the first draft of the works that were scheduled to air in the second half of the year. 

It was a time when there was no gap for writers, in other words, the famous writers were already sold out.

“Don’t worry about that. I knew that, so I already marked one person. A writer with good writing skills, good ideas, and no late scripts. I don’t know about historical dramas, but in the mini-series, they were already trying to take him away. Once he touched it, he blew up the ratings. Even if he worked with a talentless director, he somehow saved it with his writing skills. How do you think he got called the surge of the drama industry?”

“There’s still someone like that?”

“That writer is on a sabbatical right now and doesn’t want to meet anyone. So I was lucky to be safe.”

“How are you going to persuade him if he doesn’t want to meet anyone?”

There was a saying in the drama industry that there was a star writer above a star actor. 

That’s how much dramas valued the writer’s ability over the directing, and the writers had a lot of power. 

Especially the ones who were called king writers, their value and treatment were not inferior to the top actors. 

And that was more so as time changed.

As domestic dramas sold their rights overseas and created the wave of Hallyu, the king writers were the ones who chose the actors. 

Hwang Sookyung, a writer from SBC broadcasting station, was a similar case. He also had the modifier ‘Hwang Sookyung’s man’ when he starred in the drama ‘Youth’ in Young-guk.

The famous PD casually took something out of his bag.

“Read this.”

It was an old . It looked at least ten years old.

“Actually, I decided to do a historical drama based on this work. It was an alternative history about Prince Yeonsan that a college student wrote ten years ago, and I liked it a lot. The publisher had already gone bankrupt and disappeared, so I had a hard time finding the original author. But it turned out that the candle was under the lamp. The writer was a broadcasting writer. The writer I marked was the original author.”

Who could it be?

****

“Eunsuk, can you get me some coarse salt from the kitchen cabinet?”

Shrimp caught in the lunar month were not even given to the mother-in-law. 

The flesh was full and the color was reddish, as if flowers had bloomed. 

If you salted the shrimp caught in the lunar month with solar salt, it would be called ojot or yukjot depending on the season, and it was the best for kimchi.

“Mom, let’s just buy some kimchi and eat it. Why do you have to make shrimp sauce so hard? If you do this much in an apartment, you’ll get complaints because of the smell. The stench will spread all the way to the next building.”

As she headed to the veranda, my mother perked up her ears. I sighed inwardly as I looked at her and then at the famous PD sitting across from me. 

He ate his food with a good-natured smile, as if he knew what was on my mind. He looked so happy, as if he hadn’t eaten for days.

“The cafeteria food must be really bad these days.”

“You can say that again. The new nutritionist either has no skills or the ladies have changed. And the broadcasting station is making a fuss about the budget, but they raised the meal tickets by another 500 won. How are the salarymen supposed to live? But this is really delicious. Your mother is a great cook.”

“Please eat as much as you want. But why did you come all the way here? Don’t tell me you came to offer me your next project.”

“You know me too well, Choi Writer.”

I shook my head vigorously. I had already decided to take a year off. I had taken on more than five projects in the past four years. It was the result of running non-stop.

And every project I worked on was a hit, so the broadcasting station treated me like a goose that laid golden eggs. 

As proof, not only MBC but also SBC’s drama director came to see me. But Yoo Myung-han didn’t seem to care and added.

“I’m going to do a historical drama this time, you’ve heard the rumors, right?”

“Are you serious? That’s a big gamble. I thought you were a smart PD, but why would you take on a project that even the veteran PDs are afraid of? I heard the writers have been changed several times already, saying they can’t handle it. What did the broadcasting station do to make the writers quit like that?”

“You know what, I took over after they quit. It’s better this way, I had my own idea for a project.”

“What, are you writing the script yourself now?”

“No, I want to make a drama out of a historical I liked a long time ago.”

“A ?”

I was curious and picked up a glass of water to moisten my throat.

"It’s an alternative history about Prince Yeonsan, I read it a long time ago and it was interesting. Since it’s only six months until the crank-in, I tried to find the original author. But the publisher went bankrupt and the author disappeared after publishing only one book, so it was really hard to find.

At that moment, my pupils shook violently as if there was an earthquake.

“I heard that the first edition didn’t sell at all, right? But the one who bought two copies of that book was me. One for collection, one for reading. Hehe. Anyway, whether it’s a divine revelation or fate, I found out that the original author is now a broadcast writer, and a drama writer at that. What was his pen name back then? I think it was.”

“Wa-wait a minute.”

I tried to interrupt him, but it was too late.

“Choi Kang-gondu, right? Isn’t that you, Choi Writer?”

He coughed as if he had a thorn in his throat.

***

It was a night with a waning moon. 

The moonlight draped over the window sill soaked my heart, and many thoughts crossed my mind.

“My values as an actor.”

Acting is a profession where you always fight against your past self. Some may call it art, and others may call it a mental illness. 

That’s how much pressure you feel to surpass your past self. 

In that sense, the character of Prince Yeonsan was an attractive role. 

That was then.

“Yeong-uk, what are you worrying about?”

Before I knew it, actor Ahn Jung-hyun had approached me and asked softly.

“Ah, uncle. Give me a sign before you come. You scare me sometimes.”

“What are you scared of, you big guy. I can tell you’re trying to act cool in front of me. Hey, you and I are both living off my brother’s house.”

“I don’t drink like you, uncle. Look at you. You smell like alcohol. Did you have a drink somewhere? Grandpa is sleeping, and why are you here at this late hour?”

“I came to see you, my youngest. Come with me for work.”

“Mom, you should go now. You never liked my fermented fish sauce when you were young, but living in Seoul has spoiled your taste buds. What’s wrong with a little smell? This is a home made by people, not a temple. If you hate this kind of smell so much, you should just go live in a monastery. There are only a few people who want this, and they won’t stick their noses in your business. The Sunwoo family next door always asks me for some when I make it. Don’t you know that your mother is the president of the apartment association?”

“I can’t stand it, really. I thought it would be quieter living in Seoul. Back in our hometown, dad was the leader, but now mom is the president.”

“Enough with the nagging, and put on these rubber gloves. Sit next to me. If we don’t do this now, it will go bad. Do you know how much money this is worth?”

Writer Choi Eunsuk reluctantly puts on the red rubber gloves. She was originally from Yeongdo, an island off the coast. Both of her parents were from the sea, and her father was a fisherman. He was old and had no strength to sail anymore.

He had to stay in a university hospital in Seoul for a long time, so she moved them to Seoul for their health. Her mother quietly asks her while making the fish sauce.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“I’m not interested in men, so please give up on that hope. Right now, I only need to focus on my work.”

“You’re such a fool. Don’t you know you’ll die old and alone? Why do all the guests who come to see you from the broadcasting station are old people?”

“Ugh, I should just shut up.”

Choi Eunsuk was a veteran writer with nine years of experience. 

She hit the jackpot with her debut work ‘The Man of August’ four years ago. 

Since then, she has been making hit after hit, and was called a ratings machine and a king writer by the media. 

That’s when it happened.

Ding dong.

The sudden sound of the doorbell makes her mother get up from her seat and adjust her sweatpants. 

She doesn’t forget to say a word to Choi Eunsuk, who is still making the fish sauce.

“Press the fish down in layers and sprinkle some rice water on top, just a little bit. Don’t pour it all at once. You’re the one who’s going to eat it. By the way, they deliver packages on Sundays too?”

“Mom, did you order something from home shopping again?”

“It’s almost summer, honey. I saw a pretty pair of sandals and ordered one. Hehe.”

“Come on, mom. I’m unemployed at home and you’re spending money like crazy.”

“You said you don’t want to write anymore and you’re taking a break. Why are you mad at me? You should just find a man and get married. They say there’s a match for every shoe. Where did our daughter’s match go? Sigh.”

“Oh, mom, stop it! My ears hurt, they hurt.”

“I feel sorry for you when I see your hair standing up. Yeah, yeah, I’ll go out now.”

Choi Eunsuk shakes her head in frustration. She knows her mother’s heart, though. She is worried that her only daughter will be left alone as they get older. At that moment, she hears her mother’s exaggerated voice from the other side of the door.

‘You’re her coworker?’

Starting with that,

‘My goodness, what a rare guest!’

She exclaims. Her voice is full of excitement. Choi Eunsuk wonders who came to visit. She sticks her head out. That’s when she sees the famous PD handing a fruit basket to her mother, who is wearing sweatpants and rubber gloves. And she locks eyes with him.

****

“We don’t have much to offer, if you had come a few days earlier, we would have had some marinated ribs left.”

Contrary to her words, the table is full of dishes. 

Her mother prepared them in a hurry when she heard that he hadn’t had lunch. 

The famous PD looks at the food with his hands folded.

From stir-fried squid to grilled sea bass, to sea cucumber, which is called the ginseng of the sea. It is a feast of dishes that the dragon king of the sea would enjoy.

“No, no, this is too much. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“You don’t have to be shy, you’re like a son to me since you’re my daughter’s coworker. By the way, are you married?”

“No, I’m still single, but…”

“Mom!”

“Alright, alright, I’ll turn on the gas. Let me know if you need anything else. I cooked plenty of rice, so don’t be shy and eat as much as you want. I have to go to the veranda and fold some laundry.”

I tuck Ahn Jung-hyun’s head under my arm and tease him. He tickles my ribs in retaliation. We fool around for a while, until he asks me, panting.

“Uncle, have you ever been afraid of a role as an actor?”

“Afraid? Sure, sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Like when the script is crap and I can’t get the words out of my mouth, or when I don’t like the female lead and I can’t get into the character. Or when the catering is bad and I wonder if this is what I’m acting under the scorching sun for.”

“Oh, stop joking.”

Ahn Jung-hyun sobers up and puts on a serious face.

“If you’re not afraid, you’re not an actor. There are always limitations, you know. Sometimes you find a role that fits you perfectly, but the pay is too low and your agency rejects it. Then you can’t just lower your price as an actor on your own. And it’s the same when you do a project that everyone opposes. You worry that you might ruin your career because of your stubbornness. And when you feel the role is too hard, you doubt if you can pull it off. From the moment the word ‘worry’ starts spinning in your head, your lines become unnatural.”

“…”

“But all that worrying is useless. As time goes by, you’ll realize it was all for nothing. You have to learn this when you’re young. Don’t let others stop you and go for it like a lone wolf. An actor has to blend in with the role. The more you think, the more noise you make in your acting.”

His advice enlightens me. I’ve been unconsciously looking at my agency’s face all this time. It’s not that Kim Seonghwan, the CEO, is pressuring me.

It’s because I was obsessed with maintaining my high value as an actor, as The Priest’s Confession surpassed 5 million viewers and the audience numbers kept soaring. That’s a far cry from my vow to live as an actor. I wanted to thank him, but he was already dozing off. I look at the old in my hand. It’s the one that the famous PD gave me.

‘To Live as Yeonsan.’

The title sounds plausible.

“The author’s name is something.”

Choi Kang Gondyu.

If that’s not weird, I don’t know what is. 

The pen name gives off a childish vibe. But the genre is history. 

To be precise, it’s alternative history, a type of historical fiction. I flip through the pages with a mix of worry and anticipation. But unlike the childish pen name, the first sentence of the chapter captures my attention.

-An untold story that is not recorded in the Annals of the Joseon Dynasty.

I can’t even hear Ahn Jung-hyun’s snoring next to me.

-This tells the life of Yi Yung and Yi Gyeol, the twin sons of Lady Yun, who is widely known as Yeonsan-gun. Which one of them was the tyrant depicted in history?