I Will Live As An Actor

Chapter 77

“Stop, everyone.”

In the middle of the rehearsal, the director Lee Chang-hoon raises his hand. His gaze is fixed on one person. 

It’s Ji Dong-yeon. He looks uneasy on the stage, as if he can’t hide his discomfort even while delivering his lines. His eye contact is shaky.

‘How many times is this already?’

The other actors’ faces are full of dissatisfaction. For some reason, Ji Dong-yeon has been making mistakes repeatedly since the morning rehearsal. 

He has made more errors than the rookie Yeon-soo, who is known as a novice in the theater scene. And Ji Dong-yeon is supposed to be a seasoned actor who has been in the theater for a long time.

‘I thought he got his groove back.’

Young-guk licks his dry lips. He was sure that Ji Dong-yeon’s acting was quite impressive two weeks ago. 

He seemed to have regained his form from his heyday. But somehow, his acting skills have deteriorated suddenly.

The biggest reason for that must be his lack of concentration. Even now, he looks like that. 

The director Lee Chang-hoon calls him aside and says something, but Ji Dong-yeon’s expression is not that of someone who is scolded, but rather someone who is lost in something else.

‘Come to think of it.’

Young-guk recalls his past life’s memories. 

There are countless actors in Korea. 

There are stars who appear like comets and shine briefly before fading away, and there are actors who last for decades. Ji Dong-yeon was neither of them.

He certainly made a name for himself as a theater actor and also appeared frequently in dramas, raising his popularity among the public. But a few years ago, he suddenly disappeared from the drama scene and reappeared in the theater.

‘What happened to him later?’

Unfortunately, he was not very interested in Ji Dong-yeon’s future. He can’t remember his name in his past life’s acting career. 

He must have quit acting at some point. 

At that moment, Park Sang-ah speaks loudly enough for the other actors to hear, expressing her discontent with the interrupted rehearsal.

“What’s wrong with you, Ji-sunbae? You look like a zombie. How long have you been like this? You’re going to ruin the play, aren’t you?”

It’s not a wrong statement. He clearly has a big problem, judging by his inability to explain why he can’t focus. He’s suffering alone, and I can’t help him. If he keeps this up, he might make the same mistake at the National Theater Festival. But still.

“Wow, look at him. He’s not even listening to the director. How can he call himself a senior?”

She crossed the line. I could understand her words, considering her hot-tempered personality, but that was too extreme. She must have looked down on Ji-dong-yeon, who was less popular and famous than her. 

This kind of remark would harm the group. I look at the actress Park Sang-ah and say firmly.

“Park, if you can’t say anything in front of me, don’t say anything behind my back either.”

***

It was only a week before the National Theater Festival.

“Where is Ji Dong-yeon!”

A sudden intruder barged into the theater troupe. His face was red and blue, and his eyebrows were furrowed in anger. He breathed heavily as he searched the place like a madman. The director, Lee Chang-hoon, stepped in.

“What is the reason for this, sir? This is private property and the actors are performing here. Please leave immediately!”

‘What the hell.’

I swallow my dry saliva and head straight to the backstage dressing room. 

The place is already a mess. 

Did Ji Dong-yeon hastily change his clothes and run away?

Clothes are scattered everywhere, and he seems to have been so desperate that he didn’t even bother to take his wallet that he left on the table. 

I grab his wallet and leave the dressing room, heading to the auditorium.

‘Still.’

The unwelcome guest and the troupe leader Lee Chang-hoon are arguing. 

Several managers are trying to hold him back, but the unwelcome guest is shouting Ji Dong-yeon’s name and demanding him to leave the troupe. 

No matter how much social experience he has, he can’t calm down the angry bull. 

Seeing no other choice, Young-guk puts his hand on the unwelcome guest’s shoulder and says.

“How much is it?”

The unwelcome guest turns his head at Young-guk’s sudden voice. Young-guk shouts again.

“How much money did Ji Seon-bae borrow from you!”

Everyone flinches at his loud voice that sounds like he boiled a train. 

The unwelcome guest is no exception. Young-guk was angry not only at the interrupted run-through, but also at the actor Ji Dong-yeon who ran away without a word. 

The unwelcome guest narrows his eyes and snaps back.

“One hundred million! Why, are you going to pay it back for him?”

Everyone turns pale at the huge amount of money. But Young-guk nods his head as if he expected it and adds.

“Do you think I’m crazy to pay back that big money for you? Stop talking nonsense and get out of here. I know you’re angry because you got ripped off, but what’s the point of yelling for Ji Dong-yeon who’s not even here? Do you think he’ll fall from the sky if you shout loud enough? Don’t you see the other people here? Did they do anything wrong to you, or owe you any money?”

Young-guk’s shout makes the unwelcome guest open his eyes wide. But he can’t charge at him anymore. He knows that Young-guk, who grew up among the boat people, is not someone to lose in a fight. Young-guk yells at the unwelcome guest again.

“Go find Ji Dong-yeon and grab his collar or knock him down, whatever you want. But get out of here!”

***

The sky is filled with tangled power lines and the winding stairs are as steep as a hiking trail. 

The outer walls of the shanty town are all cracked as if they had been through a drought. 

The rusty green gate has lost its shine and the lock doesn’t even work properly. 

As he opens the door, the rusty gate makes a horrible noise.

‘The smell is awful.’

He doubts if this is really Ji Dong-yeon’s home because of the stench that stings his nose. 

He thought it wouldn’t match him, considering how he dressed up neatly when he came to the troupe. 

As he enters the house, the first thing he sees is the soju bottles rolling on the floor.

‘Is he really here?’

The few old furniture are covered with dust and the dark room makes him wonder if this is an abandoned house. He looks for the light switch and turns it on, and a dim light comes out of the lamp with one bulb missing. Then he sees the whole picture of the room.

‘Ha.’

The messy room is full of soju bottles and in one corner of the room, Ji Dong-yeon is curled up like a shrimp. 

He seems to rely on alcohol, because he is sleeping soundly in this cold attic. Young-guk looks down at him and remembers his past life.

‘I was like this too.’

He also lived on alcohol after losing his mother in his previous life. He didn’t have anyone to care for him, maybe because he had a bad personality. 

He lost his jobs and his wallet was empty. He died while looking at the faint light in his room. Young-guk goes to the kitchen and fills a dusty pot with tap water. Then.

Thud.

He walks toward Ji Dong-yeon’s face. Ji Dong-yeon is sleeping like a shrimp in his whole body. He doesn’t seem to notice the cold in the floor, maybe because of the alcohol. Young-guk can’t stand his sight and splashes the cold water on his face.

Splash.

Ji Dong-yeon opens his eyes wide and jumps up from his spot. He rubs his eyes with his sleeves, as if he thinks this is a dream. Then.

“Why do you live like this?”

Young-guk asks softly. Ji Dong-yeon finally realizes that this is not a dream and looks embarrassed. He sits down on the dusty floor and says self-mockingly.

“Why do I live like this? I don’t know. I woke up and found myself like this. You must think I’m pathetic. I can’t even say sorry to you, or to the members. But how did you know where I live?”

“You left your wallet in the waiting room. Maybe you were in a hurry. But what happened to you? You’ve been doing well in your work. You’re a senior, you shouldn’t have money problems. Did you gamble or something?”

“No, it’s because of my father…”

Ji Dong-yeon confesses as if he has nothing to hide. He had borrowed a huge amount of money, a hundred million won, without even getting married. 

He said he had to support his father’s reckless business. But his father’s business failed and his father died from the shock and his illness worsened.

Maybe that’s why, he became so weak that he couldn’t bear it without alcohol. And in the end, he was fired from his agency and suffered all kinds of hardships.

“No one wants me in the broadcasting or film industry anymore. Then Writer Jung came to me. He said he would cast me, a pig-like actor. What else could I do but accept?”

Young-guk felt like he saw his past self in him. 

Ji Dong-yeon was pouring out his heart to his much younger junior because he had no one to listen to him.

Young-guk also wanted to open up to someone, but he had no one by his side. When his heart was so fragile, having someone next to him was a great comfort.

“What are you going to do now?”

“Huh?”

“Are you going to keep running away? The creditors will come to the theater soon. Or maybe you’ll show up at the Korean Theater Festival. Are you going to keep hurting the theater people? What about Writer Jung and Director Sung? They’re making a comeback after leaving the theater scene for years. Are you going to ruin everything because of you?”

Ji Dong-yeon can’t lift his head at Young-guk’s scolding.

“Do you think you’ll find the answer by looking at the floor? Come back to the theater tomorrow. And tell the creditors you’ll pay them back somehow after the festival. I’ll help you.”

“What are you talking about? How can I take money from my junior?”

“Does age or experience feed you? I’m not giving you money for free. I’ll lend you with a promissory note and a fair interest. Act again. This is not me lending you, this is a last chance from someone who used to waste his days drunk and ruin his life.”

Ji Dong-yeon doesn’t understand what Young-guk is saying. But he can’t bring himself to ask for money from his junior. 

He doesn’t answer right away. Young-guk sighs. He looks similar to his past self. 

He was much younger than when he decided to die. 

He says.

“Let’s put age and experience aside and be honest.”

Young-guk glares at Ji Dong-yeon’s miserable face and says.

“Get a grip, Ji Dong-yeon.”