I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

The time to leave for Geranian was just a week away.

The place where Fernan decided to contact them was a small territory in the middle of the empire.

 He was planning to leave with only a minimum number of personnel as he had to contact them secretly.

 The alliance agreement with the Geranian was also related to Julia's well-being.  For this reason, it was an important event that Fernan had to attend.

Leaving the castle for the negotiation was inevitable, so Fernan further strengthened the security inside and outside the castle.  There shouldn't be anything disturbing while he was away.

 Only after finishing his job did Fernan get out of his office.

 Entering the lobby, he asked the servant who was standing at the door.

 “Did Julia go to the greenhouse?”

 “Yes, my lord. She just headed there a little while ago.”

 Perhaps because of the chilly weather, Julia was visiting the greenhouse frequently.

 The greenhouse was the only trace that Julia left in this castle long ago.

 When she was still the Grand Duchess, Julia built the greenhouse for the first time.

 So after she left, Fernan hardly set foot there.  It was because he couldn't breathe even if he went near it.

 Fernan, quietly recalling his memories of that time, crossed the path and headed for the greenhouse.

 When the large glass door was lightly opened, a new warm energy emanated from the gap in the open door with a slight noise.

 Flowers were beautifully spread out on flower beds on one side of the greenhouse, but Fernan didn't even look at it, and went to the table in the center where Julia would be.

 Julia, who was sitting in front of the table drinking tea, felt a presence and turned her head.

 “Oh, Your Highness.”

 Julia, who looked at Fernan with a happy face, got up from her seat.

 When he saw her standing in the greenhouse surrounded by flowers, the old memories came back to Fernan’s mind.

 The soft voice that said that she would fill this greenhouse with only her favorite flowers seemed to ring in his ears.

 At the same time, Fernan’s heart suddenly felt anxious.

 He had to leave soon and he was worried.

 “Are you done with your work?”

 Without knowing what he was thinking, Julia asked calmly.

 Fernan nodded his head lightly, hiding the rising anxiety for a moment.

 After sitting down, he explained to her about the coming visit to Geranian.

 “I have to leave soon.  It will take about four days.”

 Even if the negotiations took longer than that, he thought he’d come back in four days somehow.

 “I want you to stay in the castle while I am away.”

 Fernan added implicitly without any sign of coercion.  But the truth was, he was going to make Julia do it even if she didn't want to.  Because it was still very dangerous for her outside the castle.

 Fortunately, Julia meekly agreed to his request to stay at the castle, even though she felt sad that he was going away. 

 "I will."

 She then continued and she looked up at him.

 “If you are not here…  I think it will be very lonely.”

 Fernan's eyes fluttered softly at the words that followed.

 Lately, they've been spending time together almost every day.

 “I’ll try to come back sooner.”

 Fernan murmured in a determined voice.

 Thinking of reducing the time to come and go somehow, so that he could come back as quickly as possible.

 Julia raised the corners of her lips with joy at Fernan who said so.

 “I will be waiting until you come back.”

 However, Fernan’s expression hardened again at her obedient words that followed.

 It was because the words that she was waiting for him had always brought despair to Fernan.

 She said she’d wait, but she never waited for him.

 She always ran away and disappeared.

 Fernan felt nervous as he looked at Julia smiling innocently.

"By the way, the priest Kalosa said he would soon return to where he was. He also told me that I don't have to take medicine anymore.”

 Unaware of his feelings, Julia babbled as usual. Fernan hid his worries and belatedly nodded. Kalosa said he no longer had to take care of Julia’s condition.

Julia’s memory system has fully recovered, and all that remained for her was to bring pieces of her past into reality one by one.

 As Julia said, she was dreaming every day these days, recalling her past memories one by one.

Now Julia considered past events to be just dreams. But at some point, there would be times when they became reality.

If Julia remembered everything, then she would surely leave him.

 Fernan secretly grabbed his hands tightly.  More and more, he was getting closer to Julia's departure.

 ****

 Julia woke up early in the morning. Her face lit up as she recalled her dream she had last night.

 She dreamed of riding her horse with Fernan and running through the wide plains.

 Perhaps because she had a pleasant dream, she felt lighter in her body and pleasant in her head.

 Julia called her maids and began to prepare to go out.

 Time passed quickly, and the day had come when Fernan was going to leave for his important trip.

 She had heard that he was leaving at dawn, so Julia wanted to see him off at that time.

 Her maids combed her hair and tied it neatly into one.

 When the sun was just starting to rise in the morning, she made her preparations and hurried to the lobby.

 "Your Highness."

 Fernan, who was striding through the long lobby, immediately turned his head to the small voice.

 As she approached him at a fast pace, he looked at Julia with startled eyes.

 “Julia.”

 Julia stopped in front of him, raised her head and smiled softly.

 “Have a safe trip.”

 Fernan didn't answer for a moment, despite the friendly greeting. He just stared at her as if he was holding back something.

 When Julia gradually began to feel suspicious about that appearance, Fernan let out a voice that sounded like a muffled sigh.

 “…  Don’t make me not want to leave.”

 Aside from her lovable nature, Fernan felt like her goodbye was really her last goodbye.

 Up until now, it was Julia who said soft words then left him afterwards.

 Fernan couldn't take his steps, he just looked at her endlessly.

 Then he took a deep breath and then spoke again.

 “Can you promise me you won’t go anywhere while I’m away?”

He didn't know he’d be doing a promise game that only children would do, but Fernan was very serious.

 He was still not sure if it was safe enough even though he strengthened the castle's security and kept escorts around her.  Julia made a puzzled face as she looked at Fernan’s serious face.

 Still, she nodded obediently.

 “I promise. Don’t worry."

Fernan reached out and grabbed her hand. Then, he lowered his lips to Julia, who opened her eyes wide.

 Watching his lips silently touched her cheek, Julia went blank momentarily.

 "I will be back."

 Fernan, who gently caressed her eyelids, finally turned around.

Julia felt as if she had a mark engraved on her cheek where he kissed her as she was looking at him leaving.

 ***

 A day has passed since Fernan left. Julia walked down the hallway, feeling more lonely than she expected.  Recently, Julia has spent more time with Fernan than anyone else in this castle. From having meals, tea times, to evening walks.

Perhaps that was why his vacancy felt so great at this moment.

 Julia slowly went to the study located on the fourth floor with a depressed mood.

 She opened the big door and stepped inside, looking around for a moment.

 That was then.  For a moment, she felt suffocated.

 Julia furrowed her eyebrows and pressed her chest. It was just for a moment that she couldn’t breathe, and her breath came back right away… 

 ‘Why do I feel so bad… ?'

 It was the second time that Julia set foot in this study. Her first was when she was guided around the castle.

 It must be so, but strangely, Julia felt as if she had stayed here for a long time.

Also she felt suffocated as soon as she stepped her foot inside.

Forgetting her purpose to read the book, Julia walked out of the library.

In fact, this wasn’t the first time she had felt this way.

Just like a while ago, even though it was clearly the first time in her memory, the strange feeling as if her body was remembering it had already continued several times.