I Unknowingly Rejected My Favorite

༺ Why Are You So Friendly? ༻

“Ah… Seriously…”

I placed my hand on my forehead, weighed down by my pent-up feelings.

Luka was streaming today, and the title of her stream was…

[third audition review / short chill session]

On the screen, her avatar was smiling innocently. Maybe she was happy about something.

There were times when her eyes looked like twinkling stars and when she made a coy blushing expression.

But I couldn’t hear what she was talking about. 

Nobody forced me to wear earplugs or anything.

This all happened because of the mute button that I willingly pressed with tears in my eyes.

I also wanted to get into the chat with other viewers to congratulate Luka, but life shackled me heavily.

It was a karma that I deserved.

[taemin, are you really okay?]

[Yeah. I said I’ll do it, so I’ll do it.]

[you only have two days. we’re starting over, it’ll be hard.]

[It doesn’t matter.]

[why are you going this far?]

Junseok looked at me as if he couldn’t understand.

[…I’m doing this because I might also be busy one day.]

As long as Luka’s stream and audition preparation went smoothly, I could work my butt off for two days no problem.

Naturally, the thought, ‘The stream comes first! Is the group project really that important now?’ lived rent-free in my head as I worked on the material…

Haah… I really wanted to watch the stream.

It felt like I was the only one working here in the corner of my room, while everyone else was toasting and enjoying the festivities.

But since the title said it was a short stream, I convinced myself to get a five-minute break and pressed the volume button.

{Manager~~~~}

It was a troubled voice.

Luka’s voice itself was cute, but the thing that came out of her mouth was not.

{Please ban all these people who say Fuckdol here~~}

Fuckdol?

It didn’t take long to figure out where that word came from.

[good job, fuckdol! you’re the best fuckdol!]

[Fuckdol will debut! Fuckdol will debut! Fuckdol will debut! Fuckdol will debut! Fuckdol will debut!]

[Luka-tan is calling her manager ohoo how cute!]

[let’s debut fuckdol~~]

{No! Guys! I’m really close to becoming an idol. How can you all keep calling me ‘fuckdol’?}

Luka’s avatar shook her head.

{I swear… I didn’t mean to curse that day…}

She tried to explain herself, but the chat didn’t even pretend to hear it.

{oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck. oh. fuck.}

[yeah~ right~ you really are fuckdol~]

[Aren’t you ashamed of swearing, Luka-tan?]

Goodness… These rascals…

I couldn’t hold back laughter once I realized what was going on.

Fuckdol, huh?

I wondered if she’d be able to remove that nickname even after she officially passed the final selection and started being an active idol.

“Luka, the Fuckdol.”

 It was hard to calm down a bunch of people who were talking nonstop.

In the end, Luka, who had been at war with the viewers, finally conceded.

{Fine, I’ll admit. Fuckdol. It’s true that I said that word, it wasn’t bullshit that came out of nowhere.}

{But I don’t think it’s right to bombard the chat room with swear words like this.}

{Not only does it look bad, but what if people from other streams come and watch? Then they find the entire chat is filled with swear words?}

{I’d rather if you phrase it a bit differently, or maybe use letters… No. This isn’t going to work.}

As soon as she said letters, the chat room was filled with all kinds of FDs.

{Stop, stop! Oh my gosh… seriously… guys… if you keep saying bad words…}

{I’d rather if you give me the best name using letters with FD from now on}

{If we find something good, we’ll go with that. But fuckdol is a no-no! Now stop!}

Ahh… I needed to hurry up and send the assignment to Junseok…

After turning on Luka’s stream, I wasn’t able to turn off the volume even after ten minutes had passed.

This really got me hooked. 

I had always felt this way, but streamer chats always had this crazy ad-lib skill.

Which made me wonder where these internet dwellers came from since I couldn’t find a lot of funny people around me.

{Fleshdol. Isn’t that too absurd?}

{What frenchdol? You to draw me like one of your French girls?}

Luka’s avatar smiled, maybe she was dumbfounded.

{Oh, this is good.}

Among the outpouring suggestions, Luka’s choice of her own name fell on…

{Dundundun! I’ll go with this!}

Even when the chat was rife with people booing her, Luka firmly went ahead with her choice. 

{Well~ Guys, I’d appreciate it if you called me philosopherdol instead of fuckdol~ Awawaa~}¹

T/N: The joke is that ‘Fuckdol’ is 시발돌 (Shibaldol), and they’re making a play on of the starting characters ㅅㅂㄷ.

The original for the 1st line is: 수박돌 – (Watermelondol). Isn’t that too random?

The original for 2nd line is: 수비드 – What (sous vide)? Are you going to heat me up in hot water?

The original for this line is: 선비돌 – Scholardol.

But you know, she’s talking so technically Ph(f)ilosopher starts with an F, hehe.

Though… There have been a lot of jokes in this series that were a play on words, but they’re kind of hard to translate over and I just wanted to this explain this one for all of you.

Sure enough, the chat was blown up with spam in the blink of an eye.

Watching Luka and the viewers bickering again, I quickly hit the home button.

“Yeah…”

You seem happy, Luka-tan. 

And the reason why she and her viewers were able to have a good time was because I had to go through this hell right in front of me.

I shifted my attention back to the monitor and took a deep breath.

“…Ah, I really don’t want to do this.”

With that being said, the sounds definitely weren’t good for doing data research.

* * *

“Huu…”

Pressing the end stream button, I let out a short sigh.

I’ve been expecting this to happen ever since the ‘Fuckdol’ term was made into Youtube clips, but I didn’t expect it to blow up this much.

Wasn’t it too much to call a cute bishoujo character a ‘fuckdol?’

Then again, the root of the problem was my cursing on that day, not my own chat.

I knew I was on stream, but I was surprised, okay?

Yes, I shouldn’t have said any bad words, but it really couldn’t be helped.

Back then, I really was at my wits’ end, so it just kinda happened.

A life vest was thrown at me just when I thought I was screwed, and it was enough to make my mind go blank.

I opened my phone to check Messenger, and saw a flood of texts in the group chat.

Group project…

It was time for me to stop reliving the joy of passing the audition.

The messages piled up in the group chat made me feel heavy.

I never lied about being busy.

Even now, I barely had the time to check these messages as I still had to fill out the paperwork the company requested.

The data that I must submit to make it into the final line-up for the virtual idol group, Closer Project, were surprisingly very personal.

My student record during middle and high school. 

The handles of all SNS accounts under my name.

They told me that all of the company’s trainees had to submit such data, so I had no choice but to comply.

It was a big company, after all.

It made sense that they wouldn’t want to take in candidates who may be involved in school violence, or exhibited other questionable behavior.

I decided to write it later, so I scrolled to the bottom of the chatroom first.

[Junseok. Take a look at this.]

[This is from the recent broadcast program. How about using this as a base?]

[There’s an article about it, too. I’ll send you a link.]

Taemin oppa…

Oppa was acting like his feet were on fire by constantly sending data and asking for confirmation. 

He kept sending additional information even if Junseok oppa didn’t check what he sent, making me feel bad seeing him like this.

He, who said that he’d also do my part on top of his own, was really putting more effort into the group project than anybody else.

But his actions were a little strange.

Just as Junseok oppa said during the class that day, Taemin oppa had no ‘reason’ to do this.

He had no reason to be that considerate to me.

If there was one, maybe it was because he felt sorry for rejecting me…?

At the very least, I knew it wasn’t some nice reason like he likes me.

It was stupid to think, ‘Don’t tell me…?’ when I was rejected so coldly.

But that didn’t mean I wasn’t thankful to him…

I’m going to reopen my private chat with Taemin oppa, even though I promised myself I would never open it again.

Our conversation which ended with Oppa’s [Yeah].

I couldn’t hide my bitterness when I thought about that time.

That was how I got rejected that day.

After briefly closing my eyes and taking a deep breath, I slowly moved my fingers to start the chat.

[oppa, you suffered a lot because of me ㅠ﹏ㅠ i promise to do my best and help out starting next week…]

I also sent him a gift that could be exchanged for a small cake and coffee.

It wasn’t anything big, but this was the least I could do to express my sincerity.

The stick disappeared as soon as I sent it.

It was a sign that Taemin oppa opened my chat.

I was so nervous that I gripped my phone with two hands in case he’d reply right away, but the reply didn’t come for a while.

Hopefully, he’d reply to me quickly. It would be fine even if he were to scold me.

If I was going to get hit anyway, it was better to get hit sooner than later.

I felt like I had enough waiting throughout the audition.

[Did you take care of your urgent matter?]

…But, why are you so friendly? Seriously.

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• 1

  T/N: The joke is that ‘Fuckdol’ is 시발돌 (Shibaldol), and they’re making a play on of the starting characters ㅅㅂㄷ.

  The original for the 1st line is: 수박돌 – (Watermelondol). Isn’t that too random?

  The original for 2nd line is: 수비드 – What (sous vide)? Are you going to heat me up in hot water?

  The original for this line is: 선비돌 – Scholardol.

  But you know, she’s talking so technically Ph(f)ilosopher starts with an F, hehe.

  Though… There have been a lot of jokes in this series that were a play on words, but they’re kind of hard to translate over and I just wanted to this explain this one for all of you.

***

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