I Tried To Be Her Loyal Sword

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227 Chapter

A strange silence lingered. I stared blankly at the figure filling my vision.

Without lights, the only illumination came from the window of the infirmary filtering the orange sunlight outside.

The sunlight caught the deep shadows on Leo’s face behind me, sculpted with careful strokes of light and darkness.

‘I absolutely won’t call you sister…’

Back when he insisted on calling me by my name and not treating me like a child, it felt childish.

Now, however, as he casually called me sister, he paradoxically appeared to have matured.

I glanced down at the hand that gently gripped my wrist. It was a size that I could barely hold with both hands.

“……Was it hard growing up?”

The small, delicate hand that fit perfectly in one of mine felt much smaller than the large, rough hand now. Remembering the gap between us, I looked up at him again.

“Can the struggles I went through really be conveyed with just words? I summoned disaster with my own hands, suffocating in blood and sulfur. Misery was my god.”

Leo twisted the corners of his mouth as if on a steep slope.

Many saw Leo, who ascended the throne after killing all his siblings, as a monster who could not be saved, but I didn’t think so.

‘Because of me, my precious person died. To protect me? I… don’t want that. I don’t want to cause more pain by losing anyone else.’

The Leo I knew was a person who bled when pricked.

His moral standards strayed considerably from the ordinary, but he was not devoid of humanity.

Walking a bloody path, he must have suffered in his own way.

Once you commit murder, you can’t go back. The before and after are divided like day and night. That was the cost of stealing someone’s breath away.

“Since reclaiming the throne, no one in reality can torment me. But not in dreams.”

The corners of Leo’s mouth trembled faintly. His vividly shining light green eyes sparkled like jellyfish in the night sea.

“Whenever the specters of the past tormented me, I called not to a god, but to your name. I sought human protection, praying for mercy from the god who abandoned me… You were the strongest person I knew.”

Leo gently pushed my bangs aside with the hand not gripping my wrist. It was clumsy, but kind.

“I grew through the growing pains of my feelings for you, and I thrived on the words you spoke. I’ve missed you for so long, Shushu.”

Leo’s smile was brighter than sunlight.

“…And yet you didn’t come to find me even once until your coronation? It’s too late now.”

As a ticklish fluffiness spread over my body, I wriggled slightly and playfully pushed against Leo’s chest, naturally pulling myself upright. A strange feeling swirled in my head and thudded into my heart.

“I had no choice. I couldn’t come to find you in a pitiful state without the throne.”

His last words were whispered softly, but I clearly heard them. I frowned.

“I didn’t care how you looked.”

“I do. I only wanted to show you my best side.”

Leo decisively interrupted and stood up, extending his hand towards me.

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow after you see it. I’ll take you to the inn.”

Why does he want to show me only his best side?

Suddenly, doubt arose.

Is it because I’m a precious friend?

Could such feelings be so easily defined? I slowly contemplated my questions as I grasped Leo’s hand.

“Okay. Lead the way.”

Here, Leo was the only person I could rely on.

On our way to the inn, Leo introduced me to the Royal Palace.

The palace of Atara was so dazzling that even I, who thought I had grown accustomed to luxury, couldn’t help but be captivated.

Throughout, we held hands tightly without letting go.

Occasionally, when courtiers or attendants passed by, we discreetly released our hands to avoid gossip, but once they were gone, Leo would instantly grab my hand again with a precision that felt cute, and I willingly accepted.

Then, my gaze fell upon something, causing me to abruptly stop.

“Why? Is there something you want? Should I get it for you?”

“No, that…”

Leo, who had also stopped, followed the direction my fingertip pointed, and his expression grew serious.

In front of the fountain of the palace stood a statue modeled after a person. Among the many decorations adorning the palace, it was the largest.

The statue was made of noble marble, delicately detailed down to each strand of hair, seemingly ready to exhale at any moment.

I couldn’t take my eyes off the golden plaque beneath the statue, which bore its title.

“Is that your wet nurse?”

[Leisha]

There, a name I recognized was clearly inscribed.

I stared at the statue in unfamiliarity. There hadn’t been a single line describing Leisha’s appearance in [Fairy’s Night], so I could only now speculate about Leisha’s living form.

The texture of skin depicted in stark white marble. A long, narrow scar that slanted across a finely sculpted nose. A cool, strong expression typical of a wolf beastman. And the amethyst embroidery embedded in her eyes.

Leo’s hero rested here in cold marble.

“Yeah. My wet nurse.”

In a low voice, Leo answered and slowly stood before the statue.

His expression, as he looked up at Leisha’s emotionless face, was mixed with doubts, nostalgia, and torment.

“She asked for vengeance. Not just as a mere prince’s wet nurse, but as a minister who laid the groundwork for the king.”

Leisha must have urged Leo strongly to give him a reason to live, but for young Leo, it must have been a tremendous shock.

I could tell by his gaze. Leisha was still traumatic for Leo.

“I’m a king now. I can grant her requests as much as I want. If I erect this statue throughout Atara and record her name in history so that everyone remembers, would she be satisfied?”

Leo lowered his eyes gently as he traced Leisha’s name engraved on the plaque.

In his light green eyes, the cracks from previous wounds split light into shining fragments.

“Will she be proud of me then?”

His cracked voice sounded like dry soil parched from a long drought. Leo had grown in body and thought, yet in spirit, he was still a child thirsty for love and recognition.

It was a lack.

“Leo.”

“Don’t worry. It’s just something I said.”

“Is it not painful to see this statue?”

To Leo, Leisha was the trauma itself. I couldn’t even imagine how he felt keeping this reminder of that trauma in the most visible spot in the palace.

Leo turned to look at me. His white eyelashes fluttered delicately like butterfly wings.

“It… doesn’t matter. What matters is not forgetting Leisha.”

Once again, I saw a different figure overlapping with Leo as he muttered obsessively.

‘I must bear the weight of the lives taken… I must bear the weight of the lives taken… I must bear the weight of the lives…’

Leo resembled me when I lost Karasho.

“Do you really think suffering through hardship will forgive your sins? The dead won’t see it.”

Leo’s eyes gleamed. He was openly showing that Leisha was his Achilles’ heel.

“Then what else can I do?”

“Think again. Is Leisha someone who would want to see you in pain?”

“…What do you know?”

“What do I know? I’m just saying what I feel.”

I responded to the sharpened Leo with shamelessness. Watching him break his guard and let out a hollow laugh, I slowly raised the corners of my lips.

“After killing my master, the more I suffered, the more I foolishly thought my sins would be forgiven, and I once threw myself into danger like a madman.”

“…What?”

“In the end, nothing changed. My heart remained uneasy. I was sad about my master’s death, and the one who visited me in my dreams never forgave me. I just suffered for nothing.”

After sending Karasho off, I lived like a recluse at home for a while. It was only through Aaria’s persuasion that I barely started working again, dealing with tasks that were far beyond my means, almost as if I was crazy enough to want to die.

I thought it would serve as my atonement, but unfortunately, nothing improved.

“I’m sorry for your wet nurse, but you’re more important to me. I hope you’re not forcing yourself to endure pain.”

Gently stroking Leo’s head as he frowned in confusion hearing about my past that I had never mentioned, I offered him some comfort.

Time may not be a universal remedy, but it does provide some healing. Now, I could finally speak to him as if it were nothing.

Leo bit his lips tightly.

“It’s pathetic that I haven’t overcome this at my age.”

“What’s so wrong about it? Are you going to think poorly of ordinary people who can’t shake off a cold and suffer for a week with determination as we users of aura do?”

Everyone has their own time needed to overcome obstacles. Just because someone gets over things quickly doesn’t mean they didn’t suffer, and being slow doesn’t mean they’re weak. Above all, the pain Leo went through was substantial enough for him to bear.

I quietly patted his shoulder and continued speaking.

“It doesn’t matter if it’s late. Don’t force yourself to confront or remember. It’s not too late to face it when you’re ready. The dead won’t leave. They’ll wait until you’re ready.”

That is the kindness of the dead. Unlike the impatient, vibrant living beings, they patiently wait in the same spot. Isn’t that precisely the reason they don’t have feet to walk to the grave?

The dead don’t change; they remain exactly as they were at that time, that place, and that moment. It is both the only comfort and the greatest tragedy.

“Let’s put the statue aside for now. When you’re ready, we can meet again and pay our respects.”

I sighed and smiled, recalling Caesar’s gentle red eyes.

“Some things can only be overcome after going through a bout of suffering like a childhood illness. After fully suffering, face it once again.”

The saying that love and kindness can be given in proportion to what one receives is undoubtedly true. Just as I became someone who could comfort someone a little more grown-up thanks to Caesar’s unconditional affection.

Leo lowered his head. At that moment, his broad shoulders appeared narrow, burdened by countless weights.

I chose to ignore the clear streams of water trailing down his white cheeks.