LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 196
Chapter 196: Side Story 2
Kashmir barely opened her eyes after five days since the day she collapsed. Arya, who had been by her side every single day without fail, captured the moment when Kashmir rubbed her swollen eyes and was startled to see her.
“Oh, Arya, it’s that…”
“Kashmir.”
Kashmir’s pupils darted around, lost and confused. As if trying to explain, her stammering voice was gently but firmly cut off by Arya.
Perhaps it was because she had always called her ‘sister.’ The surprise on Kashmir’s face at hearing her name from Arya only intensified. Arya blinked slowly, gazing at her with calm eyes.
“What would happen if I died?”
During Kashmir’s three days of not being able to rise, Arya had constantly thought about this foolish woman who threw herself into danger for her sake.
The fact that she wasn’t healthy no longer pained Arya. But seeing Kashmir suffering from poison and groaning all night tormented her. Even the slightest movement from Kashmir rocked Arya’s small world.
How could I make you stop doing that? She wouldn’t listen to words.
Then maybe if I disappeared, she would give it up.
The cunning child, born with selfishness, felt her carefully laid plans tumbling down. Sacrificing oneself for others? How silly. Only a fool like Kashmir would do that.
So the saying that love makes one resemble the other seems to hold truth.
In the darkness, her fluorescent pink eyes flickered.
Contrary to Arya’s expectations, Kashmir did not show emotional reactions. She did not ask why they would say such things with a serious expression, nor did she look sad or pitiful. She simply stared at Arya.
“Ah.”
In that moment, Arya felt a chill run down her spine. She realized what was reflected in Kashmir’s eyes.
“What do you think it would be like? I wouldn’t know. I’m going to die, too.”
Kashmir replied, as if it were obvious, and laughed nonchalantly.
What lay within was a madness mixed with an obsession bright enough to be unbelievable for a child.
At that moment, Arya understood. Just as clinging to Kashmir gave her life meaning, saving her was the only thing that gave Kashmir’s life meaning.
The twisted bond between Kashmir and Arya was already tightly entangled—impossible to unravel by normal means, and cutting it would sever both.
“So don’t say such things. Let’s go home.”
With a gentle smile, Kashmir lightly embraced Arya. Her narrow arms were still warm.
She knew this was wrong.
“Mm…”
Even knowing, Arya closed her eyes.
Accepting that wrong love was all she could do.
After that, Arya showed an even weaker side before Kashmir. She wanted Kashmir to think of her as someone she needed to protect. The weaker Arya was, the more burdened Kashmir would feel to survive and protect her.
That way, she wouldn’t abandon Arya.
“Kashmir, what drink should we order?”
“Huh? I want strawberry parfait! It’s my favorite.”
Does Kashmir know? That Arya actually doesn’t like strawberry parfait?
It wasn’t that liking strawberry parfait was problematic, but Arya used the stereotype that weak and noble young ladies liked that sort of thing. It didn’t matter what she liked, yet society judged people by such things.
Every time she mentioned wanting a dress, did she know that what Arya truly wanted was a book? Did she know that her default expression wasn’t a smile but a blank face? Did she know that most of the various expressions she showed Kashmir were all fabricated?
She had no way of knowing. She had hidden it all thoroughly.
Arya thought this place was a cozy abyss. A twisted obsession disguised as love for each other.
The sticky swamp would swallow both Kashmir and Arya, but wouldn’t it be okay because they were together?
She preferred it this way. Just the two of them in this cramped, dirty, and cozy world.
However, that world began to crack when she turned nine.
“Sister, isn’t the work hard?”
“Lately, it’s been alright. I’ve gained two more colleagues who work with me…”
That winter when she turned nine marked the beginning of Kashmir’s gradual change.
“Arya, don’t you have anything you want to do when you grow up?”
“Well, I’ve never really thought about it.”
“Think about it at least once. I’ll help you.”
“What could I possibly do, being as weak as I am? You know I can’t do anything without you.”
“…That’s not true. You can do it too. They say no child in this world lacks potential.”
Kashmir, who had been dwelling in dark and gloomy reality alongside her, began to see dreams alone. It was as if someone had blown away the fog of despair, and she was floating in hope.
“Arya, I’m going to do my best, so… how about we visit the academy?”
“Huh? So sudden? No, it’s okay.”
“Don’t say that and think about it a little. You’re smart, so if you try, you can find a sponsor.”
“…Why all of a sudden? I think it’s okay like this.”
“Well, I think it’s not okay. Someone said children have the right to grow up not feeling lonely. If the academy is too burdensome, how about hiring a nanny? I think being alone for too long isn’t good for your emotions.”
She thought that over time, reality would hit her and she’d deflate, but Kashmir began to rise higher and higher. She started thinking about the future, believing in possibilities, and talking about hope.
Kashmir kept expanding their world that had once been just the two of them.
Arya found it chillingly unsatisfactory.
She thought she was cradling a star she had longed for, but the star seemed to rise higher as if this place wasn’t its home. It felt like she was no longer the only one in her world.
What if it moved so far away that she couldn’t reach it? Couldn’t it just keep falling together with her?
Even knowing it was ugly, she couldn’t stop such thoughts.
“Sister, who are those new colleagues you mentioned?”
Unable to hold back her unease, Arya asked one day. Kashmir had started changing since gaining those colleagues, so it was obvious they were the cause.
“Oh, they’re good people. One of them is trash… but not irredeemable trash.”
“Aren’t they strange people? They seem to be corrupting you.”
Kashmir’s expression stiffened slightly. Seizing that moment, Arya bit her lip.
What kind of people could make Kashmir stiffen her expression even before her?
“It’s not like that. I’m receiving a lot of help.”
“I don’t like you hanging out with those people.”
Arya cut in decisively.
It was a childish tantrum, selfishness stitched with greed.
“I’m the only one with you; it should be fair if you’re only with me too. Don’t leave me behind. Please stay here with me.”
Arya defined all humanity, from their birth, as evil. And among them, she believed she was born with the most grotesque nature.
“Isn’t it okay to be a little greedy when I have nothing?”
She was given neither parents, a good environment, nor a healthy body. What was given to her were just two things: a disgustingly fast-spinning mind and her beloved Kashmir.
“What’s wrong with clinging to my only lifeline? I can afford to be a little selfish.”
Arya rationalized it like that. She was clever but still remained mentally immature.
“Would you listen to me, sister?”
Arya sent a pleading gaze. Kashmir had never turned down a request from Arya. Although Arya had never made a burdensome request in the first place, even considering that, Kashmir was devoted to her.
Arya couldn’t even imagine that her request would be rejected.
“I’m sorry, Arya.”
Thus, all thoughts stopped at the sight of Kashmir resolutely rejecting her while displaying a troubled expression.
“They’re precious to me. If you tell me what part feels uncomfortable, I’ll fix it, so don’t say such things.”
At that moment, Arya discovered that the once-dead pink eyes filled with despair were gradually regaining their vitality.
They say all shining stars get lost once. Kashmir had lost her way for a moment, still shining brightly like a star.
“Ugh…”
“Arya! Damn it, are you okay? Feeling dizzy again?”
Ugly emotions engulfed her. Arya couldn’t hold back the terrible self-loathing directed toward herself. Though she hadn’t eaten, her stomach twisted. Bitter bile surged up.
“Crazy bastard. Dirty bastard.”
Arya mentally cursed herself over and over. She buried herself deep underground and piled a sky-high grave on top, wishing she could just die.
She couldn’t find joy in her sister’s growth. She felt envy, jealousy, fear, anxiety, and disgust.
But she hated the thought of being rejected once more even more. She feared being abandoned.
“…No. Sorry for saying something strange.”
Arya once again closed her eyes.
She never chose to resolve things through conversation. She always buried everything in her heart.
After that, Arya remained in a state of anxiety.
What if one day Kashmir said she would live with those people and leave her behind? What if they really were as wonderful as people described, and Kashmir loved them more than her?
Arya’s narrow world shook. Despite suffering in the midst of it, she felt questions arise.
Is a world completed by one person truly right? No, she already knew that it wasn’t right. Then what should she do? Can I escape from here? But must I really escape?
I truly only need my sister. Can’t she just stay here?
Creak, crack. The sound of splitting continued. It was the sound of Arya’s world breaking apart. She was terrified that she wouldn’t be able to withstand the destruction of her world. It felt like she would be crushed beneath the remains of a collapsing sky.
And the one who temporarily halted that destruction was the very cause of it.
It was a winter’s day of heavy snowfall when she turned ten. Just before Kashmir’s birthday. Sitting by the warm fireplace where the soft fire was burning, waiting as usual for Kashmir to arrive,
Creeeak.
The cabin door swung open, revealing Kashmir, covered all over in white snow.
“Sister…?”
Kashmir unusually did not respond to Arya’s call. Instead, she entered the house with a feeble gait, like an undead.
Her normally pale face was redder than usual.
It wasn’t a red face from the cold; it was from crying so much.
“…Arya.”
Kashmir approached and knelt before Arya, who was sitting in the chair. Her icy cold hands tightly gripped Arya’s warm hands. Arya flinched at the chill and gazed at Kashmir with bewildered eyes.
Kashmir’s sparkling pink eyes, which had started to shine recently, were once again pitch black, devoid of life.
“I have no one but you.”
That lifeless voice whispered. As her head fell helplessly, the snowflakes that had settled on her black hair began to melt and fall away. The snowflakes couldn’t even reach the ground due to the warmth of the fireplace before disappearing.
“I really have no one but you now.”
Kashmir moaned. She fiercely buried her face in Arya’s lap.
Arya realized that Kashmir had lost something precious.
“It hurts so much…”
Her small body drooped like a marionette with its strings cut. Arya couldn’t say anything or take any action, and she just stared at that moment for a while.
The world had stopped its destruction.
Kashmir having only herself left. It was the moment Arya had long wished for.
Yet, clearly,
Arya wasn’t the least bit happy.