I Thought It Was a Fairy Tale but the Genre Is Strange

Episode 55 – Hansel and Gretel (9)

A single scythe laid neatly in front of the roaring flames. Yeah, that’s my scythe. It’s a very capable weapon that will cut through the rope and subdue that crazy Gretel.

Gretel stared blankly back and forth between me and the twilight-imbued scythe before bursting into laughter.

“Puhhihihit! You, you actually thought you could escape with that scythe? I wondered where you vanished to! What a hilarious sight. It’s unfortunate, but now it’s time for you to be eaten deliciously. Regret in death throwing away the chance to become my Hansel!”

The chilling blade glints under the ceiling light. Above, danger! At this rate, I’ll really get my limbs chopped off!

Damn it. First, I need to survive. I quickly racked my brain and said,

“Um, do I really have to be eaten so tastelessly?”

“What? Tasteless?”

Right! You took the bait! Gretel’s face contorted in displeasure at the mention of it tasting bad.

“Yeah! It’s gonna taste bad eaten like this. We haven’t been cooked through, or even browned on the outside. Just half-assed cooked meat. It’s definitely gonna taste awful and make you sick.”

“So what do you want to do?”

“Isn’t there a better way than eating it like this? It’d be much better if we cooked it instead of just grilling it roughly.”

“Cook it?”

Gretel was all ears at my words. Yes! It works! Just like she looks, that creature is a glutton for tasty things. Eating human meat says it all. But any meat is much tastier when cooked with various side dishes, instead of just grilling it haphazardly.

And from Gretel’s expression, it’s clear she’s never cooked a proper meal in her life.

“Y-you’re crazy! We’re about to be eaten, and you’re talking about cooking us!”

Adele screamed, horrified at the thought of being cooked and eaten. Ugh, she should be quiet at a time like this! I’m trying to buy time!

Gretel glared at Adele, clearly displeased, and Adele immediately clamped her mouth shut.

“What kind of cooking are you talking about?”

“Haha, so you also know that cooked food is tastier? Meat can be steamed, braised, or put in a stew; it’s all delicious. Despite how I look, I have some experience cooking at home, you see.”

“Hmm? So?”

“I’ll… I’ll serve you a delicious meal! Of course, using us as the ingredients.”

Gretel gave me a suspicious look. But she couldn’t hide the drool dripping from her mouth and chin. Gretel stroked her wobbling jowls and asked,

“Hmm. How can I trust that?”

“How can you trust it? It’s obvious that you would win even if we fought again. How could I possibly be your match? So, instead of being brutally murdered by you, I just thought that it’s better to at least die as a self-made meal, I have no other intentions.”

“Hrmmm.”

Gretel was still fiddling with her wobbling jowls, her suspicious gaze still fixed on me. Meanwhile, the intense heat was making my back burn, and sweat was pouring down me like rain. Adele, who was directly exposed to the heat behind me, was hyperventilating and suddenly started muttering to herself.

At that moment, Gretel grinned.

“Good idea. Fine, I’ll give you the special chance to cook for yourselves.”

“Really, seriously? You’re actually a reasonable dude!”

“But, you know,”

Huh? Something feels off. Gretel lifted the cleaver above her head again.

“I’m too hungry to wait. Let’s just start by tearing off one of your arms each.”

“W-w-what?! You crazy monster!!!”

I’m gonna, gonna die! The cleaver was charging at me, aiming to slice my arm off. In my head, I could already imagine the cold blade slicing through my flesh and bone, blood gushing out.

“Ugh, Uaaahhh!!!”

Just as the cleaver was about to hit my skin, I couldn’t bear to watch, and squeezed my eyes shut, turning my head away.

*Ting!*

Huh? *Ting*? Why is there a metallic clanging sound? Confused, I opened my eyes. There, I saw the familiar bright yellow hair.

“Alice!!!”

I cried out in a voice filled with joy. But the happiness was short lived. A terrible, suffocating pressure sent a shiver down my spine. Alice was acting strangely. She wasn’t her usual self, the one who was always playfully grinning, even in the most insane situations, like she was having fun.

There was no madness in her eyes. No, a rage that burned even her overflowing madness was raging within them. Her face was expressionless, devoid of any discernible feeling. That’s right. Alice was angrier than I had ever seen her.

In Alice’s grasp was the broken blade of the cleaver.

“W-who, who are you! You insolent little b*tch! How did you escape again! Don’t interfere, and get lost!”

Gretel panicked and stumbled backward. But she quickly realized that her mealtime was being interrupted, and her face began to crumple with ugly wrinkles.

“Hey.”

The moment Alice spoke, my skin shivered. Her low voice sounded like listening to the growl of an enraged demon.

*Whoosh.* A gust of wind that came from nowhere tousled my hair.

“Kyak!”

When I came to, Adel and I were on the floor, right next to the scythe. Ellis had released us. She didn’t even glance at Adel or me, her eyes fixed solely on Gretel.

“Was it you?”

“Wh-what are you talking about!”

“Were you the one who tried to trap me in that disgusting dream?”

Gretel scoffed at Ellis’s words.

“Ha! Who else would it be, you brain-dead hag? You’re as thick as you look, aren’t you? Still, I’ll give you credit for breaking out of my magic by yourself…”

Gretel’s pupils widened. A shard of the broken Chinese cleaver was reflected large in her eyes. Because the shard was already right in front of her eyeball.

“H-hiiiik!!!”

*Ting!*

The cleaver shard bounced off an invisible, transparent barrier. But it had barely missed, and a long, bleeding gash appeared right next to her eye, and crimson blood trickled down.

Gretel touched the blood she had shed, grinding her teeth.

“How dare you!!!!”

But she didn’t even have time to speak. *Thud!!* She was immediately startled and had to deploy a defensive barrier. As Ellis’s heavy fist connected with the barrier, it cracked instantly.

“N-no way! What, what the hell are you!?”

“Someone you should never touch.”

*Crash!* Ellis threw another punch and the barrier shattered. Gretel, fat as she was, used the arms jutting out of her back to push off the floor and quickly retreated, chanting a spell.

But nothing happened. Ellis was simply walking. At the sight, Gretel trembled all over.

“You brute! You’re overpowering my telekinesis with sheer force!?”

Good heavens. Ellis was ignoring the telekinesis pressing down on her by walking through it with her innate strength. Ellis stared directly into Gretel’s eyes and opened her mouth.

“You made me experience the worst moment of my life. You see, I’ve been trapped in this goddamn world for 20 years. Wasting time without even aging. No matter what I did, I couldn’t find that white rabbit who brought me here. For those disgusting years, I only had one wish.”

With a whoosh, Gretel’s tongue shot out from her belly towards Alice. Alice, without batting an eye, casually snatched the tongue with one hand, using minimal effort.

“Ha! Gotcha! The saliva on my tongue is acidic enough to melt a boulder in an instant!”

True to Gretel’s words, a sizzling sound came as smoke rose from Alice’s hand where she was holding the tongue. But Alice didn’t give a damn and pulled the tongue hard.

In an instant, Gretel’s heavy body was lifted into the air and flung towards Alice.

“That wish was to go home, right now.”

*CRACK.* With a sickening sound of something shattering, Gretel crashed into the wall, creating a ruckus inside the gingerbread house. Cookie crumbs rained down on her head.

Gretel, whose face was about to be punched by Alice, seemed to have used the arms on her back for protection; all of those gruesome arms were now broken, with bones protruding from the skin.

“Haa, haa. T-this is impossible. H-how can you have such strength!”

Gretel muttered to herself, seemingly in shock.

Alice stood before her with a blank expression. Gretel’s face went pale as she looked at the shadow looming over her, as if she were seeing a demon.

Alice slightly curled up the corner of her lips as she spoke.

“You see, you gave me a goddamn despair. Haha, I really thought it was real at first. I was so happy and joyful. I met the people I’ve always dreamt of and finally, I could smile because I was finally home. But haaa…”

She ran her fingers through her hair.

“It was fake, you b*tch?”

With that last word, Alice unleashed violence on Gretel, who was embedded in the wall, a level of violence that was hard to watch.