I, the Firstborn of the Demon King

Floida walked slowly through the palace corridors. For the first time, her body felt so heavy and reluctant as it carried her towards the princess’s room. Her eyes had a distant, vacant look, and with every step she took, her heart seemed to ache even more.

It wasn’t like as if she was about to deliver the news of a loved one’s death to their beloved one, but Floida’s reaction was almost close to that. And in this case, the one feeling the pain was herself. The fear of losing someone dear to her, combined with the helplessness of being unable to do anything about it, consumed her.

She finally found herself in front of the wide, black-toned door—the very thing she’d seen most often for years. Strangely enough, even the guard who usually stood there was gone.

When had she gotten here? Why had the cursed time passed so quickly that she found herself here in just the blink of an eye?

Why?! Why couldn’t it have lasted just a little longer...?

And why did everything have to be done so secretly and silently? Even as the princess was being sent away, why wasn’t there a ceremony to mark the moment?

Floida took a deep breath, shook herself, and took some time—quite a bit of time—to gather her composure.

No matter what, what’s done is done! No matter what, she was a noblewoman carrying out her duty! The princess’s departure meant nothing to her, no matter how much time they’d spent together!

As she tried to harden herself with these thoughts, she reached out to knock on the door.

“...”

But in the deep silence, the knock never came. Her trembling hand slowly lowered, forming a fist. She clenched it so tightly that her knuckles turned purple and cracked.

Why?

Why?!

As she leaned her forehead against her arm, resting it on the door, her eyes betrayed too much. Her pale, dark lips quivered involuntarily.

Why it should've been her, of all people?

...

"Mmm..." It looks like it's going to rain today. The shades of gray are quite overwhelming, and I can see the rain clouds beginning to form. I don’t know why, but I don’t like rainy weather. Maybe it’s because I dislike getting wet, or perhaps for other reasons—I’m not sure.

As I stared out of the window of my room, my eyes drifted toward the horizon. I couldn’t help but gaze at that mountain, piercing through the clouds, where Daetrox's inscriptions lay on those stone tablets. I often wondered what kind of mysteries were hidden there. After all, we’re talking about a wise Empress who was born tens of thousands of years ago and ruled the entire world for millennia. I wish I could go there, even just once.

I guess feeling this way wasn’t abnormal. Who wouldn’t feel the same? Then again, I’m not sure—people’s emotions and thoughts can be so complicated, and no matter how much I work on it, I can’t understand most of them.

Really, what exactly are emotions like love, joy, and sadness? I want to understand them, but I can’t. Why? Why am I like this?

Pulling my gaze away from the window, I turned to the full-length mirror near the chair. I looked unusually tired and weak, even for myself. When I woke up, my body was drenched in sweat, and I felt strangely ill. Not to mention the black blood that had flowed from my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears, even though I had wiped it away.

This had happened before. Once, when Floida was there, I must have been one or two years old. I vaguely remember her waking up the entire palace with her screams. It happened a few more times, but I can’t recall how or what the outcomes were.

I let out a soft sigh as I was about to turn my gaze back to the window, but I found myself wanting to look in the mirror again.

To look into my eyes.

My eyes were too weird? My gaze were too different? I thought they were normal, but why did others look at me with expressions I couldn’t understand? Why did noble children pass by me in fear? Why did the palace staff whisper about me?

“So cold!” “Her gaze terrifying!” “Is she even alive?” “She looks like a corpse.” “Haha, who knows, maybe she’s already dead.”

I’d heard some of them say such things when Floida wasn’t around. Is it normal that I felt nothing about it? How would a normal person feel? Am I... so abnormal that I even question these things? Or is it the people around me who are abnormal?

And sometimes, I would hear children, emboldened by their parents, calling me “Motherless!”

Mother... What was she like? What is a mother? Why don’t I have one? I know about anatomy and mammalian reproduction, what reproduction is. So I didn’t fall for Floida’s many lies—like that my father gave birth to me or that I was brought by crows. I’d heard that magic could accomplish many things, but if a person could reproduce through physical or biological means, why bother with such magic that would likely require immense knowledge and cost?

Floida...

The one who raised me to this day.

She always told me to make friends. But, when she brought small children who struggled to speak and looked at me as if I were some kind of strange being, I initially questioned the benefit of making friends. What did they bring me? Nothing.

They were just dull, shallow creatures who couldn’t even solve the simplest formula. And apparently, they were unaware of it.

Floida and Meldon were smarter. They understood what I meant; they weren’t like the others who almost made me want to try a few magical experiments on them. In fact, Meldon, when Floida wasn’t around, would secretly let me into her room with a weird smile and a “shhh”, showing me various experiments and tools. She was the first to show me the formulas for casting spells.

I remember both Floida and Meldon constantly reassuring me, “I’m sure you’ll have great friendships in the future.”

Then why, out of all of this, were the only real friends I made the imaginary, temporary characters formed from words between the pages, vanishing the moment I reached the last line of a book? And could they even be called friends, even in those fleeting moments? At their core, they were all weak characters, manipulated by their emotions.

When I think about it, isn’t this thing called emotion a weakness? It makes one susceptible to manipulation and causes suffering many times. It clouds their judgment.

If that’s what emotions are...

Then I suppose I’m lucky not to have them.

...

The door was knocked on three times, and soon after, the voice of a little girl came from inside. “Come in!”

As the door slowly opened, the person behind it was revealed—Floida. She entered with her usual smile, keeping her voice as natural as possible and in the lively tone she always used when speaking with the princess. “Hello, Your Highness!” she greeted, closing the door behind her.

The girl sitting on the chair by the window turned her gaze toward Floida, her black eyes lingering on her face for a long moment. Floida couldn’t help but feel as if the princess was scrutinizing her. Shifting slightly in her place, she moved further into the room, maintaining her smile.

The room had remained almost the same since the moment the princess was born—almost.

The crib that used to be against the wall had been removed, replaced by a desk. This was where the princess, even at a young age, solved mathematical formulas at an adult level and crafted various magical formulas—sometimes by referencing books and sometimes by inventing them herself.

She truly was a genius, but her father neither noticed nor cared.

Just like he didn’t care about the woman who was loyal to him and loved him sincerely—the princess’s late mother, Queen Quetlas.

The gray-toned walls had slight peeling and cracks in several places, and upon closer inspection, cobwebs could be seen in the corners. Floida had argued with the servants about this many times. Though they generally did their work well, it was clear they never showed the necessary dedication. Everyone in the palace, including the servants, looked down on the princess.

Why?! Was it because her mother had been killed without reason by the king?!

Because, despite she have done nothing wrong, she had been torn from her mother’s love by her own father and left to be ignored like a piece of trash thrown in a corner of the palace?!

Why?! Was it because she couldn’t express her emotions and had difficulty communicating with others?!

Because she acted older than her age and was smarter than all of you?!

Though Floida kept a calm appearance, there was a storm raging inside her.

Those pigs, who deserve to be spat upon, aren’t even worthy of kissing the princess’s feet!

“Floida?” The sound of the princess’s voice pulled Floida from her thoughts. She quickly put on her practiced, natural smile and turned her gaze to the princess. Her eyes held a genuine warmth and gentleness reserved only for her. However, deep down, she couldn’t let the princess know she pitied her, even though she knew the princess wouldn’t understand, for fear it might hurt her feelings.

“Is something wrong?” The princess narrowed her eyes slightly, her voice curious yet somehow emotionless.

Floida held her breath. She didn’t know how to begin or what to say. In the end, she exhaled and began pacing slowly around the room.

“Haha, it’s... of course, there’s nothing to call wrong, princess...” Although she initially let out a nervous laugh, she quickly corrected her tone. However, when she finished speaking, she couldn’t stop her lips from briefly tightening beyond her control. Sometimes, even Floida, who had trained herself for this, struggled to hide her true feelings. If only she have the stone-cold expressions of King Aidz or the princess.

If only, if only...

She crouched in front of the princess, who was seated on the chair by the window. Her gaze swept over her from head to toe. The long silver-white hair cascading over her shoulders still retained its usual shine. Floida had spent countless hours grooming it. Her paper-white skin, with slightly flushed chubby cheeks and small, sweet red lips, made her appear even more adorable. When the princess grew up, she would undoubtedly become as beautiful as her mother.

When she raised her hand to stroke the princess’s cheek, she was silently grateful she managed to stop her hand from trembling.

The princess, however, frowned slightly as she looked at her, clearly trying to figure out what Floida was doing. This was a side of Floida she had never shown before. Yet, the princess didn’t try to stop her; instead, she leaned in closer.

When her hand touched the princess’s soft, chubby cheek, she stroked it with the gentleness one would use for the most fragile and precious thing in the world, fearing she might hurt her. She barely let her hand touch, so much so that her hand trembled from the effort. Before she spoke, she had to bite the inside of her lip hard to keep it from trembling. It was the first time she had tried so hard to stay composed, and it felt suffocating.

When did I become so attached to her? Why did I allow myself to become so attached? Why didn’t I stop myself?

If... If I had known this day would come, I would have held myself back more...

"You... you look tired.” Her throat tightened as she stated the obvious. Her voice, like her gaze, held a fragility she didn’t want to show, but it was clear enough for anyone to easily notice.

But the princess didn’t seem to notice it.

She nodded briefly. “A little. But my condition isn’t serious. I don’t think there’s anything wrong.” She responded in her usual monotone.

Floida could only nod back. Eventually, she lowered her gaze for a moment before looking at the princess again. Her bangs fell over her eyes which are a striking blend of red and purple like a mix of crimson and violet, casting dark shadows—hiding her emotions, even if only briefly, under the cover of its darkness.

When she lifted her head again, her expression was already so tearful that even the princess raised her brows in surprise. “Princess...” she took a deep breath. “You’re... You're leaving the palace today.”

Huh?

“What?” The princess maintain the flatness in her voice, but she couldn’t help feeling surprised. “What do you mean, leaving?”

Floida slowly straightened. “It’s King Aidz’s decision, and Queen Yewsher's agreed. You’ll be going with the queen to the elven lands.”

The princess fell silent for a moment before nodding slowly. “I see... There’s nothing to be done about it. At least by traveling to a different land, I can gain more experience and learn from their culture and knowledge. Maybe we could explore the place together...” She listed off her plans one by one, but then paused as if something had suddenly crossed her mind. She turned her gaze to Floida. “You’re coming too, right?”

Floida couldn’t speak, the knot in her throat sealing her words, while the emotions shaping her face spoke volumes as she bit the inside of her lip hard enough to nearly draw blood.

Unfortunately... I can't... I can’t come! I wish I could!

She lifted her hand to gently tuck a strand of the princess’s hair behind her ear. “Princess...” She forced the familiar smile back onto her face, though it was tinged with sorrow. “...how about I braid your hair? It’s been quite a while since I last did, hasn’t it?”

The princess glanced from Floida to the strands of hair wrapped around her own fingers. “I guess it’s been a few weeks? Not that long, really.”

Actually, I want to cut it short, like yours.

She looked back at Floida again. “But you still haven’t answered my question,” she reminded her. It was clear she wouldn’t let this go easily.

Floida remained silent for a while, then moved toward another window near the one where the princess was standing, looking out. She took a deep breath before shaking her head. Even though the princess couldn’t see her face, the black liquid began to form at the corners of her eyes, creating dark blurs in her vision. “I’m sorry, princess.”

“The place where you’re going to... I won’t be there...”

...

Queen Yewsher, seated comfortably on a throne-like chair on the deck of the floating ship hovering before Aidz’s palace, waited for the princess’s arrival with her son, Tee’yhan, asleep on the seat beside her.

How much longer must I wait?

The queen muttered to herself as she took in the fresh air and the view outside, occasionally picking a few grapes from the bowl resting on her lap.

As impatient as she was and as much as she valued her time, even the queen couldn’t argue with this delay. Clearly, even asocial princess had someone in the palace she needed to say goodbye to, and there was nothing she could say against it. After all, the girl would spend most of her life—perhaps even all of it—far from the place of her birth.

Although the queen wasn’t fully convinced by Aidz’s reason for sending his daughter along with her, the offer was too advantageous for a ruler who valued her kingdom’s interests.

With that, she would have to accommodate the princess, someone she couldn’t entirely figure out. It was a minor risk she was willing to take in exchange for the value of the offer presented. Of course, she had taken precautions.

Her eyes wandered below, scanning the entrance of the palace gates. She frowned as she popped another grape into her mouth.

But really, how much longer must I wait?

Just as she grew more grumpy, the palace gates opened silently, and a few guards and attendants emerged. Finally, the princess appeared, accompanied by a muscular demon woman with a cold expression on her face. She looked a few years older than the last time the queen had seen her.

The queen gestured to a nearby attendant. The man immediately pulled the lever at the edge of the deck, lowering a lift-like platform down.

The princess hesitated, standing still for a moment. It seemed she was contemplating her next move. Eventually, she glanced back at Floida, who stood behind her, as if seeking her approval.

Floida, her face masked with a cold expression as she suppressed her emotions, managed to nod, even as her lip quivered despite her efforts.

And as the princess walked away, the words she had spoken to Floida echoed in her mind.

...

“Floida... I don’t think I can feel emotions... Even though you’ve been so kind to me, I... feel nothing for you...”

Floida’s eyes widened, and despite the shock and immense pain in her chest, she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “P-princess? You...”

The princess looked down at her feet, fiddling with her small fingers.

“I don’t love you... Floida...”

A long silence followed. Floida stood frozen, her mouth agape, forget to breathe.

“But I care about you, I do. Maybe I can’t love like a normal person, but I know I care about you. I understand it logically. If anything happened to you, my heart wouldn’t ache, but...”

“But I think I’d be sad...”

...

As the princess was escorted onto the ship by the elven attendant, Floida watched her from behind, her eyes unable to hold back the tears.

The ship began to rise slowly, giving Floida a brief, fading moment to look at the princess, whom she might never see again.

Finally, the ship ascended, magical shockwaves rippling through the air, creating a soft humming sound as it floated up into the sky. The princess’s hair, carefully braided by Floida for the last time, fluttered behind her. Through the lenses of her glasses, Floida watched her small, sweet figure one last time, waving with trembling hand.

“Goodbye, princess!”

Farewell, my precious princess...

*

Farewell, Floida...