LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 92
To put it simply, I ultimately failed to save Niobe.
I was the only one who could witness the death of the child loved by everyone.
I can’t even remember how many days I went to beg in front of Hiasen.
He always comforted me by saying I did nothing wrong, but that was because he didn’t know the truth.
I had once felt ‘jealousy’ towards Niobe, and it was I who killed her with my own hands.
I was terrified that she would vanish from this world due to a single mistake, leading me to make a foolish choice.
I had stolen even the time for Niobe to say goodbye to everyone, and when I returned with her corpse, no one in the imperial family looked at me kindly.
[The Fourth Princess killed the Third Princess.]
I was so disgusted with myself that I couldn’t stand it.
Back then, while pondering which magic to use, the only justification I could come up with was expected value.
Since Niobe still had many days to live ahead of her, even if the probability of saving her was minimal, I judged that it was worth more than a month.
Yes, mathematically, it might be right.
But what about reality?
If you succeed, it’s 1; if you fail, it’s 0.
I hate myself for choosing 0.
I hated myself for reducing a person’s life to mere numbers.
I detested myself for using all the happiness, comfort, and encouragement Niobe deserved to justify my own existence.
Perhaps that’s why I became even more obsessed with knowledge.
Ignorance is sin, and jealousy was my original sin to brood over.
Holding on to my shattered self like broken glass was ultimately just an obsession with magic again.
I didn’t want to feel jealousy anymore, no, I was fated not to feel jealousy.
I confined, isolated, restrained, and mercilessly beat myself with only what I could put forth.
In the presence of rightly shining beings, feelings of awe take precedence over jealousy.
Looking back, it was only natural that when you lowered yourself endlessly, until you could see the belly of an ant crawling on the floor, jealousy would disappear.
Thus, I gave up on swordsmanship, gave up on social circles, and even gave up on taking care of my appearance.
And around this time, new rumors began to circulate.
[Behind the Fourth Princess is the Demon King.]
Not knowing the right way to atone, I foolishly plugged my ears.
“Have you made your choice…?”
“Yeah, well, I think I’ve more or less made up my mind.”
I couldn’t open my eyes.
In similar situations, what choices would they have made?
Would they defend my judgment?
With my eyelids slowly rising, the fog in the hazy world gradually lifted, becoming clearer.
“Ah… why is everyone…”
All five participants were huddled together on a large magic circle.
The magic I used to save Niobe turned out to be the very magic that sealed her fate.
“What’s the reason?”
The Uncle with the fitness obsession was the first to clear his throat and respond.
“I think I need to take responsibility for the mistakes I’ve made, right? I should try as hard as I can; that’s what being a man is about.”
I was taken aback by such a simple answer.
“It seems we’re in a mood to share reasons, right? Hmm… If there was a reliable way to fix things and we didn’t try, wouldn’t that lead to regrets later? Watching a single month of life is also too harsh.”
I might have been desperately hoping.
Hoping my choice back then hadn’t been wrong.
One by one, they shared different reasons, but the conclusion was always the same.
“Oh, it’s my turn now. So I…”
‘Daehagwonsaengsalryeo’ stroked his chin, buying time to answer. I was a viewer since the early days when I knew the nickname.
“I just chose it because I want to watch longer. Honestly, if NoName only streamed for a month and then quit, would anyone come to watch? Everyone is happy because you occasionally remember us and come back. Ah, was that analogy a bit odd?”
Dae-sal scratched his head, honestly showing his thoughts.
“No… that’s a decent analogy.”
“If you know that, please stream more often. How can you start a game of Wagal and just leave like that? It’s so unsatisfying.”
“So what’s the answer, NoName? You’re not planning to drop us all, are you?”
– This house manager is really strict.
– I have to pass the interview process, wow.
– Why is everyone speaking so well? Aren’t you a reclusive introvert who can’t even talk to people outside?
– This isn’t outside, wake up!
– The fitness uncle even has a girlfriend, lol.
– That could be a lie.
– Isn’t it confirmed with an emblem since you used a reality-reflecting avatar?
There is no answer.
No matter what you choose, Niobe wouldn’t return.
However, hearing their responses, I felt an unresolvable knot in my heart melting away like cotton candy in water.
What does it matter if it’s Ignis Bellum or Glacis Asta?
It was merely an insignificant ranking. There’s never a correct answer when it comes to magic itself.
In every moment, we only did our best to make the magic we chose right.
Estasha had done her best to save Niobe, and I finally decided to defend her decision.
“Yeah, that’s the answer. I’ll rely on you from now on, everyone.”
*
After wrapping up the tumultuous broadcast, I stayed back in the virtual space with the five managers to discuss future broadcasting plans.
“Tomorrow, I’ll be a bit busy, and I’ll start the Wagal broadcast early in the afternoon on Sunday.”
“Finally!”
“Hey, are you really not going to clear Part 1 until you save Adella?”
“I’d like to see you quickly move to Part 2 and use circle two magic.”
“I’ll do my best for as long as I can. You all said so.”
Maybe a clue might appear.
I already had a rough plan prepared.
Whether there exists a world where Adella doesn’t die is something to be seen.
“Please do a great job with the bans. No mentioning other streamers, no forming friendships, and of course, no flooding with irrelevant topics.”
“We all know that much! How many years of experience do we have in Twish? We’re pros!”
I scanned each of the selected managers.
From Dae-sal with his ordinary male avatar to the fitness uncle, cyberpunk cosplay girl, No-face, and the cat furry girl.
As I moved further back, everyone’s uniqueness overflowed, some even excessively.
With everyone gathered, I wanted to ask for recommendations on which animal pajamas the kids visiting my house tomorrow would like.
“By the way, does everyone have a favorite animal?”
“I like pigs!”
Dae-sal shouted first.
“…?”
“You like pigs?”
“Your taste is unique.”
As the others murmured, Dae-sal shrugged and raised an eyebrow.
“Well, doesn’t everyone like beef? We’re Korean, so it’s normal to like pork too.”
Since his point didn’t match my question, I clarified.
“Not meat… just your favorite animal. Like dogs or cats…”
“Weren’t you asking us to buy meat?”
“Why would I buy you meat?”
“I thought you were asking it as a kind of informal gathering… since we’re selected as managers…”
Anyway, after Dae-sal let the chance slip by, I turned to the others for their opinions.
“I like cats!”
“I also like cats the most.”
The cyberpunk girl and the furry girl both replied. The latter, I could have guessed without asking.
“I like honey badgers.”
“I like bears the most.”
Next were the answers from No-face and the fitness guy.
I didn’t know much about honey badgers… but there should be bear-shaped animal pajamas for sale, right?
“NoName, are you not thinking of starting a V-tube channel? It breaks my heart when I see other channels getting all the views.”
In the meantime, Dae-sal pointed to my videos that were edited and gaining popularity.
If I had opened my own channel and uploaded videos, I would have become famous already, he lamented.
With just one broadcast on Twish, it was hard to expect an influx of viewers.
Just like how people rarely install new apps on their phones, people didn’t venture out to explore other streamers’ broadcasts.
If I were serious about streaming regularly, they recommended that I definitely also do V-tube.
While I had some concerns about how big I wanted my channel to grow, I also felt uncomfortable in a corner of my heart for not being able to pay back the money.
Should I upload some videos?
But I was lost about how to find an editor, and if I found one, who should it be.
Ideally, I’d like to ask someone I know.
I assumed I’d have less chance to contact an editor outside of broadcasting compared to a manager.
“Anyway, thank you all for your hard work. I think I’ll grant you manager permissions by today, so you can go now.”
“Thank you for your hard work!”
“Hey, NoName…!”
The cat beastman shyly raised her hand to call me.
“Yes?”
“Is there any chance we could shake hands…?”
“A handshake?”
“It’s not often you get to see someone up close like this! If this is fate, shouldn’t we at least… shake hands?”
Well, that much wouldn’t matter.
I felt the touch of the pink jelly hidden beneath her fluffy furball.
She looked at me with bright eyes, showing her desire to hold my hand for even a moment longer.
“By the way, if it’s not too rude, how much does this kind of avatar cost?”
It was quite a uniquely styled avatar. From the cat pupils to the overall shape, claws, fur material, and pattern, it looked like it would surpass any handmade limits.
“Ah… this…! Um, I got it at the Metacraft Avatar Shop with a bit of a discount! One… eight million…?”
“…?”
It seems that the common belief was that furries are suspiciously wealthy.