I can't move on

"Dude, you are a loser," Ryder said to me and I just couldn't help but smile.

"I guess I am," I said and I brought up a chair to sit down next to him.

I couldn't help but stare at him; he was such a doll.

His skin has a few blemishes here and there and now has scars from the knife that Matteo slashed him with, but he still looks perfect.

His warm skin glows and looks so nice.

His dark hair was in the braids I had redone a couple of times.

He has a soft jawline and a slightly chubby face. His cheeks are cute and just look so soft.

And he has these honey-brown eyes that look so warm and sweet.

His lips are full and they curve into a perfect smile. A perfect smile, like right now.

And his eyebrows are raised and his mouth is moving.

"What are you looking at?"

"Huh?"

"What are you looking at?" he teased and repeated, his full lips pulling back into a smile.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes," I said and I gulped.

He blinked slowly at me, his long eyelashes framing his narrow eyes. 

"What, you think I'm handsome or something?" he teased again.

"Yes." I watched his eyes dart around the room and then back at me. He blinks again.

"You're funny," he said, leaning back into his hospital bed.

"It's not a joke," I said and he blew me off as he rolled his eyes.

"You do know that I'm 21, right?"

"Well aware."

"And how old are you?"

"38."

He nodded and smiled.

"What?" I asked.

"You like them younger, don't you?" I felt my face get hot.

"Uh, n-no…" Ryder laughed as I stuttered.

I, in fact, did not like them younger; Ryder just happened to be 21 and a grown adult.

"You are huge," Ryder said as he grabbed one of my hands. He just completely changed the subject, but okay.

I smiled.

"Like 6 feet or something and you are built. Glad I'm on your side," he said, laughing.

"Glad to have you."

He went out to grab my other hand and I felt myself instinctively pull back.

"Sorry," I said, and I rubbed my nose.

"All good."

He laughed. "How tall are you anyway, big poppa?"

Now I'm getting embarrassed again.

Ryder rolled his eyes.

"You don't know that song?"

"What song?"

"The one by Biggie. I love it when you call me Big Poppa, throw your hands in the air,...damn you have are uncultured as fuck weirdo," he said and let out a laugh again.

I'm glad I can make him smile like this.

"Well, I'm 6'5, I'm pretty sure," I said and he gave me the same thousand-yard stare that Leo gave me like a week ago.

His face turned into this perverted smirk as he looked me up and down.

My heart warms every time I look at him.

Well, he's funny; he's a little mean at times but if I were five, I'd be offended. But I am pushing forty and I have a nonchalant teenager, so I think his meanness is endearing.

And well, he's really selfless. The fact that he was so willing to just die for his siblings makes me fall for him like an idiot.

He's all I've ever wanted in a partner. And I said I would leave him alone but I'm being selfish and I can't help but want to spend time with him.

He's way more than I could have ever imagined.

"Dad!" Isabella called as I heard the door slam behind her.

"Hi baby cakes, what aren't you at school?" I said this as she went over and hugged me.

"Wouldn't get out of bed." I looked up as leo came in.

"Dude, am I your babysitter?"

"Dude, I'm your boss and I pay you very well. She's a good kid and can take care of herself, so you aren't doing jack shit," I said, rubbing her back.

"You weren't there, so I didn't want to go," Bella said with a pout.

"Stop lying; it's not going to work on me," I said sternly.

"Okay, I didn't want to go to school so I made up some sob story and Leo believed," Isabella said and I sighed.

"Did I teach you to be a liar?"

"No," she said sheepishly.

"Dominic." I turned back around to Ryder.

He was giving me this nasty look.

"Yeah, what's wrong? Everything okay?"

He beckoned for me to get closer to him.

"Deals off."

"Why?" I stepped back and looked at him, confused.

"You have a wife, dude. That's disgusting," he said, looking at me.

I smiled.

"I have never had a wife. The last partner I had was Isabella's mom and she left me when Isabella was 3 months old. She called me some nasty names and I haven't seen her since," I said and I watched as his face softened but he still gave me a side eye.

"Whatever."

"Who is this dad?" Bella asked.

"Your dad's new whore," Ryder butted in and I watched as Leo burst into laughter as I felt myself get red.

Isabella looked at him, then at me, and then back at Ryder.

"My dad was ogling you in the school parking lot," Isabella said and Ryder joined Leo's laughter.

I really want to bury myself in a hole right now and just die.

"One, he's not my whore. Two, I for one made a statement that could have been seen as whatever Bella said, but I was not outright ooggling you; that would be weird," I said and Ryder just continued to laugh.

God, that smile is everything.

"Whatever you say, big poppa," Ryder said and his laughter calmed down.

The nurse came in with food and Isabella stepped back.

"Leo and I are going to get food and go wreak havoc, my dad!" she said and my little girl was out the door.

"Bye baby doll, be careful."

"Thank you," I said to the nurse.

The nurse looked at me and then at Ryder.

"Make sure you have your husband feed you; I don't want you to strain." Everyone is just embarrassing me as much as they can today.

"Okay, you hear that, babe?" Everyone is also just dumping dirt on my grave of embarrassment now.

She walked out as Ryder smiled.

"Feed me," he said and I smiled and sat down on his bed and started to feed him.

"What are your rules for me, daddy-o?" 

"Why does everyone keep calling me that? That's so weird," I said, putting the spoon down as Ryder let out another laugh.

"Uh, rules, let me think," I said and nodded.

"Rule 1, you're going to live with me."

"I'm going to what?"

"You heard me."

"Hey now, when did I agree to this?"

"Rule 2, you have a curfew. It's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust other people and I'd like you to stay in my sight as much as possible. So curfew at 10 pm," I said with a smile.

Ryder rolled his eyes at me.

"Can I take back the whole thing and you just execute me or something?" he said, lying back, irritated.

"Watch out for your arm." I felt myself snap, irritated.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Whatever, what are the other ones?"

"No visitors that aren't your family."

"Easy enough; I have no friends," Ryder said, flashing me a fake smile.

That made my heart ache.

"You don't?"

He gave me this look. "I dropped out at 16 and all I do is smoke and knit. Do you really think I have friends?"

I shrugged.

"Regular check ins. I want to know how you are doing, so it could be just a text or a call, something so that I know that you are safe," I said.

"Meh. I'm going to annoy the fuck out of you," he said, patting my pockets.

"What are you doing?" I said my face was going red.

"Give me your phone, idiot; I can't contact you without your phone number," he said and I gulped.

I reached into my pockets and pulled out my phone. I opened it and handed it to him.

He took it.

"Awe, cute picture, daddy-o," he said, I'm assuming looking at my wallpaper.

"Next one. No smoking; it's ruining your lungs-."

"That's too far," he said and he shifted in bed.

He looked me up and down and then back up and back down.

His look changed.

"Can you compromise on that one?"

"No."

He smiled at me and raised his eyebrow.

"Are you sure?" he teased.

"Yes."

"You're a nasty old man, you know that," he said and I grabbed one of his pillows from behind him and sat it nicely on my lap.

He smiled at me again.

"Do I have nice fingers?" he said and he stroked my shoulder. I felt myself shiver.

I closed my eyes. I'm 40; I can't act like this; correction 38 but still.

"What's your compromise?"

"Let me at least smoke outside," he said.

"Not happening."

"What about one cigarette a day, outside?" he asked.

I'm easily folded.

"Fine."

He smiled and leaned back.

"Ask the nurse for another pillow when she comes back," he said, grabbing the second pillow from behind him and smacking me with it.

"Hey, watch out for your arm and your legs," I said sternly and he rolled his eyes.

"You're no fun."

"I've been told. Also, no drugs."

"I don't do drugs or smoke weed, only cigarettes," he said and I nodded.

"I want respect and obedience," I said.

His face turned a slight pink color.

"Obedience? Like I'm a dog?"

"Like you're my bitch." I felt the words coming out before I could even think.

"Calm down, daddy-o," he said, laughing, and he looked—well, he looked like he was embarrassed. I think I might be seeing things I want to see, though.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that," I said with my head down.

"It's fine; it was funny," he said.

"Uh, adding to that. I prefer it if you didn't question every fucking word I have to say. And I want you to join me for family dinners and come to events with me-."

"As your bitch?" I sighed as Ryder laughed again.

"The last ones are self-improvement, continuing your knitting, and other things that you enjoy that aren't smoking. I also want our communication to be open; tell me everything, please, and lastly, for personal safety. I care about your safety more than anything," I said and he nodded.

"You understand?"

"Yes, I do, daddy-o." 

He looked at me with these tired eyes.

"Too much of my talking for one day, huh?"

He nodded as he yawned.

"Okay, you sleep," I said and he nodded.

"Are you going to stare at me with that look while I sleep?"

"Always," I said and he sighed.

I watched as his eyes shut and his mouth calmed.

God, he was perfect.