LIGHTNOVELONLINE Chapter 17
I gaze at the sparkling screen. It’s bright, then dark, bright again, dark again.
Chh
Broadcasts flicker across the television.
I can’t even focus on what they’re saying.
I’m perched on the edge of my bed, flipping through channels.
[2 hours and 10 minutes]
I’ve got one syringe left.
I’m holding it in my hand.
Just having it gives me a bit of comfort.
If Han Si-Hoo brings the medicine from home, I won’t even need to use it.
“I need to get the medicine.”
More.
I can’t cause trouble for Han Si-Hoo.
I need to find more medicine.
I’ve been ruminating on that thought for three hours.
“…need to get…”
I mumble while changing the channel.
– In the field where academy students are active…
– This is the venue for the Awakener Alliance meeting.
– The 15 districts of New Seoul are reopening. News of the Dungeon and Gate clean-up has come in.
Ah, I see.
That’s interesting.
Isn’t there something even more exciting?
– The market size for weapons against great monsters is growing.
Things akin to firearms and cannons are rolling out.
There are more weapons like swords and spears.
It’s probably because guns don’t quite work against monsters.
– The export volume has reached an annual record high…
“…Huh?”
It’s not the export volume that surprises me.
There’s something familiar in the image.
“I’ve seen that.”
It’s a company logo.
I remember seeing it on a passing truck.
It must be a weapon transport vehicle.
“That picture from the medicine box.”
The box of medicine I confirmed in the medical room.
I remember it clearly since I was staring at it.
I couldn’t quite read the words written on the box, but I remember the image.
The logo stuck on the outside of the box.
It’s a geometric square pattern.
I don’t know which company it is.
Did that company make the medicine?
At the very least, they might have done the transportation.
A supplier of military weapons.
Are they supplying weapons to the academy too?
“…Should I visit later?”
Visit?
I still don’t know what that is or where I’m supposed to go.
I lack information.
Even if I find out how the medicine is made, acquiring it is a different story.
– Thanks to the new weapon system, the hunt for the Red Dragon has been successfully carried out.
It’s a world where Dragons roam.
On the screen, something presumed to be a dragon corpse is visible.
Monsters, or beasts as they are called.
If left alone, these corpses just evaporate.
Except for important items.
I have no idea what the principle is.
“Strange world.”
I don’t understand why I exist in such a world.
No matter how hard I think, I can’t find an answer.
[2 hours and 5 minutes]
I’ve got lots of time left, but I already feel bad.
“Am I the weird one?”
In the end, there’s only one conclusion.
Use more medicine.
Though it feels a bit early, I decide to wait.
A flicker of anger.
I know in my head.
Self-destructive urges aren’t good.
Mental fortitude.
The problem is the mental fortitude.
But I don’t have the strength to endure anymore.
“Living feels troublesome…”
Only negative thoughts spill out.
The effects of the medicine are still working.
It’s not to the point of feeling hopeless, so I’ll bear with it.
“…Dying wouldn’t be so bad.”
No.
Not yet.
I checked the syringe in my hand.
As long as there’s medicine left, it’s okay.
An odd current is wafting through the air.
There’s a presence.
“…Si-Hoo?”
“-Ah, yeah. I’m back.”
I didn’t hear the sound of the door opening.
Must be because of the TV noise.
What I said probably got drowned out by the TV sound.
Probably.
“Welcome back. Did you bring the medicine?”
I welcomed Han Si-Hoo.
He must have had a hard time going home.
“……”
Is it not that long a wait?
Has it been about four hours?
Thank goodness for the television.
I wasn’t bored while waiting.
[1 hour and 59 minutes]
“Did you bring the medicine?”
I can feel my heart racing with anticipation.
I want to use it.
Not for any other reason, but because it has recovery effects.
I need to treat my wounds.
“……”
Han Si-Hoo seems to be contemplating something.
His expression is dark.
Did something happen?
“Was there no medicine?”
It’s possible there wasn’t any at home.
Someone could have stopped by the house and taken the medicine while I was gone.
“No, there was some.”
Han Si-Hoo replied.
He said they had some medicine.
“Really? Then you brought it, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then?”
Why isn’t he giving it to me?
He seems hesitant about something.
“…You’re thinking of using it?”
“Yeah.”
Right now.
I have to.
I’m feeling way too lousy.
If you’re not going to use it, why bother looking for the medicine?
No, don’t get irritated.
Si-Hoo has worked hard too.
“I haven’t used this one yet. If you have the medicine now, it seems like you can use it right away.”
Han Si-Hoo handed over the spare syringe.
This one is way too underperforming.
“What do you think this medicine is?”
“It’s medicine to get rid of pain.”
“What exactly does it treat?”
“…Are you messing with me?”
Everything hurts.
“No. I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention…”
“I get what you’re worried about, but it’s fine, so just hand it over.”
I understand the concern.
Because you never know what might be in it.
But that’s the same with the syringes given at the Academy.
The ones from the doctor should have a better effect.
Therefore, I should use the one from the doctor.
“Sorry. However, I know it could be dangerous for you, and since it’s medicine the doctor gave, I can’t give it to you now. It’s dangerous.”
Dangerous.
The most dangerous thing is not using the medicine.
If you’re not going to give it to me, why did you bring it?
Did you even bring it?
He didn’t even show it to me.
“Okay, then is this one safe?”
I hold up the syringe Han Si-Hoo gave me.
The medicine provided by the Academy.
It’s low performance, and the effects wear off quickly.
This is the strange medicine.
[1 hour and 53 minutes]
Even though the effects are still present, I feel lousy.
I’m scared that I’ll end up snapping at Han Si-Hoo.
“It’s safe.”
Even Han Si-Hoo seems a tad unsure when he says that.
I want to ask what basis he has for saying it’s safe.
I feel like pressing him might make him a bit angry.
“Ah, okay.”
“Sorry.”
“You… must be feeling that way, huh? Okay. Exactly what grounds do you have to trust the Academy? I don’t like the Academy…”
Bumping my gums for no reason.
“If I don’t have the medicine, I can’t heal, and I can’t, then why aren’t you giving it? Am I meant to just keep on hurting? Why…”
Don’t say weird things.
I can’t control myself.
The mere fact that anger arises is the problem.
I need to use the medicine.
–Thud–
An automatic syringe is convenient.
You just have to stick it in.
I injected the medicine before making a wrong choice.
[6 hours and 33 minutes]
The anger subsides.
Negative emotions fade away.
Medicine is just medicine, huh?
“Ah, I’m sorry for saying weird things… Thanks for going through the trouble to bring it home.”
I never forget my thank yous.
Upon reflection, I realize I may have been a bit rude.
Asking if there’s medicine the moment he walked in.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”
Han Si-Hoo said that, but his expression seems filled with lost confidence.
The atmosphere around him definitely feels off.
It seems to have darkened.
“Sorry, about the medicine… You just handle it yourself. Just… I was acting strange for not using the medicine quickly, so don’t mind it.”
I decided to leave it to Han Si-Hoo.
Now that I’ve used the medicine from the Academy, it wasn’t bad.
I should have used it before I made any blunders.
I don’t know why I hesitated so much.
“Uh, Seo-Ah.”
“Yeah?”
“I got a call from the Academy, and they said they can keep providing the medicine I’m using now.”
“Ah, I see.”
“So… let’s use the old medicine only when it’s really necessary.”
“Okay. Sounds good.”
That’s fine by me.
I don’t know when the moment of need may come.
How would I even express that I really need it?
“And the medicine I brought…”
“Huh?”
“No, never mind. I’ll tell you later.”
Later?
It seems it wasn’t anything important.
“Why the long face? It’s not because I said something weird, right?”
I asked while sitting on the bed.
I’m feeling a bit uneasy.
I don’t quite remember what I blurted out before using the medicine.
“No, it’s not like that.”
Something definitely feels off.
Even if my emotions are dulled, I can still notice this much.
Anyone can tell I look upset.
“I just… wanted to ask you something, Seo-Ah.”
“Yeah?”
“I want to hear about what’s been happening until now.”
Han Si-Hoo is about to ask a question.
There’s a lot that has happened.
“Well…”
Even if he asks, I can’t answer everything, but I’m curious about what he wants to know.
“…That.”
He seems to hesitate a lot before starting.
What is he trying to say?
“I went and checked earlier… but why was your house in that condition?”
“Huh?”
The condition of the house?
Was there a problem?
“It was a complete mess.”
“Really?”
A mess, huh?
Was the house that dirty?
I figured it was just a bit dusty at worst.
It’s a house in the slums anyway; isn’t that asking too much?
I thought I was living somewhat satisfactorily.
As long as enough medicine is in sight, that’s all that mattered.
“There was broken glass on the floor, and the mirror…”
“The mirror, really?”
Now that I think about it, I feel like something fell by the entrance.
The bottle containing the pills was broken.
I vaguely remember cleaning it up halfway.
The mirror was indeed broken.
Did I do that?
“I guess so.”
When I retraced my memories, it seemed like the house might have been dirty.
“What about the scrap metal piled up in your room? Like chains and stuff.”
“Scrap metal, chains? Ah, that… ”
I should have cleaned the house.
The fact that I was lazy and didn’t clean up caused the problem.
It would’ve been fine if I just took the medicine from the living room and left.
It seems he thoroughly searched the house.
“Did you pick those up around the neighborhood? Why did you keep them at home?”
“Um, well…”
It’s true that I picked them up around.
Back then, when I had no idea how good the medicine was.
Did I toss all the meds?
It’s a perplexing choice.
“Dunno.”
Let’s go with that.
It’s too tiresome to explain.
If it’s obvious that it’s a lie, then it’ll be obvious.
I think I did it because I didn’t want to take the medicine.
How long could I hold out without using it?
It sounds incredibly foolish to think about it now, but at the time, I thought it was the right thing to do.
“Is it that hard to say?”
“……”
It’s difficult.
I have no clue where to start.
Saying I can’t remember is an excuse but is somewhat true.
“So, it’s like…”
There’s really nothing.
I barricaded the door with the things I picked up and experimented on how long I could hold out without medicine.
I was planning to gradually increase my survival time.
[-1 minute]
The moment the number goes below zero, I don’t want to live anymore.
I try not to think too much about those times.
[6 hours and 26 minutes]
What will I do if I suddenly feel bad?
If Han Si-Hoo’s medicine is insufficient, that’ll be a disaster.
That’ll be when I genuinely need the doctor’s medication.
Ah, that’s not so bad.
Hmm?
Should I just use it freely?
Maybe there’s no need to hoard the medicine.
Let’s not hold back.
Use the medicine when I can.
How strange is it to suddenly feel like dying?
Living happily and peacefully for a long time is the best.
Back to the main point.
In any case, I need to explain it to Han Si-Hoo.
“That’s… um, how should I put it…”
Let me sum it up in one sentence.
If he’s so curious, it’s right to answer him.
I could say it’s because I couldn’t take the medicine.
I might say my mental state wasn’t great.
Now that I think about it, it was a really laughable thing.
Why did I refuse to take the medicine back then?
The doctor said it was good.
I should be in my right mind only if I take the medicine, but back then, I thought I was fine.
I mustn’t have wanted to admit that I was unwell.
People who are sick should just take medicine.
“You don’t have to say it if you don’t like talking about it.”
Han Si-Hoo seems to have grown even more despondent.
“…Ah, I’m sorry.”
I tried to speak properly, but my thoughts dragged on too long.
That’s one of the few problems with the medicine.
It leads to heavy contemplation.
“It’s okay.”
If he says it’s okay not to talk about it, then there’s no need to explain.
“Then, do you have anything else you want to ask?”
If it’s another question, I can provide an answer to some extent.
Probably.
Han Si-Hoo mumbles.
He seems to want to say something.
“…I’ll ask you later.”
“Later?”
“Yeah. Later.”
I’m indifferent either way.
“I don’t know everything that happened to you, but when you can, please tell me.”
“I will.”
“No matter what bad things have happened… I’ll make sure nothing like that ever happens again.”
“Uh, yeah.”
I hadn’t gone through anything particularly bad.
What bad things could anyone do to me?
I’ve never let any wrongdoers into my house up till now.
He probably misinterpreted because of the messy house.
By saying he would ensure nothing like that happens again, he means to protect me, right?
I should take it as a good gesture, right?
“I’ll trust you.”
I said that with a smile.
Yoo Seo-Ah’s best trait is her smile.
She must have smiled well.
But can I really trust him?
No bad person would offer medicine.
At first, when I got stabbed, I thought he hated me, but from his attitude now, that doesn’t seem to be the case.
Han Si-Hoo still treats Yoo Seo-Ah like a childhood friend.
Right?
I held back the impulse to check if I had a wound in my abdomen.
I got stabbed back then.
No, he’s my friend.
It’ll be fine.
It’s peaceful.
Good.
It feels cozier than when I was alone at home.
With Han Si-Hoo around, I feel safer.
So what if I used even better medicine here?
The one from the doctor.
Yeah.
A smile gently graced my lips.