I Became a Villainous Character with a Limited Lifespan

Episode 132

Seung-hyun’s treatment was smoothly achieving its purpose. Although it was a path with only negatives to say it was progressing smoothly, this treatment was currently the best option.

Slowing down the rate of damage to the rapidly deteriorating body to delay the final breath as much as possible. That goal was clearly being achieved, but no one thought it was fortunate.

‘Is it greed?’

Jae-young thought, ruffling his hair. After hearing about the child, it became even more painful to see Seung-hyun.

Professor Kim said it was just a difference in timing and this would have happened eventually, so he shouldn’t blame himself too much, but if he knew, how could he not be concerned?

“Sigh…”

The only fortunate thing was that Seung-hyun didn’t know about his physical condition. He felt that way even more so after learning why Seung-hyun had tried so hard to push him away.

The complex feelings stemming from the child were something he could bear alone. Jae-young thought so and smiled faintly.

A week after the treatment began, Professor Kim said the treatment was working well and Seung-hyun could last longer than expected, but Jae-young didn’t know if that was fortunate.

When he lost consciousness and collapsed, Seung-hyun’s life may have already ended. Prolonging that breath was ultimately just the greed of those left behind.

They said it was to buy time to prepare mentally, but no matter how long, there was never enough time to prepare for a farewell. If it were that easy, Seung-hyun wouldn’t have shown that appearance until the end.

The words that he was sorry for not regretting it. He couldn’t give a proper answer to those words, nor could he apologize for not being sincere, so what meaning did that measly time have?

“…It would have been better if he had at least told me.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t understand why Seung-hyun couldn’t easily say those words. However, his last words, his last conversation with Seung-hyun, kept coming to mind.

They were just words to vent his anger. Even though he thought he shouldn’t say such things, he was frustrated not knowing what Seung-hyun was hiding, and he said them knowing it would hurt.

‘No, maybe I said them to hurt him.’

Jae-young let out a long sigh. No matter how much he regretted it now, there was nothing he could change.

However, he had no intention of stopping the treatment with his own hands either. Even if it was something that would happen, his own will and actions having an impact was a matter of different weight.

Just like how the child in Seung-hyun’s belly weighed on his mind even though he knew Seung-hyun’s collapse would happen someday. He had no intention of stopping the treatment, but every time he saw Seung-hyun’s peaceful face, it felt like his insides were turning to ashes.

That peaceful face that looked like he was just asleep, as if he would open his eyes at any moment and ask why he was making such a fuss.

‘…Could it be that because of me, he’s having bad dreams?’

Because the last conversation they had was like that, could it be that even in his sleep, he wasn’t having good dreams and was wandering in sadness? Jae-young bowed his head, blaming himself for who knows how many times.

Then Jae-young checked the time. The time for visitation was approaching soon.

“…I should go.”

Still, he wanted to take in that sight as much as possible during the time he could see his face. Even if it was painful to see, it was better to suffer now than to regret this moment when he could no longer see him.

What kind of dream was Seung-hyun having? Maybe it would be better if he wasn’t dreaming at all. Jae-young thought so as he prepared to leave.

***

“You really don’t get tired.”

Seung-hyun shook his head, looking at the lump that kept sticking to him all day and then roaming around the wide space.

He tried to play with it moderately, but it was so hard to keep up with it moving here and there. It was like a real colt.

But it was cute how it would always stick close to him whenever it took short breaks. There were no eyes, nose, or mouth, and it was just a form, but it looked cute. Being in an empty space, it seemed he was becoming a bit strange too.

‘But why was I here again?’

While stroking the lump out of habit, Seung-hyun suddenly thought about why he was here. Somehow everything felt like a distant past, so he had forgotten.

“Am I… dead?”

Seung-hyun muttered softly. Once he became aware, the sensation he had felt last came to mind vividly. Just before becoming “Han Seung-hyun,” he had felt a heat similar to when he had an accident.

Ah, so that’s what happened in the end. He couldn’t even tell Jae-young properly. He should have told him just one day earlier. Seung-hyun bowed his head, feeling dejected.

The last conversation they had came to mind. He had felt various emotions while watching Jae-young get angry. He couldn’t say it felt good, but rather than feeling hurt by Jae-young, he felt sorry.

He was someone who had an annoyingly lighthearted side. Someone who laughed things off even when a problem arose, and yet had a mature side.

It was Seung-hyun’s fault that such a Jae-young had been swayed by his momentary emotions without any composure. He couldn’t say what needed to be said, and yet he hurt him as much as he could.

‘I should have either pushed him away properly or told him everything honestly. I should have done one of the two.’

Since he knew his life would end soon anyway, it wasn’t that he had any lingering attachments to life. But if there was something he clearly regretted, it was all about Jae-young.

The last flowers he saw, the fireworks were nice too. He had certainly seen a beautiful scenery and felt that Jae-young liked that sight too, even though he was anxious.

While watching the fireworks, he had glanced at Jae-young from the corner of his eye, and he had a blank expression as if his mind was elsewhere. Both Jae-young and Seung-hyun were very tired, so their gazes must have lingered on even a mediocre fireworks display for a long time.

‘The memory of that day will be a mess too. I wanted to make good memories for him. At this rate, it will only be remembered as the worst day.’

Seung-hyun let out a deep sigh, feeling bitter. Everything was a mess. Yes, maybe it would have been better not to meet at all. It would certainly be like that for Jae-young, but…

‘Even if I went back, now that I’ve gotten to know this person, could I not approach Jae-young?’

Just as he couldn’t leave even though he knew, even if he went back, he wasn’t confident he wouldn’t hover around Jae-young. He felt sorry for him, but now he couldn’t even imagine a life without Jae-young.

‘I’m not the one thinking of doing it. Really, I…’

When he himself had left his side. Although it wasn’t done voluntarily, he had anticipated it, so he couldn’t say he had no responsibility.

But if it was going to end up like this anyway, he should have treated him better. Rather than intentionally hurting him when he couldn’t even push him away in the end, rather than making him feel guilty by delaying telling him and eventually making him say such harsh words, there must have been a better way.

At least he thought he had never harmed others while living, but it was upsetting that he had hurt the person most precious to him until the end. The longer he thought about it, the more his shoulders slumped, and his eyes welled up for no reason.

“Ah, it’s cold.”

The moment the tears that had welled up were about to fall, something cold approached Seung-hyun’s face. Surprised, the tears disappeared, and Seung-hyun touched his face.

“It’s you again.” 

The lump was tapping Seung-hyun’s eyes as if trying to wipe away his tears. Was it doing it knowingly or unknowingly? He couldn’t tell which, but it was certain that this small object had comforted Seung-hyun.

“If I’m dead… are you here because you’re dead too?”

He didn’t know what kind of place this was, but if he had to guess, it felt like a space where he was waiting to go to the next world after already dying. If so, this lump’s situation probably wasn’t that different from Seung-hyun’s.

He didn’t know why this lump and he were left together in an empty space, but thinking that way, he felt a bit sorry for the lump.

It liked to move around, and although he wasn’t sure, it seemed to want to go out, but this space where Seung-hyun was the only thing that existed must have felt too suffocating for the lump.

“I don’t know what you are or why you were left here with me… but I wish at least you could leave here.”

He didn’t care how much time he spent here, but he wanted to let this lump out at least. For the first time, the situation where he could do nothing felt frustrating.

He felt as if the eyeless lump was staring at him intently. The lump slid down from Seung-hyun’s face and snuggled into his arms as if hugging him.

Its body was smaller than his palm, so it just looked like it was sticking to him, but Seung-hyun somehow felt that the lump wanted to comfort him.

“…You’re better than me.”

That tiny comfort felt so big, so Seung-hyun smiled faintly and embraced that small body.

YengLi’s Corner

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