Husband of the Goblin Tribe

~~** Interlude | Secret Lessons **~~

While things have been busy in Goblinhome since Ark announced the opening of the Goblin’s Guild, for the purpose of making Goblinhome grow to accommodate all the future sisters and strong-ones that would eventually come into the world, a few of Ark’s older goblin daughters had gathered for a semi-secret meeting to talk about what was most important to them. Ark, their beloved Husband, and of course, his seed-stick which all had experienced in some form or another recently.

The current gathering of goblins consisted of Diana Artemis, Orchid, Lilac, Button, Glace, and Melon. There was another goblin present, because such an important topic should also have a goblin extremely knowledgeable in what Husband likes and dislikes.

Just by chance, one such goblin was free to chaperone this little impromptu meeting.

“In the human tongue, it’s called a blowjob as word, but in gob it sounds like blow-job. That your job is to blow on it. I don’t know who first called it that, or why it’s the exact opposite of what you are supposed to do, because what you want to do is wrap your tongue around it, but not too tight, and then get it all slimy and tug on it while it is inside your mouth like you are sucking on a sweet fruit.”

“So, it’s like a kiss?” Melon asked. “When Hubby was a goblin, he had Melon lick it before sticking it in her mouth.”

“It is kind of like a kiss. However, the only one doing the actual kissing with their tongues will be you girls. If you go through with it until the end, Husband will begin to shake his legs at the knees and then fill your mouth with a huge blast of his big-seed.”

““Gwooooh!””

“Also, depending on what he eats earlier in the day, the taste of his big-seed can change. If he eats a lot of sweet fruits, it even tastes sweet. Too much meat, and it’s a heavy salty sour flavor.”

“What else is there?” Orchid asked.

“Let’s see. I knew a human girl in my village who had milkies as big as one of those Orcs who just moved in. She would put a man’s seed stick between them, press them together, and then move them up and down with her hands. Oh, let me tell you… some of the men couldn’t get enough of her.”

“Would that be called a milkiejob then?” Inquired Lilac.

“The humans have a couple of different names for it depending on the region they come from. Some men call milkies as either tits or boobs, so it would be one of those words with job at the end of it. In my village it was called a…”

“Boobjob!” Orchid said aloud, giggling after.

“Titjob!” Lilac said aloud afterward, giggling also.

Stella didn’t feel the need to correct either of the twins while they giggled about it, for she had done the same when she was a human and learned those words.

“Pear also says sometimes Husband puts his seed-stick in her shithole!” Melon added, being witness to many of the strange things Ark and Pear get up to when they don’t think she is awake or around, even though Melon still lives with Pear and her Kitchen is the next cave-hole over.

Stella was aware of that particular kind of sex but wasn’t exactly eager to try it out herself with Ark for obvious reasons. Ark wasn’t on the smaller side in that department, and Stella, thus far, had designated her own butt to be off-limits. A smart woman always keeps a trump card available. Stella learned that playing cards at her village’s local tavern.

“You can call that a buttjob. I don’t recommend trying that unless you get his seed-stick really really wet and slippery before he tries to put it in. Also, it’s only good when you’re trying to waste seed, since you will only be able to make a strong-one if it goes in the right hole. Your fuckhole being the right hole.”

All of Ark’s daughters were getting a premier sexual education from Stella. Glace found it humorous how absolutely vanilla that education was, but the real concern for her was Button. She was the middle sister goblin among those gathered, and unlike Glace who was passed over by goblin Ark for being a runt, Button couldn’t understand why she had been passed over from receiving goblin Ark’s seed-stick when the others here had not.

“Stella. How does Button get Tricky Husband Ark to see her as an adult goblin?”

But not all sexual education is fun and games. Sex is often finely interwoven in personal relationships, at times as a necessity, and at times as a taboo.

“Before Ark turned into a goblin, I would just tell you to give up trying. Starting with Diana Artemis, her forcing Ark to give her his seed-stick probably destroyed him a thousand times over.”

“Gwah? What, me? Why? Husband loves Diana Artemis!” Diana protested. 

Stella had no intention of introducing a topic that never existed within the Bloodmaw in their entire history.  So she skipped it and went right to a more important explanation on human family structures.

“Well, when it comes to human females, the first male a human female falls in love with is usually her father. Her male maker. She learns how to be a female adult human by watching and learning from her mother, her female maker. By the time she becomes an adult human, she learns that her father is only willing to make strong-ones with her mother (most of the time) and so she seeks out another male who is usually like her father in some way and makes strong-ones with only him. There is a whole process to it, and it’s called marriage. I’ll tell you this right now. Marriage is stupid. The Bloodmaw have the right idea on how to handle a Husband. Husbands are stupid. You should just take what you want, let him cry a little afterwards, and then make him give you everything that you want.”

“Really?” Button asked.

Diana was nodding wholeheartedly at Stella's opinion.

“Oh yes. Just look at my cave-hole, Jewel’s cave-hole, and Vera’s cave-hole. Are they not some of the best cave-holes in Goblinhome?

“The cave-hole Diana Artemis shares with Orchid and Lilac is also one of the best cave-holes.” Diana argued.

“It is. But who was it originally made for?”

Diana Artemis frowned.

“You.” Button answered. For Button was there once when she had just come into the world and got lost walking Goblinhome by herself at the time when Husband was in that cave-hole, preparing it for Stella shortly after her transformation and acceptance into the tribe.

“Then Button should just do what Diana Artemis did and make Husband give her his seed-stick? When Husband was a goblin and Button asked why he didn’t make strong-ones with her, all he said was… Soon.”

“Hmm, then maybe you should just be patient? Perhaps Ark has something special planned just for you.”

“Something special for Button?”

Button opened her eyes wide.

“So that’s it! Now Button understands!”

Button had given up on learning the rest of the lesson, leaving the group immediately and running as fast as she could towards her special training spot out in the forest. It took Glace a long while to catch up with her, more curious than she expected to be at learning what nonsensical reason her eternally innocent other half had clearly misunderstood to be the reason.

<<Want to tell me what you suddenly understood back there… Button?>>

Button was doing a handstand, but more specifically the upside-down spinning kick she learned from Ark around the time he first started training her in martial arts. While she hadn’t perfected this particular move yet, there was something she had been working on duplicating that she saw during his fight with the orcs. The ultimate move Husband could only show her while he was a goblin. One of the hidden secrets of the swirly-whirly.

Glace watched on with amazement as multiple shadows began to displace the same space in which Button was spinning her body.

“SPINNING GOB KICK!!”

Button let go of the ground and the momentum of her spinning moved her in a straight line, those same displaced shadows now trailing immediately behind her like something Glace might have seen once, long, long, ago... in a video game.

Button ended up crashing down onto the ground head first when her momentum ran out, but she was laughing the entire time she laid there, collapsed on her back, staring up at the sky peeking through the treetops.

<<What was that!?>>

“Gwaaa hah hah. Tricky Husband… He’s so tricky with everything he does, but Button knows why now!”

<<Well, out with it you mushroom-head!>>

“Husband wants to wait for me to learn it all. I just understood a piece of it now, but there is still more I need to learn. When I finally understand all the secrets of the swirly-whirly… that is when Tricky Husband Ark will have me bring the strongest mushroom-goblin into the world!”

Glace was sure, in that very moment, that Button was fucking retarded. Her brain was nothing more than an oversized mushy fungus piloting a way too sturdy flesh-covered bone-mech. But she also knew that Button was more amazing than nearly everyone she had ever met in all the worlds she had ever hopped into. That was what made Button so endearing to her, as both a sister goblin and as a life partner.

<<So, do you know how many of these secrets to your swirly-whirly there are?>>

“No. But that’s okay. The stronger Button gets, the more Husband will show her. When she reaches the final level of understanding. Button will have the glow.”

<<Uh, the glow?>>

“Yes. Husband showed it to us when we fought those orcs and made the sun appear… his Ougi. The Shun Goku Satsu!”

<<Can you speak gob, please?  I have no clue what any of those words mean.>>

“Husband told Button when she began learning the swirly-whirly, that only when the mind, body, and soul become one through intense training will button reach the final level. And it is only there that Button will find the ultimate inner power to become the swirly-whirly and her body will begin to glow all over as proof. After that, Button will become the Last Bloodmaw!”

<<Last Bloodmaw? What are you even talking about?>>

“The Last Bloodmaw! The legendary invincible goblin who possesses the power of the glow! With a single punch I can make a Dragon explode!”

Glace… really wanted to know what the fuck kind of bullshit Ark was feeding her precious Button. But at the same time, she had seen countless numbers of martial practitioners throughout her many, many, lifetimes, and not a single one of them had done anything as impressive as what she just saw Button do a moment ago. Just imagining a rather small goblin like Button casually approaching some ancient dragon then punching it once and having it go from a wellington into a soup was beyond hilarious to her.

Glace’s mouth widened and tiny, razor-sharp teeth peeked out from behind her lips.

<<So, is that shadow spinny kick thing you just did the only new swirly trick you picked up?>>

Button giggled wildly.

“Button has more. So much more than that.”

Glace felt a shiver shoot up her spine.

“Want to see?”

<<Ohhhh yes!>>

Button rocked her body and jumped to her feet in a single motion. She then pointed at a nearby tree not too far away.

“It will take a lot out of me to do it right now. I can only show Glace one time.”

<<Show me how powerful I know you are, my Mushroom.>>

“Watch it closely, my Tree.”

Button stood in front of the tree and raised one bent leg halfway up her body.

“Here goes… Button’s Thousand Shadow Spore Kick!!!”

Button’s legs moved faster than Glace’s eye could see even with magical enhancement. Each kick Button landed on the tree tore chunks of the bark off—both front and back, and so did each of the shadows’ kicks. The force of her repeated kicks bent the tree away from her bit by bit until there was nothing left of the trunk to support the weight of the tree above where she was kicking it and no longer had the support needed to stand under the sun. A loud snapping and crackling from the tree fought to be heard over the strange whistling sound each of her countless kicks made, until the tree fell backwards and crashed onto the forest floor.

Button put her foot down at the end, then backpedaled two steps before falling on her butt.

She was panting and breathing heavily, every pore in her body dripping with sweat.  The feeling of immense satisfaction at comprehending a new part of the swirly-whirly filled her tired body with elation.

Glace walked over to her and took off the Racoon Mantle she wore as part of her status as the tribe’s Shaman and slowly wiped the sweat off of Button tired body with it. Then the two of them laid down and watched a bit of the blue sky that had opened up in the forest thanks to Button’s tree demolition, seeing pieces of a few white clouds hanging lazily in the sky.

Glace looked to her side and saw something nice. She used her magic to levitate a couple of mushrooms over to them. One for herself, and one for Button.

<<Tasty Mushroom?>>

Without waiting for an answer from Button, Glace used her magic to levitate one of the mushrooms right up against Button’s lips, which eagerly opened to take hold of it. Then she floated another right to her own mouth and began to slowly chew on the tasty cap.

<<Button, I wish we had pizza here.>>

“Pizza? Button remembers that word. That’s what Husband named Button after.”

<<A pizza?>>

“Yes. Tricky Husband Ark said his favorite food is called pizza, and the best thing that goes on it is a mushroom called Button. That makes Button Husband’s most favorite tasty goblin.”

<<Huh. Well, Papa is definitely right about that… you are certainly the tastiest goblin around here.>>

“Button knows.”

Absently chewing mushrooms while lazily laying out in the sun, two cute but ridiculously powerful goblins almost beyond the comprehension of the so-called civilized races in this vast world wasted yet another day peacefully, just happy to be in each other’s company…