HP X LOTM : Please Call Me Mr. Error.

"Good morning." Walburga greeted Loki without looking away from her newspaper.

"Misses Walburga.", Loki spoke in a soft tone like a shy child as he watched Walburga read the newspaper.

'Why is this brat irritating me first thing in the morning? Not even Sirius and Regulus were lik-'

"What happened?" Walburga asked putting the newspaper and the tea she was drinking away.

"Could we bake a cake today?" Loki asked with his best puppy dog eyes impression causing Walburga's eyes to twitch ever so slightly.

'Why is he looking at me like this!? He's making me feel like I'm some kind of devil that's a cold-blooded monster and drinks children's blood. Why can't he be more like- no, at least he's not as stupid as those two.'

"Why do you want to bake a cake today?"

"Because it's Ela-" Loki shouted but a stinging hex from Walburga brought him back to his composed tone.

Walburga had turned hexing him into a habit, she said it was to help Loki 'act' like he was part of a noble house.

"*cough* *cough* Because it's Elane's birthday!" Loki said with a big smile on his face.

"*Sigh* Alright. I don't get what the appeal is to celebrate a year closer to your death bed, but alright you may ask Kreacher to bake a cake."

"No! I meant could you bake a cake with me?" Loki asked waving his hands around to clear Walburga's misunderstanding and explain himself better.

"Huh!? What!? Why should I take part in this mess?"

"Well, for the past three days, you've played with Elane and kept her entertained, so she'd love it if you baked a cake for her with me."

Walburga's face twitched as she wondered, 'Does he think I can't see he just wants me to make the cake and then claim that he baked it!?'

"Please Grandma!!!" Loki said blinking his eyes after looking up at Walburga with the most innocent expression he could muster.

'Brat! I haven't even baked a cake for my own children! You think I will make it for y-'

"Oh pretty please!?"

But Walburga's eyes fell on Loki's innocent expression, she calmed down a little.

'Perhaps it is a good idea to move this body a little and listen to his wishes. After all isn't he going to help me in the end?'

"Ouch! Why did you fire a stinging hex my way!?" Loki asked rubbing his arm that had become the victim of a stinging hex.

"That's for the trouble you're causing me.", Walburga said gulping her tea in one big swing and placing the cup back on the table.

"You're helping!? Yaayiie- Ouch! Ouch! Alright! Alright! I won't shout! Stop sending stinging hexes my way!"

"Come on. Let's go." Walburga said standing up and moving towards the kitchen.

With Walburga and Kreacher's help, Loki was able to finish baking the cake in a little under two hours and as a personal touch, Loki decorated the cake using cream and wandless magic creating four characters on the cake.

"Who're they?" Walburga asked.

'Are they his parents? Poor people, look like they are nearly dead and demented.'

"You, me, Kreacher and Elane. It's all of us. Aren't we a family now?" Loki asked with a smile proud of his work, but Walburga and even Kreacher looked at the drawing on the cake with disgust, both having the same thought.

'How does that look like me!?'

But both Kreacher and Walburga let their words remain thoughts, not wanting to upset Loki since both thought he was a small child.

Later in the morning when Elane finally woke up, Loki and co. surprised her with an early morning birthday cake.

"Look, Elane! Big brother made a cake for you!" Loki said with a proud expression on his face while Walburga and Kreacher had the same expression pass through their minds.

'Shameless! He didn't even mention us helping!'

"Big Bwother, are these aliens?" Elane asked as she looked down on her cake.

'Ha! Take that! That's what you get for taking all our credit!'

"No! This is me, this is Misses Walburga, this is Kreacher and this is you!"

There was a stunned silence in the room for a few seconds and even Elane only gave a wry smile as she looked at her brother pitifully.

"I understand bwother."

"See! Elane gets it!" Loki said to Kreacher and Walburga who both looked like they had given up fighting with Loki on this matter.

Kreacher eventually took pictures with him included of course since Elane wanted him in them too and Walburga promised her to get them framed and hang them inside the house.

Days passed like this in the black household, with Loki learning theory about magic while Walburga tested him on this theory so that his foundation would be solid.

Although Loki hadn't gotten a wand yet, it did not stop him from trying out magic without a wand and perfecting his wandless magic casting. 

But he hadn't come very far in this avenue since it was hard to control magical output without a wand.

He still needed a wand because wands were 'half sentient' and were 'living', and since they were made from animals that were closer to magic in nature, which made it a lot easier to mould your spirituality with simple intent.

Loki even asked Kreacher for tips since he saw him do magic wandlessly, but Kreacher explained that magic came instinctually to house elves, like magical creatures, and they didn't need to learn magic as humans did.

But in exchange for this ability, they had a modest set of spells that they could perform and doing anything new was extremely hard, even for them.

Walburga who heard this conversation added her own insights to the matter, "I think the house elves are able to perform magic because of the blessings of a god. I'm not sure how they are linked to the deity but I think they are since house elves' magic cannot be restricted by traditional means of drawing runes that disperse their spirituality."

The only practical classes that Loki had were Potions and Herbology. Both classes did not require a wand, at least not in the beginning.

Loki was nearly equally interested in both the subjects, but he preferred potions more, just something about seeing a simmering cauldron and stirring potions in them made him happy.

Walburga spent the rest of her free time, drilling into Loki the mannerisms and idiosyncrasies of being a pureblood noble so that he could stand proud and not sully the Black family heritage.

Two months wasn't a long time for all of this, but it was still enough for Loki to know when to speak loudly and when to keep his mouth shut. 

Enough stinging hexes had been tossed his way to learn when to do so.

The upside of all the etiquette training was how his cursing became more creative. 

His curses now more often than not struck its victims where they least expected it, like when he cursed Walburga that her quills would remain dry forever and ever, or when he cursed Kreacher that he would become a free elf.

But learning about magic and etiquette was not all that Loki did. He learnt about Walburga too. He learnt she always looked at the door closest to the library. He knew that that was the room in which Sirius and Regulus lived when they were in the manor from Kreacher.

He learnt that Walburga once every day vanished into her room for about twenty minutes to perform a ritual but Loki didn't know what it did. Walburga simply said, 'You will know when you become a demigod.'

He also learnt that sometimes, when no one was around and when Walburga thought no one was seeing her, she would smile almost imperceptibly as she looked at the various portraits of all the family members in the black family.

To reduce the loneliness in her heart, Elane and Loki took to annoying her and got her involved in everything they did.

For a few moments each day to everyone in the Black Manor they would feel they were all one big family.