HP: The Big Bad Wolf

[Part 1: The misunderstood Room!!]

It's been about two, maybe three weeks since that bullshit talk with Gaydore and his boy harem.

Honestly, at first, I was pretty smug about holding my ground against the old bastard, but that sentiment flew out the window the moment I walked away from that bitch Evans and talked with my gramps.

The old man gave me a real-life version of a Howler, scolding me for my ignorance in discovering something that old bastard Dumbledore wants from me, now.

Quote: "You stupid ass shit! What level of sheer stupidity has bitten you in your stupid ass to go out of your fucking ass way and manage to piss off Albus-fucking-Dumbledore! I am so angry! I am so angry! I think my fucking heart is about to explode! GOD!! Merlin!! Morgana!! Fuck!! I am so fucking angry at your fuckery!!"

The old man was way too lively; he literally shouted for a whole 25 minutes at me before he ran out of air, and I was actually more impressed by this feat than by the content of what he shouted. It basically consisted of insulting my brain capacity and my decision-making skills.

I am well aware of my situation, and I am already working on remedying it, but it is not as easy as one makes it sound.

I cannot magically create trustworthy, loyal, and competent minions!!

Trust is built upon experience, and loyalty upon sacrifice, and I have nobody that fits these criteria, well, for now.

*Sigh*

Anyway, despite the rough start to my school year, I've managed to get lucky—not in a sexy way, much to my disappointment, but in a literal sense! I'm currently sitting in the heart of Hogwarts, and one might wonder how I found this place, or even what it is!

It's pretty straightforward, actually. I passed by the Room of Requirement, and lo and behold, it wasn't labelled as such on my [MAP].

Instead, it's labelled as [Founder's Testing Ground]. I know, insane, right? But that's literally what it said on the map, and it struck me that this room hasn't been used for its intended purpose by Potter's idiotic child.

'What was I expecting?! He is Potters child! A whole school full of magic knowledge and people with political power, and the little shithead wastes his time by playing chess with the dumbest idiot in his school year.' I condemned myself for not thinking things through.

My first assumption was that the room was used to test the students, or rather, the Founder's disciples that they chose from all the students in the school. In a way, it's insanely smart: gather all the children in one place, then select the most competent ones from the group and put them to the test.

My second assumption was that the founders were just too lazy to create separate rooms for, well, any requirement, and so they decided to create an all-in-one-purpose room.

I mean, whoever built this room must have spent way too long inside their office, planning and coming up with the idea, and realizing it. Eventually, they achieved this little masterpiece: one room that can become anything for the user's immediate needs.

'Damn, these people are even lazier than yours truly,' I thought in astonishment.

So, I ran past the room a few times, not quite remembering if it was three, five, or another number of times, and demanded to enter the Founder's Testing Grounds. Surprisingly, that did the trick.

Inside, I found myself in a hall with runes etched on the ground, walls, and even up to the ceiling. The four walls were adorned with portraits of the four founders, which hung in a peculiar way—I entered from a corner rather than from a wall. I couldn't help but wonder about the reasoning behind this peculiar design.

In front of each of the four walls were massive desks, and along the walls, there were bookshelves and large portraits of the founders, more like murals than simple portraits. Being a Slytherin, I made my way to Salazar Slytherin's desk to take a closer look around the place.

However, as soon as I approached, I was instantly assaulted by a barrage of insults. At first, I couldn't comprehend them as the speaker was using some gibberish language, but gradually I began to process what he was saying—it was in the oldest form of English.

'Why do I keep attracting old men who get off on verbally abusing me? Is it some kind of family curse, just my luck, or is my family magic acting up?' I grumbled inwardly, feeling annoyed at the situation of being abused by an elderly man.

I could stomach my girlfriend being kinky and dirty talking to me, but this is just not funny no more!

Anyway, the old bald asshole's cussing managed to wake up the other portraits, and suddenly I was bombarded with a slew of questions that I had to answer like a good little student.

These guys are supposed to be the pinnacle of magic, each one an Archmage in their own right, mastering various fields.

Later on, I found out from them directly in what they've achieved their masteries. The first two I asked were that bald fucker Slytherin, he excels in Rituals and Curses, and the fat lady Hufflepuff, she is a pro in Divination and Potions.

Next I approached the lion-clad fellow in Gold and Red armour, he achieved his level thanks to his mastery in Transfiguration and Charms, and finally, the sexy minx Ravenclaw, she is making me drool, she has mastered Arithmancy, Runes, and Astronomy.

I kid you not, that chick has a body and face that are out of this world. She's on a whole other level compared to anyone I've ever seen, but she gives off this vibe of being completely unapproachable.

[A/N: Anyway, for convenience's sake I will update what they said into modern English, otherwise it would be completely pointless to write, and you'd feel like reading Shakespeare.]

After a headache-inducing first encounter, I managed to persuade them to train me in their individual arts. That's because I'm an awesome, handsome, and wholesome guy who's generously given them the opportunity to have me as their disciple.

They'd be stupid not to jump at the chance to teach me everything they know about anything!

Everything was great until today...

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