How To Ruin A Love Comedy

***

**

“Did you write your application?”

At Miyuki’s question, Tetsuya happily shook a sheet of paper.

I guess you were happy about getting some leftover bento meant for hobos to eat?

I ate while having a secret date with Miyuki on the roof.

She nodded and turned towards me.

“What about Matsuda-kun?”

“I wrote it, mother.”

“Mother…?”

“I was all finished and you asked me if I did it… Just like a mother.”

“….”

Miyuki shook her head from side to side.

And then she saw my sly expression and narrowed her delicate forehead.

“Wh-What is it…? Why are you looking at me like that?”

“What’s up?”

“You were going to say… Something weird weren’t you…!?”

Yeah. I was going to ask when mommy was going to feed me.

“Something weird? Like what?”

When I acted shameless like someone who actually didn’t know anything, Miyuki fanned herself with her hand and let out a breath.

“Hoo… Whatever…!”

You must have thought the same thing I was thinking huh?

The training is going well. (TL Note: Not sure if training is completely correct but I literally couldn’t find the word in English. I do not think it exists. So I thought of a word close enough to it.)

Become more and more lewd just like this.

“Matsuda… You’re troubling Miyuki.”

Tetsuya elbowed me from the side.

You better watch yourself. You are not the main character of Dokiaca right now.

Only I can say things like that.

“But I didn’t say anything. She’s the one making an assumption all on her own. It’s unfair.”

“Yeah, yeah. Let’s get to the dojo already. We’re gonna be late.”

I easily brushed off Tetsuya who was pushing me from behind, and spoke seriously to Miyuki who was trying to calm down with a blushed face.

“Make sure you get into the student council.”

“…Yeah, thanks.”

“If you get in, and you are in charge of the front door when I am late, just let me get through.”

“That will never happen. I don’t know about other people, but I won’t go easy on Matsuda-kun even if I die.”

Let’s see if you will still be able to do that later.

I laughed at Miyuki’s sharp retort, and walked with Tetsuya to the dojo.

Finally it’s time to meet the second heroine.

Ino Renka. (TL Note: It’s pronounced like Ino-oh but I cba just read it however you want to in your head.)

At school and at home, she seems like a plain girl who always wears either the school uniform or dobok and ties her hair. (Martial arts uniform)

However, when she’s out she turns into a refined person.

She matches her hair to models’ hairstyles, and shows off a lot of different kinds of fashion.

A woman such a cold atmosphere that the average person wouldn’t even be able to talk to her.

A cold attitude that makes her impossible to approach.

From the outside, Renka looks like that.

But she’s actually kind on the inside.

Unlike the Miyuki kind of kindness, if you get close to her she will take care of you while complaining about it like a tsundere. Basically a the type of tsundere that takes good care of you.

And Renka has a secret.

That she likes anime and manga. A lot.

Going to Comiket, buying goods, collecting figures is a given, and even watches hentai without making a fuss about it.

Watches all genres without favoring one, and looks at the figures she collected at home and feels happy. A giant fucking otaku.

In the world of Dokiaca, if she uploaded a review to an anime website, she would immediately get the top review spot. She was famous in this world’s anime community.

Plain, a prideful tsundere, otaku.

An extremely rare species that shows three different faces.

Right now, I am going to meet that Ino Renka.

**

What’s the most important part of a school club story?

A fiery passion? Talent? Effort? Friendship? A rival?

Or perhaps a passionate sunbae?

Those things are important, but to me, it’s a manager.

A very pretty manager that treats the main character specially…

And then the heroine sees the main character and the manager flirting and gets a little jealous.

Dokiaca’s kendo club had such a manager.

Her name was Nanase Chinami.

A second year, even smaller than Miyuki… Very cute looking, energetic manager.

“Hello! Are you here to apply to the kendo club?”

Towards Chinami who greeted us with a smile, Tetsuya replied loudly.

“Yes! We are!”

“Whoa! What a loud voice…!”

“S-Sorry…”

“It’s not a problem! It’s good to see that you are so passionate! I’m Nanase Chinami who’s a second year here. I’m the kendo club’s manager!”

Look at her all energetic.

Her pink hair that’s a little bit rolled inwards at the end is very charming.

I want to ejaculate on it.

I thought that she would have made for a nice sub heroine when I played Dokiaca…

I wonder if I should just take this opportunity to do so.

If there are too many heroines it’s difficult to conquer them at once, but since Chinami will have a lot of overlap when I go for Renka, let’s think about it in a positive way.

“I’m a first year student named Miura Tetsuya. Nice to meet you, Sunbae-nim.”

Towards Tetsuya who was bowing all the way to his stomach, Chinami did a 30 degree kendo bow back, and then turned to me.

“Who is the gentlemen with a lot of wounds on his face…?”

“My name is Matsuda Ken. I’m a first year.”

“Matsuda Ken…? I feel like I heard it a lot… Ah!!”

Chinami muttered to herself and then clapped.

When Tetsuya and I flinched, she pointed to me and screamed.

“That incident yesterday!! The disciplinary committee!!”

I guess even the second years know about it.

To be fair, it is quite an infamous circle within the academy, the incident itself was huge, and the results were posted all over the notice board, so it’s not surprising that most people who would know about such things know about it.

I looked down at Chinami unenthusiastically.

“The punishment has already been set, so is there a problem with me signing up?”

“Not at all! There’s no way… I was just surprised is all. I apologize if I made you feel bad..! You can hand me the sign up sheet and come in! You can sit in the very front on the empty seat!”

We handed over our sheets and passed by Chinami.

“I-I can’t read the handwriting… Super bad handwriting…!”

Chinami said quietly after reading my sign up paper.

Tetsuya heard her and stifled a laugh.

I poked him with my elbow and walked into the dojo.

Inside, there was a very heavy atmosphere.

I saw a few other first years who must have joined at the start of the semester, but as if they already adjusted to this environment, they were kneeled and remained completely silent.

The kendo club had 30 people in total including both men and women.

But there weren’t many first years.

There must have been a lot of them during the first semester, but looks like they gave up in the middle.

The new club members were maybe around 7 including Tetsuya and I?

If you take into account that it’s the second semester, it’s a decent number.

We found an empty spot, and followed the other people in kneeling.

After we waited a bit silently, Chinami came inside and knocked on a door.

Then, the door opened and a smiling, furry, middle aged man, and a girl who tied her long hair back into a ponytail.

‘It’s Renka.’

A white face and clear facial features.

Sharp eyes with long eyelashes and thin lips.

A tall height and average breasts.

It’s Ino Renka exactly as I knew it.

I felt a little less excited than when I saw Miyuki for the first time.

Not because Renka wasn’t beautiful, but it’s because I got used to being in the world of Dokiaca.

As I kept staring at Renka,

“Welcome. As you can see, I am the coach for the kendo club, Dojima Goro. Call me coach-nim.”

When the furry beast walked up to the new recruits and introduced himself, I regained my focus.

“Hello! Coach-nim!”

All the recruits greeted him in sync.

Did they all plan this without me or something?

I missed my timing to greet him.

When I glanced over at Renka, she was glaring at me with stern eyes.

Ah… It did damage to my image. Wait, can my image even get worse at this point?

“I like the spirit. The person to my side is Ino Renka the kendo club’s president, and she is someone you can trust to lead you guys along with me.”

The president as only a second year.

I suppose everyone accepted her given her skills and charisma.

Renka couldn’t attend the nationals in August because of her injuries, so she’s probably not the happiest right now.

So let’s not act disrespectfully and make it impossible for me to conquer her later.

“We’ll be in your care! President-nim!”

Fuck! Let’s greet them together you sons of bitches!

Once again missing the timing to say a greeting, I half gave up as I listened to Goro’s explanation.

**

“Next up… Matsuda Ken-nim!”

Chinami called on me with a bright voice.

I walked to in front of her and replied.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Huge… If you don’t mind, may I ask how tall you are?”

“I am 187 cm.”

“Whoa…! You must have had a lot of milk when you were growing up?”

“Well… I guess I did like it.”

“I used to hate milk. I like it now… But I should have drank it even if I hated it.”

While your actions are important, aren’t your genetics more important?

Anyways, I like your current self.

Because if you bend your knees a little, I think you’ll be able to give me a boob job.

“That was too much personal talk right? Here’s your dobok.”

I grabbed the dobok with both hands and nodded slightly.

“Thank you, sunbae-nim.”

“It’s nothing. Also here at the kendo club, we don’t nod. We bow. Here, repeat after me.”

Chinami did what she did to Tetsuya when she received our applications.

I roughly copied her, and she smiled happily as I walked out scratching the back of my head.

As I did so, I ran into Renka.

She looked at me emotionlessly with her arms crossed.

“Matsuda Ken.”

“Yes ma’am?”

“The coach has something to say to you, so follow me to his office.”

Hmm… I want to change that cold voice into moans.

You are thinking about what anime to watch when you get home right? I already know all about it.

I followed behind her, and saw Goro sitting down. I figured with the current atmosphere I should remain standing, so I stood a little awkwardly and looked at him.

He saw me, and gave me a warm smile while stretching his hand forward.

“Sit, Matsuda.”

“Yes sir.”

When I sat down, Goro immediately got to the main subject.

“You’ll be starting as a manager.”

“…Sorry?”

Coach-nim, do you wanna die?

Why are you making a fuss? I want to do kendo.

“What mistake did I make? If by any chance it was me missing the greeting…”

“It’s not that. It would be pathetic to punish someone who doesn’t know the proper etiquette yet for not greeting someone.”

“But then what…”

“Kendo isn’t about just holding a sword and whacking the enemy and getting hit back. It’s a martial arts for the mind and body. The most important thing when you are training kendo is etiquette. How to treat your sunbaes, taking care of your body, how you carry yourself… These kinds of things are the foundations that you need to fully grasp kendo.”

“….”

“But you don’t have any manners. Can’t you tell from all your actions thus far?”

I cleaned the bathrooms, I took care of that pervert messing with Miyuki, and even left that violent circle.

I’m trying my best to change.

I understand it’s not enough, but it’s sad that he won’t even acknowledge it.

But I see that you’re wearing a marriage ring?

A big cliche of sports stories is the furry passionate coach having a pretty wife… Watch yourself.

“…Yes. I understand.”

“I like that you accepted it honestly. We will help set you on the right path of martial arts. First, help Nanase take care of the kendo club and look at how it functions.”

At this rate I’m going to lose early game events…?

It’s possible that Tetsuya could end up getting them.

This is the worst. Conquering Renka is about to get really fucking hard.

At least I can have a one on one with Chinami.

She is both the manager and a member of the kendo club.

She’ll take care of me, and she has good relations with Renka…

If I show my good side, she might say something nice about me to Renka.

I think I’ll be spending a lot of time with Chinami for the foreseeable future…

Now that it’s like this, should I just make her a main heroine at this point?

She’s obviously a virgin, and if I conquer her first she could help me with Renka…

There’s no reason not to right?

“Alright. Then what should I do first? Do I just go to Nanase sunbae?”

When I accepted it without a hassle, Renka and Goro’s eyes widened.

Looks like they were surprised.

Judging by their reactions, maybe I can get to the starting events after all.

I’ll put flirting with Miyuki as top priority, but also try my best at the kendo club.

***

(TL Note: I meant to do this chapter sooner but I kept cringing so I kept stopping. I’ve been working in a public place, and even if no one is looking over my shoulder it’s a bit weird to write… some of this stuff. When it gets to actual sex idk what I’ll do.)