How a Realist Hero Rebuilt The Kingdom

Intermission 1: Lord Ishizuka

“Okay... on to the next document,” I said.

Whether I was in the royal capital, Parnam, or the princely capital, Van, my work as king was always the same. I stayed in the governmental affairs office, poring over the documents Hakuya had prepared for me and signing off on them. Especially now, with the occupation of Van having begun so recently, my workload had increased.

Letting several days worth of work accumulate so that I could produce that music program hadn’t helped. Even as I worked day and night, using my Living Poltergeists to their fullest, the number of stacks of paper in front of me refused to decrease. In the end, I had ended up installing a bed in the governmental affairs office of Van, too, so that I could get back to work as soon as I woke up.

So, today, like every day, I had sat myself down at the desk the moment I got out of bed, and I was staring down a pile of papers as the morning sunlight streamed into the office.

“Isn’t it about time you got your own room?” Liscia asked from her position beside me, sounding a little exasperated. She had been helping me. “This castle has a lot of rooms.”

“I’m buried in work from dawn to dusk,” I said. “There’s not much point in having a room if I only go back there to sleep. Honestly... just when things had finally settled down in the kingdom, I ended up creating more work for myself by occupying Van. It’s like, to hell with the Labor Standards Act.”

“What kind of nonsense are you even talking about?” Liscia asked. “Come on, here’s the next document.”

“Yeah... Wait, this again?”

When I looked over the document she passed me, I slumped my shoulders.

It said, “The people of Van want to hold an outdoor music concert in the plaza. Is it okay for us to permit that?” I had already processed several similar petitions just today.

They were for concerts, plays, art exhibitions, calligraphy exhibitions, and circuses, among other things. It seemed that, after seeing that broadcast, the people of Van had awakened to the idea of expressing themselves through the arts. Yes, it was truly...

“A renaissaaaance,” I said, stretching out the word.

“...What’s up? That came out of nowhere,” Liscia said.

“...Nothing.”

Liscia looked at me kind of funny.

Yeah, if I was going to make her laugh by saying the word funny, I was probably going to have to introduce it to the local language first, I thought.

While the original Renaissance had come as a revival of Greek and Roman humanism as the influence of the Christian church had declined, this one would be a cultural revival that came from people celebrating the arts after being freed from militarism.

“But, still... I know fall is the season for art, but this awakening is way too sudden,” I commented.

To be honest, I’d have preferred not being swamped with an endless stream of requests for art and culture events. This city was technically under occupation, after all. If the events drew large crowds, it was possible that conspirators could gather there or they could be targeted by terrorists. I wished they’d put themselves in my shoes, as the guy who had to check thoroughly to make sure that wasn’t happening.

When she saw me holding my head in my hands, Liscia gave a wry smile. “You can’t blame them, really. It just means your broadcast had that much impact, right? It seems like this sort of stuff has been being suppressed pretty heavily up until now.”

“...I’ll bet,” I said. “I doubt a militarist state would let them express themselves.”

Burning books for being slightly critical of the ruling regime, jailing people for singing songs that called for peace, publicly executing the head of a theater troupe for putting on a play that satirized the government... I thought. They’d probably have done all of that without a second thought. This excitement I’m seeing is probably the recoil from that.

“Though, thanks to that, my workload increases,” I said glumly.

“No grumbling,” said Liscia. “It’s better than them opposing us.”

“Well, yes, but... Maybe I’ll set up a bureau to handle events,” I said, inspiration striking. “If I put Margarita in charge of it, I could have her handle everything to do with entertainment.”

“That’s fine with me, but... you do the paperwork for it.”

“Oof...”

It looked like, struggle as I might, my workload wasn’t going to decrease.

Well, I’m the king, so I guess there’s no helping that, huh.

I worked into the afternoon, and just as I was feeling hungry and was saying to Liscia that we should break for lunch, the Minister for the Food Crisis, Poncho Ishizuka Panacotta, entered the room.

Poncho walked over to stand before me, his round belly shaking as he did, then gave a tense salute. “U-Um, Your Majesty, I was hoping I could have a moment of your time, yes.”

He was clearly anxious. He might not have looked impressive at the moment, but Poncho here had been instrumental in solving the food crisis, and he was a man I had hand-picked to work at my side, so he was a respected figure in the country.

That’s why I wish he’d get used to standing in front of me already... I thought.

“Is something the matter?” I asked.

“Y-Yes! There is something I wanted to show you, sire, yes,” Poncho said, pulling something out of the bag he was carrying and placing it on the office desk.

“You wanted to show us... a flower?” Liscia, who was watching us, said in confusion.

Poncho had pulled out a single flower. It looked similar to a lily. However, it had a toxic-looking combination of pink, yellow, and brown petals.

If this were a mushroom, that’d be a clear warning not to eat it, I thought.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Y-Yes! This is a flower called a ‘beguiling lily,’ yes.”

“Oh, okay, I know what a lily is,” I said. “But what’s so beguiling about it?”

“This flower’s pollen has a powerful hallucinogenic effect,” he explained. “It induces anyone who inhales it into a state similar to sleepwalking. It primarily grows in the mountains. Long ago, there was an incident where an army division inhaled it while marching. They fell off a cliff fleeing from enemies that didn’t even exist and were wiped out as a result.”

“Scary!” I exclaimed. Is it like a non-controlled drug, or something like that? “Wait, don’t bring that stuff in here!”

“I-It’s fine,” said Poncho. “I’ve already removed the pollen, yes.”

“...Really? Well, as long as you’re sure it’s safe,” I said.

“Yes,” he agreed. “Besides, the pollen from one or two won’t have any effect. If you try to approach a field where hundreds of them are growing, though, even covering your nose and mouth with a cloth won’t help... Yes.”

Well, yeah, short of wearing an air filtration mask, I doubt you can block out all of the pollen, I thought. I’ve never had to deal with it myself, but the people with pollen allergies look like they have a hard time even with a mask on.

“So, you wanted to show me this flower?” I prompted.

“No, the flower is merely a something of a bonus, sire. What I wanted you to see was this.” With those words, Poncho pulled out a small roundish object. This one was... a vegetable, perhaps? It was white, round, and lumpy, like scallion bulbs or cloves of garlic densely clumped together into something like a pine cone.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Th-This is a beguiling lily rootstalk, yes.”

“The rootstalk...” I murmured. “Oh, lily root, huh!”

“Eek! ...What was that for, so suddenly?” My sudden outburst had surprised Liscia.

I’d been excited by the sudden and unexpected appearance of a luxury ingredient.

Hmm, so this is lily root, I thought. I’ve seen a single piece as an ingredient in a bowl of chawanmushi before, but this is my first time seeing a whole bulb. It’s supposed to taste like potato, if I remember correctly.

“...Well then, Poncho Ishizuka Paramedic,” I began.

“I-It’s Panacotta, yes.”

“Can you eat it?” I asked.

“Yes, of course you can. This root has no hallucinogenic effect, yes.”

“And, how does it taste?” I asked.

“If you steam them, they’re soft, flaky, and delicious. I might add, these beguiling lilies grow all over the mountains of Amidonia.”

That’s good to hear, I thought. Lily root is rich in carbohydrates. It can be used as a staple food, like potatoes. If we could harvest these, it might lead to a breakthrough in solving the principality’s food crisis.

“But with the pollen, you can’t go anywhere near where they grow, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” he agreed. “And if they aren’t harvested while they’re releasing pollen, toxicity builds up in their rootstalks. That’s why they aren’t customarily eaten in Amidonia, yes.”

“Well, that’s no good, then,” I said. “Even if they’re edible, if you can’t harvest them, then... Wait, huh? Then how’d you get this one here?”

When I asked that, Poncho pulled out a map and pointed to an area in the northeast of the Gran Chaos Empire.

“There is a people in the mountains of the Gran Chaos Empire who harvest the beguiling lily and use it as their staple food. They’ve developed a peculiar method of harvesting them, yes.”

“What is that method?” I asked.

“They use the shoujou for it, you see, yes.”

“The shoujou... They’re a type of orangutan, right?” I wondered aloud, to which Poncho nodded.

“Among the varieties of orangutan that live in the mountains, one species has a resistance to the effects of beguiling lily pollen. It seems these orangutans regularly dig up the rootstalks and eat them. The mountain people of the Empire have trained these orangutans to do the harvesting for them.”

I see, so like the cormorants used in cormorant fishing, huh, I thought. Taming them would normally be the hard part, but... we have an expert in that field in our country.

“Are those orangutans here in Amidonia, too?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “It seems they live in the mountains near Van, too. I already have Tomoe negotiating with them for us. The shoujou are famous for their love of alcohol, so I suspect they’ll happily work for us if we give them a barrel once in a while in lieu of money, yes.”

“...It’s good to see that you work so quickly,” I said.

Not only do we have the Rhinosaurus Preserve, now we’re making the Van Ape Army, too, huh, I thought. At this rate, I could turn Elfrieden into a literal animal kingdom. Ha ha ha...

“...Hey, Liscia,” I said.

“What?” she asked.

“If you think this policy is too crazy, you’re welcome to stop it, okay?”

“...Don’t look to me to make that decision.”

Liscia turned away, refusing to have anything to do with this.

One week (eight days) later, the food distributed in Van included a dumpling made with the root of the beguiling lily (lily root for short).

“We are distributing lily root dumplings here, yes,” said Poncho.

Poncho, the Minister for the Food Crisis himself, stood at the distribution site, personally handing out lily root dumpling soup to the people of Van. The food crisis had affected Amidonia deeply, so the people of Van lined up with pots in hand to take their soup ration home with them. In addition to the soup being distributed, there was also some on hand for tasting, and he was serving it to the people who had lined up for it.

“It really warms you up,” said one woman. “This is better than I expected.”

“The soup itself has a nice flavor to it,” another agreed. “I think it was called miso, right?”

“These dumplings, I bet they’d taste good fried, too, huh?” a third commented. “I’d love to try cooking them myself.”

As housewives of Van were talking, Poncho called out to them. “W-We have lily root dumplings that you can take home here, too. I would very much like for you to bring them back with you and let your family try them, yes.”

When Poncho held up a bag filled with lily root dumplings, a gleam flashed through housewives’ eyes. Then, before he knew it, Poncho was surrounded by the ladies.

“My, how considerate,” said one. “It’s a big help, young man.”

“You, you’re one of that king’s personal retainers, right?” another asked. “Do you already have someone special to you?”

“Ah. No, I haven’t even considered marriage...” The moment Poncho said that, clearly flustered, there was a gleam in the housewives’ eyes.

“Why, splendid! My daughter is a sweet girl, you know,” said one woman. “Maybe you’d like to take her off my hands?”

“Hey, no fair!” another protested. “If you take a wife, it should be my daughter! She has good birthing hips, like me, so I can promise she’ll give you a healthy baby!”

“If she went to live with a portly fellow like yourself, I wouldn’t have to worry about her going hungry,” another added.

...And, before he knew it, they were already trying to set Poncho up with a wife.

When they heard all the noise, some of the young ladies even volunteered themselves for the position.

“He’s one of the king’s favorites, isn’t he?” a young woman asked. “Sounds like a keeper to me.”

“It’s a chance to marry into money,” another agreed. “Yes, yes! Sign me up for that.”

The next thing he knew, Poncho was being swarmed by women young and old alike. Souma had just recently shown them that it was okay to express themselves, so the women were very forthright with their emotions. For Poncho, who was not used to this sort of attention, he had no idea what to do and was standing there nervously, when...

“What are you doing, Sir Poncho?”

...someone called out to him with a voice that wasn’t loud, but which carried well.

When the many women looked towards the voice, they saw a beautiful woman in a maid outfit with a ladle in her hand. Seeing the maid’s stunning beauty, the women gulped despite themselves.

Then, of all things, that maid walked over to Poncho, wrapping herself around his thick arm. “I’ve come here at His Majesty’s request to assist you with your work because you’re so shy, you know? Do you mean to slack off while I’m working for you?”

The moment after she said that, Serina cast a glance at the crowd of women. Serina wasn’t glaring at them, precisely, but they felt intimidated by her beautiful face.

What’s a beauty like her doing next to a tubby guy like him?! they thought.

They were even arm-in-arm. Could it be they were in a scandalous relationship?

Paying no mind to the women’s feelings, Serina shot Poncho a meaningful glance. “Do be sure that you make this up to me later. I won’t be satisfied with doing it just once tonight.”

Whaa?! The ladies gasped at Serina’s suggestive words.

By the way, the thing that Serina wasn’t going to be satisfied only doing once that night was taste-testing Poncho’s experimental dishes. Serina had become enraptured with the dishes Poncho made based on the B-grade cuisine from the world Souma came from. In other words, she was saying she wouldn’t be satisfied taste-testing only one dish.

Poncho correctly understood what she meant, and he said, “Y-Yes! I will get right back to work, yes!” and returned to his job distributing food.

Serina gave an indifferent shrug, then turned and gave the women an elegant bow before following after Poncho.

The women could only watch as the two of them left, feeling like they had been tricked somehow.

...Well, while there were some troubles, the lily root dumplings were delicious both fried and boiled, which did a lot to calm and soothe the hearts of the occupied people.

The culture of eating lily roots spread to Van, and Poncho Ishizuka Panacotta, who had distributed the dumplings to them personally, became respected almost in a godlike way by the housewives of Van, who came to call him “Lord Ishizuka.”

Perhaps, someday, he would have shrines built to worship him, like the Billiken.