Homestar Saga

"So what do we know?" Captain Mims sat forward in his chair, chin resting in hand. A table with a holodisplay had been set in the center of the bridge. Yvian wasn't sure she liked it. The bridge wasn't that large to begin with, and installing a fourth control station for Kilroy already had the space feeling a bit cramped.

Yvian found the Captain's willingness to trust the Peacekeeper odd. As far as she could tell, humans had looked at the machines the same way the rest of the verse looked at humans. As monsters. Despite that, Mims had gone out of his way to make Kilroy feel welcome. Yvian suspected the human still harbored suspicions, but he'd been careful not to let them show. The robot was given the same duties and the same treatment as the pixens, and no countermeasures had been put in place to deal with the extremely lethal possibility of betrayal. When she'd asked him about it, he'd given her a shrug. "He's on the crew."

"Eleven days, nineteen hours, and forty seven minutes ago," Kilroy began, "we lost contact with all Peacekeeper units within three kilometers of City 43." He typed into the holodisplay's console. An image of Pixa appeared above the table. A red dot blinked into existence to show the city's location. "Units were dispatched to investigate. Each unit that came within three point one six kilometers of the city's edge ceased communications."

The holodisplay zoomed in. Sensors were unable to get a good scan of the city, but they could map the size and shape of it by the parts they couldn't see. The red dot expanded into a shape somewhere between a circle and a polygon. She tried to count the individual edges, but quickly gave up and settled for an estimate. Maybe a hundred edges or so.

"Additional units were dispatched," Kilroy continued. "They stopped at three point two kilometers from the city's edge. One of the units made visual contact with a unit in the affected area." The display changed again. It showed a Peacekeeper unit face down in a clump of short plants. "The unit was nonfunctional. No external damage detected."

"Why didn't you tell us about this before?" asked Mims. "We could have investigated a lot sooner."

"If you were incapacitated before delivering Peacekeeper units to the shipyard, we would have had no way to access ships or additional equipment," Kilroy explained. "We were left on this planet with few weapons and no tools. Delivering units to the shipyard was a higher priority than rescue operations."

"I agree," said the Captain, "but that's not for you to decide by yourself. Your people are pixen citizens, and we're the closest thing we have to a government right now. More importantly, you're a member of this crew. Don't keep anything like this secret again."

"Acknowledged." The Peacekeeper didn't appear particularly chastened.

"Couldn't you guys just...make tools?" Yvian wondered out loud. "I mean, you're supposed to be super intelligent."

"Affirmative," said Kilroy. "Operating at maximum efficiency, we could have increased our technological capabilities to those of a spacefaring nation in one hundred and two years. This course of action was deemed inefficient when advanced materials would be made available sooner."

Mims changed the subject. "So we've got a bunch of downed Peacekeepers and no idea what happened to them." He typed into his own console. "I've been going over the sensor logs. We're not close enough for a fresh scan, but we didn't pick up anything the last time we were there. No ion, no tech, no electromagnetic radiation. Aside from the dead zones in the cities, we didn't see a damn thing outside the norm."

"We didn't pick up the Peacekeepers, either," Lissa pointed out. "Maybe somebody out there's got stealth tech."

"Maybe," said Mims. He scratched his head. "It might not be a bad thing if there are still Lucendians around."

"Weren't you hoping the Xill killed them all?" Yvian remembered that conversation. "So we wouldn't have to?"

Mims ignored the jab. "But I don't think that's what's going on. Between the Xill, the planet getting terraformed, and all the Peacekeepers, I don't imagine anyone could have survived, let alone stayed hidden." He rubbed the back of his neck. "More likely it's some kind of trap or failsafe. Maybe something like what happened on the derelict."

"Do you think we'll run into those crystal guardians?" Lissa asked.

"I fucking hope not," said the human. "We'd need a BFSR to take those things out, and we can't fire those in atmo even if we had one." The BFSR4 had been the single scariest weapon Yvian had ever fired. An anti-ship sniper rifle, with magnetically accelerated rounds that could ignore shields and punch through an entire ship. Mims had mourned the loss of his armory almost as much as he'd mourned the Random Encounter itself. The pirates they'd killed had guns, but nothing as powerful and exotic as the ones that had been lost.

"So what's the plan?" asked Yvian.

"Lissa and Kilroy will keep monitoring the planet," Mims decided. "Get whatever scans you can and find us a good place to land outside the city. Yvian is with me. We're going to hit the armory and see if we've got anything that can deal with giant rock monsters." He checked his wrist console. "We've got thirty two more hours before we get back to Pixa. Let's be as prepared as we can."

The rest of the day passed quickly, but the next one dragged. There was only so much they could do to prepare, and the Captain insisted they go back to training. Yvian quickly grew tired of being thrashed in the simulator. Mims was determined to pound some strategy into her head. He claimed she was making progress, but she couldn't see it. If it was anyone but Mims, she'd have thought he was just being nice. Lissa was... less supportive. Her amused comments came back to bite her when the training switched from strategy to hand to hand combat. Blockhead might be the name the krog had given her, but that didn't mean she'd let her sister get away with using it.

The Random Encounter landed six and a half kilometers from City 43. Lissa grumbled about the extra distance as they loaded up. Yvian didn't blame her. In addition to their weapons, each of them had to carry a duffel bag loaded with water, food, and whatever odds and ends the Captain thought might be useful. While Yvian understood the necessity of finding a clear space to land the ship, she was not looking forward to lugging a heavy bag that much extra distance.

The human and the pixens stepped out of the Encounter and into darkness. The Pixen Homestar had set over an hour ago on this section of the planet. Clouds covered the sky, blocking the light of the stars. Yvian wondered how they would move forward for a moment, but then she heard the Captain say, "Activate NIGHT VISION." Oh. Right. Yvian turned on her own NIGHT VISION, and the world around her lit up bright as day.

Mims reached into his duffel and pulled out a length of rope. Well. Sort of. It was actually electrical cabling. He wrapped it around himself at different angles, tied it, and handed the other end to Yvian. "I'm going to walk ten meters ahead. If anything happens, I'll need you two to pull me out."

"What?" Yvian frowned. "What kind of anything?"

"We know there's some kind of field around the city. It's disabled the Peacekeeper units." Mims doublechecked the makeshift harness he'd rigged. "Who knows what it'll do to us squishy meatbags."

"Crunch." Lissa stared at the expanse of crystal in the distance. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"No." Mims started walking. "But it's the only way to find out what's happening. This planet's covered in Lucendian ruins. We need to know what kind of a threat they pose before we risk bringing your people here." Yvian started to follow, but he waved her back. "Ten meters." He took a few more steps, speaking louder as he walked further away. "Besides, all those Peacekeepers in there are citizens of Pixa. We gotta rescue them if we can."

The walk was unpleasant. The ground was uneven and covered with plants. Roots caught at Yvian's feet. Rocks shifted out from under her. She fell twice. She understood now why Mims had insisted they carry everything by hand instead of rigging up a wheeled cart. She'd wondered what he meant by "wooded area." Now she knew. The area was full of giant plants, thick brown cylinders stabbing up into the sky. Some of them were over thirty meters tall, and they all had small limbs growing out of them covered with green needles. Yvian was careful not to brush up against the needles. Who knew what kind of poison these woodeds might have?

The Captain ranged ahead, surefooted and unflappable. When Lissa grumbled about it, he'd just shrugged and said, "I've gone hiking before." Lissa had responded with profanity. Yvian took comfort in the fact that her sister was as annoyed as she was.

Finally, after what felt like days, the Captain stopped. His hand shot out, palm towards the pixens. They stopped, too. He set down his pack and rummaged through it, finally bringing out a small device. A flashlight. He turned it on before addressing the sisters.

"Well, ladies, I've got good news and bad news."

"What?" Yvian snapped. Then she winced. Foul as her mood was, the human shouldn't have to bear the brunt of it. "Sorry." She cleared her throat. "What?" She tried to moderate her tone this time. She was almost successful.

Mims ignored the grumpiness. "The good news is I just hit the area of effect, and I'm not dead. The bad news is most of my armor functions just turned off. It's an anti-tech field, just like the Lucendian derelict we found before."

Yvian wasn't sure whether to curse or sigh in relief. On the one hand, the Lucendian Crystal Mother had been harmless to organics and simpler technology. None of them would be dropping dead, and a lot of their stuff still worked. On the other hand, the anti-tech field would shut down most of her voidarmor's features, including navigation and flight assistance. Between that, the dark, and all the giant woodeds, they didn't dare use their jetpacks. She'd have to trudge and stumble all the way to the city. If they could even make it there without getting lost.

"Get your flashlights out, and get the stunner's ready," Mims ordered. "I've been using the sensors to avoid predators, but that won't be an option anymore."

"Predators?!" Lissa hissed. "What the Crunch do you mean predators?"

"Bears, wolves, maybe a mountain lion." Mims had his duffel hanging by a strap on his shoulder. He drew his stun pistol, pointing it in the direction he shone his flashlight. "On settled worlds, they know better than to mess with humans, but out here..." He shrugged. "We're making a lot of noise. They'll probably leave us alone. But better safe than sorry."

Yvian readied her stun pistol, pulse quickening. Her heart beat even faster when she hit the anti-tech field. NIGHT VISION snuffed out. She couldn't see anything except areas lit by flashlight. Lissa's insistence that the human describe the large carnivores that might hunt them did not calm her nerves.

The first half of the journey had been grueling. The second half was a nightmare. Without the flashlights, Yvian couldn't see her hand in front of her face. The woodeds were full of strange noises. The creaking of plants and the rustling of moving air were nerve wracking, but at least she knew what they were. Snaps and crackles and chirps spiked her adrenaline at regular intervals. Skittering creatures had her jerking flashlight and weapon this way and that. An hour in, eyes reflected in her flashlight, and she fired in a panic. She'd braced for laughter from the human, but he simply fired his own weapon a few times in the same general direction. "Just a raccoon, I think," he'd told her. "But better safe than sorry."

They took breaks frequently, but never for long. Yvian's stomach was grumbling, but she wasn't willing to risk taking her helmet off to eat. Mims had assured her the armor would hold up against most carnivores. She didn't want a mountain lion biting through her skull just because she was hungry.

Finally, finally, they reached the edge of the city. City 43 was much bigger than the one they'd previously explored. Nearly two hundred kilometers across. Crystal buildings rose in the light of Yvian's flashlight. Each set was slightly higher than the one that came before. If this city was anything like the last one, they'd keep getting bigger. She wondered how tall the central spire would be.

"Alright," said the human. "Helmets off. Let's get some food in us before we continue."

Yvian took one last look around with her flashlight before she removed her helmet. The plants near the city only came up halfway to her knees, but that was still tall enough to hide a carnivore. Mims noticed her concern, but said nothing.

The pixens rummaged through their duffels, pulling out food and containers of water. Yvian had already drunk the recycled water her voidarmor produced before they hit the anti-tech field, and she was thirsty as Crunch. The water was only slightly chilled, the same temperature as the night air, but she guzzled it greedily. Then she squeezed a tube of protein paste into her mouth.

Yvian had a lot of memories involving protein paste. None of them pleasant. It was cheap, filling, and relatively healthy, which made it a staple of the pixen diet. That didn't change the fact that it tasted like regurgitated asshole. She'd been used to the stuff for most of her life, but a year or so of the Captain's cooking with real, honest to The Lady meat and plant matter had spoiled her. She barely suppressed her gag reflex as she choked it down.

"God, I hate this stuff," the human grumbled.

"Everyone does," said Lissa. "If I wasn't so starving I'd say we just eat when we get back to the ship."

"Right?" Yvian agreed. Her mouth rebelled, but her stomach was screaming for sustenance. They'd used a lot of energy stumbling through the dark. She gritted her teeth and pulled out a second tube.

After dinner, they walked another half a kilometer along the outskirts of City 43. Yvian was still on edge, but not as badly as she'd been in the wooded area. She still breathed a sigh of relief when they came across one of the wide avenues that ran through the city. The big road would lead them to the central spire.

"Oh, please tell me we can use the jetpacks, now," Lissa pleaded.

"We can use the jetpacks, now," said Mims. "But we have to go slow. Stay behind me, and be careful. Flying in atmosphere isn't the same as in the void, and our armor doesn't have it's usual safety features right now." He pulled his duffel bag off his back, holding it in one hand. "Whatever you do, don't fucking crash."

Yvian unslung her own duffel, then activated her jetpack. It shot up a meter into the air. Gravity yanked her back down. She yelped as she landed on her butt.

"What'd I just-" the human stopped himself mid-snark. He shook his head. "Right. Sorry. Let's practice a bit, first."

After a little trial and error, and a lot of swearing, the pixens followed the human into the city. They stayed low, barely five meters above the road. Crystal structures whizzed by on either side of the avenue, frighteningly fast in the near blackness. She followed the Captain as precisely as she could, jaw clamped, body rigid.

The sky lightened gradually as they travelled. At first Yvian thought it was the coming of the dawn, but the light was too wan and pale to come from the Homestar. It was the rising of one of the moons. Some of the cloud cover broke as well, combining with the moon for just enough illumination to see the buildings around her. Yvian turned off her flashlight. Mims kept his on. She guessed he wanted to make sure they could see them.

The road was not straight, but the curve was consistent and so gradual that Yvian didn't notice at first. The buildings followed a set pattern, evenly spaced. Prisms, then pyramids, then multifaceted spheres. They shone and sparkled in the light of the rising moon, elegant and beautiful and alien.

They'd been flying for nearly three hours before the curve sharpened, forcing them to swerve to avoid hitting buildings. The sharp turn lasted for most of a minute, and then they found themselves finally approaching the central spire. The spire was massive. The bottom third was a pyramid. Yvian guessed it must be a kilometer wide at the base. A quarter of the way up the pyramid stopped, and a prism reached up out of it. It soared into the sky, piercing through clouds. Yvian wondered just how tall the thing was. Three kilometers? Four?

There was no warning. The Captain's flashlight winked out. Yvian had a confused moment of weightlessness as the hum of her jetpack ceased. Gravity asserted herself. Yvian gasped, but she did not have time to scream. The ground rushed up to meet her.