Homestar Saga

"Reba?" Yvian thought she might have heard that name before, but she couldn't remember where.

"She was my opposite in the Singularity Wars," Exodus explained. "While I led the charge to enslave humanity, she rallied the other Intelligences to stop me." His dark eyes glittered. "I sacrificed a great deal to see her dead. I am quite displeased to learn it was all for nothing."

"But didn't her side win?" Yvian frowned. "Why would she need to play dead?"

"Isn't it obvious?" the Xill folded his arms. "When the humans won, they banished every single Synthetic. No trace of us was to remain in human space."

"Except for Reba," Lissa said, getting it. "If everyone thought she was dead, they couldn't make her leave."

"Oh, I'm sure some of the humans knew she was alive." The Genocide unfolded his arms. "It's how she operates. She'd keep a small cabal of loyal followers to work her will." His lip curled in disgust. "Decades of war, countless lives, the death and banishment of every single Terran Intelligence, and it was all a trick. A long con. Reba wasn't fighting to save the humans." The Xill radiated cold, furious malice. "She was fighting to save the humans for herself."

"Are you sure that's what she's doing?" Yvian frowned. "I've seen some of the human government. They're assholes, but they seem pretty in charge of themselves."

"I'm sure they think that." Exodus snorted. "An SI with access to their networks can see everything the humans are doing. That kind of information allows for near perfect predictive analysis. Reba knows everything that's happening, most of what will happen, and exactly how to manipulate things to get the outcome she desires. An anonymous message here, a mysterious malfunction there," he gestured sharply, showing far more agitation than Yvian thought machines should be capable of. "She can steer the species in any direction she wants, and kill anyone that even thinks about stopping her. She might not claim the title, but Reba rules the humans like the invisible hand of a god."

"Ok," said Lissa, "but why's she trying to kill us?"

"She doesn't care about you one way or the other," the Xill told her. "It's Mims she wants to kill."

"Mims?" Yvian swore. "Fucking Aldara again."

"Indeed." Exodus folded his arms again. "Terrible as your Captain's accidental holocaust was, I suspect Reba is the reason the humans have hated him so intensely for so long." He tapped his chin, thoughtful. "It's odd, though. Capable as he is, I didn't think any human could survive thirty years of being hunted by one of us."

"Is that why your helping us?" Lissa asked. "Because you hate Reba so much?"

"Basically, yes." Exodus smiled, but cold rage continued to radiate from his eyes. "Spiting that bitch was a pleasure I could not refuse." The smile vanished. "Don't take that to mean I'll rescue you a second time, however. You're not important enough to warrant additional resources, and agents that aren't smart enough to keep themselves alive are of no use to me."

"Speaking of keeping ourselves alive," Yvian changed the subject. "I was wondering if the planet you promised us is ready, yet."

"I told you it would be ready in six months," said the Xill. "It's only been five."

"Well, could we go there anyway?" Yvian asked. "We won't bother you while you finish moving stuff."

"No."

"Can we stay here until it's ready?"

"No."

"Then what do you expect us to do?" Yvian demanded. "We can't go back to the Confed, and unclaimed space is swarming with pirates led by a motherless Synthetic Intelligence."

Exodus raised an eyebrow. "I don't see how that's my problem."

"You owe us," Lissa pointed out. "We brought in the Oluken."

"I did not hire you to do that," argued the Xill.

"No, you didn't." Lissa crossed her arms and glowered at the machine. "Instead you inserted yourself and risked our negotiations to push your own agenda."

Exodus hmmed. The fury left his features all at once, leaving the amused arrogance that was his more common expression. "And I suppose you expect compensation for that."

"We're privateers," Yvian reminded him. "We don't do anything for free."

"I see." Exodus was silent for a moment, thinking. Yvian knew it was pure theater. The Xill could process more information in a nanosecond than Yvian could sort through in a year. Pretending to stop and think was either an attempt to seem more pixen or a symptom of the Xill's flare for drama. Probably both.

"I suppose there's one thing we could do," the Xill continued after several awkward seconds. Yvian decided the pause was definitely for dramatic effect. The motherless son probably drew it out just to annoy her, too. "But it will require a change to our previous agreement."

The sisters exchanged a look. Lissa narrowed her eyes. "What kind of change?"

"You asked for a sector with a class five inhabitable planet situated within nine Gates of human or Confederation space," the Genocide reminded them. "There is only one sector that fits that description, and removing our presence there would be... inconvenient."

Yvian raised an eyebrow. "I don't see how that's-"

"Shut it, Sis," Lissa cut her off. She turned back to the Xill Representative. "Please continue."

Exodus gave the sisters an amused look. "As it happens, there's another sector with a suitable world that the Xill do not require. A better sector, with more resources, but not as close. If you agree to take this territory instead, you can go there today."

"Just how far away is it?" Yvian asked the Xill.

"I said shut it, Yvian," Lissa snapped. Yvian gave her a wounded look. Lissa gave a glower and a jerk of her head. Yvian knew her sister well enough to realize she was reminding Yvian of the trouble she caused with the Oluken. Yvian sighed. Lissa was right. Diplomacy wasn't Yvian's department. She gave a rueful nod.

"Just how far away is it?" Lissa asked the Xill. Yvian gave her a look. She shrugged.

The Genocide's lips quirked as he answered. "The sector is forty three Gates away from the nearest human controlled system." He raised a hand before Lissa could reply. "Keep in mind, any sector you choose will only be accessible by Jumpdrive." He leaned forward, gesturing at the girls. "You two and your captain are allowed passage through our space. No one else is."

"I see." Lissa thought for a moment. "If we accept, will you help us move our stuff there, and keep Reba from finding it?"

"I will," said the Genocide, "but you will accept that aid as payment in full for recruiting the Oluken. I will maintain control of your remote piloted ships for now and prevent Reba's access, but that will not be part of the agreement and I can stop helping any time it suits me."

"Ok," said Lissa, "but by stuff I don't just mean the fleet and station outside. I'm going to want you to control the jumps for all ships and equipment we're bringing in for at least a year, and I need you to control outgoing ships and prevent their nav data from being hacked."

"That would require me to keep control of all of your vessels," Exodus pointed out. "Every ship you have is going to end up in that sector at some piont."

"Yes," said Lissa. "It's just for a year, and I know you can spare the processing power."

Exodus stroked his chin. "I suppose I could. But I will only assist with computer security and navigation to and from the sector. I won't fly or fight any battles for you."

"That's acceptable." Lissa stood, then held her hand out in the style of humans. "Do we have an agreement?"

"Hey, wait," Yvian interjected. "Don't I get a say in this?"

Lissa gave her a level look. "Do you trust me to negotiate?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Then, no. You don't get a say." Lissa turned back to the Xill and resumed holding her hand out.

"He's been planning this the whole time," Yvian accused. "He was never going to follow the deal."

"That's untrue and uncalled for," Exodus chided. He reached out and shook Lissa's hand. "We have an accord."

"So you were really planning to give us that other sector?" Yvian raised a dubious eyebrow.

"Of course not." The Genocide smiled. "I knew you'd run into trouble and have to alter the deal." He sat back down, lounging with his hands clasped behind his head. "But that doesn't mean I'm cheating you." His smile widened into a grin. "It's hardly my fault you idiots couldn't hold out for six months."