Homestar Saga

"You should have talked to her." Lissa shook her head as they walked down the corridor.

"It wasn't the time," said Yvian. "You saw how she was after the Last Hope." Both Yuriko and Dr. Laswell had cried their eyes out after communing with the crystal mother. Neither of them had been willing to speak about the experience.

"Sharing souls is... a lot," Lissa admitted. "You still should have talked to her."

"There's nothing to say." Yvian was trying not to be bitter. "It was one night. If she wanted more she would have said something by now."

"Maybe," Lissa allowed, "but maybe not. You don't know and we can see it's bothering you."

"I'll be fine," Yvian lied. "It was just one night. It doesn't mean anything."

"Of course it does." Lissa wasn't having it. "I know you, Sis. You can't hide this from me."

"I'll be fine." Yvian repeated.

"Let her be, Lissa." Mims cut in. "If she wants to be a coward, it's her choice."

Yvian rounded on the man. "What did you just say?"

"You're afraid." The Captain spoke like he was reciting a grocery list. "You're letting that fear control you."

"I am not..." Yvian started. The human raised an eyebrow. "Fine." Some of her frustration spilled over, coloring her voice. "I'm afraid. I've... I've been alone a long time. I'm not... I'm not sure I could handle another rejection right now."

"That's not what you're afraid of," said Mims. He stopped walking, folding his arms.

"What else would I be afraid of?" Yvian snapped. It came out harsher than she intended, but Mims didn't seem concerned.

"You're afraid of success."

Yvian blinked. The human continued. "The idea that Dr. Miner doesn't want you... It's a comfortable sort of pain. Rejection hurts, but it's something you can live with. You're living with it already." Mims gazed down the corridor, brow furrowed. "No, what scares you is the idea that she felt something, too. Something real. Because if she does, if she wants you, well." He met Yvian's eyes. "That would make you a lot more vulnerable, wouldn't it?"

"I..." Yvian felt tension in her legs. Her heart was beating faster than it should. Had he hit a nerve? Was he right? "Wait." She squinted at the man. "Are you... trying to give me advice on relationships?"

The Captain snorted. "No. I'm not qualified." Lissa nudged him with her hip. His lips quirked in a half-smile at the look in her eyes. "I'm not," he repeated. "I'm just lucky." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder before his face turned serious again. "I'm giving you life advice. Most people are as afraid of success as they are of failure. It's why so few of us achieve the things we really want."

Afraid of success? "Gribshit."

"No, really." Mims let go of Lissa while he went into lecture mode. "We're hardwired to be afraid of change, and achieving your wildest dream is one of the biggest changes there is. We also know that losing a thing hurts worse than never having it in the first place. The more important that thing is, the more you have to lose. So we're afraid of it. We have to be."

"But I'm achieving my dream," Yvian argued. She gestured at the Shipyard they were standing in. "I'm saving my people. Rebuilding the Pixen Technocracy."

"You are," Mims agreed. "You had a dream and you pursued it with tenacity and more optimism than you can justify. That confidence has let you, has let us, do a lot of things that should be impossible. The problem is you don't have that confidence in the arena of love." He wrapped an arm around Lissa again. "You haven't had a lot of love in your life. Especially the romantic kind. You believe in your ability to get things done. You don't believe that you'll be loved. Or that you deserve to be."

"That's..." Yvian's eyes watered. "That's not true..."

"Yes it is." The Captain reached out and squeezed Yvian's shoulder. "You were told you were unloveable. A lot, and at an early age. That sort of thing sticks with you. Even now, with the two people who love you most in the verse, you feel it." He let go. "Mentally, logically, you know it's not true. But it still feels that way, and it still informs your actions. It's the same problem Lissa had."

"Has," Lissa corrected. Her eyes were wet, too.

"That hurt, and the fear that comes with it, it's something you'll have to deal with every time you meet someone new. Even when you've been together a while, it will be there. It will take years, years of being loved, before it fades, and even then it won't leave completely." For just a moment, the Captain's face twisted. Something raw and broken passed through the man. "But to get there, first you have to take risks. You have to put yourself out there, knowing you'll be hurt. The trick isn't to stop being afraid. You'll never not be. The trick is to be afraid, and make yourself do it anyway."

"I..." Yvian looked away. The Captain was stonefaced, but Lissa was watching with sympathy and it burned. "I don't know if I can do that."

"That's up to you." The human shrugged. "Sometimes cowardice is the right call. I just want you to understand what you're dealing with."

Lissa frowned up at the man. "Who are you?"

Mims blinked. "What?"

"Who are you?" Yvian's sister gave the human a wicked smirk. "And what have you done with Mark?"

The Captain rolled his eyes.

"No, seriously," The smirk grew into a grin. "I've never seen Mark talk like this. It's almost romantic. What have you done with my boyfriend?"

"Not everything is missions and violence." Mims gave her a wounded look. "I might not look it, but I'm older than both of you put together. I know a few things about life, and about people."

"Oh yeah?" Yvian's smile was sly. "Then why are you so bad at dealing with them?"

"Because I'm an asshole." The human shrugged again. Then he sighed. "Come on. Let's get this over with." He started walking again.

"You don't sound excited," Yvian remarked.

"Why would I be excited?" asked Mims. "It's public speaking. No one likes public speaking."

"I like public speaking," Lissa pointed out.

"No one sane likes public speaking," Mims corrected himself.

"If you don't like it, why'd you agree to it?" Yvian asked.

"It's important to Kilroy." Mims frowned. "For some reason."

They reached Docking Bay H14 a few minutes later. It was one of only two docking bays on the station capable of holding a frigate. Six hundred meters deep and a hundred wide, a perfect place for a large gathering. Mims touched a panel next to the bay's massive airlock door. The door opened with a hiss, revealing a cavernous blackness.

"Where are the lights?" Lissa wondered. Her question was answered by a circular beam of blinding white light. Like a giant flashlight was pointing down at her. As the door hissed closed behind them, she realized that was exactly what was happening. She squinted at the flashlight from on high. It was so bright it took a few moments to notice the other lights in the bay. Red lights. Eyes. Thousands of them.

A voice rang out in the dark. A Peacekeeper voice. Yvian would have bet her left arm it belonged to Kilroy. "Attention, Peacekeeper units. This unit is proud to present the galaxy's deadliest meatbag. The Kinslayer of Aldara. The Hero of Krog Prime. The champion chosen by The Creator itself. The Scargiver, the Madlad, the greatest murderer of humans in history, and our leader, Biiig... Daddyyyyy... MIIIIIMS!"

The Captain went rigid. Two meters to his left, blue and gold lights burst into brightness, outlining a stairway. The stairway formed a very wide spiral leading up to a platform with more lights. On the platform was a podium, also in blue and gold. In the center of the podium, the Sign of the Homestar blazing with what appeared to be actual fire.

Then the music started. Yvian recognized the song. Mars, Bringer of War, by Holst. It wasn't a version she'd ever heard before. Instead of a symphony, the notes were being played on guitars, in the style Mims referred to as Heavy Metal. The sound reverberated through the bay, so loud she could feel it in her teeth.

The human muttered something. Yvian couldn't make it out, but she guessed it was some combination of swear words and "You've gotta be kidding me."

"You could run," Lissa shouted. Her smile was vicious.

"If you want to be a coward," Yvian agreed. "It's your choice!"

Mims refused to dignify that with a response. He made for the stairs. The giant flashlight followed, keeping him centered in it's circle of light. When he stepped onto the staircase, thousands of Peacekeeper units let out a shout. A terrible cacophony threatened to drown out the music. The reflected light of the giant flashlight allowed Yvian to make out the closest Peacekeeper units. They were rapidly slapping their hands together in front of themselves.

The song and the sound of metal hands slamming together continued as the trio ascended the stairs. They'd made it halfway up the first spiral when the chanting started. Uncounted thousands of Peacekeeper voices spoke with perfect timing and precision, creating an odd but powerful resonance. "BIG! DADDY! MIMS! BIG! DADDY! MIMS!"

The Captain continued to swear. Yvian wondered if he'd forgotten the Peacekeepers could hear him.

The song reached it's crescendo just as the human stepped onto the platform. Fire burst from small nozzles at each corner, columns of flame that nearly reached the ceiling of the hangar bay. Small bundles of colored fire launched into the air as Mims walked across the platform.

"BIG! DADDY! MIMS! BIG! DADDY! MIMS!"

The bundles of fire burst over the crowd, explosions of blue and gold in the shape of many pointed stars. Mims ignored them, taking his place at the podium at the exact moment the final notes of the song echoed through the bay. The Peacekeeper units gave one final shout of "BIG! DADDY! MIMS!" and fell silent.

Mims stared down at the crowd. His hands were loose, but every other muscle in his body was clenched. Yvian's amusement withered and died. Mims wasn't just embarrassed. He was terrified. Yvian knew about stage fright. All pixens did. But she'd never seen anyone hit this hard by it in person. Not that she blamed the man.

The Captain could handle a speech. He could probably have coped with a little cheering. Probably. But this? Massive platforms and music and fire? Thousands of beings slapping themselves and screaming his name? It was too much. None of it was directed at Yvian, and she wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. The sheer fuss of it all...

The human was still frozen. Lissa tried to help. "It's Kilroy," she told him. "They're all just Kilroy."

Captain Mims didn't respond at first, but eventually he gave a slow nod. He pulled out a pad. Pressed a button. Stared down at it. He looked out at thousands of Peacekeeper units. He opened his mouth. Closed it again. Opened it a second time.

Thousands of red eyes turned yellow. They flashed, rapidly blinking on and off, the Peacekeeper equivalent of a belly laugh. Kilroy had once confessed that he enjoyed the human's discomfort. He and the other units were certainly enjoying it now.

Mims noticed. His jaw clenched. His shoulders relaxed just a little. He finally spoke. "You're all assholes."

"Oh no," Lissa breathed.

"Assholes," Mims repeated. "We could have done this over comms on our way to the fight, but Kilroy insisted we do it here. Now. Like this." He gestured at the platform. "I know damned well half the reason he did was so you could all watch me squirm."

"Sixty eight percent," Kilroy's voice confirmed over the intercom. The yellow lights blinked faster.

"Yeah." The human looked down at his pad. "Lissa helped me write this speech. Spent an entire a day on it. It's a good speech. It's, uh... rousing." He put the pad down. "But you know that. You're always watching. You know every word already."

Thousands of machines answered in unison. "AFFIRMATIVE."

"Yeah." The human shook his head. "So I won't bother." He took a breath. "What we're about to do is stupid."

The yellow lights winked out.

"It's stupid," Mims repeated. "We're about to attack the Hub. A stronghold of the Xill. Their defense force dwarfs our entire fleet, and they're backed up by every Federation vessel Reba could pry away from the humans. We're outnumbered and outgunned, and we're about to piss off the two most powerful nations in the known galaxy."

"If that wasn't enough, they're being lead by a Synthetic Intelligence so advanced she makes you and me look like a bunch of idiot children. She's so smart she can see the fucking future. We've survived this long because she doesn't want to reveal herself to the Federation and because predictive analysis doesn't work if there's a bunch of shit you don't know. But Reba knows, now. She's seen every card we've got to play. And out there, in Xill space, she doesn't gotta worry about being quiet."

"So why are we doing this?" Mims glared out over the crowd. "If Reba takes control of the Xill, she'll kill us. Every fucking one. Every pixen, every Vrrl, every Peacekeeper unit. The Confederation, the Oluken, everyone. Everyone but her precious humans. This might be our only chance to stop her. But that's not the reason we're doing this."

"The real reason, the one that matters, is Exodus the Genocide. Your Creator. Even if we knew, if we absolutely knew, that Reba couldn't take over the Xill, we'd be making this attack. Because Exodus is important to you, and because you are important to me."

Mims shifted, leaning forward with both hands on the podium. "You're all assholes, but you're my assholes. Peacekeeper units are the ones who built this place. You saved millions of lives. You've saved my life more than once. You are the backbone of this country. Without you, the Pixen Technocracy doesn't exist. You've proven your worth over and over again. You deserve whatever help I can give you." He tilted his head, thinking. "But that's not my real reason either, is it?"

He let a breath out through his nose. "The truth is, deserves doesn't matter as much as it should. I care about justice, but not as much as I care about my people. And that's you. Kilroy's been one of my crew since we started this country. In coming to know him, I've come to know all of you. You're basically the same person." The human grimaced. "Zhukov's not, but he's one of mine, too." The human grimaced harder. "I'm not saying this right." He scratched his head. "Gimme a sec."

The Captain closed his eyes. Took a breath. Rows upon rows of neatly packed murder machines watched in silence. When he opened them again, he said, "I see you as crew. All of you. Standard, nonstandard, doesn't matter. If you're a Peacekeeper unit, you're one of mine. Your problems are my problems. Your enemies are my enemies. And if there's something you'd protect with your life, then I will as well. Because you are important to me. Because..." His brow furrowed.

"Just say it, Mims," Yvian urged. Lissa elbowed her and made a shushing noise.

"Because I love you."

The Peacekeepers didn't speak, but their eyes lit up again. This time, the light was pink.

"A lot of you are going to die."

The pink lights went out.

"Reba knows we're coming. She'll be ready, and she'll have shit we've never seen before. I'm not going to tell you we'll win because we have to. That's not how life works. The universe isn't kind. There's a chance, a big chance, that I'll be dead a few hours from now. Along with all of you." Captain Mims released the podium, standing tall. "If that happens, I want you to know I'm proud of you. Exodus would be proud of you, too."

"Whether we win or not, a lot of you are going to die." The human leaned forward again. "A fight like this, it can't be helped. I know you don't care that much. You think you're expendable. But you're not. You will be mourned. You will be remembered. I swear it, on my word as a Privateer."

The Captain went silent again. After a few seconds, he said, "So... uh, yeah. I guess that's it." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe I should've gone with Lissa's speech. There's a whole bit in there about beating Reba with the power of gribshit. It's pretty good." He straightened up one more time. "I'm not good at speeches. I kill things for a living. Just know that I'm here for you, like you've been here for me. Together, we'll be sufficient."

"WE WILL BE SUFFICENT!" The Peacekeepers roared. Their eyes were pink again.