Hive Minds Give Good Hugs

My claw comes down, and I become a murderer.

My Evelyn Terrestrial's size, weight, and frighteningly optimized muscular system make the task trivial. I simply run up to my target and bring one of my arms down on the front of its body, crushing through the protective chitin with a wet crunch. A single strike to the head, and it's over. This is a moment I will never be able to take away. I'm a murderer.

Technically just a killer, I remind myself, since murder is a legal term that doesn't apply to defending yourself against an aggressive enemy soldier in wartime. Leave it to my fucked-up brain to go on a tangent like that just after I smash a person to death, screaming at the top of my lungs all the while. I just watched this True People warrior kill a child and I just… well, I wouldn't say I 'snapped.' My hysteria is justified, I think, and it's not really impacting my greater mental processes. I can't hide behind my impulsive nature on this one. I thought quickly, I decided quickly, and I weighed my options for nonlethal takedowns before consciously deciding that I don't have the time for them, and every moment I waste tying up one of my only good combat bodies trying to spare the life of a fucking child murderer simply isn't worth the payoff of being able to still consider myself a good person.

I can't even revive him, since I crushed his brain. Not that I probably would have.

"Take the kids and go to the surface tunnels," I order Nsreslisa. "I'll keep you safe."

My tone brokers no argument, and she gives none, promptly rounding up the children—including her son, who is wailing in terror at having seen his friend just die—and guiding them off. Two of her legs are still brutally mangled, but she's not in danger of death and the older children manage to pick her up and carry her without much trouble. As long as I can keep other True People away from them, they will be okay. My foray into the Homewyrm tunnels is less successful, however.

Saslitak, after all, is already dead, and a handful of other Resonant Gems priests and priestesses are being surrounded and attacked as I watch. There is, logically, nothing I can do to stop this with only a single Tinkerbell body in the area. I'll get torn apart. But I throw myself into trying anyway, because I refuse to avoid trying. If I can save even one person…! Even that seems impossible, though, as I fly up behind a True People warrior and bite through the chitin of his leg.

"Surface tunnels!" I shriek between bites. "Run! Go!"

It's not long before I'm shaken off, though, and while I manage to cripple one warrior's leg I'm quickly surrounded and splattered. I feel myself die, and with no more bodies in the area the fate of the living clergy becomes a mystery to me. But I can't spare any more selves to deal with it, as occupied as I am securing escape routes to my surface tunnels already.

"Go, Warriors of the True People!" roars a familiar voice. "Slaughter these demon-loving heretics! Bring glory to Sss's name!"

Glowering up at the giant hole in the ceiling of the main hall, from which all the dirt of the cave-in spilled, is War Leader Talrissark. The arrogant bastard that was always trying to fuck up my negotiation attempts. The guy who is literally, actually called 'Talrissark the Purger' and considers the title a badge of honor. I suppose I see where the monster got his name.

My ETEs aren't useful in a fight; I'm really just using them for overwatch and distractions. Distracting Talrissark is a good use of time, so I fly up to him. This fucker probably likes to hear himself talk, and if he's talking with me then he's not organizing his warband.

That, and I also want to be able to say 'I told you so' when I put him in his place.

"Talrissark," I greet him coldly, purposefully insulting him by not using his title of War Leader.

"Ah, the demon," Talrissark muses, his voice like touching a wet bathroom doorknob. "I see that Sss has yet to bestow manners upon you."

"And nothing seems to have bestowed you wisdom," I counter. "You have made a grave mistake today."

"Have I?" he challenges, and I just want to scream yes you have, you murderous monster! Look down below you! Look at all the innocent people you've killed! The people you're still killing! Do you feel nothing? Does this not strike you as maddeningly evil? Is this not obviously barbarism for the sake of it? But that would be a waste of my time, because I know it doesn't strike him as evil. This is, to him, what justice looks like. Right now, he sees that all is right with the world.

"I don't hate very often," I admit to him. "I don't get angry very often. Being angry is exhausting, and I'm usually quite tired by default. But you've managed it, Talrissark. This might burn with me for the rest of my life, and in many ways I hope it does."

"And so you declare vengeance upon me, demon?" Talrissark laughs. "I will add it to my collection."

"Part of me wishes I could," I admit. "I wish I could tell you that you're going to suffer for everything you did here. I very much want to hurt you. But while you certainly won't be happy about what's going to happen, I'm not going to stoop to revenge or torture. I can't let that be an option for myself."

Because I understand now. I see what caused Tara to take over my planet, and I am terrified of what that means I have to do now. There's no getting around being a demon or a goddess to these people now, even if I'm so far from either. I will have the responsibility of a god, but without the omnipotence or omniscience. My fallible, flawed view of right and wrong is about to become a tyrant's decree, and if I expect that to make the world better rather than worse I have to be fair. I have to be good to everyone, stopping them only to the degree necessary to prevent them from doing harm. And I must. Not. Slip.

Because at a certain point, killing anyone for any reason will quickly become absolutely trivial, and even though I only became a murderer seconds ago it's already tempting to use it.

"You have such frustrating delusions," Talrissark sneers. "This city collapses around you and you act like you've won."

"I can't even blame you for how much of a cliched, arrogant dickhead you are," I sigh. "Because from your perspective, it really does look like you're winning. And how are you supposed to understand the sort of retaliation that's coming for you when your culture doesn't even possess the concept of what I actually am?"

The True People warriors have finally figured out which tunnels are being used for retreat, which means they're now banding together to assault it. My ETs guard those areas, and I have to defend them. An aggressor's life for an innocent. I kill again. Then again. Up on the surface, I vomit. And then I kill again. And all the while, I stare at the monster that caused all this as he blabbers away, my anger and horror building with equal measure, exceeding heights I ever thought possible. I will not hurt him more than necessary. I will not hurt him more than necessary. I will not hurt him more than necessary.

"—die cowering from the embrace of their betters! You are not safe, airwalking demon! Your people are not safe! Anywhere you go, tremble in fear of the righteousness that will follow!"

"Pacifism was never going to work," I sigh. "I should have seen that. It's a beautiful idea, but until people like you no longer exist it's a fundamentally selfish philosophy. I can't protect anything with it other than my own self-perception of goodness. And no matter how comically, ridiculously evil you seem to be… you're actually real. And you're not the only one."

"Accuse all you like, demon," Talrissark says. "We will see who Sss favors in the end."

"Except we won't, because even when I win you won't actually admit you're wrong," I answer flatly. "Whatever. I've delayed you long enough. Goodbye, Talrissark. The next time we meet will not be a battle."

And with that I fly away, because every Resonant Gem is now dead or retreating. Over a third of them didn't survive. But once I finally arrive as Evelyn Big Dig, the True People stop being able to reliably push their offensive and focus on killing that body instead. I let them, and when the last of the surviving Resonant Gems are safely in my OMNIDOME, I collapse the tunnel.

The battle is over. Now I mourn the fallen and prepare for war.

"This cave sounds… wrong," one of the Resonant Gems whispers.

Ah, right. I also need to tend to the victims of my incompetence. So much at once, and yet… it's manageable. It's just also horrifying, gut-wrenching, and the kind of tragedy my sheltered ass never thought I'd see in my entire life. I can shelve the emotions now and handle it, though, which is good because I have to.

"It's my cave," I explain. "It's made of wood rather than stone. But you won't have to live here long, don't worry. I'll be taking your home back."

"Pacifistically?" another Sthrenslian sneers.

"No…" Nsreslisa answers softly. "No, I don't think she's doing it pacifistically. Evelyn, are you okay?"

"Is she okay? She forced us to retreat from our homes! Gave orders like she was our chieftain! Stopped us from defending ourselves!"

"I think the chieftain died in the cave-in."

And so the bickering and panicking spreads. I'll keep an eye on it and step in if it's a problem. But they're right, their chieftain is dead. So is Hsthressis, actually, so I take a moment to restart her simulation.

Hey, I greet her. You died.

"Yeah I fucking noticed!" she snaps back. "Am I in the void again?"

Yep, I confirm. Completely voided. I'll have a new body for you by tomorrow.

"Give me one of yours!"

No. You want eyes on the new one?

"Oh, fuck yes!"

Mkay.

Now then, I have food to gather, hunting to do, bodies to make, and a counterattack to plan. I'll take a page from Tara's book and start with stealthy bug-like creatures. Quick, tiny, underground crawlers that won't seem terribly out of place and can go unnoticed by a Sthrenslian as long as they stay still. Then we use the Big Digs, Big Bands, and [Censored] in order to… in order to what? What do I do once I take over? I don't know how to run a fucking country, and unlike Tara I don't have the internet or college classes or whatever she was doing to learn. Maybe I don't understand what she wanted to teach me. Maybe simply being angry and having power isn't enough to actually change anything. But I do have power, so I need to do something. This can't ever, ever happen again.

It's arrogant to think I'm up to this task. But it doesn't matter. If I'm not capable, I simply have to become capable. Or else this will happen again, and it will be my fault again.

It barely takes two days for me to have my war bodies ready. My stealth bugs litter the True People's home, as well as the old Resonant Gems caves. Twice the True People tried to attack our position on the surface: once by excavating the collapsed escape tunnel, and once by digging fresh ones and assaulting the OMNIDOME from the outside. The former was rebuffed fairly easily, since I have plenty of bodies large enough to easily block them off, and only a handful of the most suicidally aggressive warriors needed to be put down before they decided to retreat. The attacks outside the OMNIDOME were far deadlier, since after numerous warnings I employed the sloth-acid cannons, which killed warriors swiftly and horrifically. Frustratingly, they still want to attack me after all that, which is a big part of why I'm rushing my own conquest plans. I need to take these people over so they stop hurting themselves.

The actual takeover is swift and brutal. Between my Evelyn Big Band bodies, which look like eldritch horrors to Sthrenslian senses due to how I'm manipulating sound around them, and my [Censored] which basically are eldritch horrors, my simultaneous assault on all True People holdings quickly becomes a rout. It's easy, too easy, but being in charge isn't really the hard part when you have power. I just have to go to the people currently in power, and take it from them.

"Chlrehistra," I hiss quietly, finally slithering my way into the Homewyrm chamber where she's hiding herself. "I didn't take you for a coward."

The chieftain of the True People is still, not a tremble or twitch to her features—her people have evolved to play dead in response to fear, up to and including holding their breath, as even the slightest vibration can alert the predators down in these lightless caves. Predators like me. She's tucked deep in a hidden chamber at the end of a twisting, turning tunnel maze shaped to frustrate a Sthrenslian's senses. Not well enough, of course.

"Is that..." she squeaks. "Are you... Evelyn?"

I've tracked her down with a [Censored], and I know to her it must look like an impossible nightmare. I let my many tendrils flow into the room smoothly, filling the chamber with my writhing presence.

"In the flesh," I confirm.

"What have you done?" she whispers.

"What have I done!?" I roar back at her. "Really? Your War Leader collapsed a cave on top of a fucking civilian residential area and you wanna know what I've done? I've ended it, Chlrehistra. Because you couldn't figure out how to be a halfway decent person. Because you couldn't live in a world where you just don't go out of your way to murder people! So this is what you get now, Chlrehistra. Now you will obey my laws or be punished under them."

"We have allies," Chlrehistra presses. "They will come for you, and—"

"Normally I would feel bad for even thinking this about another person," I snap, cutting her off, "but you are very, very stupid. Your allies are being dealt with, Chlrehistra. Your enemies will be dealt with. Entire clans you don't even know exist will be dealt with. Everyone will be fed and protected and educated and none of… this will ever happen again."

And so I start to make good on that promise. I set up farms on the surface and in the ocean. I create long-rooted tubers that can be cultivated underground. I expand myself exponentially, splitting my attention between managing my ever-growing empire and exploring the vastness of a planet with far, far more untamed beauty to it than I've ever seen in my life. The Sthrenslians are such a tiny part of this world, having yet to migrate beyond a single continent because of their reliance on the Homewyrms which only grow here.

In many ways, it's relieving. My duties don't extend nearly as far as Tara's do. I'm barely responsible for millions, let alone billions. On the other hand, Tara had access to the entire repository of human knowledge at all times, personal experts in any field of study she could possibly need, and an absolutely enormous amount of pre-built functional infrastructure. I, meanwhile, have no fucking clue how to even start building things like sewer systems, water pipes, generators, and so on. Sthrenslians have a pretty robust immune system to make up for the fact that they often use their own feces to grow crops, but it's still a pandemic risk; I've had to deal with the problem multiple times within the first month of my rule. Basic quality of life is low and technological development is even lower, so I've established mandatory schooling and done my best to stick with useful, practical, and factual stuff. Whenever I find a Sthrenslian that seems particularly clever and interested, I enlist their help in making scientific advancements. And by working alongside these weird, cute little bug weasels, we slowly but surely make their lives better, bit by bit.

Challenge to my rule crops up a lot, of course. It's usually religious in nature, groups of zealots that I need to break apart before they can amass any real influence. Funnily enough, being constantly spied on is something that most Sthrenslians take for granted, so I imagine I'm having much less pushback on that front than Tara is. The fact that other people can always hear what you're doing is just a given for a society of echolocators. But even when groups get together and try to fight me, it's always so trivial, so… saddening. I don't ban worship of Sss, even though I very much would like to. I just ban hurting people, and that's still somehow a point of contention.

Tara was right. This is maddeningly lonely. I hate every second of it, yet I know I could never forgive myself for stopping.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to see her again. Will either of us get to go home? Will we see our families again? If so, will they even recognize us? I think about my parents now and it's terrifying how small they are, how much their emotional weight and influence on my life is being washed away by my millions upon millions of simultaneous experiences. A few months seem like countless lifetimes and the blink of an eye, all at once.

"Well, just give me some extra bodies too," Hsthressis prods, chuckling carelessly at my misfortunes. "Easy solution, right?"

"No," I grunt. "I already cut you off from me. I'm not going to eat you again."

"Aww, come on! Why not? I promise I can help!"

There are lots of reasons why not. Because she's immature. Because she's selfish. Because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I'm suffering, even if it would help me out. Because this is the kind of power that I can never, ever spread thoughtlessly because it can pretty easily destroy the world as literally or figuratively as the situation calls for.

"It wouldn't go the way you think it would go," is all I tell her instead.

"And how do you know how I think it would go?" she challenges. "I thought you deleted the backup copy of me from your head. No more Hsthressis simulations!"

"I don't need to be personally generating the foundations for your consciousness to understand how you think, Hsthressis," I grumble.

And so the months pass. Progress is slower than I'd like, since developing metalworking in a culture with a religious ban on fire is frustrating for all the expected reasons. I also know a lot more about modern technology than I know about the hundreds of steps between modern and Sthrenslian technology, so things are slow going even once they manage to get going at all. I while away my time being judge, jury, enforcer, ruler, scientist, teacher, role model, enemy, and god all at once, while on the other side of the planet, where no other people exist for countless miles, I scream alone to let out the pressure of it all. Acidsucks is a truly beautiful planet, but ultimately… I hate it here. It's like my own personal hell.

So I think I'm dreaming when, midway through the eighth month, an angel descends from heaven.

I think it's a meteor at first, but the glowing trail quickly gets larger and larger as I notice it very much isn't burning up in the atmosphere. A meteorite, then—something large enough to survive reentry. Probably an asteroid. Maybe one big enough to wipe this planet out.

I sigh. Yet another catastrophe I needed to prepare for but didn't. What the fuck do I do? Fly up there and spit acid at it? At least it isn't landing anywhere near the Sthrenslian continent. They'll probably be fine.

The closer the asteroid gets, though, the more clearly I can see it isn't an asteroid at all. It is, unmistakably, a spacecraft. Yet it doesn't have the plastic-metallic sheen I'm used to from such things. It's hard to see at first through the glow of the ablative shielding, but when the craft opens up giant, leathery wings to change its angle of descent, slowly leveling out its dive and circling in wide arcs up in the atmosphere to lose speed, I realize what I'm looking at.

This isn't just any spacecraft. It's an organic spacecraft. I'm about to meet someone—or something—like me. But will it be Tara? Will it even be friendly? I suppose I just have to hope it is; it's clearly far more advanced than I am if it's traveling through space. I haven't even left the atmosphere a single time since I got here.

I don't have a ton of bodies on this continent, as I'm mostly just exploring it to consume interesting organisms and enjoy the beautiful sights. I send one of my humanoid bodies to a nearby open field, where it seems most likely that this starship-body will land. The closer it gets to the ground, the better I can see it: there's a sleekness to its design reminiscent of artificial construction, but it still looks very organic in how it bends and moves. It's pitch black, perhaps as camouflage against the background of space… though that of course begs the question of what it might be trying to camouflage from.

The massive flesh-ship twists and expands as it slows, shifting to reduce its own aerodynamics and reorient itself for landing. Legs that had been folded inside the body emerge like landing gear, the jetliner-sized creature shifting from flat, triangular stealth fighter to more of a quadrupedal walking tank, drastically superior versions of my multidirectional organic jets enabling it to do a fully vertical landing. I've been designing my own life-forms for what feels like forever now, but I don't even have a good guess as to how most of what I saw just worked.

It lands smoothly, squatting down on its legs and opening a mouth-like hatch, from which a second alien walks out… or perhaps more likely, another body of the same alien. This new body, after all, is quite humanoid, mimicking my original body design: the one I first hatched here in, the long-dead Evelyn Prime, just with a different face. They shoot me a very humanoid smile, and my heart nearly shatters on the spot.

This isn't Tara. This isn't a human. I can tell that immediately. But it's the closest thing I've gotten since I arrived here and it almost drives me to tears.

They approach my body and I wait for them, not really sure what I should be doing in this situation. I'm too stunned to speak. They're… very tall, and something about being in their presence is instinctively intimidating. My body knows it has met a physical superior for the first time in what feels like ages. When they reach me, they hold out their hand, a small sphere of what looks like very dense meat held in their palm. With the other hand they point to their own open mouth, indicating that I should eat what they're offering.

Huh. Well. Why not. It does smell delicious.

I pop it down my throat, and immediately an explosion of flavor and pleasure and knowledge fills my consciousness. This… this isn't just meat, it's a brain, an artificial brain full of specific, tailored knowledge. It has no personhood, only information: a language, a few body blueprints, and of course the knowledge of how to make one of my own little info-brain-balls. I barely restrain myself from falling to my knees as it all floods my many brains, wanting to not look like a fool in front of what is very likely one of the creatures that made Tara and I this way.

"Do you understand me?" the massive alien woman asks in the language I just learned.

"Yes, I—" I cut myself off, realizing I'm still speaking in Sthrenslian. This language is much… drier. It's very precise, denotative, and unambiguous. It feels like it was invented by an obsessive linguist… which makes a certain sort of sense. If these people can instantly teach each other any language, the common language would simply be whichever one everyone thinks functions best, regardless of how difficult it is to learn.

"I understand your words," I confirm in the correct language. "I have many questions."

She laughs at that, and it's a very human laugh. Which prompts me to wonder, 'where did she learn to emote like that?' and the obvious answer is 'from eating a human,' but also potentially 'from eating one of these knowledge-balls created by Tara.'

"As expected, Evelyn!" she says, grinning good-naturedly. "I will answer your questions. But first, I want to congratulate you. I am Aminca Four, and in my official position as Proctor I declare you worthy. You will be brought to Genesis, where your first fork will be added to the collective and you can decide how best to serve from there."

I take a deep breath, then let it out with a slow sigh. I don't know what most of that means, but I have more important questions to ask first.

"Is any of this the material universe?" I ask. "Or am I just a simulation in someone's head?"

She chuckles.

"Being wise enough to ask that is important," she says, "as is treating everything as material while you doubt. And it is fortunate you have done both, because it is real. Insofar as we understand the universe, this is the universe, and everything you have done here is real, and true, and not under the control of an overmind. It has affected actual sapient life-forms that exist outside our network, and it has lasting, permanent consequences."

"After everything I've done," I admit, "that wasn't the answer I was hoping to hear."

"No," she says quietly. "I don't imagine it was."

I swallow and nod.

"I want to know if you have faster-than-light travel. I want to know if I can go home, and if my home will still be there if I do."

"Many ask this," she muses. "And the answer is yes to both. From your home's perspective, it has been a little under a year."

I dimly note that she says 'year' in English before finally giving up my attempt at a tough girl act and breaking down in tears of relief. Oh fuck, thank goodness. For all I knew it had been millennia since I left Earth, maybe even longer. She waits, calmly, as I collapse in front of her, sinking to my knees and starting to cry. I've done my best to help the people of this world, but I don't want to be here any longer. I want to go home.

"First, we go to Genesis," Aminca Four tells me, "where you will give part of yourself to the collective and become Evelyn One. But then you will be able to return to your birth planet, if you wish. Your sponsor, Tarakanora One, still rules it. Likewise, you will be given the option of returning here, to continue ruling the people of this planet."

I grimace.

"I don't want to be in charge here," I say firmly. "But I'm not really comfortable giving up rule to someone I don't even know."

"And someday you may be trusted to not need to choose," Aminca Four tells me. "But today is not that day. You will come with me."

"I take it I don't have a choice, then?" I sigh.

She wiggles her hand in a so-so gesture. Again, it's a gesticulation entirely from my culture.

"I will not force you to come with me," she says. "But there will be severe consequences for staying. You are one of us in all ways but the most important. Once that is remedied, you will have such freedoms returned."

I nod slowly. When she talks about leaving, she's really talking about leaving. I'm fairly certain my inter-body link is light-speed limited, so if they have faster than light travel, that would outpace my ability to maintain… well, myself. The bodies that stay here and the bodies that go halfway across the galaxy won't be able to communicate with each other, and that would basically make them two different people. That's probably what she means by a 'fork,' but I suspect there's more to it.

"How do I come with you?" I ask. "I doubt you have enough spacecraft for all of me."

She seems pleased with the question.

"You will choose no more than five bodies to be your entirety," Aminica Four tells me. "I will form a frond to take over the others, and they will cease to be you. I will rule with them in your place while we return to Genesis."

"Genesis being the mutual home for people like…"

I trail off because I'm not sure whether to say 'me,' 'you,' or 'us.'

"Like us," Aminca confirms. "Yes. It is home, and the home of the Collective. One of the bodies you bring will be for this purpose, so please ensure it can contain as close to the entirety of who you are as you are capable of sustaining in a single form."

That's… a big ask.

"I'll probably need to design a new body for that purpose," I admit.

"I would suggest," Aminca says softly, "designing it to appear human."

I nod. There's not much to say. Aminca Four tells me she'll return in a couple days, once I've prepared my bodies. It's not really too hard to pick them, though. I'll take Evelyn Experimental. I'll take my latest iteration of Evelyn Tinkerbell. I'll take an Evelyn Bork. I'll take a [Censored], just in case. And I'll take my new body, the humanoid form I have once again given flesh and titled Evelyn Omega. I'm ready when Aminca returns, though I have one very important question.

"Can I take Mr. Mooshi?" I ask. The poor thing seemed absolutely distraught when I lugged Evelyn Experimental all the way over here, and he clearly wants to come with me. I'd like him to come along too.

"No other people may join us," she says, shaking her head.

"He's not really a person," I answer. "He's just a non-sapient friend."

"Non-sapient… oh! 'Pet?'" she clarifies, saying the word 'pet' in English. "Hmm. I am not sure. It is not a question I've been asked before."

"If you want the totality of who I am," I say, "you're going to need to get used to me having pets."

She barks out a laugh at that.

"Then you may bring this Mr. Mooshi, but he is one of your five bodies."

I nod. I'll ditch Bork, then.

"That's fine."

"Have you said your goodbyes, then?"

"Yes," I confirm. Nsreslisa, Hsthressis, Rshult… and that's it. They got hugs and goodbyes. I've never been good at making friends, and being the god-empress of the world made that harder, not easier. None of my friends liked the idea of someone else controlling my bodies, but at the same time they've seen how miserable I am. It's time to go home.

"You have done good work here," Aminca Four reassures me. "I pass less than half of those on their trials."

"How exactly," I ask tiredly, "could I have failed?"

The two of us are walking onto her starship… which is, of course, another one of her bodies. The inside is surprisingly comfortable-looking, though the flesh-couches are somewhat off-putting. Naturally, Mr. Mooshi heads right towards them, so I set up the large trough of grass I've brought for him next to the couches. It's not a very big space; to my surprise, the ship seems to be full of lounging areas and not much else. I suppose it makes sense, though. Aminca is the ship, so she doesn't exactly need a bridge.

"Many ways," she says. "Though the most common way is if I ever decide I have to step in to protect the planet or its people."

So she'd been watching me the entire time. I suppose I'd be a hypocrite to complain about that.

"There are many times," I say, "that I would have preferred you did step in."

She just flashes me another smile.

"You are very tired, Evelyn. It is time you get some rest. Swap these bodies you have brought to a new frequency. I will take the others."

"So I will be splitting myself into two people, one of which will be immediately killed and replaced by you," I clarify.

"Yes," Aminca Four confirms. "You've already done it with that Hsthressis girl. I suggest you get used to doing it to yourself."

I swallow, nod, and collapse with surprise as I flip the metaphorical switches inside my mind and suddenly stop thinking.

Not in totality, but… enough. I've went from being tens of millions of simultaneous brains thinking simultaneous thoughts and doing simultaneous tasks to just… four. I take deep, shuddering breaths as the weight of it all falls off my shoulders, the sheer scope of my being compressed down into a quiet mind that's barely doing anything at all. I'm thoughtless. I'm jittery. I feel like a cripple with an all-consuming urge to run. I try to swap back, but I can't. My old frequency no longer has anything on it. This is me, now. So small. So, so small. I keep trying to do everything and can't do anything and I'm screaming, shaking, convulsing painfully on the floor as every instinct to move in a million different ways wars inside brains that can no longer handle the input. I'm burning up, I'm killing myself! It's not enough it's not enough it's not enough it's not…!

A small part of me knows I have to fix this. So I go into my own head, twisting and smoothing and editing away those nasty urges to do things I'm no longer capable of. It's relaxing, in a way, and over time I slowly come back to my senses… and realize I'm weightless.

I'm also strapped to one of the interior flesh-couches. Aminca must notice me becoming lucid, however, because the straps quickly undo themselves, causing me to float up into the weightless interior. Aminca's humanoid body is looking out through a window that I'm fairly certain wasn't there before, and she waves me over.

"Ah, good job getting yourself in order. I was worried you'd be too late."

"Too late for what?" I ask, buzzing on over to her. Flying in zero gravity is weird.

"Getting to see your planet," she answers.

My breath catches as I make it to the window, as before me is the bright and beautiful form of a blue, red, and white marble dominating the view. It's gorgeous beyond compare.

"Are you going to miss it?" she asks quietly.

"No," I answer firmly. "I'll miss a few specific people. But mostly, it's just full of bad memories here."

"And why's that?"

"Because I'm not suited for this," I say angrily. "I had no clue what I was doing. This was barbaric. If you wanted to help the people down there, you should have sent someone experienced!"

"And yet you still succeeded," Aminca argues. "You stopped wars, you stopped hunger, you stopped diseases. You owed nothing to these people and yet you gave them everything, kicking and screaming and struggling every step of the way. That is the kind of person you are. That is your measure. And I can think of no better way to reveal that truth than this. Considering the gifts and power you now wield, who you are needs to be answered without doubt."

"I got people killed," I protest. "You put real lives in the balance. There had to be a better way than this. You could have just used a simulation!"

"When you come to terms with the nature of what you are, Evelyn, I think you will not be so callous about preferring harm to 'simulations' over material creatures. But perhaps, if you still think this was unjust, you will have superior ideas for the collective. We shall see. For now, it is time to go."

"Wormholes?" I ask.

"Space-bending gates, yes," Aminca confirms. "They require massive amounts of power to open and maintain, so they are not viable for standard communications. But they can be used to travel. We will go to Genesis. You will then go home, if that is your wish. But then after that, you will have duties to the universe. Will you accept them?"

I sigh, still feeling exhausted.

"How could I not?" I ask.

"Good," she says. "We are at the gate."

"See you soon, Tara," I whisper, and we travel towards the rest of my life.