Her True Form

Yvette couldn’t stop herself from yawning, no matter how hard she tried to contain it. Despite her initial fear that at any moment she’d hear the sound of pursuing riders descending upon them, the trip had been silent and calm. While the first day had been a long, rough ride that left her exhausted and sore when they had finally camped, since then he had been allowing her a far calmer and relaxed pace.

Nobody had come from behind them and, in the few days they’d been traveling towards the vault, nobody had passed them either. Every day they came closer and closer to the vault, the massive volcano now dominating the horizon. She’d expected there to be plenty of waypoints along the way, but to her surprise there didn’t seem to be any.

Each step made her goal become a little more real and now she could barely contain her excitement. The sun was beginning to set, before long the night would envelop them. Normally they would have stopped by now and prepared a camp.

Instead, they would arrive at the vault a few hours after sunset. Chestnut and Redwood didn’t seem too worried about the travel. She suspected they knew they would be sleeping in a warm stable tonight. Her own body felt less than thrilled, moments before she let out another yawn. Even back at the temple she would often go to sleep when the sun set and while on the road, it hadn’t been much different.

But the idea of an actual bed, or even a cot, outside of the elements was more than enough to drive her forward. The sunlight descending on the volcano seemed to make it glow with an ominous, red light. “Do you think it’s magic or the volcano that makes it glow like that?”

“It’s a volcano. The fact mages decided to make a home there at all and succeeded means there’s some magic going on. Probably magic and the sunset.”

“Right, sorry,” she said sheepishly, her cheeks going a little red at her silly question. She hoped she’d be able to get a proper bath as well. While her magic was useful for tossing away the dirt and sweat from her body, it still didn’t compare to being able to clean herself with actual water and soap. “Do you think I should light the path now?” Yvette asked.

“Yes,” Gervas said.

She reached up with her right hand and whispered one of the first, most simple spells she knew. “Light.” A small orb of light materialized into her hand, before flying up and just a little ahead of them, slowly moving through the air so it continuously lit their path. She gripped the reins in her left hand just a little tighter when she felt Chestnut start to pick up her pace. “Easy, girl,” she whispered, her right hand moving down to gently brush her mane. “It’s just a bit of magic, nothing to get excited about.”

“They know we’ll be resting soon,” he said with a light chuckle. “A nice, long rest. Isn’t that right, girls?” Gervas asked.

She chuckled when they whinnied in response. She continued to gently run her fingers through the mane.

“Have you decided where we’ll go next?”

“Not yet,” she said. “I’d like to stay here for a few days, maybe a week or two, and regain some of my energy. I hope that’s not going to be a problem. Have you been to the vault before?”

“More than a few times. I know a few people there. Besides, it’s popular for you magic types. The ‘Birthplace of all magic!’” he said in a mocking, booming voice. “’Why, you should be grateful to be able to see such a place! Home to such ancient wonders as this shiny gold book! And a staff of some mage who died so long ago that it doesn’t have any magic left! The hat of another mage who probably did something incredibly stupid and yet managed to succeed so he’s considered a hero!’” he said before giving a light chuckle. “I have no idea why you all are drawn here.”

“It’s the birthplace of magic. They say that the volcano goes all the way to the very center of the world and it’s through--”

“Through there that magic first escaped into the world. You know what else burst through there? Dragons. Fae. All manner of monsters and abominations. Not to mention lava. I guarantee you some of those were a much bigger deal to the poor fools who happened to be around then and it wasn’t the magic.”

Her cheeks burned and she nodded. “I… guess. But that was long ago. It’s still a sacred place to us. If not for magic--”

“There’d be no mages. But mages aren’t the only thing that uses magic, are they?”

She slowly nodded, her eyes lowered. “Sorry.”

He glanced over to her and gave a soft sigh. “Don’t get sad. Yvette, it’s not your fault, or any other mage’s for what came out when the god’s unleashed magic on our world. I just don’t see the point of this idolization of an old, dead volcano.”

“I know.” She glanced up towards the volcano. The sun was now gone, but still it seemed to glow with a fiery red light that she couldn’t help but admire. She closed her eyes and she swore she could feel the magic nearby, great waves of it just below the surface, slowly rising up and pushing out into the world. A force that she and so many other mages had trained to wield. She wondered what it would feel like to stand on the source itself.

But there had been a lot of bad things that had come from the birth of magic in their world. So much knowledge had been lost in that time, entire realms destroyed and lost forever. Islands that had sunk into the sea, new ones that had risen up. There was no telling what great advances were destroyed just in the wars between those who wielded magic, not to mention the other things that had been birthed by such a force. The lucky few who’d had magic seemingly infused to their core.

But it was also her hope. As dangerous and powerful as magic was, it was her only way to be who she was. Especially if she wanted to be herself permanently. “Do you think I’m one of the bad ones?” she asked.

“Bad ones?”

“You’ve been around a lot of mages. You’ve worked with us, fought with us, trained us. You’ve seen a lot of bad mages, right? So do you think I’m one of them?”

He stared ahead for a long moment, before shaking his head. “I don’t really think a lot of mages are bad. I think you’re mostly greedy, selfish, don’t care about anyone but yourselves.”

Her cheeks burned. “How’s that different?”

“You’re different from the rest of us. Isolated. At least, a lot of you are. You don’t realize how things are for most of us. Your little turning into a girl. The amount of magic you use on that? Could be used to save lives or help so many more people.”

Shame flooded into her core. “I-I know, I--”

“Let me finish,” he said quickly, cutting her off. “That magic is something you have, that most don’t. Most can’t. It takes a long time to be able to do what you do. Most people don’t have the chance. They can’t spend a whole life time learning magic, like you have. There are some people who are born with magic, all kinds, or get it from other creatures. But learning it if you aren’t one of those? A lot of mages wouldn’t take on children to raise them and train them. I’ve seen more than a few mages that let it go to their heads, who feel it makes them better or superior. It doesn’t necessarily make them bad. It just makes them idiots.”

“You think I’m an idiot?”

“No. I think you’re one of the smarter ones. You haven’t turned your nose up at the idea of a bit of hard work, even if it’s not the most dignified task. You don’t give up, even when it gets hard. You don’t forget that, as useful as your magic is, it doesn’t matter if all you use it for is to satisfy yourself.”

“Master Betan used to tell us that,” she mumbled gently. “That a mage was nothing without the people around us. That we should be thankful, for all the magic we do for them, they supply us with food, shelter and, often, protection.”

He nodded. “You had a good master. Mostly.”

She gave a light chuckle. “Mostly. I suppose even the greatest master in the world can make a mistake, right?”

“Everyone can,” he said, before glancing back at her and flashing his smile.

She hoped he would remember that, even if all of her plans went wrong in the end. Even if they never saw each other again after the vault, she hoped he would always see her as that person. A part of her wanted to tell him the truth, of all her selfish plans. The danger she was going to put herself through. She gave another gulp. “If… if I had the chance to be myself? If I had the chance to be a full girl, but I could never use magic again. Do you think that’d make me an idiot, then?”

He didn’t respond, instead just staring ahead. Each moment made her heart start to beat a little faster while the tension grew.

“Well? Would it?” she asked.

“No,” he finally answered.

“No? It wouldn’t? Even if it meant other people died? Even if--”

“There was an old saying my father used to say. ‘You can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm’.”

“Why would you light yourself on fire?” she asked. “I mean, there’s a spell for that. Ermina knew it too. But I don’t think it would be any better than starting an actual fire. Dangerous, too.”

He gave a long suffering sigh. “That’s not what I mean, Yvette. In the end, if the only way you’re allowed to be happy means you give up the ability to help others? That doesn’t mean it’s wrong. You’d need to find a new way to survive, though. No one would want a mage who couldn’t do magic. But nobody has the right to complain that you didn’t sacrifice your chance at happiness for theirs. You’re allowed to be happy, you know. It’s not something you should be punished for.”

She flushed, feeling that all too familiar warmth in her chest. “Thank y--”

“Of course, if you sacrificed the magic of another person so you could have your happiness, or killed and murdered to get it, then I’d say you were a bad, well, terrible person.”

“I’d never do that!” she said quickly. “I hope. I think.” Once again her mind went to what was waiting for her in the vault. She’d never heard of any human sacrifices being needed to make a permanent transformation spell. But what if those stories had just been destroyed? Could she sacrifice somebody else for her own happiness? There were spells that required a sacrifice, but most of them were forbidden as well.

“But what you’re doing right now?” he said, motioning to her robe. “You’re just trying to be yourself. You’re not hurting anyone else or trying to be anything but what you are. That doesn’t hurt anyone. At most, it makes them uncomfortable. And your happiness isn’t worth giving up just because of that.”

She smiled and nudged her horse forward with her heels. “You’re really good at that.”

“At what?”

“Making speeches. You’d have made a good bard.”

“Oh, I know. I wanted to become one when I was a child. I even learned how to play the lute and lyre back when I began. Never quite as good as dad, though.”

She stared, her mouth falling open. “You did? You can? Why haven’t you ever played? I--”

“I used to play,” he said quickly, cutting her off. “I haven’t played in a few years. I doubt I even can, now. But you’d be amazed how quickly a few quick words can change a complete rout into a narrow victory. The right words make all the difference sometimes.”

Yvette gave a small chuckle. “Does that mean if I manage to get my hands on a lyre, you’ll play for me?”

“Unlikely. I don’t do it anymore.”

“But you still give those nice little speeches.”

“Words are the best way to get through your head.”

“And if they weren’t?”

“There are other ways.”

“What other ways?”

He didn’t answer, lightly nudging Redwood forward a little ahead of her.

“Gervas? GERVAS! What other ways?” Yvette said, glaring at his back. “You can’t outrun me, you need my light. So what other--”

“Halt!” Gervas snapped, tugging on the reins of his horse, quickly making Redwood stop. It took her a moment to see what it was, but when she did her heart caught in her throat.

A person was laying, face down in the middle of the road. A cloak covered the entirety of their body, but a hand was laying out over their head. She quickly leaped from her horse, though Gervas was already off and racing towards the figure by the time she landed.

He knelt by the figure. “Can you hear me? Can you--”

Suddenly the hand reached up and grabbed his wrist. The light above went out out a second later. “What’s going on?” Yvette asked. She lifted her hand again, forming another ball of light. It only got a few inches into the air before it, too, was snuffed out. She looked around, frantically.

“Let me go! Yvette! Run! Look--”

The rest of his words were drowned out by an explosion behind them. She turned around and, in the flashing light she saw Redwood and Chestnut blindly gallop away from the explosion, nearly trampling her in the process. She shook her head, partially blinded and deafened by the blast.

Arms suddenly wrapped around her, pulling her back into the chest of something warm and wet. Even blinded and deafened she knew it was nothing like Gervas. She pushed her left hand to her bracer, quickly forming the right dots across it.

Once again her form began to shift, growing larger and more powerful. Her clothing melding to fur, her bulk increasing dramatically. Weak arms replaced by thick, powerful claws that were designed to rend prey to pieces.

She was no longer a tiny girl, held captive by this person. Now she was the bear. The arms had no choice but to let her growing, now massive form go. However, she rolled back, pushing the entirety of her now heavy frame onto her attacker. Unfortunately, while she’d only meant to slam them, she’d underestimated her current weight and felt them hit the ground with a sickening squishing sound.

She froze in place, a new horror descending on her when she realized, whoever they were, she’d likely just killed them. However, before she could let the thought take hold, a foul stench filled the air. The person under her reached up, their hands moving to grip one of her massive paws and hold it back.

A second person lunged on her, going for her other paw. She shook the paw wildly, sending the figure into the darkness.

She blinked a few more times before rolling off the body trying to hold her paw. She let out a growl, before driving the paw down into its chest.

The smell of rotting flesh and decayed organs filled the air, making her shudder. Undead. Yvette let out another growl. She could barely make out dark shapes in the woods. She moved away from the tree line, backing off of the dirt path and lowering her head to the ground. She bared her teeth, struggling to make out which were shambling bodies and which were just normal shadows in the darkness.

“Yvette! Get out of here!” Gervas yelled. She turned her head to the source of the voice.

A pile of creatures fighting caught her attention. She couldn’t see Gervas under the mass, but she was certain he was there. She let out a powerful roar before she charged forward, lowering her head and bashing into the undead monsters. She sent one hurtling through the air and into the forest, while the second she hit with her paw, sending it rolling off of him.

She looked down and, despite no longer being covered, Gervas barely moved. “Yvette? Is that you?” he asked. “Get out of here. I can’t move. I don’t know what it did to me, but I can’t move. Go!”

She caught a whiff of burning flesh and saw a burned mark across his arm, where it had been grabbed. Suddenly a piercing pain shot through her flank. Her head whipped around and she saw another of the undead monsters in the moonlight, a spear held tightly in its hands which had been jabbed into her flank.

Yvette let out a roar before turning and batting the creature away. Though they were slow, there were so many of them she doubted she could fight them. Even if she did, the trees could easily be housing dozens more.

But there was no way she was leaving Gervas here, especially if he couldn’t move. She lowered her head and bit on a few links of the chainmail.

“W-what? Hey! Yvette, stop that! What are you-- OW!”

She mentally apologized over and over while she dragged him backwards, away from the approaching undead and into the open fields. Heavy as he was, he was nowhere near heavy enough to pose a real challenge to her.

She only dragged him for a few moments before letting him go, her teeth aching from the strange maneuver. Still, she had bought a little time.

“Owww...” Gervas muttered.

She wished she could speak like this, she’d have told him to stop complaining. She eyed him for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to pick him up so she could run away with him.

“Don’t move,” a voice said.

Her entire body froze. An orb of light materialized in the air above her, casting them all in its glow and illuminating the undead monsters that, like her, had stopped in place.

“Face me,” the voice said.

Painfully slowly, her body turned on its own, facing the man standing behind her. She felt her heart fall when she saw the man. He wore the white robes of a master and across his right arm, she saw a bracer similar to her own, but so large it covered the entirety of his arm to the elbow. She tried to move, to resist the control the man seemed to have over her body, but it refused to obey her.

“Turn back to a human.”

She didn’t, however. Whatever spell he held over her, it wasn’t able to force her to do that at least. He gave a soft sigh. “Ah. No. I suppose that wouldn’t work, would it? Allow me to rephrase.” He held out his right hand towards her. An orb of fire appeared in the hand. “Turn back to human, or I will kill your guardian. If you still refuse, I will be left with no choice but to kill you.”

Yvette stared at the man, her entire body quivering. This was a master. Slowly, her body began to shift and change, shrinking down to its normal size. “There’s a good girl,” he said with a light chuckle. “That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Put your arm out,” he ordered.

Against her will, her right arm was raised. He stepped forward and slowly untied her bracer, pulling it off her and then sliding it into his robe. “You’re a really unlucky one,” he said with a sigh. “To come to the vault now. I’m afraid they’re currently closed to visitors. However...” He put his hand palm against the back of her hand. “Don’t scream.”

Only the spell binding her stopped her when she felt the pain surge through her hand. His magic surged through her, latching onto her body and tearing hooks through it. The spell that held her in place only seeming to amplify itself, hooking into her own magic and turning it against her. Once the spell was in place, he gave her a light shove, causing her to fall to the ground.

Everything hurt, her body feeling as if pins were prickling all across her insides. She let out another soft, pained whimper while the corpses shambled ever closer.

“Now sleep.”