Heavenly Soul [BL]

The shadows deposited them right outside Qinghe’s room.

Qinghe opened the door and let the other two in, then closed the door again behind him.

Since Wei Xiang was already more than familiar with his lover’s room, he refrained from being polite and directly went over to sit down at the table.

The Grandmaster, on the other hand, remained standing by the door and studied his surroundings carefully.

The room was neat and uncluttered, containing a bed, a low table, and a few other pieces of furniture. The back door was left open and invited in the chilly evening breeze from the backyard beyond. Though the size of the room itself was not large, the way everything was arranged gave it a sense of pleasant spaciousness.

As he looked around, the Grandmaster noted how everything was properly put away in cupboards or shelves, not even a single item placed outside in plain sight.

As someone who also used the wind element, the Grandmaster knew that whenever wind element cultivators lost control over their power, either when they were unconscious or in extreme distress, they would end up waking to a chaotic room that looked as though a tornado had gone through it.

One such instance was when the wind-wielder was sleeping and had a terrible nightmare. In that case, they would lash out unconsciously, using the wind in their sleep in an attempt to protect themselves from imaginary harm and end up causing a mess of their surroundings. So if a wind-wielder was prone to such nightmares, then they would eventually gain the habit of putting away all their possessions where the wind couldn’t knock or damage them easily.

And seeing Qinghe’s room, the Grandmaster logically deduced that he was one such person.

As for how the Grandmaster knew this, it was naturally because he was also someone who suffered from nightmares. After all, what he had lost back then and had been searching for up till now was really that much of a precious existence to him. Every day he drowned in guilt and self-recrimination that he couldn’t protect that which he held so dear.

Then looking at the back of the white-robed man in front of him who had already gone through so much, the Grandmaster couldn’t help but feel pain biting into his heart.

Ah, Chunyi, even though I descended for his sake, it seems that I still ended up failing him.

As Qinghe sat down beside his beloved, he looked up to see the Grandmaster still standing by the door. “Grandmaster, please have a seat. Let’s continue our discussion from where we left off before.”

Giving a short nod, the Grandmaster walked up to the table and sat down opposite to Qinghe and Wei Xiang, his posture straight and dignified.

Remembering that he still had his appearance changing talisman on, Qinghe removed it from under his robes and discarded it. Suddenly faced with Qinghe’s true appearance, the Grandmaster’s pupils shrunk in shock, a hint of recognition flashing in his eyes. Then blinking once, the Grandmaster quickly put his reaction away.

Without preamble, Qinghe began, “From the questions you asked about my name and how you knew what was written on my sash, can I presume that you are someone who knew me from before I fell?”

The Grandmaster nodded hesitantly, but did not say anything more.

Tilting his head, Qinghe directly asked, “Are you…my father?”

At the side, Wei Xiang raised an eyebrow at how his little lover unhesitatingly went for the kill.

The Grandmaster paused, his stiff expression seeming to freeze even more, then nodded once again. “Yes, I am indeed your father. Your mother awaits you in the heavenly realm.”

Both Wei Xiang and the Grandmaster looked at Qinghe intently, waiting for his reaction.

However, Qinghe remained calm as he spoke, “…I see. Does this mean that I’m a trueborn deity?”

Wei Xiang couldn’t help but frown. From the extreme way his little lover had reacted previously after remembering about the time he fell, Qinghe should not have taken the news this calmly.

“You don’t look very surprised,” Wei Xiang observed.

Something flickered in Qinghe’s eyes, there and gone in an instant.

In an even tone, he explained, “Well, guessing from my aptitude and inherent power, it was one my speculations. I already checked for spiritual beast bloodline and didn’t find any, so there were only a few other options left. And considering how my cultivation soared up to the tenth realm and beyond the very second it was freed from the effects of the spirit suppressing collar back then, I naturally guessed that it could be because of my true cultivation level being at that of a deity. And the only way a child could be a deity was if they were a trueborn god.”

“So…you already knew,” the Grandmaster stated quietly.

Qinghe bowed his head and spoke in an equally quiet voice, “I guessed.”

The hands he’d hidden in his sleeves lightly trembled, while his eyelids lowered as if hiding the turmoil in his gaze.

“But no matter how correct my deduction, I am still after all only human. After confirming it and meeting my family so suddenly, even I would feel…”

As Qinghe trailed off, Wei Xiang completed the sentence for him, “Unprepared?”

Qinghe gave a tight nod.

Sighing, Wei Xiang pulled his lover close and rubbed his back soothingly like he always did. And just like always, Qinghe felt his body slowly relaxing in response to his beloved’s comforting touch.

“Qinghe, I’m here for you. I’ll always be here,” Wei Xiang said softly.

Hearing this, Qinghe felt something in him loosen. He unreservedly leaned into his lover and clutched at Wei Xiang, burying his face into his beloved’s warm embrace as he tried to regain his balance.

From the side, as the Grandmaster looked at Qinghe, he couldn’t help but reminisce about the time when his son was still a chubby little boy.

He thought back to the warm weight of his infant son resting in his arms, so innocent and fragile, yet so full of life and energy.

He recalled how that child would sometimes grab ahold of his hair and refuse to leave. He remembered how much he’d cried because his mother had cut off the hair he was gripping to so that he could have it. The child clearly didn’t care about the hair still clenched in his fist, he had just wanted to stay anchored to his father.

He remembered how that infant had grown into a young boy with a proud, mischievous smile and clear eyes that seemed to see too much of the world, able to cut through all the extraneous things and get to the heart of everything so easily.

Those small fingers of his son clutching the edge of his robe as he tried to trot along and keep pace with his father’s long strides, that spoiled pout and those puffed cheeks that were so like his mother’s, that sweet voice giggling childishly, bubbling with unrestrained joy and bursting with life… he remembered them all so vividly.

But that little boy from back then had ended up separated from him, his situation unknown. And after searching frantically for so long, when he finally found his son again, he discovered just how late he had been.

His son had already suffered.

The person in front of him now was no longer that small and chubby child with a smile brighter than the sun. He was already an adult, tempered by anguish and adversity, his gaze calm and distant.

Parting his lips, the Grandmaster finally said what he’d wanted to say for the longest time, “Qinghe, I’m sorry.”

Qinghe stilled, then leaned back from his beloved’s arms to look at the Grandmaster’s― no, his father’s serious expression. Though the other person’s face remained blank as usual, his eyes clearly showed his remorse and pain.

Taking a deep breath, the Grandmaster continued, “I’m sorry that your mother and I couldn’t protect you. I’m sorry that you had to go through all that you did. I’m sorry we weren’t there when you needed us. You have the right to hate me for being an incompetent parent, but please, don’t blame your mother. If I hadn’t stopped her back then, she would have torn apart the world then and there to come and rescue you.”

Qinghe blinked uncomprehendingly. Just this morning, he’d still considered himself an orphan. Now he was suddenly faced with the realization that he not only had parents, but that they also cared about him to this extent, blaming themselves for his fall just as much as his childhood self had blamed them, maybe even more.

In a soft voice, Qinghe finally spoke, “What’s your name?”

The Grandmaster startled and looked at his son.

Qinghe patiently repeated, “What are your names? I think it’s somewhat awkward if I don’t even know the names of my parents.”

With difficulty, the Grandmaster got out, “My name is Feng Huixin. Your mother is Feng Chunyi.”

Raising an eyebrow, Qinghe commented, “Is my mother’s maiden name also Feng?”

“No, it was just that when we first met, your mother was being chased by…well, the entire cultivation world. And while fighting them all, she ended up losing her memory somehow, so she didn't remember her name. After seeing ‘Chunyi’ embroidered on the inside of her pouch, she recalled that it was her given name, but she didn’t know her surname, so I gave her mine. But even after she regained most of her memories, your mother didn’t want to keep her surname, so she bears mine now,” the Grandmaster calmly explained.

Despite himself, Qinghe started feeling interested in his parents’ lives.

But talking about all that could come later. For now, he wanted to clarify certain things.

Taking a deep breath, Qinghe spoke, “Grandmaster, I still don’t feel comfortable with addressing you as Father. I would like some time to get used to having parents, so would you mind?”

His expression remaining staid, Feng Huixin shook his head and spoke in an unconsciously gentle tone, “I’m glad that you’re willing to give us a chance. Take as much time as you need to figure it out.”

Qinghe smiled. His father’s words reminded him of how his own lover comforted him when he grew agitated or confused. So that was where his Xiang had learned it from.

Seeing his little lover smiling again, Wei Xiang felt relieved. It seemed that Qinghe had found his equilibrium again.

Qinghe lazily leaned into his lover and got comfortable. Then closing his eyes, he said in a light tone, “Then Grandmaster, may I ask you to tell me how I came to fall to this world?”

Seeing how peaceful and relaxed his son looked, Feng Huixin felt his own heart calming in response.

In a quiet voice, he answered, “Yes, it was my fault. Few years after my and Chunyi’s ascension, I was chosen by Heaven to be the next Heavenly Emperor. This caused many people who were hoping for that position to become hostile towards me.”

Qinghe’s eyes snapped open, his eyebrows rising. So his father was the future Heavenly Emperor?!

Even Wei Xiang showed a look of surprise. After all, even though they were closer to the Grandmaster than anyone else, none of the Sentinels had ever tried to pry about his past or his standing in Heaven. They hadn’t even asked for his name, willing to let the Grandmaster disclose only what he wanted to. Otherwise, there was no way Wei Xiang wouldn’t have put together the ‘Feng’ in his master’s name and his beloved’s surname before now.

Not seeing their reactions, the Grandmaster went on, “One day, you wandered off as usual to make mischief and one of the people who had an enmity with me ended up capturing you. They demanded that I step down from my position in exchange for your safe return. I wanted to agree, but the final decision was after all not mine. Only Heaven itself can take back its edict.

“And so, your mother and I went to rescue you from the mansion where you were held hostage. As much as I tried to hold her back, your mother still went on a rampage, killing everyone who tried to hinder her until she destroyed the mansion and its inhabitants completely.

“The person who held you hostage had not expected your mother’s fury, so he panicked. I tried to clean up the mess left behind by your mother quickly so that I could catch up with her and defuse the situation. But before I could make it, she confronted the kidnapper on her own, threatening him with her blade dripping blood and her dress stained a darker red.

“The kidnapper’s ability was manipulating space. Though he lacked the precision for moving objects or teleporting people, he could rip holes in space using brute force. So knowing that he couldn’t escape, he opened a portal out of spite and threw you into it despite the portal’s instability. We…we thought you died.”

Feng Huixin paused, his face paler than paper as he remembered the pain of thinking he had lost his precious child forever. He recalled how his wife’s scream had torn through the air, filled with an unbearable sadness that made anyone who heard it feel like their chests were being shredded from the inside with heartrending pain.

Seeing the agony reflected in his father’s eyes, Qinghe tried to distract him from his thoughts as he asked in a soft voice, “What happened next?”

Snapping back to the present, Feng Huixin took a moment to look at his son, confirming that he was indeed safe and sound, that he was indeed sitting here in front of him.

Then he continued, “I convinced your mother to not tear through the worlds just to try to get to you. After the kidnapper was apprehended and slated to be punished appropriately for his crime, we consulted the Heavenly Emperor about you. He confirmed that you were thankfully still alive, but had suffered grievous injury due to having fallen through a portal that seemed to have opened up in the sky in another world.

“Chunyi and I asked if there was a way, any way at all, to reach you. In response, the Heavenly Emperor personally drew a formation that would send a single person through to the time and place where you fell. We talked amongst ourselves and your mother finally agreed to let me go. But something seemed to have gone wrong, because when I descended, it was several hundreds of thousands of years before the time when you fell.”

As Feng Huixin stopped speaking, a thoughtful silence descended over them as Qinghe and Wei Xiang digested all this.

Wei Xiang frowned and finally broke the quiet, “Master, how sure are you that this Heavenly Emperor himself didn’t tamper with the formation that sent you here?”

But Feng Huixin shook his head as he replied, “To be able to become the Heavenly Emperor by itself means that they do not have such impurities in their hearts. I have also observed the current Heavenly Emperor’s character to be very upstanding.”

Nodding, Wei Xiang wordlessly accepted this. He always trusted his master’s unbiased judgment more than anything.

“Then what do you think happened?” Qinghe asked his father. “Do you have any ideas?”

“Yes,” Feng Huixin said. “There are only two possibilities: Either someone tampered with the formation, or Heaven itself willed it to be so and interfered with the formation’s working, sending me to a different time. If it was the latter, then there is nothing we can do, but if it was the former, then your mother will have definitely found the perpetrators by now, and by the time she’s done, there will not even be a single whole tooth, nail, or hair left of them.”

Hearing his father state this so confidently, Qinghe couldn’t help but widen his eyes, “My mother sounds quite…bloodthirsty.”

Feng Huixin opened his mouth before closing it again. He couldn’t really refute that statement. “Truth be told, I’m worried about her. I didn’t think I’d be leaving her alone in the heavenly realm for so long.”

Seeing concern darkening his father’s gaze, Qinghe spoke gently, “Are you worried that my mother will be lonely?”

But Feng Huixin shook his head and said, “No, it’s just that without me there to supervise her and act as her impulse control, I’m afraid that there might not be a heavenly realm left at all by the time I go back.”

“…”

Qinghe felt speechless. So the revered Sentinel Grandmaster who was known far and wide for advocating peace and maintaining order actually had a wife with such a disorderly and destructive personality?

How come even his newfound family was so unusual?!

Qinghe could only shake his head and sigh in resignation.

But deciding to satisfy his burning curiosity, he nonetheless asked, “Grandmaster, what sort of a person is my mother?”

Hearing this and just thinking of his wife, Feng Huixin felt his chest aching.

Though for her it would have only been thirty or so years since he’d descended from the heavenly realm, for him, it had actually been tens of thousands of years. If the person he was searching for hadn’t been his son, then he might have not found the strength to persevere for so long despite having to be apart from his wife.

But as much as he loved his Chunyi, he still had to admit that the very thought of trying to explain her character to their son made his head ache.

In a somewhat strangled tone, Feng Huixin finally got out, “Your mother is…a very unique woman. You’ll see for yourself later.”

Yes, his Chunyi was truly unique, but it was not always in a good way.

Feng Huixin felt a heavy sigh leave his chest as he reminisced about his home world, thinking back to that time before he and his wife had ascended.

……

The flames had risen up high into the sky as if to lick at the heavens. Golden sparks and flakes of ash fluttered in the scorching air in a caricature of snow. The sound of burning wood and stone, the crackling of embers and the roaring of fire, the rumble of pillars and walls crashing down in the distance, all of it seemed muffled by the thick air of death and despair that pressed down over this place.

Everyone was dead.

These burning ruins had once been the Feng household, housing Feng Huixin’s family that had opposed his choice of pursuing cultivation, chasing after him in a bid to erase the one stain on this historic family of aristocrats and merchants.

When he had taken in and become cultivation partners with Chunyi, they had attempted to separate them, and when that hadn’t worked, they had tried to kill her too.

The both of them had been hunted and cornered numerous times, sustaining terrible wounds and being driven to the brink of death again and again. But Feng Huixin had, in the end, still been unable to raise his hand against his own family.

As a cultivator, he had the means to do so. And living in a world where might made right, he could have killed them all without consequences. But he couldn’t bring himself to.

And yet, they had all been wiped out anyway…the entire household utterly decimated within moments.

Light giggling floated from further ahead. A figure soaked in red, with a pale and beautiful face painted with streaks of scarlet, fingertips dyed crimson, her appearance like that of a demon from hell reveling in the carnage… she slowly emerged into his vision, framed by the long licks of flickering flame that danced madly as if in a frenzy.

“Ah-Xin, look! I killed all these mean people who kept trying to hurt you, didn’t I do good?”

Feng Huixin felt his eyes grow hot, stinging with smoke and the unspeakable feeling of loss.

“Eh? Ah-Xin, what’s wrong? Why do you look sad? Ah-Xin?”

Though they had been terrible, they had still been his family. This had been his home, the place he had grown up in, and these were the people who had molded him into the person he was now. Yet all of it was now gone.

“Ah-Xin…did I do something wrong? Ah-Xin, please don’t be sad, okay? If I did something bad, then…then you can hit me all you want, but please don’t look like that.”

Closing his eyes, Feng Huixin reached out and embraced his frantic beloved. “It’s okay. Chunyi, it’s okay. I-I’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t her fault. She had just been trying to protect him in the only way she knew how. And in truth, after all the misdeeds and suffering his family had perpetrated―not only towards him and his lover, but also towards the other, smaller families and less influential people―the Feng household had truly deserved its end. And yet…

Feng Huixin couldn’t help but mourn.

Ah, my dear Chunyi, you shouldn’t stain your hands so easily. How can I make you understand?

Holding the confused woman in his arms tighter, Feng Huixin silently grieved.

……

“Grandmaster, are you alright?”

Feng Huixin snapped out of his memories and looked up to see his son peering at him with worry.

Seeing this somehow seemed to ease the pain in his chest.

Feng Huixin nodded, “Yes, I’m fine.”

That time was long gone. His wife was no longer as callous when it came to taking life. Even if she didn’t understand it, she still tried to treasure the life of every living being for her husband’s sake.

As he distractedly looked out the window, he suddenly realized that night had already fallen.

“It’s already gotten late. I think I should go now,” Feng Huixin said.

Qinghe looked at him, startled. “Oh, alright.”

In truth, Qinghe didn’t want his father to go so soon. He wanted to talk more and find out all the missing pieces of his past, putting them together to finally understand the answers to questions he’d never thought to ask before.

But besides that…he also wanted to try and get closer to this father of his.

Whatever grievances he had felt against his parents had slowly begun to melt away in the face of the obvious care and affection they held for him. Qinghe didn’t think he could bear to push them away when they seemed to have suffered just as much as he had because of his fall.

From the side, Wei Xiang wryly observed the obviously reluctant expressions on both his lover and his master. They clearly both wanted to stay together and talk more, but tried to be polite and let the other person go.

Wei Xiang sighed. They were truly father and son. Even their troublesome points were the same!

“It might be late, but none of us need sleep, so why don’t we continue?” Wei Xiang spoke up.

Qinghe immediately nodded his head. “If the Grandmaster has nothing pressing that he has to get to right away, then I don’t mind talking for a while more.”

The Feng Huixin who had just gotten up to leave immediately sat down. “If you both don’t think I’d be imposing on your time together, then I don’t mind staying as well.”

Wei Xiang shook his head at them in both exasperation and affection. For better or worse, these were the two people he held dearest.

And so, the discussion between the father, the son, and the son-in-law continued into the night.