Hard Mode Idol

“But Haon, where did you hear that from?”

“What?”

“The sasaeng thing.”

Yoochan was busy eating and talking. I understood what he meant, so I answered that I had heard it from the director. Hyung seemed to have realized something and muttered, “Ah, so that’s why.” What is it? Tell me too.

“Why?”

“Jeonggon hyung. When he introduced himself at first, he said he was a former special forces member. It’s not something you’d usually say when introducing a manager, so I thought it was strange.”

“Yes. And?”

“I guess they purposely hired a former special forces member because you’re likely to have a lot of sasaengs.”

“Nah, there’s no way they did that because of me.”

Yoochan narrowed his eyes.

“Why do you think it’s not? I think I’m right.”

“Hiring a manager who’s a former special forces member just because of me, isn’t that a bit much?”

“…What are you talking about? You’re our maknae. Of course, you’re an important person, so we care about you. You sometimes say strange things. Don’t underestimate your own value.”

I stared at Yoochan blankly, a bit surprised. The reason I’m important is because I’m the maknae? For such a trivial reason? I’d understand if they said it’s because I’m the main vocal.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah. You have no idea how much we like you. Don’t doubt this. You’re an important person. So value yourself. There will be many people who will cry their eyes out if something happens to you.”

“You too, hyung?”

“Yeah.”

I see.

Yoochan was brazen even while saying embarrassing things. His confident attitude made me feel embarrassed instead. But my mood floated up lightly. It felt like a small butterfly was fluttering its soft wings inside my heart.

We cleaned up after breakfast together. After seeing Yoochan off, I packed my things and left.

After taking a good look around the empty practice room, I put down my bag. Since I’m practicing alone for a change, should I try the weekly mission? Ah, I couldn’t do it last week, so there’s no mission this week.

Of all times, the week I’m resting has a penalty. It’s a shame, but it can’t be helped. I’m quick to give up on things I can’t solve.

Instead, I focused on the main mission. I continuously got S grades. Unlike when I was with the members, I occasionally got A+ grades too. It seems there’s a group dance bonus here as well.

Until 12 o’clock, I didn’t receive an S+. There was a time when I was more used to practicing alone, but after being alone for the first time in a while, I felt empty. The sound of my sneakers hitting the practice room floor was the only thing I heard. Seeing myself standing alone in the mirror, dancing became boring for the first time.

Maybe that’s why my stamina recovery speed seems slower than usual. I flopped down on the practice room floor, but no water bottle rolled towards me. There was no gentle voice calling, “Haon.” No one to take care of me, telling me not to lie on the floor. No one to annoyingly poke me, saying, “Jin Haon, are you tired already?”

I’ve been alone for 27 years, but after hanging out with people here for a few months, I feel like this. We haven’t even been practicing together for that long. It’s ridiculous.

Maybe everything up until now has been a dream, and this is reality. I’m still alone.

Suddenly, a gloomy thought popped up, and I jumped to my feet. Should I go to a cafe for the first time in a while and have some brunch and walk around?

When I went out to the streets, it was crowded with people. Songs pouring out from numerous stores were mixed together. Feeling the glances stealing looks at me, I headed to the cafe where I was casted by the CEO for the first time in a long time.

As soon as I opened the glass door and entered, I looked for the noona. She wasn’t at the counter. Did she quit? Come to think of it, when I visited the cafe, it was mostly between 2 and 4 pm. She must not be here at this time. I wondered if she still remembers me, but it’s a shame.

The brunch set didn’t go well with iced chocolate, so I thought about what to eat for a moment and chose a strawberry latte. I ordered with a little ice and received a buzzer.

I was satisfied with the perfect order. I took out my phone and was diligently memorizing the names and faces of other idol members when the buzzer went off. I carefully carried the large tray so it wouldn’t shake.

Just as I was about to eat, a message popped up on the screen.

[DIAS-Seoho] (Photo)

[DIAS-Seoho] Hehehehehe!

It was a photo of a table full of side dishes with meat. By the way, this guy is starting again. Seoho had the highest share in the group chat. The culprit who caused the silent incident. I stared blankly at my lunch while watching the hyungs respond to him.

Should I post too?

I rubbed the camera lens of my phone for no reason and took a picture that filled the screen. It’s a bit awkward and embarrassing…

After debating whether to post it or not, I uploaded the photo I took.

[DIAS-Jung Ilhan] Haon, are you eating out?^^

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] You’re eating well for a change. Good job.

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] (A chubby bunny patting emoticon)

[DIAS-Seoho] Isn’t that the cafe in front of the company?

[DIAS-Seoho] You have no friends?

[DIAS-Seoho] (A puppy emoticon wailing in loneliness)

[DIAS-Seoho] Wait

[DIAS-Seoho] You went to practice on your day off?

[DIAS-Seoho] Hardcore

[DIAS-Seoho] (A puppy emoticon shocked with a disgusted face)

[Me] You’re the one who’s not doing it. Practice hard.

[DIAS-Seoho] I am practicing hard? I’m practicing super hard?

[Me] ㅎㅎ

[DIAS-Seoho] Wow! Are you looking down on me because you’re a bit good?

[Me] A bit?

[DIAS-Seoho] (A puppy emoticon stomping feet in anger)

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] Here they go againㅋㅋㅋ

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] Watching you two fight makes it feel like I’m next to youㅋㅋ

[DIAS-Seoho] Hyungs! The maknae is bullying meㅠㅠ

[DIAS-Seoho] (A puppy emoticon crying on the floor)

[DIAS-Jung Ilhan] Haon and Seoho, eat well^^

[DIAS-Baek Kanghyun] (Photo)

[DIAS-Baek Kanghyun] I’m at a restaurant too. Enjoy your meal.

[Me] Hyungs, enjoy your lunch too~

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] Okay. ㅎㅎ

[DIAS-Jung Ilhan] Thanks. You too^^

[DIAS-Seoho] Hyungs? I said he’s bullying me?

[Me] You should have been nice usually.

[DIAS-Seoho] (A puppy emoticon breaking a wall)

[DIAS-Park Yoochan] ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

I chuckled alone while looking at my phone. Realizing that, embarrassment washed over me. Feeling like heat was gathering on my face for no reason, I flipped my phone over. But I was curious about the ongoing conversation, so I couldn’t resist picking it up again before long. It felt like having lunch with the members.

I left the cafe and was about to head back to the practice room but hesitated. I didn’t want to feel the loneliness of being alone again. I used to be fine by myself.

I walked aimlessly, swept away by the crowd in the bustling streets. I used to hate crowded places, but now I hate being alone. I had changed without realizing it. Feeling strange, I kept walking.

That’s when it happened. A familiar melody suddenly caught my ear and pulled me in. It was the intro of Winter Sea. The guitar melody and the first lyrics were heard.

“At the end of a deep winter, the rushing cold waves.”

I immediately looked around to see where it was coming from. At the intersection right in front of me, a man with a guitar strapped on was sitting on a tall flower bed.

Kwon Se-hwa!

He exists in this world too! It’s before his debut!

Kwon Se-hwa, with a much younger face than I remember, was there. Unable to contain my joy, I ran over and secured a spot in the front row. Winter Sea was a song that charted every winter. As such, many people stopped walking to listen, drawn by the captivating melody.

Praises like “He sings well,” “The song is good,” “His voice is so sweet,” filled the air. I felt proud as if they were complimenting me.

He sang his solo hit songs that I remembered one after another, following Winter Sea. I thought I would never hear them again, but here I am, listening to them. And live too. I couldn’t go to his concerts even though I wanted to!

As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Before I knew it, it seemed like Kwon Se-hwa had finished the songs he had prepared and greeted the people. I enthusiastically applauded among the crowd.

Ah, that was great. I want to hear more.

Even after people left, I stayed behind alone and watched him clean up.

“Ah!”

I should have recorded a video…

Regret overflowed as the thought came too late. I followed Kwon Se-hwa with my eyes, licking my lips in vain. Then our eyes met. Startled, I flinched, and Kwon Se-hwa smiled at me.

“Was there something you wanted?”

“Pardon?”

“You had that expression. You stood out to me because you were listening to my songs with such a delighted expression from the beginning. You stand out for other reasons too.”

Well, that’s true. I must have been gaping without managing my expression. I lowered my gaze, feeling embarrassed. But my favorite artist is waiting for my answer. Even putting aside cleaning up. Where else can you find such an honorable moment!

“Ah… The song you sang first, what’s the title?”

“It’s Winter Sea. It’s a song I wrote. Did you like it?”

Even the title is the same. It was the song that comforted me in my previous life. I felt my facial muscles moving on their own. I answered with a big smile on my loosened face.

“Yes! Very much. The melody and the lyrics were great. At first, the calm and cold melody gradually expands as it reaches the climax, giving a feeling of warming the heart. It goes so well with the lyrics, ‘The cold winter sea protects me.’ It’s like a song that reaches out to a person who feels isolated. Especially the part at the end, ‘By your side until the end of winter,’ feels like it’s saying they’ll protect you no matter what… Oh.”

I was passionately conveying my impressions when I suddenly came to my senses. I even hummed the lyrics while talking about them. Kwon Se-hwa raised his eyebrows and urged me with an overwhelmed expression. Please continue. No, I’m sorry. I’ve just come to my senses. This is a really embarrassing situation.