Hard Luck Hermit

After spending the past couple years on a spaceship, Corey had been worried about re-adapting to a sedentary lifestyle, but it had been surprisingly easy. It might have been harder to make the jump from the Hard Luck Hermit to an actual house, but as Tooley had said, the Wild Card Wanderer wasn’t much different from the average house. The absence of a cockpit was the only real difference, and the ability to get snacks from the corner store down the road whenever Corey wanted was a worthwhile tradeoff. He was on his way back from one such snack run right now. He was technically supposed to be on guard duty, but he wasn’t the only one.

“Welcome back,” Officer Sindika said, waving lazily at Corey. She was one of the most common faces stationed outside To Vo’s door -apparently the two officers had become friends during training. “Mission successful?”

“Mission successful,” Corey said. He handed Sindika a drink on his way through the door. “Enjoy the patrol.”

Officer Sindika saluted and headed out to scan the neighborhood. Her partner remained in place, side-eyeing the entire exchange with a disapproving glare. Corey did not know them and thus did not care about their opinion. They weren’t with the Council police anyway. Apparently To Vo had also been “gifted” a corporate security detail from some company named EmSolo Aerodynamics. Corey assumed they just wanted the good publicity of “protecting one of the galaxy’s heroes”, but he still kept an eye on every corporate security officer he saw. Corey side-eyed the corporate guard right back on his way through the door.

“Finally got off work on time?”

“Just me, Den.”

“Oh. Welcome back,” Den Cal Vor said. In spite of his attempts to sound welcoming, To Vo’s mate had obvious bitterness in his voice. The threat of a serial killer had not stopped To Vo from spending long hours at work, much to Den Cal’s chagrin.

“To Vo should be back soon,” Corey said. Den Cal just grunted in response, and Corey headed for the guest room. He’d tried to talk with Den Cal a lot the first few swaps, but beyond their status as recently Uplifted people, they didn’t have much in common. Den Cal’s upbringing had been even more ass backwards than Corey’s -Den Cal was used to hunting for his own meat, and he was still struggling with the concept of a grocery store.

Corey got to the guest room and settled in to read something on his tablet. He even managed to get a few chapters in before the crying started. To Vo had repeatedly assured Corey that Mishta infants were quieter than most species. If that were the case, Corey never wanted to spend time with a baby from any other species. Little To Ru started crying on an almost hourly basis. If Corey had been wearing a watch, he would’ve been able to set it by To Ru’s screaming. At least no one wanted Corey to babysit. From the guest room, Corey could hear—and feel—as Den Cal dashed down the hallway on all fours to tend to his offspring. It took about ten minutes, but Den Cal managed to calm the baby down, right in time for the door to open and start the crying again.

“I’m home,” To Vo said.

“I see you stayed late again,” Den Cal said. Corey was glad he already had the door to his guest room closed. He knew how this was going to go.

While the baby continued to cry, To Vo and Den Cal began another spirited debate about household management. No voices were ever raised, but both sides of the not-so-happy couple had very clear ideas on how a home should operate. Den Cal was of the very traditional mindset that To Vo La Su should be staying home to watch over the baby, while To Vo tried to very patiently explain how ass-backwards and primitive that mindset was without actively insulting Den Cal. She even managed to do it, most of the time.

Den Cal said something about Widgan Buffalo, which apparently offended To Vo enough that she took a step back from the conversation and came storming down the hall. She was about two-hundred pounds lighter than Den Cal, so she didn’t quite shake the house the way he did, but Corey could still hear her on her way down the hall -and stop right in front of his door. He sank into his chair and tried to look very invested in his datapad as the door opened.

“Evening, Corey,” To Vo said. “Sorry about the fuss.”

“Eh, babies cry, it’s what they do.”

“Thanks for trying, Corey, but even I’m not that dumb,” To Vo said. “I know you can hear us...debating.”

“It’s a small house,” Corey mumbled.

“And you’re supposed to be a guest in it,” To Vo said.

“Technically I’m more of a bodyguard.”

“Either way, you shouldn’t have to listen to that small-minded whining.”

For some reason, To Vo chose to cross the room and sit in the same chair as Corey. The chair was technically big enough for both of them, but only barely. Corey tried to make as much room as possible, but To Vo was still pressed very close to his side.

“Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t rush into this just because I was jealous.”

“Jealous? Of what?”

“Of you and Tooley.”

It took a herculean amount of effort for Corey not to laugh at that.

“I don’t think we’re really a healthy relationship, To Vo,” Corey said.

“You’re happier with each other,” To Vo said. “And you don’t argue.”

“Me and Tooley argue all the time! It is literally a daily occurrence,” Corey said.

“You snap at each other,” To Vo said. “But you don’t argue. Not the way me and Den Cal do. We’ve been having these same arguments about his backwards thinking since I got pregnant.”

Corey almost offered a counterpoint, but hesitated. To Vo actually had a point. While he and Tooley clashed over trivial things almost every day, the exchanges usually amounted to a few quick barbs traded back and forth before the issue was dropped entirely. They rarely, if ever, had any protracted and recurring arguments the way To Vo and Den Cal did.

“I just don’t know what to do about Den,” To Vo groaned. “He’s so smart sometimes, and then other times it’s like he still lives in a cave!”

“Just give him the time he needs,” Corey said. “Like you were saying, he’s a good guy. He’s just struggling to adapt, and now there’s a baby on top of everything.”

“Ugh. Don’t remind me,” To Vo grunted. “I am not mommy material.”

“You’re doing a great job,” Corey assured her.

“I’m really not,” To Vo said. “There’s a reason I spend so much time at work, Corey.”

The statement was deliberately vague, but the intention was very clear.

“Oh. That’s...I mean, Den Cal’s here, it’s not like you’re abandoning your kid,” Corey said. “Uh...are your people familiar with the concept of post-partum depression, To Vo?”

“Yes, Corey, I am aware of that very common condition,” To Vo said. “I don’t have that. I’m just tired of dealing with a crying baby and a caveman mate.”

“Okay, I’m just trying to say this might be something you need better qualified help for,” Corey said. “Like, a therapist, and not some bounty hunter who’s still dealing with mommy issues the size of the Andromeda Galaxy.”

“Heh. I know. These are my problems, not yours,” To Vo said. She leaned on Corey’s shoulder, even more so than she was already thanks to the cramped chair. “I think I just needed to complain for a while. Get things off my chest.”

“That I can handle,” Corey said. “I get complained at all the time.”

“I figured you’d be able to handle it,” To Vo said. She sighed. “You know, in spite of everything, I kind of miss traveling with you guys. Even hearing Kamak and Tooley insult each other all the time.”

“Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone,” Corey suggested. “It’d do you a lot of good to get away for a while, and we wouldn’t have to worry about something happening to you if you were traveling with us.”

“I do need a break.”

Corey was a little surprised at how easily she’d agreed to that.

“You could bring Den and To Ru too, if you want,” Corey said. “Maybe a change of pace will help him too.

“If I brought a baby anywhere near Kamak, he would shoot it.”

“Hey, Kamak would not shoot a baby,” Corey said. “He’d shoot us, and then he’d ditch the baby.”

To Vo laughed at the joke, and then sighed again.

“Thanks, Corey,” To Vo said. “But I shouldn’t. Certainly not while-”

To Ru started crying again. To Vo winced at her daughter’s shrieking cry and stood up. They could both hear Den Cal Vor already stomping down the hall.

“I’ve got it, Den, calm down,” To Vo said. She left the room and headed for the nursery without a word. Corey stretched out sore legs and stood up as well. He was beginning to contemplate asking Farsus if he wanted to trade posts for a day. Corey had not expected quite so much drama from the To Vo household.

While the crying slowed and eventually stopped, Corey heard the door open and close again. He poked his head out the door long enough to check on Officer Sindika walking through the door. He nodded in her direction.

“Mission successful?”

“Nothing to report, sir,” Sindika said, with a quick salute. She continued heading for the dining room, while Corey stared at her back. That had been weirdly formal. It was probably nothing, but the paranoid itch in Corey’s brain demanded to be scratched. He walked out just to check on things.

The paranoid itch got scratched, hard, when Corey entered the kitchen and saw Sindika with a knife in her hand, looming over Den Cal Vor. The oblivious titan was stooped over the stove to make dinner, unaware of the blade at his back.

“Den!”

The massive alien turned around just in time for the whites of his eyes to reflect a blade coming down towards his throat.