GRUDGE BURST - Urban Fantasy Multi Protag Downward Spiral

A couple weeks passed after the operation.

I explained my dilemma to Naota.

About the murderous intent to kill such a vile piece of shit. About the stress of losing my life in such a mid tier assignment. Ironically enough, getting killed by a human instead of a ghost or sorcerer is more embarrassing than dying on a mission. The anger that I bore for the CEO of a multinational Bank risking the lives of many, just to give a couple hundred dollar checks to his workers and probably a million dollars for himself. It's all so crazy to me. This is the type of shit that Naota warned about as a kid. And to think I wouldn't believe him then. The fact that this happens more often than anyone would guess. Now that's crazy.

And then Naota gets confused when I act all angsty. It's like- motherfucker, if this happens all the time, wouldn't you think of giving up too?

Whatever.

In some minor news, despite saving them, the special forces refuse to give me an after action report of what happened. I understand that they had to take the credit for publicity's sake, I get that. But to prevent the guy no- the kid that saved their asses and did 90% of the work from looking at the after action report? It's like "Yeah thanks for doing us a solid. By the way, we're going to pretend we never met your sorry ass. Here's a white Hershey's bar though. Bye!" Like alright dude, just admit you're cumming in my eye at this point. At least give me the satisfaction of being blunt and upfront with me- or better yet- take me out to a nice dinner and a smooth back massage- before yOU FUCK ME.

Going back though, the thought of killing that fucker still sort of lingers. I don't think I killed him, judging from the look that Naota gave me. I really wish I did. Genuinely. I suppose its one thing for a mercenary to bluff about killing children in the past- but when I can read minds, I can assure anyone that what I saw was not a fucking a bluff. It seems that no matter what "honorary service" you do for your first world country, you drop your morality the very second your boot steps into that inferior third world sand. But to that degree? What he did to those women and what he allowed his men to do to those children? I don't think so. But what do I know? I'm just a stupid fucking teenager after all.

That being said though, at least after reflecting for so long, I can put it to rest. Best case scenario, I kicked that bitch through the window, and he's gone. Worst case scenario, I beat him to a bloody pulp and he's sent to some maximum security prison where he'll only get to see the light of day once a month. Both are quite frankly... pretty good endings. Even if I want him dead, him suffering until the day he dies is an alright sentence.

But in all honesty, that Mercenary was just the tip of the iceberg. The shit that really got me was the CEO, and how I can do nothing against him. I can't exactly file a lawsuit against him in court.

A. I'm a child, so naturally, who do you think everyone is going to side with.

B. My only evidence is the fact that the Mercenary leader told me. And if that's not hard enough to believe, the fact that I have to tell everyone I read his mind is going to close the case in 5 seconds.

C. I am not a good lawyer. And the fact that he can cherry-pick any 5 Star plastic faced professional liar to case-close my ass, only deepens my grave.

D. I don't exist in the eyes of the government. I (and everyone associated with the Ordinance Academy in general), don't exist on paper. If someone catches me in public, especially if I'm caught doing something wrong, they won't send me back to school; they'll execute me and hide evidence of my existence so... that's that.

It's all so frustrating. I even told that news to Naota and with a grimace, he shrugged and said that there's nothing we could really do.

The Ordinance Academy, as a subdivision of the Japanese Government, naturally has deep connections to every important person in the country. There's no reason for the Academy to trifle with another powerful person's life. The handshakes from politicians are more powerful than any sun-throwing sorcerer or Demon Summoning asshole could ever wish to be. Favors exchanged for favors, money traded for votes, new ideas drowned out by safe, correct opinions. Standing out and questioning the way things are would only hurt the Political Power that the Ordinance Association bears. Telling this news to the Principal would probably end up with him laughing at our faces. There's nothing that I, nor anyone can really do. Those appeals and forms for a hearing would only get shuffled to the bottom of the priority list- only to end up being automatically declined fourteen years later after it finally reaches the Ordinance counsel's hearing circle.

So that's that.

There really is nothing we can do.

But for once, I'm not regressing back into a mopey loser.

It's something that Naota said after I told him the news. That despite it all, the corruption, the greed, the inhumanity, there is still ironically- hope.

Everyday, there's a new generation of thinking minds, exposed to the outer world who slowly but surely suggest new ideas to the table, ember by ember.

Even those who are caught in the web of corruption, there are still the few who trudge past the roadblocks, the corrupted ones, the backwards ideals, the stubborn and sickly geezers who hold everything back from changing, and eventually, the few manage to contribute a bit to the march. The Principal, of all people, has always been a rebel, and only acts professional for the sake of his job. If it weren't for his job, he'd be an outlaw destroying countries for the hell of it. But the reason he's still in office? To bring a new order to the outdated system. Seeing as how he's one of the most powerful sorcerers in the world, on top of being the Principal of the place where children are indoctrinated, he's in a stalemate against the other heads of the sorcerer world. But if it weren't for him, we'd be executed for even talking about the corruption in the first place. Though he may laugh at our face for our naivety, he's one of the few who gave the new ideas a chance. From his sun, came Naota, and from Naota, comes me.

He acts like a big brother so as to teach me the ways of the world instead of being another mindless indoctrinated soldier. And though the world may be cruel, and changing the world may ultimately seem pointless, it is from the older generation's torch that we must learn to light the way for the new generation. To light the way for the blind, and to make way for a better, brighter future. Burn down the old; light the path anew.

And that made me think.

If the Principal died.

And if Naota died.

Who would carry the torch...?

And through reflection, maybe calling it quits would be a worse fate than death. If anything, I, along with the rest of the students could be the change that this world needs.

And even if I die, at least I can say I tried.

...

hm.

Cool feeling.

For once,

I guess I can say I'm feeling pretty motivated.

.

.

.

:)