LIGHTNOVELONLINE Introduction Chapter: Kyouji Nakugima / [On the essence of life]
[Two years ago]
Friday
The best day of the week
Its the weekend.
I preemptively finish my assignments for the week. There's no time for homework when she's calling for me. Hell, any minute, any second of my weekend being spent on anything but with her is a god damn insult to our love. Training? Please. I'm already ripped as shit. I'm not like those dunderhead pillars that punch their way out of everything. Don't need to. The ways of aping your way through every problem is in the past. Humanity was built to evolve. And with the aid of technology, evolve we will.
I switch my uniform and put on my violet bathrobe.
I march towards my cathedral.
On the way there I see that dimwit Naoki.
I go up to him.
"Naoki, do you need anything."
He looks up from his phone and gives me an odd stare.
"N..No..?"
"Are you sure? Nothing with your computer or anything?"
"Not... really, not yet, no
Why?"
"I am going to be gone for a while. Either tell me your sorrows or forever hold your peace."
"Uh actually, I do have something that you can help me out. I took this one mission last week right, and the guy bent my arm backwards to the point where it-"
"Already don't care"
"Well, thanks dick."
"Anytime lil bro."
I march onwards, never to see the light of day for who knows how long.
.
.
.
Ah yes.
The computer Lab.
I enter my palace and lock the doors behind me.
I've spent the last fifteen years treating this place as my personal haven.
The blue glows of the wires provide the only light I need.
My personal keyboard greeting me as a dog would its owner.
The giant bright light that teased me with its prompt.
"Enter Password"
Oh
Baby
How I've missed you.
I sit down on my worn out computer chair- a throne that transcends ages and memories. I've sat on it for so long, the seat now has an ass imprint; it might as well double as my clay mask for when I die. Alright that was a bit too far, but damn, I feel more comfortable sleeping here than I do in my own bed.
I hold my girlfriend's hand for the first time in 14 hours.
I gently massage her keyboard, teasing her as I input my 134 character password.
"Heheh... there's no way anybody's going to figure this out"
And then I hear it.
A squeak.
The letter "E".
I press it again.
Squeak.
You
You...You WHORE!
HOW COULD YOU.
YOU LET SOMEONE USE YOU.
THEM OVER ME.
I want to smack her.
I want to slam her.
There's a possibility that it was against her will....
But also a possibility that it wasn't.
But why would anyone use a school computer lab?
Don't they know it's my territory?
These conflicting feelings; my rite is being oppressed, challenged, insulted
But I know that the only person who could understand me
is you.
I lean over to her gaze and embrace her.
"I forgive you
Let's talk about it."
And talk we did.
I opened notepad++ and spilled my guts to her.
5 minutes turned to 10 minutes. 10 minutes creeped up to 15. Then to 20. Then 30. 30 minutes crawled up to an hour. Then 2. Then 3. Pretty soon, the essence of time became irrelevant. Trapped in this room, I was in my element. Along in this room, I was by myself, with myself, in myself. I am Beethoven, for this deafness is no disease. This curse is my blessing. Stimulated, exaggerated. I'm so fucking good it became a bad thing. And this "bad" thing became so obsessive, it's the only thing that feels good.
I am the pianist
For here I am, playing my symphony on these keys.
And to those who might hear this tune, I hope you understand:
The only one who can make us listen to ourselves, is ourselves.
Talk to the mirror
and see what you have to say.
.
.
.
These RGB lights have been blasting my face for what has felt like days.
I'm sure its only been hours.
Yet it feels like minutes.
This self imposed deprivation machine.
It's astonishing.
I see it all.
For when one imposes limits, blindness, deafness, and walls, they see holes in them all.
And through those holes, the slips and glimpses become clearer and clearer.
This is my true being;
and I fucking love it.
I am the Maestro of Machinery
The Cardinal of Coding
The Digital Demise towards the Demonic REALM
AND BY GOD
I AM
I AM
I AM GONNA CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
The opinions of others are deemed for naught.
For the only truth we must seek are those that are important to us.
As we pay for consequences, the sacrifices matter not.
All step after step, growing up on this noble path.
That is life.
I gaze into her eyes one last time.
I love you so much.
.
.
.
I open the door of the computer lab.
A giant waft of humid sweaty mist pours out.
Coincidentally, Naoki was nearby.
"Oh- Kyouji, That's where you've been. I've been looking for you this entire time."
"How long has it been" I ask him as my eyes have a difficult time adjusting to the light of the outside world.
"Since I last saw you? Three days.
What have you been doing this entire time anyway?"
"I am glad you asked actually. I spent these past three days revamping this old minecraft mod. For free! Can you believe it? I've been doing this hard, tedious work that some schmuck forgot all these years ago, and i'm doing it for free! Man I guess I really just...
damn.
Hobbies are cool, huh?"
"You scare me dude."
"Oh but that's not all I did"
"What else did you d-"
"I JUST HAD SEX"
Naoki squinted his eyes and responded after an awkward pause.
"You didn't have to raise your voice ya know."
"Ah nevermind it kid." I say as I wrap my arm around Naoki.
"Please don't touch me. Especially when you're wearing nothing but underwear."
"Alright Alright. Say, I haven't eaten anything in three days. How about we go get some lunch?"
"Yeah, my lard ass hasn't eaten anything in 3 hours, and quite frankly, the sooner you get to wearing normal clothes, the happier I am."
"Sounds like a plan" I respond with a smile.
"Also, turns out I actually did need help."
"With what exactly?"
"I got like 14 viruses trying to get Minecraft for free. You mind helping me out?"
I was about to do the usual reaction of blowing up on his face and calling him an idiot...but then I decided-
"Sure thing Naoki. Its what I'm good at after all".
"Damn you didn't blow up on me this time. Guess that 3 day masturbation sesh actually did tire you out, huh?"
...
Nevermind.
On the essence of life
[Present day]
It was a typical morning.
Kyouji had laid in bed for at least 5 hours; he only slept 2 hours.
He was tired. Tired of thinking. Thinking about being tired. Thinking that the only way he felt tired, was because he knew he was tired, and the only way he knew that, is through the reflective introspection of knowing that the body is tired, because the brain is telling it (the body) that it's tired, or rather, the brain is telling the body that it is tired, thus the body is then recognizing the feedback "oh yeah, I'm tired", thus letting the brain acknowledge and confirm that it itself is indeed, tired.
-However, if the brain does not acknowledge it is tired, what goes out first? The brain, or the body? The body is exhausted of course, but if the brain doesn't acknowledge the body's quaking ailments, it just goes "nuh uh" and carries its metabolism and biological functions for as long as the gas can burn. It sounds like a cliché, but the body runs on the fumes of the will. During Navy SEALs training, newbies partake in the legendarily difficult process of hell week. Intense training where trainees must endure a week without sleep, at least 5 days surviving in cold ocean water with other trainees, pain tolerance, exhaustive tasks and mental fortitude. Though it may sound fictitious, the border between ridiculous and reality blends.
Kyouji is the prime example of a person who wants to bend reality.
A burden he welcomes with open arms. A divine curse. A blessed ailment. One that every human suffers from their very first breath to their last neural impulse. Existence.
"I cann't't stopp thinkgking..."
Groggy, Kyouji realized he has no time to waste.
He has plans after all. Yesterday's plans haven't even been fulfilled. Neither were those from the day before that. And the day before that.
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRHGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Kyouji flopped to the ground and climbed up his dresser to take a good look at his face.
"Look a little tired today..."
Nevermind that.
No time to waste on irrelevant matters.
There is work to be done.
Kyouji exited out of his chambers and shuffled towards the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. Black coffee. every second counts, and there's no time to waste for sugar and cream. Even if it would only take four seconds, those are four seconds he could spend on his projects.
Sliding against the wall, he carried himself back to the lab. The intense algorithmic messages of his brain quaked and pulsed. The philosophy of this particular science melted his mind, so much to the point that when he spilled coffee all over himself, it took him seventeen seconds to notice it had already happened.
There is no time to register the pain. There are things to be done.
Makoto went up to Kyouji as he walked towards the lab.
"Hey dude, quick question" she asks
She proceeded to ask her question.
What is it with these people asking him all these questions? Sure he's smart, okay, but he is not the bearer of infinite knowledge and enlightened wisdom. Yet. Call it humility or reason, but can't she go bother someone else? Even in the realm of computers and technology, couldn't she grab some C grade engineer to help her out with her issues? GOD. The acknowledgement was not lost on Kyouji, but that's the problem- acknowledge someone ELSE. Right now, there are things to be done.
"Kyouji?"
"HUH? Yeah?"
"Did you hear anything about what I just said?"
"Oh uhmmm.
No.
Not at all."
"Alright well-"
It is not good to be so stuck in one's own psyche. Reflection is necessary, sure, however, it is a matter of acceptance and growing better- STRONGER, much like the soul and the body. To be blinded by the ego, the soul, a byproduct of the brain (and the environment) breeds delusion. However, there is more than one flavor for each realm. A wandering mind that's plagued by its own issues is bad, of course. Counterpoint, it's those minds that are plagued by everything else that suffer an equal weight. More present in the internal world than the external, one wouldn't be surprised if a fire hazard occurred and it would take a couple minutes for them to register that the place is on fire.
"So can you do that? Please?"
"I
uh
huh
I'mmmm-"
Kyouji latched onto Makoto's head. He stared directly into her eyes with a deadpan expression.
"I'm going to be so real with you, I did not register anything of what you said. Whether because I could not care less about the situation, or because I haven't had proper rest is up to interpretation. However, I am a man that prefers to live on facts rather than theories or feelings. I recommend bothering someone else. Have a good day."
He let go of Makoto's face and walks off.
Makoto of course gave a weirded out, sour expression. Especially since she was asking about him.
It is widely believed that A living being can be composed of either mind, body, or spirit. To no one's surprise, this directly correlates to the aspects of PsychoPower, Ki, and Sorcerery respectively. Simple concepts, really. The easiest thing to classify as "living" is if it has a body, obviously. Fair enough. However, a facetious enough person can point at a corpse and go "it has (or technically is) a body, thus it is a living thing!". Let's not be stupid here. A fairer argument would be within the realm of the mind. Most living animals and insects have a brain. As humans, we can register, compute, and process further concepts compared to some ape or mere ant.
These animals have brains, yes; they can process sensations and even a couple of above average concepts as well such as vague notions of "love" and "anger". However, one cannot simply talk to any animal. Through specific training, one can communicate with an animal if it has the mental capacity to do so (dogs, some birds, apparently some pigs as well). However, having a brain barely counts as living. A person's body may be fully functioning, but if they are brain dead, they are no better than a cell; living, breathing, suffering endlessly. That is where the soul comes in. The ethos of a noun. Though a vague subject, it is ultimately what determines a true living being. A person's personality, their habits, their quirks, going past their genetic code, the NURTURE, what are their political opinions, what are their tastes, their sexual preferences, what identifies them as THEM. A perfect example of a person who has both a body and a brain but lacks a soul is a psychopath. They may have above average intelligence. They may lead a quiet, successful life. But if they have no aspiration to go further than just lead a "successful life" and are comfortable with living in their personal bubble, they bear no soul. Hell, it goes beyond that, it goes with social relationships. Seeing as how psychopaths are literally unable to compute other people's emotions, that just further cements their lack of soul. Even animals have souls. A cow and her calf may lack higher order thinking, but if a sow sees her calf stuck in a metal fence, and a human goes up to it and frees the calf as careful as they can, the cow will recognize the gesture. It may not bow its head. It may not say thanks or pay the human back with anything. But it didn't trample or yell at the human. And that's evidence enough to suggest that they have emotions and thus, a semblance of a soul.
.
.
.
As Kyouji monologued to himself in his mind, he barely paid attention to where he walked. His body, ingrained with the physical memory of the path between the cafeteria and the lab carries itself in automatic fashion. 5 Minutes passed, and he arrived in exhausted splendor.
Though he typically didn't like assistance with his projects, anyone competent enough to match his speed especially in his current state, was a begrudging welcome in his eyes.
A plain looking girl that was slightly younger than Kyouji was waiting for him in the lab. She wore overalls and a yellow shirt. Next to her was a boy with red and blue sunglasses, black hair, and a cotton jacket atop his school uniform. Though the girl seemed pleased by Kyouji's arrival, the boy kept his bored expression.
Kyouji's tired eyes finally looked upwards. Barely paying attention to his peers, he soaked in the warmth of the lab. The hills of scraps and wires all over the tables. The countless screens blared unfinished codes, much less apparent bugs that were as clear as day to them. The various texts lying around, ranging from "The Chthonic texts of Mycenaean Greece '' to recently discovered data and tests that the technology department has been tirelessly working on. Pagan sigils on carved stones were being used as paper weights- specifically atop worn-out Buddhist scrolls. Though the fear of blessed and cursed objects accidentally triggering each other due to physical contact was a pretty valid safety concern, those in the lab didn't care; all of the items were already spent anyway. Burnt microchips littered the work benches, as well as visible stains on the countertops with a funky stench to them.
"So," started the kid with blue and red glasses.
"Where do you want to start this time?"
"Psssssshhhhh...." commented Kyouji.
He held his hand over his mouth as a means of contemplation. After 4.23 seconds, Kyouji had an answer:
"Jungseong, was it?"
"That's my name, yeah" responded the boy with blue and red glasses.
"Go get the brains from the back fridges. Only grab a case of them, I don't think we need that many at the moment. Though, do keep a mental note of how many are left after you grab one. We might need to ask for more from the Principal if we're thinning out. He'll most likely say yes, but if not, we might have to ask Mr. Mishima or the Vice Principal. I really don't want to go get our hands dirty, because that's precious time wasted, and you know what we don't have?"
"Time" simultaneously responded to the two other students.
"That's right. Go ahead and do that. You on the other hand, you're... Sora, correct?"
"Thas right!"
"Boot up the programs from last night."
"Oh yeah- about that" responded the girl.
Kyouji preemptively took a deep breath and looked upwards, closing his eyes in preparation of the news.
"What happened now."
"We lost some progress."
"Who fucked up this time."
"From the looks of it, nobody; it was a bug issue rather than someone's fault-"
"How much progress did we lose."
"...Thirty minutes worth..."
Kyouji let out a disappointed sigh.
The girl knew to let him process and cool down before talking again.
Under his breath, Kyouji muttered to himself something along the lines of "these things happen, these things happen, these things happen..."
After 2 minutes, Kyouji finally looked at the girl and responded.
"Alright, thirty minutes isn't that bad. Still not the best thing, but definitely not the worst. Since we've already run it once, I predict this should only take us around 22 minutes to do. In the meantime, let's get a headstart on it while Jungseong comes ba-"
The Korean student arrived right on time with a cart and a case full of brains in jars. The yellow formaldehyde inside the jars immediately made the place reek of pickles.
"Right on time." commented Kyouji.
"Now then, while she runs the diagnostics, I want you to grab one of the brains and hand it to me. I'm going to connect the chip that's wired to the computer and link it to the brain. Basic stuff, it's the same thing we did yesterday, except we have to make up some of the lost work because it didn't save the last 30 minutes. Understood?"
The other two agreed, and all of them put on some latex gloves.
Kyouji sighed and muttered to himself in deep concentration.
"All right...just gotta...gently..."
Staring at the brain in silence, he calculated where he needed to put in the chip. A small, critical spot that must encumber the least amount of tears possible. How deep must it go? About three and a quarter inches deep. The chip itself engraved with runic markings- specifically those regarding intuition, knowledge, and control. The brain itself gently tattooed with the kanji for entry (入れる).
Aiming right between the hemispheres of the brain, Kyouji finally lifted up his arm, mustered up a controlled, harsh sense of force, and stabbed the chip downwards, straight into the Hippocampus. Afterwards, with the force of an ant and the care of a mother, he gently twisted the chip so that the sides of said chip could also stick into the walls of the inner hemispheres.
"Sora, what's the damage" demanded Kyouji.
"Minimal estimations, 4%; maximum, 6%."
Kyouji's eye twitched.
"That's not bad, eh?" said Sora aloud
"It's not good either. But we work with what we have."
Kyouji turned to Jungseong and commanded
"Go get us some goggles, tweezers, tumor retractor, soldering iron and a clean fan. You on the other hand," he said whilst turning towards Sora, "make sure you keep an eye on the diagnostics."
.
.
.
After a good fifteen minutes of examining the brain, the chip read fragments of the data collected inside the specimen and all the things looked pretty fine for the most part. Sora asked Kyouji ``Hey, I know it's not really a big deal and it won't affect us but... where did you get these brains?"
Kyouji, wearing his goggles, looked back and forth between the code on the screen and the effects on the brain. He eventually responds with "Where we, the academy, get the brains from are prisons all over the country. All of these brains are either from Death Row convicts, or prisoners with life sentences who agree to a contract to 'end it.' The Academy is obviously a sub-sector of the spiritual branch of the government, and thus, with a couple submission forms, we can request for such specimens. Hell, on the rarer occasions, we can ask other countries for their death row prisoners, or in the extremely rare chance, a prisoner that's found out to be a sorcerer. The other way we get brains is by getting them ourselves by killing rogue sorcerers and harvesting their brains. I usually ask most people whenever they go on missions but- I understand the task is easier said than done, so I don't get my hopes up."
Sora, taken aback for a sec, responded with a question:
"Not that I care too much about the morality of what they're doing since these are people who gladly deserve it but still... doesn't this fall under cruel or unusual punishment?"
Kyouji would like to laugh, but he feared that a mere spec of saliva from his mouth might wet the chip, so he stifled his mouth, faced away while he talked, but kept his eye on the brain.
"Cruel? That is a fallacy. As you've stated, these people deserve what they get. If you're asking me to pity Serial Killers, Pedophiles, and Psychopaths with a incurable disorders, you are mistaken. Being human is not a valid reason to be pitied. Not only that, but these people are already dead; in both definitions of heart and/or brain function. Secondly, unusual? Well..."
He paused for a moment before finally responding.
"Everyone's definition of unusual is different. In this case however, I am the wrong person to ask such a question. Even I'm self aware of that regard."
He eventually faced Han Jungseong and asked for the soldering iron.
.
.
.
10 minutes after that, Kyouji noticed something wasn't going quite right.
He took off his goggles and went over to the screens with the code on it.
"Scroll through the code."
"I'm pretty sure it's all goo-"
"Just do it."
"Mmmm-kay."
Sora briefly scrolled through the lists of scripts and data that was compiled in the past twenty minutes or so. Seeing as how it was data collected from a subsection of a very complex organ, there was a minimum of at least 800,000 lines of code... and counting. Yet the code that Kyouji paid most attention to at the moment was the pre-set code that was meant to read the brain- not necessarily the content that was downloaded.
"Alright, we reached the end..." responded Sora.
"anything wrong with-"
"One more time. Scroll back up."
Sora gave an annoyed face and did so.
Nearing a quarter to the beginning of the code, Kyouji pointed and said: "There-
Line 34,077. You forgot to add the ending quotation mark in 'readtemp unit'."
"Oh... well, my bad-"
"Yeah, it is your bad." concurred Kyouji in a sudden tone.
"Don't fuck it up again.
Thank you."
He put on his goggles and went back to work on the brain.
"....dick...." muttered Sora underneath her breath.
.
.
.
Outside the lab, a girl with short orange hair and round glasses had been waiting by the door for the past five minutes. Her heart beated rapidly every time she looked at the prodigy. There was something about him that she really liked. Hard-working attitude. Straight to the point. Cute quirks. Apparent interests. Even if he had a high chance of being on the spectrum, she could tell that he wasn't hindered by typical standards put upon by society. Though it is true that most of the students at the academy were orphans and see most of each other as relatives, this girl was from a clan that sent her to the academy for the sake of studying. She had been crushing on him hard for a while, and today was the day she thought to confess to him.
.
.
.
"No, no, no, no, nO, NO NONONONONONOONONO" frantically shouted Kyouji.
Visible smoke erupted out of the chip and the surface of the brain. Han and Kyouji frantically tried to cool it off while Sora attempted to modify the processor's speed to slow it down. After a couple minutes of panicking and intense workarounds, they all eventually hear a loud pop and then silence.
Jungseong sighed in a disappointed tone.
Sora put her hand on her face and waited for the others' feelings to cooldown.
Kyouji gripped the table with veiny fingers and opened his maw. His teeth protruded in a similar vigor to a jaguar's. So many complicated thoughts and skewed feelings bounced inside his head; drool pooled out of his teeth. An intense stare concentrated upon the burned brain in front of him. With blind frustration, he picked up the brain, dug his fingers into it, and started mashing and tearing it up into a grey and yellow-ish paste.
"MOTHERFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"
An intense yell that fizzled into an otherworldly frustrated growl.
The girl walked into the lab.
"K...Kyouji-"
"WHAT?!?!" shouted Kyouji as he turned around and met the girl's soft grace with his own hateful stare.
Her face instantly morphed into one of shock and distress.
"I- I just-
I
Nevermind"
She ran out of the room, on the verge of tears.
"Tch,
she comes into the room to ask me something, and she doesn't even end up saying it. Who the fuck does that. How fucking stupid can you be. God. People wasting my fucking time, not realizing i'm wasting my own god damn time. It's just-
FUCK."
He kicked his stool down and rested his hands on his face. He laid his elbows onto the table and stood there for a bit.
His other two partners were clearly disgruntled by the scene. Though they didn't know the context, it was still apparent to them that he overreacted.
"Look dude, we don't want to have problems with you." said Jungseong out loud.
"We did our best, and that's all we can grant you. I don't want you to-"
"I know you guys did." muttered Kyouji.
"This wasn't your guys' faults, you guys are fine
It's mine."
The other two were slightly taken aback by the sentiment.
"It's just-" continued Kyouji.
"Fuck man.
I try and try and try, over and over again, perfecting every single degree, every single angle, every tiny little detail and yet, despite the minute mess ups, they keep piling on and on and on, and though I say to myself, 'we can still work with this, we can still work with this-' it still ends up falling down over avoidable little mistakes."
Han's face morphed from slight annoyance to one of a softer demeanor.
"These things happen. We're only human after all, so expecting perfection is a bit of a silly expectation, especially over something this complex."
"I understand that-
and yet-
the fact that it's me messing up is so frustrating. How am I able to keep up with my principles if I myself can't adhere to them. I don't mind others messing up, that's fine. I can get upset, sure, but best case scenario, people learn, and worst case scenario, I replace them. But the fact that I am the one who constantly fucks up with my own projects is so infuriating. I can't live with this dumbass if he's my own downfall. I understand perfection can't be attained- but god damn it why does it have to be ME. This stage of the process was supposed to be done MONTHS AGO. And we're still here? Do you know how many people we could've helped? Hell, how many people we could've saved if we got this under wraps? It's just-"
Kyouji took a deep breath and let out a distressed sigh into the palms of his hands.
After a brief moment of silence, he finished off.
"It's just frustrating.
You know?"
Sora responds with: "Well, it's like you said, people will learn. Each time you've failed, you learn from your mistakes and you always improve. In all honesty, I still kind of don't know what you're trying to accomplish here-"
"I'm trying to make a Spirit Summoning program so that students don't have to risk their lives solely depending on themselves, while also lowering the cost of willful summons, easier access to communications, lower reliance on outdated technology, tools, etc, and finally paving the way towards a more logical and convenient future. But the first step is to harvest brains and use them as a memory source for digitalized rituals, summoning instructions, and literal memory ala a hard drive or SSD card."
Sora and Han both give a blank stare. Sora finally continued:
"Yeah I'm... going to be so real with you, I only understood half of what you said but I don't know how anyone is going to do that 💀
But, seeing as how you're clearly ambitious enough to do this, I have confidence that the only person who can do this-
is you.
So chin up dude. It's going to take time... a long ass time from what I'm understanding. But you'll get it eventually :)"
Kyouji lowered his greasy, brain splattered hands from his face and softly smiled.
"And deep down, I know all this.
But it's been said to me over and over again, repeated every time I fail. And though I may understand it on a logical level,
and though I should be glad I'm human for having the capacity to never give up-
I'm not. I've been hearing this over and over again- and yet I still feel the same no matter what. I appreciate the words of encouragement, those aren't lost on me. But no matter how many words and sentiments you spend, it's all wasted if I can't concur with them on an emotional level. However, I also understand that crying about it won't advance the project by any means. The only thing we can do is continue working. So enough of this silly talk-"
Kyouji straightens his posture, as well as his face.
"-let's get back to work; from the top"
The other two concurred and reset the process.
.
.
.
"Say, Kyouji" asked Sora
"You look tired."
"I am tired" he responded in a soft yet sarcastic tone.
"How many hours of sleep have you gotten?"
"Around two. Why do you ask?"
"Why don't you sleep?"
"Why would I sleep when I can work on my projects? I may be tired beyond hell, but as long as I get to finish them, I can feel like I did something that day. If not, I feel like I've wasted it."
"Well, don't you think you'd improve the quality of your work if you got a healthy amount of sleep?"
"No, that's counterproductive. I can trade in those hours of sleep to work instead."
Han bumped into the conversation
"No, that is counterproductive. It's like driving a car when it's oil hasn't been changed in over a year. Driving it in that condition would be hurting it more than helping it. It can still drive, sure, but it would be in terrible condition. Do you... do you not understand basic human biology?"
"We're superhuman, remember?" rebutted Kyouji.
"Superhuman or not, we're still human."
"....hm.
I see."
Eventually, I took the advice to heart and consistently rested a good eight hours for a good couple months or so. Within those months, we were finally able to figure out how to scrape out the memories of brains and use them as "storage" for digital memory. Despite the various failures, plethora of magical mishaps, and translation errors, in the end, we were able to conquer the hippocampus. Then from there, onto more complex parts of the brain. Though it took a long while, one success makes up for the various failures.
And though it is silly to think that one would be able to achieve everything on the first try;
I'm still mad at myself for failing all these times. To figure out something so simple took this long.
Damn it.
After the accomplishment of conquering the Hippocampus, Principal Hanayama invited over Kyouji for a quick personal meeting.
Kyouji, a bit annoyed, walked through the halls and eventually knocked on the pristine wooden door of the office.
"Come in" said Hanayama.
Despite being well over one hundred years old, The Principal barely looked a day over seventy. He wore traditional Japanese garments that looked more as if they were comfort rather than traditional wear. His long, silky white hair and beard clashed with his demeanor.
Upon entering the room, Kyouji noticed the Principal sitting comfortably in his chair. The room itself was dim, with the blinds shut. Kyouji also noticed that the principal had an open bottle of Jack Daniels on his desk, along with two empty glasses.
"Sit..." announced the Principal in a tone that was mixed with a croak and a growl.
Kyouji did so.
After a long pause, Hanayama finally continued.
"Kyouji....
How are you!"
"...
Fine I guess."
"I heard you finally advanced that project of yours huh? About damn time right?"
Kyouji stood silent with a deadpan expression.
Hanayama gave a semi annoyed glance but shrugged it off.
"How about a little drink to celebrate huh?"
The Principal poured a "generous" amount of alcohol into the two glasses.
"Drink up"
Kyouji blankly stared at his superior.
He didn't say anything for a good five seconds until:
"No thank you. Alcohol makes you stupid. Why would I willingly hinder myself when I'm going back to work. That's stupid. Drinking something that makes you stupid is inherently stupid. Thank you, but I'll pass."
Hanayama downed the entire glass one in a swig before facing his student again.
"Are you calling me stupid?"
"Yes."
Hanayama's vigorous stare met with Kyouji's own bored expression. The Principal's inner, younger self could be felt radiating off of his presence alone; a pressure so ever-present, most people would collapse when entering in his vicinity alone.
Yet Kyouji didn't bat an eye.
After the awkward staring contest, Hanayama rested his hand on his head and announced.
"Man.
You're so BORING. At least make this entertaining." grunted Hanayama.
"Is there a specific reason you called me over?"
Hanayama's demeanor finally loosened down to his usual, casual demeanor.
"First of all, I wanted to genuinely congratulate you. Normally, these types of projects would have a hard time passing by, especially within the technology department thanks to one incident that happened during the late 80's to early 90's. We saw the potential that that power could have, and we were especially weary of such abilities for a long while. But a couple decades later, and now we've loosened up a bit, which is good for you of course. I don't remember when was the last time The Vice Principal, Mishima, and I have all agreed on a project. Usually, projects are played in a rock, paper, scissor type of interactions between us three, but I'm glad that for once, we finally agree to give you the aid that you need. I appreciate what you're doing, or at least the ambition for such a cause. Though I will warn you, there's always limits to these types of things."
"I know; again, I appreciate all the support."
Kyouji stood up, did a slight bow, then sat back down.
"Second of all, I, Principal Hanayama, the one and only, want to acknowledge you. You are a prodigy, you realize that, right?"
Kyouji stared.
"Go ahead, take pride! Realize it. Relish in that fact, I won't blame you! We're only human after all."
Hanayama smiled, and analyzed Kyouji's every movement. Every twitch fiber, seen and unseen. Every physical cue. Studying his psychopower's emotional response.
Kyouji stared.
And stared.
And stared.
Until he finally tilted his head:
"Did you really call me all the way here just to tell me that?"
"Yes."
Kyouji gave his typical annoyed look.
"...
Okay.
Is there anything else you wanted from me, sir?"
Hanayama's smile evaporated into a bored realization.
"That's it. If you can't even enjoy your accomplishments then why do I even bother."
"Good question: I was just on my way to the lab so I could start the next process in the project. You see, I realized a flaw in the system. Human brains have a hilariously larger memory capacity compared to a computer's hard drive or even a whole server of them. And there's no.... okay there's little way that we'd be able to make a chip that could house an entire factory's amount of storage in a measly chip- but not yet. Even if we had the funding, that would still be a massive waste of resources for the time being. But the main issue is that computer processors are infinitely faster than human minds. Of the top of your head, what's 16 times 78 by the power of 14. That's right, you can't do that within a second. So that's why I'm-"
"OKAY- okay I get it; I don't care just go."
Kyouji stood up, bowed, and left the room.
.
.
.
As Hanayama contemplated, he smiled to himself.
"For as obsessive as the kid is, at least I know I can trust this one. Prodigies are born and can build up a specific skill. And though they are dangerous, especially since they carry the blessing of potential, I'm glad that this one doesn't suffer from the other one's... issues. The only thing stronger than an ego, is passion- an obsession towards something greater than their own pride."
Hanayama raised his glass and smiled.
"He passed."
Even though I can't fathom giving up, this flesh of mine tires. Tires of thinking too much. Tires of moving too little. Thinking I'm not doing enough to even live. Doing what I love yet not doing as much as I want to, which makes me feel useless. What have I been doing this entire day? Failing? Spending time with my loved ones? Of course I love them.
Yet I bear this unyielding loyalty towards this fascination.
I hate it. I wish to become more. I hate being contained within this fleshy prison. I hate being limited by my biology. I hate feeling all these feelings; they only exist to slow and wear me down. I hope I could process a plethora of calculations all at once with no failures. I hope I didn't have to distract myself with eating or sleeping so that I could have more time on my hands. All I do is wish. But the closest thing we can do to accomplishing those wishes, is to strive as close to them as possible.
I am encumbered.
I am flawed.
I am human.
Yet without these emotions, I wouldn't have the process to love what I'm doing.
Without these flaws, life would be boring.
Without these taste buds and pesky mechanics for fuel and exhaustion, I wouldn't be able to taste the splendor of a Medium Well cooked New York Strip, or feel the grace of an eight hour slumber.
Without these failures, this suffering, this bullshit, I wouldn't have the drive to strive towards something greater. A goal that elongates the will to live. If I die now, I won't be able to solve it. If I give up now, I won't be able to satisfy my hunger. If I stop now, I will wither away into something lesser. Suffering isn't failure; suffering is inaction. A corpse with no ambition. That is no life for me.
So for once, when I wake up, I can feel like the thing staring at me in the mirror isn't a mash of tongues and teeth.
But rather, something clearer, stable.
A glimpse of a realization that maybe
It's okay to live.