LIGHTNOVELONLINE Introduction Chapter: Kuragari Taberu
PAINTED EYE
HOLY FLESH
FLICKER OF THE MOTH
WICKER OF DREAD
IT, WHO IS BOTH A “PERSON”
AND A PLACE
A HELLISH NOUN
WHO LIVES UPSIDE DOWN
”NI∩ᴚ“
I've been a sorcerer my entire life.
I've seen some shit. My best friend was turned into a meatball before my eyes, unable to revert back to normal. Countless students have died while on missions. Countless more adults fucked up and got what they deserved. Many are disillusioned by the powers that be. Thinking so high and mighty that they exist on our whims, controlled by our egos and such. No use in finding comfort in death and religion. There is no point. What matters is strength; survivability.
That is our goal in life after all. Find a wife. Get her pregnant. Have a child. Hope to god that child doesn't die before you inevitably have to make another (barring the chances your wife never gets over it and becomes a vegetable). Raise the child. Watch them leave you. Watch them get their own child, then you have secured your biological goal in life.
I found a fun way to waste my time and scale how long someone lives.
I ask them about their religion.
Don't get me wrong, I could hardly give a shit about what they believe in. It is the simple prospect of whether or not they actually believe in something that cements their fate. An uneasy correlation between these two facets of life. And obviously, (barring the zealots of the world), most people don't want to die. However, I feel that with these people and their silly ilks, finding comfort in death in the form of an after-life already cements them to "try their best!" and hope not to die. And if they do, whoop dee fucking do; better luck next time.
I cannot fathom naivety.
Those who already know this are way ahead of the game. It is the simple fact that one must carry their egos and hold it dearly, because "god" (lol) knows, that is the only thing we truly have. I won't act holier than thou and say that I'm above materialism. I fucking love partying, but with the government at hand, they can take whatever they please. The senses are great, but they aid you as much as they hurt you. And it's more than just "the body being the only thing you have." It's the soul, the ethos, the personality, who a person IS. And if people can't grasp who or what that is, then they are no better than those blinded by a hypocritical false ego, much less a pantheon of said delusions.
.
.
.
There's this kid that Makoto is close to, Naoki. It's interesting to see the juxtaposition between these two, considering one is a woman and the other's stupid, but I'll admit he's entertaining, at least.
One day I come up to him while he's walking down the halls.
I ask him the golden question.
"What is your religion"
He responds something along the lines of Buddhism. I think he went into a two minute tangent, but I already heard what I needed to hear.
I sure hope Makoto isn't too close to him, or else he'll need to prove his religion exists.
In the next life.
There's this other kid that the two associate with. He used to be an asshole but now he's a sickeningly sweet kid. (Kind prefer the old him).
Mishima has something up his sleeve with him... not that I really care. I doubt it's religious in nature though.
I asked him if he believed in a religion.
"I believe in God. A god, but I don't think it's strictly bound by a canon religion, much less any human interpretation, ya know? How can we fathom something so strong? That being said, I can feel something made by all of us. Even if it's an eldritch abomination, I'm still grateful for it."
There is no hope for this guy 💀.
I always wondered how a spirit thought. And not as in a dead person, I mean a genuine, living, breathing embodiment of a human concept. Thankfully we have a couple of those roaming around the school, and for shits and giggles, I asked if it believed in a religion.
"Hell no (pun intended)."
Well there we go. I'll be honest, I expected him to have a more interesting answer, but thankfully, he's not stupid out of naivety;
he's stupid for other reasons 👹.
One guy I know gave a semi interesting answer. He practically works, breathes, and sleeps technology.
I decided to go bother him one day.
"What do you want, I'm busy" he told me as he was fusing some technological junk together.
"Do you think there is a god?"
Without pause, he gave me an automatic answer.
"I don't know and I don't care."
It intrigued me because, not only did he not waste my time, he didn't specify a specific answer, implying that it could in time, change.
Knowing him, probably not, seeing as how he's always fixing something and would focus on technology than ever giving the thought of some pantheon or philosophy.
I'm glad that I don't need to worry about Makoto. I asked her a while back and she said no. That being said, she explained to me that other people should, for the reason of "being themselves" and "self-discovery" or this and that and this and that and blah blah blah. Either she'd lead people on and have them cement their fates which would be- really funny, I'll be honest, or she's on some moral high ground shit and actually cares about other people which... not a big fan of but, alright I guess.
But as long as she knows who she is, and directs it towards a clear direction, she might even surpass me.
In due time.
In due time.
More than a decade ago.
It was a bright summer day. Most of the students were finished with what they had to do so they went out and decided to play some football.
Naota, Kuragari, and most other students were out in the back of the academy.
The students played out in an open, drab field with a bunch of tan, dried sand and small patches of grass here and there. As students were kicking the ball here and there, frolicking and enjoying their day, Naota and Kuragari were standing around, away from the field. They had been engaged in a philosophical debate for the past 20 minutes or so.
"So let me get this straight," said Naota.
"You're telling me that the main goal of life is to just get children, survive, wait to have grandchildren, and then just die off?"
Naota wore a red and black uniform along with some colorful running shoes. He had a spiky buzz cut, a lean, yet muscular physique, and academy styled shorts. Though it was deemed "inappropriate" for a sorcerer to wear shorts, Naota got away with it since he appealed with the reason of "due to it being summer time and being a Ki specialist, it would make sense to be as unhindered as possible in combat". Though that argument had some truth to it, he mainly wore it out of comfort.
The student next to him was Taberu. He wore a Slipknot T shirt along with some baggy pants and boots. All in black, of course. Back then, he was not allowed to stroll around in this casual outfit; not that he listened, though. He had the bare minimum physique for an average sorcerer, though he was still skinnier than most. His eyes were beautiful, poised with a sangria color.
"Yes, that's exactly right. Hate to face the facts but anything else we do is kind of pointless."
Naota gave a stern look as if something wasn't quite right.
"I see where you're getting at, and at a biological level- sure- I guess but... there's more to life than just reproduction. Yes we're animals, but we're more than that. We've been graced by intelligence to give higher meaning to things."
"We've been cursed with intelligence; any meaning we give just makes life more painful. Like, think about it this way, would you rather be the way you are right now, carrying above the average pain of a human, (seeing as how we see way more horrifying shit than they do), and live on like that, or would you be a cat and just laze around and wait until your human pet feeds you."
"Well I think that's a very specific circumstance. Comparing an animal's life to a human's life seems too juxtaposed. In one place, cats can be glorified while in another place, they can be skinned alive and be used as food. I can do the same thing by using a king and compare his life to a cat that's about to get cooked in China."
Taberu gave a sly grin
"First of all, you're moving the goal post,-"
"Not really but okay"
"-second of all (before you rudely interrupted), don't you agree that a King- despite having all that he practically needs to live a happy life, still has some suffering? This is a yes or no question."
"Ok well now you're just moving away from the topic."
"I am simply trying to prove a point."
"...Okay then sure, even if they have no room or reason to complain, a king can still have some suffering."
"So that just proves my point. Any meaning we give to life, whether conscious with intelligence or not, is futile, and the only thing we need to do is to fuck for as long as our bloodline liiiiiiiiiives.
Ya know?"
Naota made a tired face as he did that head thing where people tilt their head upwards in frustration.
"Ok, yes, I get that genius, I think we all do, but there's more to life than just a primitive goal. Yes, we have suffering, yes, Intelligence causes that, yes-
I get it dude.
But there's more to life than just asking chicks out and having a family. The most important thing when it comes to humans is being happy and fulfilled. Doesn't matter what it is, and don't get me wrong, not all 'happiness' can be excused since there's some clearly messed up people out there, but for the most part, leading a happy life is the main goal. Sure we all get bored once we attain a goal, but that's why we grow and expand on that dream- hell, it doesn't have to be just one dream. Hindering it all on that one biological goal is... honestly silly. What if a person doesn't want to have a family and wants to instead work on inventions and shit. So what if they stay a perma-virgin, their inventions could go on to leave a positive impact in society. I don't get what you don't understand about that."
Taberu gave a bored expression.
"Dude, I understand all of that completely already. I already said that it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we do our biological part."
"But that's the thing, it does matter what we do! That's literally the entire point of life god dammit!"
Both of them paused to take a hard groan, realizing that they just went back to square one.
Naota continued.
"I feel like you're being caught up in the negative aspect of it all."
"It's not negative; it simply is."
"'Yes, it's 'the truth'; good job. But for the fourth time already, there's more to it than just biology and sex."
"Not to the whims of the universe it isn't."
"Fuck the universe, there's a reason life (human or otherwise) has intelligence and emotions. We give reason to things so as to live happily, thus leading to a fulfilled existence."
"That's it. That's exactly it. Blame intelligence and emotions. Even without those two we would all be husks of barely sapient animals fucking for the sake of a meaningless existence. As long as we're still here, we win."
"Oh my GOD, why are you so caught up on the negative part? Yes we're meaningless and small but as long as we're here and now- who gives a shit? I certainly don't. It doesn't matter if the sun is going to explode if we're not going to be here to suffer it. Better yet, who cares if we're so god damn small, there's people that need to pay bills and care for families"
"Do you really think people want to live a measly existence where the only duty there is to life is to pay bills and work a tiresome job?"
"We already went over this. Yes, life sucks; that's why you have other goals to distract yourself with. I don't know how you don't get that part."
"Oh trust me, I get that part completely. But nevermind my prior points about none of it meaning anything, what about those who's wants aren't any good? Those wants who have no moral, ethical, or practical ups. Do they have to suffer for the rest of their lives, knowing they won't ever sate that need?"
"Not everyone can have what they want. That is a fact of life, and a universal law.
Besides, that's why I said you need to have other goals."
"What if they're all bad-"
"Then this guy can just fucking die, I don't know man, what do you want me to say?"
"I thought you were one to believe that all life is precious."
"Life is precious. But you are delusional if you believe that all lives are precious. It doesn't need to be muddled with whether a person is based on a race, class, gender, or even usability, it is the simple fact of whether or not they are good and bad. And I know- I know, its not so fucking simple. But when there are clear cases of just pure malice with no positive outcome, there's no room to debate.”
"Hitler was a bad guy. And look where we ended up. If it weren't for his actions, we wouldn't be here in the modern age."
"Dude-."
Naota took a deep breath, clenched his fist, and looked up at the sky, praying to the Buddha that he'll resist the urge to slap the soul out of Kuragari.
After a couple minutes, he finally continued.
"Not everything goes as planned.
And the good guys won in the end."
"They had Nazis working in the 'good guy's' space program. Pretty shifty if you ask me."
"The world is layered, and I know that you know this, and I know that you know that I know this. But asking all these facetious questions- I don't know what you're getting out of all of this. Joy? A person to finally interact with? You already know that it's all based on perspective, I know you're not that dumb.
So let me ask you this, just to cement this silly question once and for all.
If happiness is not the purpose of life, then what makes you think humans- forget the animals for a sec, what makes you think humans will be willing and ready to procreate?"
"To bring pleasure. We are evolved to seek pleasure. We were literally biologically upgraded to derive pleasure from sex, thus we could survive and win this endless race."
"Isn't pleasure a synonym for happiness, though?"
"It is not a direct definition, no. Pleasure is not happiness-"
"But doesn't pleasure bring happiness?" asked Naota.
Taberu stared at Naota for a good minute. His purple eyes glowed with vigor.
Both of them felt their hearts pumping as their veins instinctually popped out, letting themselves be known.
Taberu got up and softly smiled. Naota did much the same, concurring with closed eyes and a tilted head.
"GUYS! GUYS! LOOK! NOATA AND KURAGARI ARE FIGHTING!!!" screamed some student, pausing the game to instead focus on a more interesting matter.
The both of them tussled with guttural instincts. No enhancement of spiritual energy. No PsychoPower to use due to their waned brains. No strengthening their bodies with Ki.
No intent to kill, rebut, or prove any point.
Both of the students just had a single phrase stuck in their heads.
"I want to beat the fuck out of you."
So they did.