Chapter 95
The sky is the sky and the sea is the sea (1)
I gave her a gift.
I chose jeans that resemble the color of the sea. Wearing those pants, she makes a commitment to go to the sea. Pants that you can sit comfortably in. Pants that don’t matter if the sand is buried. She tucks a few bills into her pants pocket and leaves with a blanket in her hand.
Her path is the same as yesterday’s. The familiar path. It was unchanging. Convenience store in front of the house. And the super next door. Even the high school where she graduated, the stationery store in front of her always opens at the same time and closes at the same time.
A student came out of school.
Students wear uniforms. I pass through the school gate at a set time and eat at a set time. Start the class on paper and finish the class on paper again.
I leave my house before sunrise and go home after sunset. It’s like a cave. If that time were a cave, where would she be now?
She leaves for the sea.
There is light first. Light is better than darkness. Warm and beautiful, but she did not enjoy the light. She was either too cold, too hot, or both.
“Thirsty.”
He looked at a desk full of papers and letters. The cup was dry.
After a little hesitation, he got up and headed for the kitchen. I drank the cold water in the refrigerator. It was cold. The only way the water passed was cold. If the temperature is different from the ambient, it is this noticeable.
The cup slammed into a hard spot and made a sound. The water passes through the mouth and over the neck. I didn’t have to chew it.
She was thirsty, too.
I go into a convenience store and buy and drink water. In the process, conversations do not go wrong. There was only a question of part-time life. She doesn’t answer. She wished for it. He tried to keep his promise.
No one can hear her voice. She won’t say. She is not helpless. She’s headed out to sea.
He returned to his room.
Metabolism plays multiple roles. It is the voice of a character and the voice of a novel. It emits a wave like a stone thrown into a calm water.
There is no protagonist’s voice in this fragment. Instead, it will make the voice around you louder. At the end, it will also make the voice of a novel louder. It also includes her voice. It doesn’t break. Make it so.
1.
I would describe her so that I could imagine her voice with her monologue.
He imagined her in jeans. He’s alive. Of course he wears clothes and shoes. And they get gifts.
Receiving gifts from others. It means that she is not alone who does not speak out.
That’s why she doesn’t want things to change.
That’s why I believe that this moment will last forever, and that there is something unchanging in this world.
That’s what he saw.
Then will her wish come true? As time passes, time builds. But does she have an unchanging mind? Maybe she was alone then.
What does it take to ask that?
He closed his eyes.
The back of my feet is cold. It’s water. You hear the waves. The user bites off the white bubble and slips back.
I panic and get out of the way of the excitement. The sand was washed away with him. He lifted his foot. The wet sand on the beach left footprints. I came there. It took me two hours to get there by subway. He’s back there. This place is watertight.
and a lot of sand.
I hear something breaking. I looked back.
There were white debris that lay beyond the sand. Broken. Used to be. It was you who broke him.
Why did he come here?
“Mr. Agrippa. ”
He called to him. But he couldn’t answer. It was because I didn’t have a mouth. Fragments are half buried in the sand.
He picks up what appears to be a piece of his mouth.
Thump.
Vibrated.
“Tsk.”
Agrippa’s mouth spits out sand. I coughed in succession. A liquid, whether saliva or seawater, sprayed out. He puts his hand away with the shrapnel. He coughed so hard that he thought he might have something coming out of it, but when he calmed down a little bit, he said,
I asked.
“Why did you come? ”
His mouth opens. I could see my mangled teeth. White. You hear a thick voice.
“She doesn’t want to talk. That’s why I said I’d come instead. I have something to say to you. ”
“What if I say something? ”
“You broke me. I need you to put it back. ”
“That’s impossible. ”
There was no turning back what was broken. It was the truth and logic. There is no turning back what has passed.
Agrippa raises his mouth in response. It was very well conveyed that he was laughing at himself, even with only his mouth.
“What are you talking about? What’s impossible about writing? ”
“Oh, I see. I understand.”
Like he said, it’s possible to write. It is possible to restore him beyond the truth and reason.
He went back to his original state.
I just need this one sentence.
Like this.
“That’s enough.”
I can see Agrippa’s face. Although it was a small statue, he returned to the shape he had received from Moon.
“Satisfied?”
“Good. Comfortable. Now we can talk about it in public. ”
“Do you feel uncomfortable if you can’t use the crowd? ”
“You’ll know it when you break it. ”
I don’t want to, “but he shut up because he seemed to know what he was going to say when he broke him.
Meanwhile, the seagull flew in the sky. He raised his head to watch his flight. The seagull looks hungry.
“They’re not going to ask you, are they? ”
“I’m tougher than I thought. You’re gonna hurt your beak. ”
The man who had just been broken was not persuasive. He was weaker than he thought.
Agrippa said while he was thinking that.
“Put me in the water. ”
“Why?”
“Why, why, I want to go in. ”
“Do you feel that hard skin? ”
“Hard but skin. I can feel it all.”
He did as he said, and his ankle sank into the water. Then you lay Agrippa to the ground and squat down beside her. Transparent seawater entered my clothes.
“Is it cool?”
“Yes.”
Wrinkles around his eyes. The smiling face seemed really enjoyable. He was a man of many expressions. Skin is firm. His face moves freely.
Ivory skin reflected sunlight. Seeing the sparkle of the waves together, I feel sorry for the past that broke him.
He said I can feel it all. I wonder if he was sick when he threw him to the ground. He must have felt all the pieces.
If so.
“That’s not it. ”
He replied.
“But.”
He stops Lord’s words.
“I didn’t tell you then. I didn’t see it, I didn’t hear it. So I didn’t feel anything. ”
He knew it was a lie. You can’t feel nothing because you can’t speak, can’t see, can’t hear.
It was me who was numb at that time. It was you who felt nothing.
He sighed and said.
“What if you forgive me before you even apologize? ”
“It’s okay. I gave it back to you like this. I’ll be the only Gripa in the sea. ”
The waves hit.
A drop of water appeared on his cheek.
“Is there anything you want? ”
“Why?”
“I was wondering.”
He looked at the endless horizon for a moment. The boundary between heaven and sea. Without that line, the fish might have been able to swim through the sky. I might have been able to make myself the only Gripa in the sky.
But he didn’t want to get rid of that line. The sea becomes the sea and the sky becomes the sky.
He opened his mouth.
“This is the last time with you. When I’m gone, you’ll be back in pieces. So I want to hear it. ”
“Yes, I wanted to tell you. We broke up so quickly that we didn’t have time to talk. ”
Agrippa says that every time he speaks, the reflected light moves as well.
“I was sold with art. ”
Brushes, palettes, paint, pencils, sculptures, clay. He lists the landscapes in the store he remembers.
“There were four Agris beside me. ”
“Were you close?”
He did not answer Lord’s question easily.
“What is intimacy? ”
“That’s a tough question. ”
Agrippa hangs a bitter smile on his face. There is also a variety of expressions.
“We couldn’t tell each other apart. ”
“Is it because they look the same? ”
“It’s not like that. I couldn’t keep me. ”
He opens his eyes. I felt depressed.
“Maybe he was asleep. I had a dream when I opened my eyes when I was sold, sold and sold. ”
Is the dream he’s talking about the dream he’s dreaming in his sleep? Or is it a dream when I’m awake?
He asked.
“What dream? ”
Agrippa replied:
“A dream of becoming a person. ”
A dream of becoming a person. He said it was a dream of blood circling underneath his body, a heart beating, and warm hands.
“Maybe for the first time I knew I was me. ”
His imagination gave him a dream.
“And when I broke it, I felt jealous for the first time. ”
The waves retreat after biting the white foam. A drop of water splashed across his clavicle.
“What did I envy? ”
“You guys haven’t changed. ”
The waves hit. The waves are lower than before.
“We change. ”
We change, body and mind, depending on the situation. It changes over time. Sometimes it’s trivial, and sometimes we get caught up in big events, and we’re constantly moving.
“No.”
Agrippa says it is not.
“Why did you think that? ”
“The moment I broke, I felt I was gone. It’s not like death. I’m not dead. I just can’t tell it apart anymore. Who I am. I can no longer distinguish myself from the other Agra. ”
Classification.
He thought, “I am myself.” And Agrippa is Agrippa. He does not look at Agrippa and think about who it is.
I can tell.
“I was sold out. Art Schools, Houses, Schools. The park. I’m everywhere. I’m all Agris. But you’re different. You are you, and that’s not gonna change, and that’s not gonna be taken away from you. It doesn’t break. It’s hard. I envy you.”
It will not be taken away. It cannot be taken away. We must not take it away from them. The person who has it is jealous of him. He wants to be the one who has something he should never give up.
The waves hit.
There was a wave that I knew would back off. Fried water drops into Agrippa’s eyes. He was crying.
Heaven for sky, sea for sea (1) end
lim Han-baek