Gravity falls : I am … Stan pines !

Author's POV (or narrator)

"See you later, guys," Johan declares as he leaves the bar, walking with some difficulty.

"Are you sure you don't want us to walk you home?" his friend Steve asks in a slightly worried tone.

"Don't worry, I've got this as always," Johan replies as he leaves the place.

It was late, and Johan had just received a hefty dose of alcohol in his blood, but he wasn't too worried since he was used to this kind of situation.

"I finally got a job, heh heh~" he says to himself, smiling next to his car.

*Sound of car door opening*

Once inside the vehicle, Johan started driving towards his home. It wasn't the first time he had driven while drunk, and usually, he always made it home safe and sound.

Unfortunately for Johan, that evening, his guardian angel had resigned from his post and left him to his fate.

*Boom* Sound of collision between a truck and a car.

Johan had inadvertently driven on the wrong side of the road, and unfortunately, the worst had ended up happening.

At only 23 years old, Johan died due to a car accident caused by his drunk driving and recklessness.

….

Johan's POV

"My head hurts," I mutter as I get up from the couch.

"Why does my back hurt?" I say as I stretch until I hear a crack coming from my vertebrae.

I went to the shower, still half-asleep, and when I washed my face, I was surprised by an unfamiliar yet familiar face.

"What the hell?" I yell, holding my head as I received a ton of information in my brain.

"No, no, this isn't possible, it's a nightmare," I mutter, touching my face.

I had died last night on that road because of that damn truck that came out of nowhere, and now, I had become Stan Pines.

A character from the Gravity Falls series that I enjoyed watching during my teenage years, but why him and not Dipper?

Damn, even Ford Pines would be better, but no, I ended up becoming this man who screwed up his life and his brother's.

"Calm down, Johan... things could have been worse," I say, trying to control my breathing.

Better to be Stan than a random character, and I have journal number 1 in my possession. According to my current memories, Dipper already has number 3.

I just need to retrieve journal number 2 from the other pig to repair the portal and bring Ford back. I'm sure that with his help, we have a chance to beat Bill.

"I could even be something more in this life," I say as I start to remember all the wonders found in Gravity Falls.

In this universe, so many things impossible in my last life are possible here, and I'm sure I can regain Stan's youth if I play my cards right.

I ended up taking a shower and shaving my beard.

"Good morning, Uncle Stan, is there a special event?" Dipper questions, looking me up and down.

"Nothing, nothing... Uh, I just wanted to take better care of myself," I say, a half-truth.

"If you say so. I'm going to help the others before opening," he says, rushing off.

"Yeah, I have to manage the Mystery Shack," I mutter as I go to put on Stan's clothes.

I should find a solution to no longer have to be a con man, but for now, I need to make money the original Stan's way.

After properly dressing in my usual suit, I left my room to head to my new workplace.

I could see customers observing Stan's products and some strange things.

I really wonder how Stan managed to sell these weird goods. I coughed a bit to prepare myself to attract the customers' attention before starting to con them.

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the Mystery Shack," I say, spreading my arms with a cane in my right hand.

"If you're here, it's to verify the accuracy of strange rumors and urban legends, isn't it?" I ask, looking at the customers.

They simply nodded. I don't know if I'm a born con artist or if they're completely stupid.

"You're in the right place. For example, look at this thing over here," I say, pointing to a stuffed creature resembling Bigfoot.

"All over the United States, they talk about Bigfoot, but here, we have a completely different version since he's civilized. Here's proof," I say, indicating the creature's underwear.

The customers observe me attentively, sometimes taking photos. It seems I've managed to capture their attention.

"Look here, you can see he's wearing underwear. So, he's intelligent enough to hide his nudity in public," I declare as if it were a great discovery.

People started taking even more photos.

"Of course, I'm ready to sell it at a generous price since it's unique," I explain as if I were sad to part with this object.

"I want it!" A voice echoed in the crowd and was quickly followed by others.

Finally, things will be simpler than I thought.

….

"Hahaha, bunch of suckers!" I say, counting the green bills I obtained with satisfaction.

They take all the nonsense I tell them as absolute truth. At first, I misjudged Stan, but now I understand that he's just an opportunist and not a con man.

Anyone would want to scam them... I mean, help them use their money for a better purpose than their personal well-being.

After finishing counting today's earnings, I had to pay Wendy and Soos, but also find the twins for dinner.

The old Stan was horrible in the kitchen, but personally, I'm pretty good at it.

"Here's your salary," I say, giving money to Wendy and Soos.

"Is it me, or is it less than last time?" Wendy declares, frowning.

"Sir, there's more money on my side," Soos says in a happy tone.

"I've decided to be more meritocratic. If you're not happy, then the door is open," I say firmly.

I had already decided to clean house in this "business," and I find that Wendy is a non-essential element for me.

Soos can do his job and more. I prefer to keep Soos and get rid of Wendy.

Of course, if she accepts her salary reduction and works more, then I'll treat her better, and she'll even get a raise.

"Okay, you're the boss, but I'd appreciate some warnings before making this kind of decision," she says, growling slightly.

"Wow, she seems angry," Soos says next to me.

"Don't worry, she just needs to understand who's the boss here," I explain to Soos as I watch Wendy leave.

After observing her personally, I now understand why Dipper had a crush on her, but I'm not a virgin like him.

Speaking of Dipper, I should borrow his journal to research the "Percepshrooms". I'm not sure I can avoid death without a super brain in this complicated universe.