Godsforsaken

Chapter 22: Syr

“Long time no see”, Syr said sheepishly, waving from the hip at me.

I blinked. “But... I thought you were imprisoned?” I wasn't sure whether it was a statement or a question. I was just too confused. I'd seen her in a cell, held against her will, utterly hopeless to escape her situation, so how was she here now?

In response she leaned against the alley wall and then leaned against it some more until her entire arm was buried in solid stone. Then she pulled her arm back out of the wall and showed me the wall, which wasn't disturbed in the slightest. “I still am. I'm not really here”, she explained.

“What? How?”

She shrugged. “Ever heard of astral projection?”

I blinked again. “Isn't that, like, leaving your body behind and traveling somewhere in soul form? Is that what you're doing?”

She waggled her head side to side in a kinda-sorta gesture. “Not quite. I messed it up. I only heard about the concept once, but...” She looked frustrated. “So it turns out that when you're sitting around all alone, imprisoned and with nothing better to do, using your mind is the only thing you can really do so I tried practicing magic. I've never had any formal training but I was able to teach myself quite a bit. Eventually I tried astral projection, projecting myself out into the world so that I could at least pretend to be free. But I had no frame of reference and kept messing it up but then...” She trailed off and looked awkward.

“Then?”

“You're going to be mad at me.”

I cocked my head to the side. Why would I be mad at her for finding a modicum of freedom? “Go on, I can take it, I'm a big boy.”

She laughed. It was a bit strangled but it was still a laugh. “Alright. So after we met you left a sort of... tether behind. I don't know how else to describe it. I thought if I followed that tether I could project myself close to you but instead I sort of... projected myself into your mind”, she said in a tone of voice that made me think she expected me to be furious.

“You're in my mind?”, I asked incredulously.

She looked around as if worried about something. “Yes. And you might want to consider keeping it down before people start wondering why you're talking to empty air.”

I felt my cheeks warm and made an effort to speak quietly. “So you're saying you are hanging around in my mind and that's why only I could see you.”

“Yes.” I relaxed at that. “Wait, you're not mad?”

I snorted. “Right now I'm mostly just happy that I'm not going insane or being stalked by a skinwalker.”

“A what?”

“Creepy forest-dwelling monsters that kill people, flay them, eat their flesh and then use the flayed skin to transform into the people they kill. Then they impersonate them and kill anyone who might realize that they're not really who they're pretending to be. Thought I was being stalked by one of those.”

Her eyes widened in horror. “I'm so sorry. I didn't want to scare you, I was just... worried you'd be mad that I'm hanging around in your mind.”

I thought about what to say and, in the end, honesty won. “I can't say I'm entirely thrilled about it but I'm not really mad. What I want to know is why you are hanging around in my mind, though. You've realized you've made a mistake now, but you're still here.”

She looked down. “I may be stuck in my prison but if I can't enjoy my own life then this way I can at least enjoy yours. I get to see what you're seeing and feel what you're feeling instead of feeling nothing but darkness, warmth and loneliness.”

I swallowed. “I'm sorry, I hadn't thought of that. Of course, that makes sense.”

“And...”, she added quietly, “I was hoping you hadn't forgotten about your promise.”

“If you've been in my head you know I haven't”, I told her.

“I do”, she said. “And you can't imagine how grateful I am. But... if you don't want me in your head I'll go.”

I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. “I promised I'd get you out. If this is the best I can do until I find a more permanent solution then I'm willing to share my mind with you.” I looked at her intently and added: “But if you're staying in my mind I want to set some boundaries.”

She nodded. “Of course, it's your body. What did you have in mind?”

“One. Can you control my body?”

She shook her head emphatically. “I can't. I wouldn't if I could but I can't so it's not even a question. I'm just along for the ride.”

“Alright. Two. You can show yourself to me even though you're not actually here. Can you show me other things that aren't here?” I had heard about illusionists making people walk off cliffs or into fires and I wasn't too keen on that sort of thing happening to me.

“Yes, but... ah. You're wondering if I might trick you with illusions, right?”

“I'm sorry if this offends you”, I said.

“Not at all, we barely know each other and you don't have any reason to trust me, so I can see you being worried about it. How about this then?”, she asked, then held up one hand and placed the other over her heart. “I swear upon my power that I will never use my powers to harm you, will never trick you into coming to harm through other means and will never trick you into harming anyone.” The promise snapped around her with an audible pop. Oaths sworn upon one's power were heavy stuff and even those without magical abilities did their best not to break such an oath. The consequences were often draconian.

“Alright, thank you, that eases my mind a lot. Then one last thing. You do know I will share this meeting with Selene and Alisha, right?”

She nodded. “Of course. I don't expect you to hide anything from them. I have nothing to hide. Also”, she said, a sly smile spreading over her lips, “I'm well aware what else you're planning to share with the two of them tonight and I promise I won't disturb you.” She put a finger to her lips and winked at me. I felt my cheeks warm and she continued: “I was a little bit shocked when I found out that they don't seem to mind sharing you but then again you three seem like you're able to make it work.
“But I mean it, I understand how much trust you extend to me by letting me stay in your mind. And yes, I can see and feel what you're doing when you're with them, but I promise I won't butt in when you're with them.”

“Thank you”, I told her and meant it. I held out my hand for her to shake. “In any case, welcome to my...”, she grabbed my hand and I trailed off as I realized I could actually feel her hand in mine, could clearly feel her soft, cool skin on mine. “How are you doing this?”

She giggled. “I'm in your head, silly. I know what it would feel like to hold my hand so I'm making you feel as if you were touching me.”

“Huh. Well, anyway, welcome to my head.” She smiled and turned the handshake into a hug. I tried wrapping my arms around her but it was difficult not to accidentally reach through her.

“Thank you”, she said into my shoulder. “I really can't express how much this means to me.”

I made to stroke her hair but that, too, was made awkward by her not actually being there.

Eventually I asked her: “So, did you find out more about your situation?”

She pulled back from me and looked at the ground. “Yes, but it's not exactly good news.”

I crossed my arms. “Out with it. I've got a promise to fulfill.”

She blushed. “Alright. So I now know where I'm being held. I'm... in my own body.”

“Beg your pardon?”, I said, staring at her.

“Yeah, that was my reaction when I found out. Someone else is in control of my body and my mind is locked away in a little cage deep inside it. That's the prison you found me in. Sometimes I'm back in control but the moments are so fleeting that by the time the confusion wears off I've already lost control again. And sometimes I'm aware of what's happening to my body but someone else is controlling it, which is a really disconcerting experience. But most of the time I'm in that cell.”

“Do you know who is controlling your body?”

She shook her head. “I'm still trying to figure that out. I know she's not a nice person. She meets up with cultists and there are some of these... what did you call them? Right, Dark Young are following her around.”

A body snatcher who could boss Outsiders around? “A lich maybe?”, I asked aloud.

“What's a lich?”, she asked.

“You know what necromancers are?”

“Really powerful cultists of the Outer Gods who can call up the dead and do a lot of other nasty stuff, right?”, she asked.

“Close enough”, I said, nodding. “They have a trick that allows them to hide their soul in an item so they can live forever even if their body is destroyed. That's what a lich is. A disembodied evil soul that possesses its own old body. It wouldn't be impossible for such a lich to abandon their old body and possess another one. Maybe that's what happened to you. At least, that's the only possessive entity I can think of that the Dark Young would follow around.”

“That would make a lot of sense”, she said thoughtfully.

I paused a bit, then thought of something else. “Syr, what do your parents do for a living and what gods do they pray to?”

“What does... oh, you're wondering if they might be cultists, aren't you?”

“The thought had crossed my mind, yes”, I said. “I'm sorry if that's offensive.”

“No, I get it. You're wondering if I was given to the cultists or if I even went to them willingly, but I can assure you, my parents hate the Outer Gods and their spawn, as do I. My parents are tanners. My father is a good gods-fearing man who prays to Allfather Odin and my mother prays to the goddess Freya. That's where my name comes from. According to some stories, 'Syr' is one of the names Freya uses when she walks among mortals.” Syr Tanner, then.

I smiled. “Well, I've met Freya a few days ago and you're certainly pretty enough.” She blushed but stayed quiet so I picked a different topic. “You said that you're sometimes a passenger in your own body and can listen in on the one who took your body. Are you still capable of that or are you in my mind full time now?”

She nodded. “I could stay here all the time but I'm still using every chance I get to listen in on her. I want my body back and getting information out of her seems like the easiest way to make that happen. I am only asking to stay with you while I would otherwise be stuck in the warm darkness of my cell.”

I nodded as well. “Of course, I wouldn't deny you that freedom. I really do hope I'll get you out soon.”

“So do I. And again, thank you for everything.”

“You're welcome”, I told her.

“But I think you should go find your women now. And if you don't mind, stop and smell the flowers every once in a while?”

I tilted my head. “Any particular reason?”

“I can't run around and smell things. I can only smell what you're smelling and I miss the scent of flowers.”

Oh, right, shared senses.

“Of course.”

She smiled at me and then disappeared into thin air.

**

When I got out of the alley I looked around, trying to find Alisha and Selene. It took me almost half an hour until I'd finally found Alisha, but Selene was nowhere in sight.

“Where did you run off to?”, Alisha asked when she saw me. She didn't sound upset, just worried.

I stepped in close and hugged her, then told her: “I saw the white thing following me again and confronted it.”

“And you didn't take me along because...?”, she asked.

“I was worried about startling it”, I explained. “But it's cleared up now.”

“What was it?”, she asked.

I told her the whole story.

“She shares your mind?!”, Alisha asked, her voice rising in a mixture of fear and outrage.

Syr appeared right next to Alisha and winced.

“She does. And she's also standing to your right and looking really awkward.”

Alisha turned to her right, but of course she couldn't see Syr standing there. “Are you sure you can trust her?”, she asked me.

I looked from Alisha to Syr and back while I thought about my answer. “I do understand your suspicions. She might be some Outsider illusion trying to mess with me”, I began and Syr flinched but I continued, “but if she were trying to do me harm she could have already done so and now she has sworn an oath not to cause me or mine harm so she couldn't if she wanted to.” Syr and Alisha both looked up at that. Syr smiled and Alisha nodded in approval. “I am not thrilled about the invasion of privacy but I am even less thrilled about Syr being stuck in some creepy dungeon all the time.”

“Alright”, Alisha said and then looked up, making as if to look Syr in the eyes but since she couldn't see her she ended up staring over Syr's left shoulder instead. “But I will not change anything about my behavior just because you're here. If you can't handle what we're about to do tonight, tough. Is that understood?”, she asked.

“Of course”, Syr said. “I have no intention of complaining or getting in your way.”

I relayed the message to Alisha, who nodded.

Then Syr added as she vanished: “She has fire. I like that.”

I turned back to face Alisha again. “So where's Selene?”, I asked.

She smiled smugly. “She went back to her parents”, she told me, then leaned in to whisper in my ear: “She told me she'll be around tonight and while you were gone we bought some... tea for her.”

I swallowed hard but then I leaned in as well. “I can't wait”, I whispered into Alisha's ear, then I 'accidentally' blew a breath over her ear and she shivered.

**

With a few hours left to go until dinner Alisha and I decided to go to the bathhouse to get cleaned up for the night to come. The receptionist asked for three mun, which I found weird since the sign at the entrance clearly stated “1 Mun per person” but I let it rest and paid him. I didn't know whether the extra mun was because of the holiday, because we were outsiders, or because my girl wasn't human, and I didn't want to make myself mad so I didn't ask.

The bathhouse wasn't particularly crowded but there were a couple people here and there. The place was divided by gender, which didn't surprise me much, though I was a bit amused at the looks of awe and jealousy I got from a couple of the guys there but they were few and far between thanks to a group of what were either lumberjacks or possibly werebears given they were built like woolly brick outhouses and therefore warranted more stares.

I didn't linger long and simply cleaned myself off then left. I'd expected Alisha to take much longer than me but I'd only waited a few minutes before she, too, exited the bath, looking annoyed.

“What's wrong?”, I asked quietly but she just shook her head and whispered:

“Later.”

**

“So, what happened?”, I asked.

“Close-minded townsfolk, nothing I haven't dealt with before”, she said dismissively.

“You know you can tell me, right?”

She nodded. “I know, it's just... I could vent, but it doesn't change anything and it's not that big a deal anyway.”

I just kept quiet while we walked and finally she said:

“It was just slurs and stupid comments. I'm used to it. Humans think 'knife ear' is a much more scathing insult than we think it is. The insinuations how I make my mun were more hurtful.” It took me a moment to realize what she was talking about before I chuckled. “What's so funny?”, she asked.

“Oh nothing. Just thinking how in demand you'd be if you were making a living like that.”

She smiled wryly and said in a joking manner: “Gods below, you're telling me I could've been asking mun for my performance all this time?”

“Don't get too full of yourself, I'm worth my fair share as well”, I shot back.

Her grin softened into a gentle smile. “Yeah, that's fair. Hmm...”

“Hmm what?”

Her grin was back in full force. “Does that mean Selene will have to pay double later?”

I hadn't even realized we'd reached the inn until I noticed Selene leaning against the door frame, clearly waiting for us. She was once again in what I thought of as her proper clothes, pants and a tunic though I did notice that the tunic she was wearing was the one I'd mended for her.

“Pay for what?”, she asked.

I looked away sheepishly while Alisha just grinned and said: “Nothing much, we just discussed what grand whores we'd make.”

Selene stared at her, a look of utter confusion on her face, which I guessed was better than her being upset with us. Finally Alisha took pity on her and explained our little joke. When Alisha got to the part about the names the women in the bathhouse had called her, Selene scowled and said: “Those bitches.” Then once Alisha finished the rest of the story Selene looked me up and down and said: “But you know, I think you'd be worth every mun.”